Hanging by a Moment

Within two weeks, by the time they were making their stop in Hamburg, Germany, the rest of the band had decided to get a second bus. They understood that having little Legacy on board was going to be challenging, but it’d been worse than they’d thought it’d be. It didn’t take more than three or four days for them to realize that, without a second bus, all of them were going to be too tired to play their shows.

Despite feeling a bit alienated from his brothers, Ash knew it was for the best. He, himself, was already so tired that, if not for having played the chords and sang the lyrics so many times, he’d have been messing up big time during their performances. Even with Rebel’s help, being a father to such a young baby was definitely harder than he’d thought it’d be.

Their schedule was so jam-packed that they only got a day off every few days. It was definitely hard trying to take care of his daughter while touring, but he found that keeping her out of the limelight was proving to be just as hard. Only his brothers, their manager, and the roadies knew she existed, and he wanted it to stay that way. She was too young to have the media chasing after her, and besides, he’d gotten some pretty nasty threats himself; he didn’t want his only, beautiful daughter threatened like that.

“Morning, Ash,” Rebel said softly, sounding sleepy.

“Morning,” he grumbled, Legacy cradled against his chest.

“You all right?” she asked. Her own daughter sat next to her, leaning over as she supported her to nurse.

“Haven’t gotten enough sleep, and I woke up with a headache.” The bassist handed his daughter to her so he could grab some Excedrin.

Having been around him for a while now, she knew something wasn’t right. “You’re not getting sick or anything, are you?”

“I honestly don’t know,” Ash answered, groaning as he sat down. “I’ve been so tired the past few weeks, I haven’t really noticed anything else.”

With a gentle, motherly touch, she pressed her hand to his forehead. “Well, you haven’t got a fever…right now.”

“I really hope I’m not getting sick,” he murmured, leaning over and resting his head on her shoulder. “This headache is bad enough.”

“What part of your head hurts?”

Not wanting to talk very much, he reached up and gently caressed from his temple back to right above his ear.

“Lemme guess…you’ve got a sensitivity to light and sound, you’re feeling dizzy and like you’re gonna throw up, right?” Rebel asked.

“Mmm hmm,” he hummed, not even daring to nod his head.

“That’s because you’ve got a migraine,” she told him, gently kissing his temple. “You ever have one before?”

“I’ve had some pretty nasty headaches, but I don’t recall any of ’em being migraines,” the bassist answered. “If they were, I never realized it.”

“I’ve had migraines since before I hit double digits.” She grimaced at the memories. “Trust me, they’re no fun. They’re even worse when they get so bad that you actually do blow chunks, simply because it makes your head pound that much harder.”

“Ugh…last thing I need.” Ash groaned miserably. “It’s already pounding like a hooker on pay day.”

“Only you would know, Ash.”

Once the girls had been fed, burped, and changed, she encouraged him to go lay back down since he’d taken Excedrin. While he was trying to get some more sleep, she sent a mass text to the guys, who’d since given her their numbers, so they could have a quick meeting.

Something that Ash’d never known about her was that she could bash a bass just as well as he could, and her vocal ability was downright scary. Not only could she drop down and hit notes as low as Andy, she could shoot back up and hit the same notes that Amy Lee of Evanescence could. Covering his part of the backing vocals would be insanely too easy, as would filling in for him on an instrumental front. However, she didn’t want to do that without the guys being aware and all of them agreeing.

Within a few minutes, the guys were sitting in the living area of the smaller bus they’d gotten for them and the girls. She told them in no uncertain terms that, due to all the recent changes in his life, the bassist wasn’t getting enough rest. He’d been doing his best for the sake of Legacy, the band, and the fans, but it just wasn’t enough. She then explained about the migraine he’d woken up with.

Grimacing, all of the guys agreed that maybe he should sit that night’s show out. Their only concern was who’d cover his parts, both vocally and instrumentally. While Andy also knew how to play bass, that’d leave a chunk of vocals missing, and besides, the young frontman preferred being able to run around on stage. Having a bass, regardless of whether it was his own or Ash’s, strapped to him limited his mobility. Additionally, he usually couldn’t concentrate well enough to avoid screwing up on the chords, so they started talking about who they’d get to replace him, be it for a night or more.

“Guys,” Rebel finally managed to get through their worried chatter.

All of them immediately shut up and turned to look at her.

“You’ve got a replacement right here,” she said, glancing at all of them.

