Savior
Chapter Eleven: Public Displays of Rejection
Jess’s POV
Andy and I sat at a little coffee shop near the venue, right in the corner where the sunlight streamed in through the window. It was nice to feel the sun on me again, even if it was indoors. It had been ages since I actually took the time to just sit down and feel the warmth seep into my skin. It was therapeutic.
“So…what’s the catch?” I asked him as soon as the waitress set our coffees down. His eyes squinted, but I could see the smile creeping onto his face. I knew him better than he thought. “You get the band to stop interrogating me, you buy me coffee? What do you want?” He laughed, but the smile faded soon after. I knew he was going to ask me what had happened, and I figured it was time to tell him—I owed him that much. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to do it.
“I uhm. I just wanted to know why you came back. Did Jack…?” He stopped, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. I put on a fake smile and grabbed his hand from across the table.
“We broke up. That’s all; no need to worry!” Oh come on. That’s exactly how you sounded when he told you that they were going on tour. Tell him everything. Tell him it was his fault; all of it. Tell him to back off. No one wants to date the best friend. Go ahead…tell him. Break his heart like Jack did to yours. It’ll be fun. I covered my ears, trying to stop the voices. A cloud covered the sun, and the warmth that was in my skin but a minute ago retreated. All that was left were clouds and demons. Neither of which I was prepared to fight off in front of Andy.
“Jess…” He scooted his chair closer to me, his face but inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my skin. His forehead rested against mine. Suddenly we were the only ones in the room; the rush around the order counter was gone, the chatter of nearby customers dulled to a mere whisper. “We’re best friends. We’ve always told each other everything. Please Jessica,” He begged. His blue eyes peered into my hazels.We’re best friends. That’s all. He just said it, he just admitted it. You still love Jack, Jessica. Jack. Jack. Jack. His name rang in my ears, the ghost of him haunting me. He would never leave my heart, he was my first love. That’s the important one…right? He was going to stay with me for the rest of my life, whether I liked it or not. He would always occupy part of my heart. He would always have the part of it that I gave him. Which meant that I could never give my whole heart to anyone ever again, so why waste their time?
Because it’s fun.
My lips neared his; and once again warmth seeped into my skin, in the form of Andy’s breath. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes searching mine for some type of approval.
Just do it. Take his heart for your own. Do to him what Jack did to you.
Without thinking I pushed my lips into his; not slowly, not romantically, but urgent and forced. The voice in my head had taken over. She was the one who kissed Andy, not me. She forced me to go closer, to ignore every story and teen movie ever made. The best friends never live happily ever after. They always break up. Someone always gets hurt.
Love can’t exist in a situation like that, or at least not the kind of love Andy wished he had with me.
His hands slid around my waist, attempting to pull me closer. Attempting to bring me into a whole different part of his life…a part that I didn’t belong in. I placed my hands on his chest, pushing his body from mine. He took a few deep breaths, concentrating on me, awaiting my reaction. That smirk that he wore so often, by no surprise, crept onto his face. He’s satisfied. Good job.
“I can’t do this Andy,” Was all I could say. I stood from my chair and made my way to the door. Why did everything always have to become so complicated? Why couldn’t we just stay friends? Everything was so perfect when we were just friends… His hand latched onto my wrist just as I stepped out of the café, twisting me into his embrace. He took my face into his hands, bringing my lips to his once more.
“Please just give me a chance, Jess.” He pleaded, his gaze locked on me. People in and around the café had noticed us by now and were watching; waiting to see what would happen to the hopeless romantics. I began to turn around, shaking my head, but he only gripped me tighter. “I love you Jessica. As a friend, or something more, I don’t know. But I love you. I always have. You’re the best thing in my life right now. You have held me together when I was falling apart. And I did the same for you. Don’t you see?! We’re meant to be! Please, just let’s try. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But how are we supposed to know if we don’t try? Please….” He loosened his grip on me, but his eyes stayed glued to mine. I heard chatter pick up in the background, but I knew they were all still watching us, rooting for us.
“We can’t.” I whispered, hoping not to break the hearts of the bystanders. “I can’t lose you.” I knew I was crushing him, breaking his heart into a million pieces. I knew I was. But as selfish as it was, I couldn’t lose my best friend to a stupid summer romance. That wasn’t going to happen, no matter how much it hurt either one of us.
Good job Jess. You just crushed him; and in public too! Impressive.
