*Andy’s POV*

Grampy and I grabbed our beers and went outside, took a seat, and I lit a cigarette. I didn’t miss his disapproving nose-wrinkle, but appreciated that he didn’t give me his usual shit. Now was really not the time. In fact…

“Grampy, I have to ask-“ I had to try and stay calm. This wasn’t a normal situation, Grampy wasn’t human…

“-I know what you’re wondering, Andy. How did I get younger, right?” I nodded stiffly, preparing myself for the worst. “Well, by the time I feigned death, I was starting to lose my mind from not eating. To be blunt, I gather you know how being an incubus works, we only need to please a partner to eat. I love your Grammy, I don’t love anyone else, you know, I mean, romantically. So, uhm, as soon as I was in the Underworld, I found a very powerful, old ally that did not mind something one-sided to provided enough relief so that I could think.” I frowned.

“I’m sorry, Andy, I wanted to be clear-headed, I’ve been trying to find a way to transfer energy to the woman I love for decades.” He chuckled. “Well, if she’d ever even let me, you know how she is, very traditional.” I was surprised to see how worried he started to look as he thought more about it. “If I can’t find a way to keep her alive, then I’ll have to go to her in the Underworld when the time comes, damn, she’ll be so mad at me!”

I shook my head. “Grampy, that is a fucking understatement, you have no idea!” The second Grammy saw horns on Grampy, he would wish he had died! “You’re going to have to come clean to her, about everything.”

He looked at me, surprised. “Of course. I just… I only withhold things when I feel like it’s for the best. When I think it is truly the right thing to do. I turned out to be wrong. A whole human lifetime of pretend, and I wrongfully deceived people that I love, my family, because I thought it was good, and right, that I was protecting them from the supernatural world, where I came from. I thought I was sparing you.” Grampy looked at me, and I wasn’t sure if he had been hitting the booze before I came out of my bedroom earlier, or if he was full of mountains of regret. “I feel… shitty.” Grampy swore! Grammy would be so pissed!

I snorted. “Don’t be ridiculous!” I decided to distract him from his self-pity, it was wearing on me and I was still in kind of a bad mood, though it was overall more good than bad to see him. I patted him on the back. “Can you explain why my cats can talk?”

Grampy looked briefly confused before comprehending. “Ah, yes. They always could, just not around you.”

“What the fuck?” I must have made a face, as Grampy put a hand on my shoulder as though he were trying to calm me down.

“It’s alright, that’s actually a great segue into, ehm, something I imagine everyone might like to be present to discuss. But I know Crow especially would love to tell you how it is that he and Femme can talk. Uh, Crow especially can talk, and talk, and talk, if you catch my drift?” Everyone present? Crow loves to talk?

I nodded.“Ok, if the big stuff has to wait, tell me about Penamoo.”

Grampy laughed. “Andy, um, I really shouldn’t-“

I cocked my head at him. Now I was really curious. “Why not?”

Grampy frowned. “Your, eh, angelic forefather and I have not always seen eye-to-eye.” He peered at the ground, sniffed, and frowned before continuing. Interesting. “We, ehhmm… have a history, we, well. I guess I want to make it very clear that it’s not like we’ve tried to kill each other or anything like that, ok?”

I wasn’t in the mood for this beating around the bush bullshit. “Grampy…”

Grampy scowled a little more. “Well, Penemue can tell you his little life story, that’s only fair. The short version is that he is a cherubim, he’s very old, Andy. So am I. I was created before he fell, before there were humans. I was created, in fact, in the general likeness of the cherubim, which really got his goat.” What the fuck?

“Are you saying I’m inbred?” Shit!

“No! You really think I’d let Chris pursue a woman that I knew was a descendant of an angel in whose exact image I’d been created? Really? I believe in love and everything, but that would have been a disaster, I would have done something! Pity’s sake, do you really have such a low opinion of me now?” I just looked at Grampy.

“So… What angel’s image, I guess-“ Dammit, Grampy was just as bad about interrupting as I was!

“-It’s a general likeness, will you listen! It’s like a mold, the specifics are individual. I’m a damned individual, you’re not bloody inbred! But the point is that cherubim took personal offense to the Dark Lord making several incubae using an angelic mold, though rumor holds that the Big Man thought it was funny. As did I. So, when everything with the Watchers went south and Penemue got stuck here, every time he ran into me, he’s been a bit of a dick, frankly. So, that is why you should hear about him from someone else.” Grampy chewed his lip for a minute before glancing at me. “Done with your cigarette, Andypants? Shall we go back in?”

