Suffer In Silence

*Dakota's POV*

*****Time Lapse*****

It's been a week since me and Andy made up, slowly, things have been going back to normal, thank god. Sometimes, one of the others tries to get me to talk about it, but I don't want them to know, I don't need or want their pity. All I want is to put Kate's loss behind me, and even though I know Mr Pierce isn't so bad, I have to keep all that secret too, because they will judge him, they just wouldn't understand. I don't know If Jinxx made them or if their just somehow understanding, but either way, they drop it pretty fast and don't give me a hard time, which I'm thankful for.

So far I've been managing to avoid Stephanie and Josh. Everytime I see them I hide behind people, or turn around and go another way. I used to just take what they give me but I'm just not up to it lately, I need peace... "Hey guys... I'm gonna split now, I need to use the bathroom before class, I've got English, you know how Sir is if you're late..." I yawn tiredly and get up, waving goodbye lazily when the others dramatically bid me farewell. I smirk trying not to laugh. I honestly don't know how I ever survived without those nutcases.

I'm glad my favourite bathroom in the school is near my English class, and it's the only one done up all nice, no one even vandalises it. I don't mean writing in the stalls, they do have that, in fact, I just read a nice poem on my stall door, what I mean is each stall actually has a toilet seat and a lock on the door, it's awesome... Just as I'm leaving my stall, I come face-to-face with Stephanie... Fuck!... "Been avoiding me baby?" she sneers, her little group all snicker at the lame as fuck insult. I look to the ground, I don't know why I do this, it's not going to help, but everytime I hope that if I stay as meek as possible, that she will just leave me alone....

"Awwww.. is the weetle baby to scawed to wook me in da eyes?" she mocks. The other girls join in, each calling me every name in the book, the lame ones only idiots use. I mean seriously, can't they at least come up with something more original? Or even halfway true?, I'm pretty sure to be a slut you have to have slept with more than one fucking person. "Hey... bitches... I've got it... finally figured it out..." Stephanie says, smirking... "Loser here is a fucking lesbian!" they break out into laughter, now making lame-ass rug-munching jokes. "So... lesbian whore... how was your trip to the loonie-bin?, didn't think I knew about that did you?" she cackles, I freeze.

"You're even more of a worthless piece of shit than I thought, even your family wouldn't visit you, why don't you just kill yourself already?", and with that, she pushes me hard into the stall door, I fall backwards into it, hitting my head on the toilet as I hit the ground. I clutch my forehead, that's gonna bruise tomorrow, and just great there's a fucking cut there too... oh goody a lump as well just my fucking luck... I look up to see Stephanie and her group waltzing off like nothing happened. With a grunt, I get up and go to the sink to wash my hands and clean up, I clip my fringe so it covers the lump and cut....

I go to through the rest of the day with a splitting headache. By the time I get home I feel like my head is exploding, so I take a bunch of painkillers, rush through my chores and collapse into my bed. Pulling open my bedside tables draw, I reach in and feel around its roof, ah there it is... Pulling my hand back out I sigh with relief, opening my hand to reveal one of my secret stashes of blades. After a couple of deep cuts I clean up the blood, sticky tape the blades back where I keep them, and hide the bloody tissues and large band-aid wrappers all at the bottom of my bedside rubbish bin. Finally I can rest, having already told mum I'm too sick for dinner....

*****Time Lapse*****

I woke up feeling much better, my headache is gone, and the lump went down. I'm already dressed in my uniform, so now all I have to do is put on a light coat of make-up, just enough to hide the bruise, like yesterday, when I'm done with the make-up, I clip my fringe so it covers the cut. Satisfied, I take care of the animals, skip breakfast, and walk to school, choosing to listen to We Are the In Crowd, a talented young band over in America, I think their going to go far...

When I finally reach the school front gates I see Sandra waiting for me, I smile and slap her arm as I walk past. "You're late bitch, homeroom starts in 5 minutes", she mock reprimands me, just as the bell goes. "It's homeroom, Miss wouldn't have cared as long as we slipped in quietly, she hates the inconvenience of having to write up late students, unless she hates them haha, she likes me 'cos I'm quiet, and you too I'm guessing, since you never cause a fuss, I really am glad you transferred into my homeroom, it was boring by myself" I smile, she pushes me and laughs, we run the rest of the way.