“Really?” Jake asked, sounding both curious and awed.

“Really. I hate to say it, and no offense, dude, but I can sing circles around Andy. I’m also a pretty killer bassist in my own right.”

Feigning offense, Andy scoffed at her, anyway.

“Trust me, I had nothing better to do when I was younger. Singing and messing around with my bass were the best things I ever did,” she told them.

“I get the feeling it stopped you from doing something stupid many times,” Jinxx said thoughtfully.

“Considering that I’m bipolar and got into a suicidal mindset more times than I can count, yeah.” Rebel blushed, seemingly ashamed of her past.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of; I think all of us have had a moment like that at least once in our lives,” CC said.

She looked up at the drummer who, for once, was anything but hyper.

“You’d never believe it, but I was abused years ago,” he told her.

“I was tied to a tree and set on fire in high school,” Jake spoke up.

“I’ve made no bones about how I was tormented and bullied in high school,” Andy added. “If you’ve been a true fan, I’m sure you’ve figured that out.”

“Kinda hard not to,” she chuckled. “The inspirational lyrics of your music are actually what attracted me as a fan.”

The guys all gave her curious looks, but refused to ask about something so personal to her.

“I was going through a bad time…stuck in a seemingly endless, abusive relationship with Logan’s father,” she started. “I was reading a story on an amateur author’s website that had the lyrics to Ritual in it.”

“Really, now?” the frontman asked, sounding curious.

“It was written so that there was a cover band that chose one of your songs to perform at a gig of theirs one night. When I was reading through the lyrics, I got a sudden desire to look up the song and listen to it, which almost never happens when I read lyrics,” Rebel explained. “That song had me hooked as a fan before I ever heard it, and it remains my absolute favorite by you guys, to this day.”

A bit surprised, the guys just sat there for a moment before Jinxx spoke up. “Well, we’re glad that we were able to help you in a time of need. Looks like you’re repaying us, though, by helping Ash out.”

“Even if y’all hadn’t inadvertently helped me, I’d have still helped him,” she said. “I couldn’t stand the desperate look on his face as he tried to calm Legacy down, not realizing she was hungry and in need of a diaper change.”

“I’m guessing that was the morning after he found her?” Jake asked.

“Mmm hmm. Without prior experience, he had no clue what to do,” the young woman answered. “I’ve gotta give him credit for trying, though.”

“And in the end, he ended up stumbling across someone he considers just as much a friend as he does us,” CC agreed. “It helps that you already had experience with babies, not to mention are a mother yourself…”

“Yeah, it does,” Rebel chuckled. “I’ve helped him in just about every way I can ever since, and I don’t mind filling in for him.”

None of the guys remarked about the possibility of her helping him out with sexual needs, both because they could tell it was doubtful she had, or that he’d even thought about that in the past few weeks.

“Well, I kinda wanna hear what you’ve got,” Andy said. “Bass riffs are pretty easy to cover, but vocals…”

“What song first?” she asked, relieved the bunk area was soundproofed so she wouldn’t disturb the bassist or babies.

“Hmm… Think she can hold her own on Drag Me to the Grave, guys?” he asked, turning to the others.

“I think that one might be a little too low for her, Andy,” Jinxx said, frowning slightly.

Chuckling, Rebel scrolled through the albums on her phone’s memory card, her auxiliary cable plugged into the headphone jack. The other end was plugged into the line-in ports on the back side of the stereo under the TV, and within moments, the song was playing through the speakers.

She didn’t bother with the opening line, which was the song title, and that made them wonder if she’d be able to do it later. However, since she had the volume somewhat low, just because that was what she was used to because of Logan, her voice rang out loud and clear once the first verse started. Every last one of the notes she hit was perfectly in tune with Andy, which really surprised them. As low as they were, they didn’t think she’d be able to hit them, but then again, they’d never heard her sing before.

By the time the song ended, they were all utterly speechless by her mini performance. Rebel couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled up from the back of her throat at their dropped jaws and wide eyes. She finally managed to ask if they were still breathing, which prompted a positive response from all four of them. Knowing what her vocal range was, though, she knew she’d really shock them with the next song she sang, which she was going to pick, just to prove her point. Once they were settled enough and had some semblance of composure about them again, she started the next song.

