Smutty's One-shots

I rolled onto my back in my bed, causing the bell around my neck to jingle softly. I was irritated. Mummy had been gone for far too long, unacceptably so! And she’d only topped off my water, instead of getting completely fresh from the BRITA in the fridge, the way I liked it.

I resolved to get some vengeance.

Knowing she wasn’t home, I slinked my way quickly to the kitchen. I wasn’t allowed on two legs, and I most definitely wasn’t allowed on the counters, so I resolved to do both.

I knew Mummy had imported chocolates that she hid on the top-most shelf in one of the cupboards, I just had to find them. I would eat them all, just to spite her!

Excited, I stretched up to stand on my hind legs alone, then clambered awkwardly onto the counter top on my knees. I knocked over a bag of confectioner’s sugar and some flour as I pawed around, but I paid them no mind. At last, I felt a small box of the right shape, and knocked it down to the kitchen floor.

Victorious, I jumped down to the floor and pawed at the box until it opened. Eventually, I got the cover off, and what was revealed was a paradise of its own!

There were chocolates, true, but also shiny, glittery, crunchy wrappers! They were just like when Mummy made cupcakes, except they were smaller, crinklier, and they sparkled!

Excited, I stuck my face into the box and took a few candies in my mouth, eating them to free up the wrappers. I accidentally caught the bag of confectioner’s sugar with my hind paw in my frenzy, and the bag broke open, the white, powdery material spilling out in a puff.

Curious, I swallowed my mouthful of chocolate, then turned and stuck my forepaw into the sugar. Grooming it off my paw, it tasted sweet, and I bent to lick more directly out of the broken bag. Mmmm!

Turning back around, I bent to pick up a candy wrapper with my mouth, and carried it proudly to my water dish. I meant to set it down before having a drink, but it fell right into my water!

Once again, I was irritated, as it kept itching my face whenever I went to drink! I would surely dehydrate and die! You’d think my Mummy didn’t love me, leaving me with only one water source! Hmph! Maybe she didn’t love me at all!

Feeling sullen and sleepy, I sought out the picture window and lay in the sun, dozing, as I waited for Mummy to get home. I wondered what games we would play, or if she’d just be too tired and ignore me. Probably.

An eternity later, I heard Mummy at the door. Not wanting to appear over-eager, my pride demanded that I roll on my side, away from the door.

I grinned as I heard her walking towards the kitchen. “Andy! You little brat, you’ve eaten my chocolates! And what have you done with the sugar!?!”

I purred happily to myself, feeling please with my handiwork, and Mummy came round the corner to greet me. But instead of pets, I got a scolding! “If you’re going to be so poorly behaved, I won’t play with you at all! You can amuse yourself this evening, mister!”

Horrified that she hadn’t kissed the chocolate off of my face, I yowled loudly in protest, but Mummy paid me no mind. That just would not do.

Resolute to get her attention and affections, I decided it was time to show her who was boss around here. There was only one tomcat that ruled this roost, and it appeared she needed some reminding who was in charge.

Deliberately, I sneaked along the floor as Mummy was cleaning the mess in the kitchen, making my way to the front entryway. Ha! Mummy had just dropped her favorite coat on the floor, she had been in such a hurry!

Well, I’d show her! Mummy was MY Mummy, and she was here but by my grace! Peeping over to check and make sure Mummy was occupied, I positioned myself over her jacket and started to mark it.

The sound of the urine hitting the coat caught her attention. “Andy! No!”

She came at me with the spray bottle, which I HATED, and I ran for the safety of my kennel. Ugh! Water, everywhere, it was terrible, I was so wet!

I heard Mummy cursing to herself as she fetched out cleaning supplies. Hopefully she had gotten the message! I’d practically gotten a shower to deliver it!

About an hour later, I was still all alone in my kennel. Mummy hadn’t come to see me. She hadn’t come to play any games, or to give me pets. I felt terrible.

Lonely, I slinked out of the kennel, towards the sitting room. I could hear the TV playing, and the dryer running in the pantry.

Finding Mummy watching the TV, I saw she looked tired. Cautiously, I crawled up to hunker next to her on the sofa, to see how she’d react.

She gave me a loaded look. “Andy, you have evidence all over your face! Come here!”

It pushed my level of tolerance, but I let her take a paper towel and wipe it across my mouth and cheeks. “There, that’s the handsome boy I know.” Hmm… I liked that!

Still, I hesitated, worried she was still mad at me. But she patted her lap. “Come on, let’s watch TV together.”

Grateful, I rested my head and paws in her lap. Spending time snuggling with Mummy was the best! I dozed as she ran her hand gently through my hair.

Notes

*Prepares for hatemail*

Just for fun, I thought this made a good challenge.