Gift of Love

Another three weeks passed, and Ash was on the verge of going to bed without his lover beside him for the first time in a long time. The last time he’d had to go to bed without him was back during the tour he had to skip out on right before the twins were born, and for a few weeks after that as the rest of the band played shows they postponed due to he and the drummer giving birth. Since then, they’d always been home or on tour together, so there was no having to sleep alone for them until now.

Westfest in New Zealand was starting the next day, and at the appointment with Dr. Hill the day after his birthday, he’d been told it wouldn’t be wise to be flying so far away this late in his pregnancy. At the time of the appointment, he’d only been twenty-four weeks exactly, but by the time they had to fly out, he’d have been a day shy of twenty-seven weeks. By the time they got back home a little over two weeks later to begin their break, he’d have been almost twenty-nine and a-half weeks. Dr. Hill deemed it too dangerous for both him and the baby to fly overseas that late in pregnancy, but he understood why she did so.

Still, it pained him to have to stay home while the rest got to go on an Outback adventure of sorts before flying further North to Singapore to continue the mini-tour. He wasn’t alone since CC, who was twenty-one weeks pregnant with his and Jake’s second baby, chose to stay home as well, but it just wasn’t the same without his prophet around.

The kids were all somewhat depressed that their daddy wasn’t at home with them, and seeing his kids depressed made his own depression worse. Andy had promised to call him as soon as they landed in New Zealand, Jake making the same promise to his own sweetheart, but he was already counting down the days until they returned home. The only thing keeping him from breaking down and doing something he’d regret were his children, both born and unborn, and the love he held for his husband. If he did anything stupid that might jeopardize or cost him his life, he knew it would break the frontman’s heart just like his idiotic attempts at suicide at nineteen had. He’d promised himself when they started dating he wouldn’t do that again, if only for his sake.

“I will await, dear, a patience of eternity, my crush. A universal still, no rush. No dust will ever grow on this frame; one million years, and I will say your name. I love you more than I can ever scream,” his phone began to sing. Or rather, it began to play the chorus of “The Mortician’s Daughter”, the song his lover’d written for him so long ago, that he’d set at his ringtone.

“Hey there, my Batman,” he said, sounding happy but tired.

“Buona sera, my Outlaw,” Andy chuckled, and he could hear the smile in his voice. “I’m guessing you’re getting ready for bed?”

“I’m actually laying in bed now,” the bassist answered, failing to stifle a yawn. “I just stayed up because I haven’t been here long, and I wanted to know you landed safely.”

“I actually just walked out of the airport,” his lover told him. “Jake's isn’t too far away, making the same kinda call to CC.”

“I’m glad to hear that you’re on the ground safely,” Ash said softly, tears welling in his eyes. “I already miss you more than words can say.”

“I miss you, too, mio deviante,” he agreed, his cheerful tone turning a bit sad. “It won’t be long before I’m home again; you’ll see. But you need to get some rest, and I’ve gotta get to the hotel so we can start kicking some ass, figuratively speaking.”

“Yeah, I am pretty tired. The kids gave me Hell about going to bed, they miss you so bad.”

“Give ’em a big hug and a kiss for me when you guys wake up, and tell ’em I love ’em, okay?”

“I’ll be sure to. Course, it might be a while before I get to sleep myself; this bed is just too big and lonely by myself.” He pouted, even though his lover couldn’t see it.

“Stop pouting, sweetheart. You’re too beautiful to be so sad,” Andy told him, apparently sensing the pout he couldn’t see. “Like I said, it won’t be long and I’ll be home again.”

“I know. Ti amo molto, mio profeta, mio marito,” Ash said, trying not to cry.

“Anch’io ti amo molto, mio deviante, mio marito,” he answered. “Call me when you wake up and tell the kids what I said. If I don’t answer, I’m probably still asleep, considering the time-change.”

“Will do. Buona notte e sogni dolci.”

“Buona notte e sogni dolci.”

Feeling as if the phone call was too short, Ash sighed as he plugged his phone up to its charger, then laid it on the nightstand at the base of his lamp. He doubted he’d get any sleep that night, despite knowing that his lover was safely on the ground in New Zealand, for multiple reasons. One, he’d never been able to sleep well when he was depressed, although it’d been years since that happened. Two, he missed Andy too much, even though it hadn’t been that long since he left, and the bed was too big and lonely, like he’d said. And three, just like Rori had while he was pregnant with her, their baby kicked too much when its daddy wasn’t around.

Still, he laid back against the pile of pillows he slept with these days, trying to keep himself propped up more than he normally would so he could breathe. As he made himself as comfortable as he could, the tears that’d welled up during their phone call began to cascade silently down his cheeks. He rested his hands on his growing belly, watching the moonlight sparkle on the silver bands and shiny stones of his wedding set as his breathing and the baby’s kicks caused it to move.