Warning them it was a duet, she refused to sing the male part, which could easily be covered by Andy, if he’d known the lyrics. Still, they were all completely floored when she sang the female part of the first chorus, even though that didn’t really showcase her abilities. However, when the second verse arrived…well, she couldn’t help the smirk on her face as she continued to sing.

“The worst is over now, and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high and steal my pain…away. There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain ’cause I’m broken when I’m open, and I don’t feel like I am strong enough… Because I’m broken when I’m lonesome, and I don’t feel right when you’re gone away,” she sang, really belting out the second chorus before she stopped, knowing that was really all that was left to the song.

“Holy crap,” the guys all breathed, their eyes wider than dinner plates at that point.

“So I managed to shock you, huh?” she asked, sounding just the slightest bit hoarse.

“How’d you manage to do that?” Andy asked, floored by her vocal range.

“It’s all in the ribs, buddy boy,” Rebel chuckled.

“Huh?” they asked, wondering what she meant.

“When I hit the really low notes, I’m hitting them toward the bottom of my rib cage, next to my diaphragm, and the bottom of my throat.” She gestured to the areas she meant. “The high notes come from up higher, about right under my collarbones, and the top of my throat. They come from mostly my ribs so I don’t strain my throat, but still…”

“I dunno how you manage to do that,” the frontman said, still sounding a bit surprised.

“I just do what comes naturally. For the longest time, I used primarily my throat, but it was just too hard. I kept straining it and giving myself migraines while trying to hit those über high notes.” She shrugged. “Eventually, I got to the point of just hitting those notes in the top of my ribs, and I started noticing I was using somewhat the same, yet opposite, tactic to hit the really low ones, if that makes any sense.”

“It makes perfect sense, even to me.”

Looking up, she saw a sleepy-eyed Ash joining them from the bunk room, both babies in his arms.

“Hey, Ash. Feeling any better?” Rebel asked, gently taking the girls after unclipping the cups of her nursing bra.

“My head still hurts,” he whimpered, stretching out on the couch and resting his head on her knee.

“Well, I don’t think my bony knee is gonna help it feel better,” she chuckled. “Is it feeling any better, at least?”

“It still hurts, but at least it’s not pounding like it was earlier,” the bassist answered.

“No wonder you called this little meeting, Rebel,” Jinxx said softly, concerned about their brother.

“Exactly. He obviously hasn’t been getting enough rest, even though I know he’s been trying. Then again, even if he weren’t on tour, having a newborn is never easy,” she said.

“I think it’s agreed that you oughta take the night off, Ash,” Jake told him. “You look like you don’t even wanna sit up, much less go on stage.”

“I wanna go on stage, both because I love what I do and I wanna prove to the fans that I can,” he groaned. “But my head’s killing me. It’s been killing me for two days, and I managed to get through the last couple shows…”

“Yeah, you’re not going on tonight, if that’s the case,” Andy said, knowing he was gonna have to take charge and put his foot down. “We’ll find a replacement before we letcha hurt yourself, especially since you’ve got Legacy to worry about.”

“But who’ll replace me, whether it’s just for tonight, or for several shows?” Ash asked.

“I will.” Rebel had a firm tone to her voice, like a mother demanding the truth from a lying child.

“Really? I didn’t know you could play bass,” he said, sounding surprised as he looked up at her.

“I guess you could say me singing for the guys was a bit of an audition,” she chuckled. “I still have yet to show ’em my skills on a bass.”

“Well, let’s hear whatcha got, then,” Andy said, sounding genuinely curious.

Nodding, the young woman went back to the bunk room for a moment, leaving the guys to get comfortable with the babies. Since Ash obviously wasn’t feeling good, they merely encouraged him to lay down on the couch, considering that he insisted on sitting in on her mini performance. Additionally, since his head was hurting so bad, they didn’t want him sitting up so he wouldn’t pass out and hurt himself.

When she came back, she had a case in one hand, the practice amp she swiped from the bassist in the other. She was lucky to be able to bring her own bass with her, so she hadn’t bothered with bringing her amp. Besides, she didn’t want it getting destroyed on the flight, or at some point during the tour, especially when he was likely to replace at least one.

Upon opening the case, Rebel heard them all making some kind of sound of awe or approval. The bass she pulled out wasn’t a Dean, as Ash preferred, but rather a Schecter. It was their Raiden Special-4 from their Diamond series, and she loved it almost as much as she loved Logan. It was the one inanimate object that got her through her angsty teenage years more or less unscathed. Aside from being the last thing her pappaw ever bought her before his death, that was her biggest reason for fighting tooth and nail to keep it. Unless she absolutely had to sell it to care for her baby, she wasn’t going to. Period, end of story.

