*Andy’s POV*

I looked at Gwyn, and she was so gosh-darned fine, I decided: screw her no car-sex rules! The time to pump my sausage was clearly the present! So I unzipped my pants and began jerking myself off.

Gwyn, at first, was less than thrilled.“Stop that! Put your dick back in your pants, god fucking dammit!”

But I used my incredible charisma and deep, masculine voice to convince her otherwise. “You know you love to see me hard, Doc. Give me a hand here, just for a second.”

Well, unfortunately, my sex appeal was so overwhelming that she did, indeed. Which distracted her from seeing the jackknifing semi-truck that had been headed in the opposite direction…

While we both would still probably have died anyway, the whole car-sex thing made Gwyn really mad at me. She felt like everyone was going to blame her for my death. She actually punched me in the balls at her funeral (just as I've always feared), when she saw her mother hysterically crying. I was afraid she was going to dump me.

I couldn’t stomach more than a few minutes of my own funeral. We left, and followed the glowing signs to what we figured was some kind of after-life.

I could hardly believe it when we actually had to cross a ghostly river. I mean, the existence of any afterlife was fucking with me already, but was this really the River Styx? I moved up, through the crowd of other (I guess?) souls, and found the ferryman.

He was incredibly tall and ghastly thin. I tapped him gently, and he turned around. He was old-looking, with blank eyes. Creepy. “Excuse me, are you Charon? Is this the River St-“

He interrupted me with a voice that sounded like some kind of unholy cross of Christopher Lee and James Earl Jones. “Andrew Biersack, what is significant is that you are a dead mortal. I give you free passage to the Netherworld this once, and not again. Your curiosity is admirable, but answers must wait.” With that, he turned back around and ignored me.

---

*Gwyn’s POV*

I felt terrible. I had been driving, and if Andy hadn’t been visiting me, he would already have been in Tacoma. I had cost the world Andy Biersack, BVB's frontman. Just a few minutes of his funeral had been enough for me to see the damage I had wrought on a personal level for his family, his bandmates, for Juliet. I didn't even want to think of the fan reaction.

I was trying to keep a brave face for Andy, but I felt like a murderer. Initially I’d been angry with him, but now I saw it was my own fault, everything was always my fault. And now it had actually cost Andy’s life!

Andy came back from trying to question, of all people (if you wanted to call him a person), Charon, for info. Leave it to a man to try something like that. Clearly we were just cattle to him, he was just doing his job. Andy should have just left him alone.

Andy took my hand and squeezed it, seeing I was upset. “I know. I know Doc. I’m sorry.” We stood together, in silence, listening to the other souls talking, until the ferry landed.

What happened then, happened quickly, and surprised the shit out of me. I heard two voices I hadn’t heard in years.

“There she is!”

“Gwyn!”

“I’ll kick his ass!”

Huh? It took me a minute, as the gears turned. Then joy exploded in my head. Owen! Z! I looked for them frantically.

I found Owen first and ran into his arms, squeezing so tight, I never wanted to let go! But I did as soon as I heard Z bellowing at Andy and the sound of an impact. Shit!

I pried myself out of Owen’s arms to find Andy taking a swing at Z! “No!” I screamed, which turned out to be a terrible idea, as Andy slowed his trajectory so he’d miss and looked at me, worried and confused. I saw Z had already hit Andy, as his face was red and shiny.

When Z took the opportunity of Andy looking away to hit him again, I completely lost my shit. “Aarghhhh! What the fuck are you doing?” I ran at Z, who I had missed terribly, and who clearly thought I was going to give him a hug. Instead, I punched him in the side of the face, hurting the shit out of my hand. “Oww! How the fuck can you guys punch each other all the time? Why are you hitting my man?”

I looked at all of them with disgust, gesturing wildly. “I’ve had enough of testosterone!”

Z held a hand to his face, looking shocked, “But Gwyn, he fucking seduced you on the road, you hate shit in the car, and we made a deal with the fucking devil to come make sure this parasite didn’t fuck you over, and now you’re fucking dead!”

Owen chimed in overtop. "-Shut up idiot, you're not helping, I'll explain-"

Z looked at Owen. "-Don't call me an idiot you pansy bit-"

Fuck! “-Andy’s motherfucking dead too! You made a deal with the devil? What the fuck is wrong with you two?! You know each other? Fuck fuck fuck!” I sat down on a curb and started to cry.

Andy sat next to me and started rubbing my back. Z offered me a cigarette, and I took it, hearing Owen scoff. Oi vey. Would this be eternity?

---

*The Devil’s POV*

WHAT!?!?

THE HUMAN GIRL WAS DEAD?!?

I fumed, smoke pouring out of my nostrils, pacing back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. Persephone walked in, then walked right back out when she saw me. Good girl. She knew when something really, really bad had happened. I had wanted this deal. I had been so excited. I had even packed TWO bags of toiletries for those boys! I hadn’t accepted a single soul in trade, it was almost, almost altruistic! I needed it to repair my image!

I snorted, and flame licked my nostrils. Shit, I needed to go outside before I set off the fire alarms.

I couldn’t take it. I couldn't calm down. Nothing was going to fix this. Everything had been so shit lately, and with me finding out about placement being so shoddy on top of everything. That settled it.

I was going to the top with this. I was taking it up with Dad. In person.

I stormed out of the den and called up the stairs. “Babycakes, I’m going out.” I didn’t wait for an answer.

A lot of people had a lot of different ideas about me and Heaven. I didn’t really give a fuck what story anyone wanted to believe. The fact of the matter was that I had my own personal mainline transport system, and I could get there whenever I wanted. I just didn’t imagine I’d be welcome to stay. Heh.

I headed straight for the Capitol, then narrowed in, feeling for Dad. Forget about ‘God was everywhere,’ I mean, sure, whatever. But there was also a very corporeal manifestation that did stuff like sit down on armchairs and fart. He would even slightly lift one buttcheek to the side, if he thought no one will notice, to do it, it was disgusting. That was what happened when you got really old, I guess. Ugh.

I found him, thankfully, alone. He postured less when there was no one else watching. By a fireplace. Bingo. I landed, and he sighed. Just the greeting a son wants, but I wasn’t having it.

“Don’t start! I know you know why I’m here, and I’m really mad! I was going to do something really important to me! Really important! And you fucking killed her!You killed-“

He interrupted me, he always interrupts me! “-Son, it had nothing to do with your little deals-“

“-Will you stop it? They’re not little! They’re important to me! And don’t start talking to me about predestination, I hate that, you know I don’t believe-“

And he did it again! “-Just listen-“

“-No, you listen! You always devalue my efforts at bettering lives, bettering myself! I’m trying to-“

I should have known what was coming. He used the GOD voice, and I had to listen. A pain in the ass, it made it pointless to argue with him. Being a teenager had been especially rough.

QUIET LET ME SPEAK FOR A MOMENT

*Ahem* “Now, my son, I’m very sorry, but I wanted to let you know something that I really felt had a lot of bearing on your situation. This whole chapter has been an early April Fool’s Joke. Surprise!” He grinned, looking pleased with himself.

I was impressed, and nodded, giving him the thumbs-up, as I was still unable to speak. Well-played, Dad. Well-played.

Notes

because of the nature of this chapter, i didn't edit it heavily, as it's not canon. ;o)

to make it perfectly clear:

nothing that occurred in this chapter actually happened in the story, i just thought it was a funny idea.