Knowing that Andy was on the ground and seeing those rings, which were his promise of lifelong faith, patience, and love, reminded him that he’d do everything under the sun to get back home to them safely. Ash knew his lover would be reminded of the vows they’d spoken to one another on the morning of June eleventh, 2011 when he looked at his own onyx-embedded wedding band. He knew that he loved him and their children with every fiber of his being, but he also knew that he loved what he did for a living almost as much. Just like a literal black veil bride did upon marrying into the Church and devoting herself and her life to God, he had to sacrifice some things to be able to do what he loved.

Time spent with his family and the friends he had outside the band were but two of those things. It was a sacrifice that the bassist himself made, but that didn’t mean he was any happier about Andy’s depature when he couldn’t be with him. With tears continuing to cascade down his cheeks, he sniffled and wiped up to brush them away and wipe his nose. It wasn’t long afterward that, despite his depression from missing his husband and the movements of their rambunctious unborn child, he was able to cry himself into a deep, restful sleep that wouldn’t be disturbed until their older children awoke the next morning.


After ending the phone call with his obviously-depressed husband, Andy walked slightly further from their small group, but still within sight, and lit up a cigarette. He was just as depressed as his husband, given that he’d wanted him to come on this tour with them as badly as he’d wanted to come. However, like the slightly older bassist, he didn’t want to do anything that might jeopardize his or their unborn child’s health. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he lost one or both of them when it was better that he stay home.

He sighed as he took the last drag of his cigarette, staring down at his wedding band as he promised himself that, come Hell or high water, he’d get back home to both his sweetheart and his children at the end of this mini-tour. They’d been through too much together during the past six and a-half years for him to give up without a fight, and fight till the very end he would.

“Yo, Andy!”

Turning, he saw Jinxx with his hands cupped around his mouth, meaning he’d been the one to call out to him. “We ready to go, Jinxx?”

“Yeah! C’mon, or John’s leavin’ ya!” the multi-instrumentalist answered.

“Shit,” he swore under his breath, tossing the cigarette butt away as he started to run.

“Good thing ya got those gazelle legs,” Jake chuckled, closing the door behind him.

“The lungs of an old man are what’s killing me,” the frontman panted, doubled over with his hands resting on his knees as he caught his breath.

“We’ve been trying to get you to quit smoking,” Jinxx said, tsking softly as he headed to the bunk room.

“It’s easier said than done,” Andy told him. “I’ve been trying to quit ever since Rori was born, yet it seems like the harder I try, the more stress Life throws at me.”

“You sure you’ve been trying?” the guitarist asked, looking at him skeptically.

“Dude, Ash has seen how hard I’ve been trying.” Just mentioning his husband back home brought tears to his eyes.

“I’m sorry, man.” He wrapped his arms tightly around the younger man. “I didn’t mean to upset you by making you bring him up.”

“It’s okay, Jake,” he insisted. “You know exactly how I feel, so at least I’m not alone.”

Sighing softly, they broke their hug and headed onto the bus, which would be their home for the couple weeks. Sleeping in the bunks without their significant others was going to be pure torture, but they’d done it before and survived; they could do it one last time before the band went on their break to record new material. It wouldn’t be any less painful than it had before, but they could do it.

After picking out their bunks, which wasn’t hard since they went with the same ones they always did, they settled down for the night. They’d left LA around six PM Pacific time, and with New Zealand being four hours behind them, that meant that it was currently six PM New Zealand time. When jet-lag was factored in, it was no wonder they were all exhausted and ready for bed, despite it being so early, according to them. Normally they didn’t go to bed till around one AM their time, but between having to get up early with little ones, packing, and the flight…yeah, an early night was in order.

Once he’d gotten settled in his bunk, Andy took out a picture of his entire family, which he taped to the ceiling of his bunk. The picture wasn’t a staged one like many of him, Ash, and Rori were before they came out publicly. It was a picture caught at the previous Christmas just a few weeks ago, their oldest on his shoulders while the twins latched themselves onto his shins. His husband stood by his side, their arms wrapped around each other, and all five of them were sporting cheek-splitting grins from their happiness.

“I miss you guys so much,” he murmured, kissing his fingers and pressing them to the picture above him. “I’ll be back home and safely in your arms before you know it. I love you more than I can ever scream.”

With another sigh, he rolled onto his right side, which was something he always did before falling asleep, and turned off the mini-lamp hanging over his head. He heard Jake and Jinxx doing much the same thing before turning off the lamps in their bunks, too, so he knew he wasn’t the only one homesick and missing his family. The only thing that kept him somewhat sane at this point was knowing that, above all else, they loved him just as much as he loved them, and would be waiting with as much patience as they could muster for his return. Thoughts of happier times and love filled his mind as he finally drifted off, his dreams filled with some of the happiest moments of his life, which all included his loving sweetheart.

Notes