I nodded and stubbed out my cigarette. “Sure. Uh, please don’t fight in the house, Jules would kill me.”

I grabbed my beer, went inside, and took a seat on the couch. Everyone else was standing, staring at me. Ugh. I looked at Oona and patted next to me, and she happily sat next to me. She somehow made her wings crackle and disappear into nothingness, apparently so she could snuggle closer into me against the back of the couch. I looked around. “Well, everyone, make yourselves comfortable, and then tell me what’s going on, please?”

They all exchanged glances. This was like fucking pulling teeth! Were they afraid I would pass out again? “Crow, why don’t you start with telling me why you can talk?” I caught Femme giving Crow a dirty look and suppressed a sigh.

Over the course of the next hour or so, my mind was blown. Crow and Femme were descendants of Welsh fairies called the Kellas cats. Juliet was a fucking vampire, a vampire! She was the only reason I had been able to live, to have a career. Jules had been taking away the excess energy, so I could look normal, and allowing me to age. But she had kept so many secrets, she hadn’t told me what I was, she had silenced Crow and Femme with spells… My head was reeling. I wanted to cry, but I held it in.

I was briefly aware that Oona had opened her mind to me again, but I was so overwhelmed with my own feelings, my own thoughts, I couldn’t perceive any of hers at all, I was flooded by myself. I felt her hand on my leg. “Andy, do you need a break?” I looked at her, sensing her concern, her worry. “You are so pale-”

“-No, please, go on if there’s more.” I wanted to get this over with. And there was more.

My manifestation as an angel, then making love to Oona was apparently a big no-no. Well, fuck the universe, I thought. We had almost started a Holy War, and needed to get rid of the evidence. They were hoping Oona was biodegrading my angelic semen (I squirmed, discussing it in front of my fucking relatives and cats, but they didn’t seem embarrassed, what the fuck?!?), as well as metabolizing my angelic energy (apparently preferentially, which I sort of understood), but they had an idea. They needed me to call Juliet, and convince her to feed from Oona, to take as much of the angelic energy away as possible. Sure, that discussion will be absolutely problem-free.

In the meantime, I needed to avoid manifesting if possible. They wanted me to stay happy. Right, no problem. Ugh.

I sat on the couch with my head in my hands, trying not to cry. Jules was a vampire? I had to tell her, right now, that I’d been cheating on her? I didn’t mean to! I felt my heart breaking into a thousand pieces, everything hurt, my body started throbbing too, aching everywhere-

“Shit!”

“Andy, no!”

“It will be fine Andy, Juliet loves you, I love you, I’m here for you-“

It wasn’t enough, I had failed everyone! I screamed, in pain, then spread my- wings? Oops! “Oh balls!” I looked down on the couch, but there was no sleeping human-me!

“Where’s my human body? Guys? What the fuck?” I grabbed at my butt, relieved to find a tail, and exhaled. I looked around, everyone looked a little on edge, staring at me. I was getting tired of everyone eyeballing me like I was some kind of fragile thing about to fall apart. “I’m just an incubus, right? No angel shit, right? Right?”

Penamoo frowned. “Correct, Andy, you have manifested as an incubus while conscious. Shame you can’t control it, but at least you didn’t go the other way, hmmm?” He looked at Grampy. “You might be more adept at giving Andy a hand with this manifest, ‘Bastian.”

Grampy grunted, then came and stood next to me. “Andy, I’ll work on teaching you to do this yourself in the next few days, but this time, I’ll give you some help, alright?”

I nodded. “Just concentrate on really mundane stuff, like laundry, taxes, cleaning, things like that, ok?”

“O-“ I felt a disjointed feeling, like my whole body was a giant knuckle being popped.

“-k?” I sat down, apparently human again, or as human as I ever was.

I felt briefly overwhelmed. All of this was insane. Metamorphosing into other forms? Who the fuck does that? That’s crazy! That’s like- “Andy?”

“Hmm? Sorry, yeah?” I forgot. No time for pity-party, or I could inadvertently start a Holy War. Fuck.