Once she got it and the amp set up the way she wanted, she sat down on the arm of the couch and gently rested its body over her thigh. There were few songs she liked enough to learn the chords to that weren’t by Black Veil Brides, but she still knew a few others. This time, she chose When I’m Gone by 3 Doors Down, one of her all-time favorites. She wasn’t sure that the guys would know what song it was, but she didn’t care; it was easy to play, and this wasn’t exactly meant to be an audition, anyway.

“Wow…” they all breathed when she let the last note die away.

“What song was that?” Andy asked, genuinely curious.

“I doubt you’d know it, if I told you,” she answered, grinning.

“Try us. We listen to tons of different music, between the five of us,” Jake told her.

“When I’m Gone by 3 Doors Down,” Rebel said, still grinning wide enough to make her face hurt.

“Can’t say we’ve ever heard that one,” Jinxx said, a thoughtful expression on his face.

“There’s another world inside of me that you may never see; there are secrets in this life that I can’t hide. Somewhere in this darkness, there’s a light that I can’t find. Maybe it’s too far away…or maybe I’m just blind… Maybe I’m just blind…” she sang, wondering if it’d jog any memories for them.

“So hold me when I’m here, right me when I’m wrong; hold me when I’m scared, and love me when I’m gone. Everything I am, and everything in me, wants to be the one you wanted me to be. I’ll never letcha down, even if I could; I’d give up everything, if only for your good. So hold me when I’m here, right me when I’m wrong. You can hold me when I’m scared; ya won’t always be there, so love me when I’m gone. Love me when I’m gone…”

“Wait a minute, I’ve heard that song before,” CC piped up when she ended after the first chorus. “Didn’t they also put out the song Kryptonite?”

“Yeah, they did, Ceese,” Rebel laughed. “They also put out another one of my personal favorites, Citizen-Soldier.”

“I’ve heard that one, too!” the hyper drummer said, bouncing slightly.

“Considering the amount of military men in my family, and thinking that said folks don’t get enough recognition, it’s no wonder I love it,” she said.

“How many military men are there in your family?” Jinxx asked curiously.

“One in just about every generation dating back to at least the Civil War, maybe even as far back as the Revolutionary War,” the young woman answered.

After a moment’s thought, the multi-instrumentalist looked up at her with wide eyes. “You’re the one who goes by the Twitter handle CynysterLove, aren’t you?”

“Damn, you caught me,” she chuckled, really laughing when the others looked at her with eyes just as wide. “And yes, I remember the conversation I joined in on between you and Russ.”

“Oh, wow,” he breathed, still a bit surprised.

She glanced down at Ash, who hadn’t said a word.

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, blushing a bit. “I’m just a bit surprised that some of the dirtiest and most suggestive responses to my Tweets came from you.”

“Just like the lyrics of When I’m Gone said, there’s another world inside of me that you may never see,” Rebel chuckled. “If I hadn’t mentioned what I Tweeted in response to that Twitter conversation, I doubt Jinxx would’ve figured out I’m CynysterLove…at least, not for a while.”

“At least you’re not calling me an idiot,” Jinxx laughed.

“Never meant to. I’m just saying that I’d still be more or less anonymous,” she chuckled.

From there, the guys decided it was probably a good idea to let her fill in for Ash tonight indefinitely. They’d see how he felt in the coming days before deciding just how long she’d fill in for him, which he agreed to fairly easily. The others had all thought he’d give them a hard time about it, but his mentality had changed.

Ever since finding Legacy on his doorstep, he’d become much more responsible than he usually acted because she needed him. If taking an unplanned night off helped him get rid of this migraine so he could function, he’d do it. He wanted nothing but the best for his little Purdy Princess, and he couldn’t give that to her if he wasn’t able to function. Rebel was proud of him for gaining such a mentality, but knew he still had moments that he wanted to go out and just party till the sun came up.

Since he was still feeling bad and it’d been a good four hours, she suggested he go ahead and take some more Excedrin and try getting some more sleep. She’d keep an ear out for Legacy, which is why he’d brought her along, till it was time to start getting ready for the show. He agreed to that, knowing he’d be on his own with both her and Logan till afterward, but that was fine; it was part of being a loving father and caring friend.

Notes