Andy and I sat at a little coffee shop near the venue, right in the corner where the sunlight streamed in through the window. It was nice to feel the sun on me again, even if it was indoors. It had been ages since I actually took the time to just sit down and feel the warmth seep into my skin. It was therapeutic.
“So…what’s the catch?” I asked him as soon as the waitress set our coffees down. His eyes squinted, but I could see the smile creeping onto his face. I knew him better than he thought. “You get the band to stop interrogating me, you buy me coffee? What do you want?” He laughed, but the smile faded soon after. I knew he was going to ask me what had happened, and I figured it was time to tell him—I owed him that much. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to do it.
“I uhm. I just wanted to know why you came back. Did Jack…?” He stopped, clearly uncomfortable with the subject. I put on a fake smile and grabbed his hand from across the table.
“We broke up. That’s all; no need to worry!” Oh come on. That’s exactly how you sounded when he told you that they were going on tour. Tell him everything. Tell him it was his fault; all of it. Tell him to back off. No one wants to date the best friend. Go ahead…tell him. Break his heart like Jack did to yours. It’ll be fun. I covered my ears, trying to stop the voices. A cloud covered the sun, and the warmth that was in my skin but a minute ago retreated. All that was left were clouds and demons. Neither of which I was prepared to fight off in front of Andy.
“Jess…” He scooted his chair closer to me, his face but inches away from mine. I could feel his breath on my skin. His forehead rested against mine. Suddenly we were the only ones in the room; the rush around the order counter was gone, the chatter of nearby customers dulled to a mere whisper. “We’re best friends. We’ve always told each other everything. Please Jessica,” He begged. His blue eyes peered into my hazels.We’re best friends. That’s all. He just said it, he just admitted it. You still love Jack, Jessica. Jack. Jack. Jack. His name rang in my ears, the ghost of him haunting me. He would never leave my heart, he was my first love. That’s the important one…right? He was going to stay with me for the rest of my life, whether I liked it or not. He would always occupy part of my heart. He would always have the part of it that I gave him. Which meant that I could never give my whole heart to anyone ever again, so why waste their time?
Because it’s fun.
My lips neared his; and once again warmth seeped into my skin, in the form of Andy’s breath. His lips were slightly parted, his eyes searching mine for some type of approval.
Just do it. Take his heart for your own. Do to him what Jack did to you.
Without thinking I pushed my lips into his; not slowly, not romantically, but urgent and forced. The voice in my head had taken over. She was the one who kissed Andy, not me. She forced me to go closer, to ignore every story and teen movie ever made. The best friends never live happily ever after. They always break up. Someone always gets hurt.
Love can’t exist in a situation like that, or at least not the kind of love Andy wished he had with me.
His hands slid around my waist, attempting to pull me closer. Attempting to bring me into a whole different part of his life…a part that I didn’t belong in. I placed my hands on his chest, pushing his body from mine. He took a few deep breaths, concentrating on me, awaiting my reaction. That smirk that he wore so often, by no surprise, crept onto his face. He’s satisfied. Good job.
“I can’t do this Andy,” Was all I could say. I stood from my chair and made my way to the door. Why did everything always have to become so complicated? Why couldn’t we just stay friends? Everything was so perfect when we were just friends… His hand latched onto my wrist just as I stepped out of the café, twisting me into his embrace. He took my face into his hands, bringing my lips to his once more.
“Please just give me a chance, Jess.” He pleaded, his gaze locked on me. People in and around the café had noticed us by now and were watching; waiting to see what would happen to the hopeless romantics. I began to turn around, shaking my head, but he only gripped me tighter. “I love you Jessica. As a friend, or something more, I don’t know. But I love you. I always have. You’re the best thing in my life right now. You have held me together when I was falling apart. And I did the same for you. Don’t you see?! We’re meant to be! Please, just let’s try. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work. But how are we supposed to know if we don’t try? Please….” He loosened his grip on me, but his eyes stayed glued to mine. I heard chatter pick up in the background, but I knew they were all still watching us, rooting for us.
“We can’t.” I whispered, hoping not to break the hearts of the bystanders. “I can’t lose you.” I knew I was crushing him, breaking his heart into a million pieces. I knew I was. But as selfish as it was, I couldn’t lose my best friend to a stupid summer romance. That wasn’t going to happen, no matter how much it hurt either one of us.
Good job Jess. You just crushed him; and in public too! Impressive.
8/29/13