*****Time Lapse*****

After homeroom we head off to our first class, music. Once we're all in our seats Miss Lolli stands up, "OK class, now that each of you are done writing your songs, whether it be instrumentals or lyrics, it's time to... practise" she smiles. The entire class erupts into a series of groans and cheers, I'm one of the ones groaning, not being prepared, and Sandra is cheering like she's gone insane. Miss Lolli laughs and gestures for the class to calm down. "Alright, alright, now, you can practice in groups if you want, as long as you get your practising in and don't mess around the whole lesson", with that she heads over to me and Sandra. "Ok girls, since you're both friends, and you, Dakota, aren't well enough prepared due to.. uhh.. special circumstances... I will be making an exception, you can work together, from what I've seen so far your pieces can be melded together if you do it right.... good luck", she smiles and heads off to help another student.

"So what is yours? An instrumental or vocals?" Sandra asks, turning to me with excitement shining in her eyes. "Ummmm... vocals, I... I didn't know we'd have to.. have too... peform..." I gulp, anxiety building up. "I didn't even think anyone would see our work but Miss Lolli, I can't even write songs well, I just can't read or write notes so lyrics were my only option...", I'm starting to really freak out now... "Hey, calm down bitch, I'll help you if I can, if we suck, we suck together, besides, your rawness would compliment my drums, it is about our accident after all..." she reassures. "You think so?"... "I know so..." she smiles.

*****Time Lapse*****

I think back to this morning and shudder, Miss Lolli stopped me after class and told me she wants to see me after school. I know she wants to talk about why I was away, and what's been going on. I shake my head and try to calm down as I make my way to Miss Lolli's classroom. When I reach the door I knock timidly, "come in!" she calls out, I breath out slowly and walk in, closing the door behind me. "Now, Dakota I'd like to ask you some questions if I may...", she looks at me carefully. "Um... ok... but we can't be long, if I'm late home I'll get in trouble...", I say quietly. "Will either, or even both, of your parents hurt you Dakota? If you're late?", at her question my eyes go wide in shock...

"N-no! My parents love me!, they just need me home I swear!" I lie quickly, she looks unconvinced but sighs and asks another question. "I'm sorry, I seem to have struck a nerve, if you don't mind me asking, how are you?, I've noticed since you first came to this school that something was wrong. Then you made friends with Sandra and you seemed to be a little happier, but ever since your accident, I can't help but sense a change in you. You act happy but I can see it's all an act on the most part", she looks into my eyes, I look away, my mind racing...

It's like she's in my head!, how am I going to get her to drop this?!... I silently panic, clear my throat, and speak. "Miss Lolli, I don't know what to tell you, it's just how I am. I have Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder, well... I've kinda been on and off my pill for it, so it's been getting worse. I'm sorry for worrying you, it's just that since the accident I haven't been myself. I feel guilty because I distracted my dad, but don't worry, I'm working on it. I really have to go now, I'm running late...", I turn and quickly head out the door before she can stop me... God I hope she bought that, I hate using my bipolar as an excuse but it had to be done....

*****Time Lapse*****

"Just where have you been?!", my mother demands the second I walk through the door. "Sorry mum Miss Lolli wanted to see me after school..." I mumble. "What did you do?!" she yells, getting angrier. "Nothing I swear, she just thought I was upset..." I explain. "Bullshit! not only are you now getting in trouble in school, but you're lying about it!, off to your room no dinner tonight!" she screams, her face going red. Just great, thanks a fucking lot Miss Lolli, thanks to you I'm in trouble!... I run to my room and collapse on my bed, crying myself to sleep....

Notes

Chapter 16 is up yay! Haha (technically chapter 19 x3)

like I said in my now deleted authors note, I need help coming up with lyrics for the short song Koda and Sandra are writing for their class assignment, it's going to be about the car accident they were in. I want to thank those who have already sent in lyrics they've written or are writing some to send in, I really appreciate it. Anything I use, the person who sent it in will be given credit :)

I really hope you like this chapter, remember any opinion on this story is appreciated even negative it all helps :)

Oh! Also check the character profiles, for those who don't know I added profiles for these characters: Miss Lolli and Max, and I'm adding a profile for Mr Pierce, Koda's dad's boss. SO.. what do we think of Mr Pierce, hate him? Conflicted? Like him? Let me know what you think! :)


Ch. Title Credit: Black Veil Brides - Knives and Pens