Oona put her hand over mine. “I know you are upset. I know it hurts, I do not have to read your mind to see it. I am so sorry for causing this-“

I shook my head. “-Oona, if I hadn’t met you, perhaps I never would have seen my Grampy again, talked to my cats, even met Penamoo-“

The angel looked pleased that I cared and chuckled, correcting me, “-Penemue-“

“-I wouldn’t know about myself, about Juliet, I mean, I wouldn’t have met you! Just, don’t start that, just don’t ok? I don’t need that right now, please?” I kissed her hand lightly, and she squeezed mine with it. “I just feel selfish asking Juliet to do something like that just to help me. I need to talk to her anyway, for obvious reasons, but I don’t want to have that conversation over the phone. Speaking of which- how the fuck would she even get here? Do vampires travel through mirrors? I mean, I can see her in a mirror just fine…”

Crow piped up, “Andy, Juliet can travel via electricity. But just to make a point, Juliet would not just be helping you and Oona. Aside from helping all of us, she could be preventing a state of open warfare between Heaven and Hell. If either side were to get a hold of you, as the angel that procreated with a demon, and then not hand you over to the other side, claiming they are more entitled to dole out punishment due to your lineage or manifestation at the time, I can only anticipate that delicate balance that has existed for some time would topple, and war would break out.” Shit, Crow did like to talk.

Femme added her two cents. “Devil dumb. God dumb.” She nodded sagely, and I decided that they probably knew better than I did, at that point.

“Alright, I’ll call Juliet. But I want backup. Crow, you come with me to the guestroom. We’re going to call your Mommy and hope she recognizes your voice.” Crow rolled his eyes.

“Why wouldn’t she? We talk all the time.” I got up, irritated, and got my phone, before going to the guestroom, with Crow not far behind.

Notes

i had a great time tonight (1/15/16) at a show for Darkenside, {another band}, and Toxic Zombie. i had seen Toxic Zombie before when they opened for the misfits, so when i heard they were playing again, i was like- dude, right on, i'm there, and i was not let down. i hadn't heard of the other two bands, but they turned out to rock pretty hard, and i picked up their cds.

in reverse order for the evening, behold my shitty videos for some Toxic Zombie madness (including their guitarist soloing on the bar- i missed when the bassist got up there and they both played up there together while the whole band was playing! no shit!)

*edit* i found that they uploaded some pics to their facebook someone took from when they were both up on the bar:





yay!*


A bit of an instrumental from Toxic Zombie that I shot

Toxic Zombie's guitarist soloing on the bar, taking shots of tequila, then the beginning of their cover of White Zombie's 'Thunder Kiss '65'

check out their assorted stuffs: website, twitter, facebook, youtube channel

tell them anathema sent you! (dude, you do not need to clarify via fanfiction unless you want to, you can say a crazy, old veterinarian in a lab coat.)

they have an all-ages gig in portland at the hawthorne theatre on January 30th with particle son, emissary echo, knee high fox, and powerman 5000. show is at 6:30 pm, tickets are $14 in advance, $16 day of (again, this one is all-ages). i'm not sure if i can go, though i'll try. when i was at the ozzfest when powerman played it back in like, i dunno, '99 or '98, i remember, i ran into Spider or whatever the fuck his name is (the vocalist for powerman), and he was kind of a dick to me, so i'm a bit disinclined, though i really like toxic zombie, and i want to support them. don't know anything about the other bands. we'll see. i am an epic grudge holder. ha! (no- i am not saying the guy is an asshole- i don't know anything about him. i'm just saying i had a brief interaction i didn't care for. maybe he was having a bad day. i was also with an annoying friend, who knows?)



and last but not least, Darkenside. a local band. one thing i overheard that really impressed the shit out of me- they had no drummer, and the fellow they found learned their tracks in like 20 days. my hat is off to that dude, i could hardly tell. they really rocked me, and i put down $10 for their EP without a blink. kudos, dudes, kudos.

their website, their facebook, their twitter, their youtube channel


{i found out the third band are bigoted and no longer recommend you check their stuff out}

---

a brief note regarding the last chapter- FIV (feline immuno deficiency virus), is, in fact, colloquially called, 'kitty AIDS' by many clients. i'm a licensed veterinarian and FIV is spread most commonly via bites, though it can also be spread vertically, meaning from queen (mother) to offspring (kittens).

For more information on FIV (Feline AIDS) Click this link

to the people that were assholes to me about it:

have you ever seen the old movie from the 80s, 'the breakfast club?' you know that guy, i think he's the principal? he says, "fuck with the bull, and you get the horns."

well, you fuck with a good veterinarian, and you get educated, motherfucker. click that link, read that whole page, and then shut the fuck up.