Hanging by a Moment

Within a matter of days, Ash’d left once again to rejoin the rest of his brothers on their tour. Once again the house felt empty, far too lonely, despite the presence of both their young daughters, not to mention her best friend, who’d flown back East to spend the holiday with her family in Western Pennsylvania. Still, despite missing her own personal outlaw, the young woman did her damnedest to forge ahead and get on with life, resigned to settling to the oddly-timed phone or Skype call here and there.

“I still can’t believe you’re dating the Ashley fuckin’ Purdy!” Realynn, better known in their little world as Bandita, squealed.

“Sometimes I can’t believe it, either,” Rebel agreed, a faint smile on her lips.

“So what’s gotcha so down in the dumps, sissy?” the slightly older woman asked. “And don’t try to fool me—as well as I know you, not to mention your love of a certain rock band, I know better than to believe any lies you try to tell.”

At that, the younger woman wrapped her arms tightly around the woman she called Sissy. “I miss him so much, sissy!” she sobbed into her equally ample cleavage. “I just want him to come home! I just wanna feel him beside me at night for more than a couple nights before he has to leave again, to hear his breathing and smell his unique scent…to hear him tell me he loves me again.”

Bandita let out a low whistle as she hugged her adopted sister close. “Whew…you went and broke your own rule about men, didn’t you?”

“Y-Yes,” Rebel sniffled, snuggling against her like she hadn’t done in years. “I swore I’d never fall in love with another man…yet, here I am, madly in love with one who has one of the most demanding careers on the planet.”

“True, but you said he told you he loves you, too, right?” she asked.

“Yeah, he did. And I’m not stupid—I know he’s telling me the truth,” the younger woman answered with another sniffle.

“But are you sure about that? After finding out what Bevan did to you…”

“Yes, I’m sure.” She looked up at her sissy with a bit of a glare. “Unlike Bevan, he waited for me to come to him, in a sexual sense.”

“Really, now? The same man-whore of Black Veil Brides reputed to sleep with anything on two legs that drew breath and would spread ’em for him?” the older woman asked, her brow cocked curiously.

“I’m serious. Any time he made any advance beyond chaste before I was ready, he’d back off and leave it at that.” She sighed as she curled up even tighter, her head still resting on her sissy’s shoulder. “It took a bit of a blow-up on my birthday for me to realize he was just as desperate, maybe even more so, than I was…and you know I was pretty desperate.”

“Well, it’d been well over a year since the last time you had any amount of intimacy,” Bandita said with a scowl. “Granted, I wouldn’t consider your one and only experience with Jordan to be intimacy, but still…”

“I know what you mean, sissy,” she agreed with a scowl of her own. “And after I got away from him, I was generally too tired from either my pregnancy or caring for Logan to even bother taking care of that particular need.”

“But now my only question is…why on Earth are you acting like he ripped your heart out and stomped on it after breaking your ultimate trust like Bevan did?” the older woman asked.

“I just miss him that much,” Rebel answered, more tears welling up. “I miss every little thing about him…almost as if he were bound to me by our souls, and he’d been ripped away from me with no warning.”

“Damn…” Her sissy looked down at her with eyes just as brown as her own—and Ash’s. “I gotta ask ya something, though…”

“What’s that, sissy?” the younger woman asked, sniffling as she wiped her eyes again.

“Have you two been making sure to use protection?”

At that one question, her breath caught in her throat as if someone had wrapped their hand around her throat and squeezed it tightly. When he was home on the eve of Thanksgiving, it was no surprise to her that they’d ended up in bed before it was all said and done, and not just for sleep.

However, she couldn’t for the life of her remember if either of them had remembered to use protection in their desire to be joined again. Since she was still nursing both Logan and Legacy, there was a possibility that she might not’ve conceived again, that it was just her hormones being a bit off-kilter from the aforementioned nursing. Then again, there was just as big a possibility, if he really had forgotten about using protection, that she could very well be carrying another of Ash’s children beneath her heart at that very moment.

Since she cared about her adopted sister and wanted to know just as much as the younger woman surely did, Bandita offered to run to the drug store for her. It was only because the girls were napping that she didn’t suggest helping her pack them up to take with them, especially since she was quite capable of getting a pregnancy test for the younger woman on her own.

Just to be on the safe side so she didn’t scare her boyfriend shitless, nor get his hopes up, for nothing, Rebel decided not to say anything until she knew for sure. That could very well mean not saying anything until after a trip to her OB/GYN’s office, depending on the results of the pregnancy test. She knew that false positives were just as rare an occurrence as false negatives, but a positive result would make her schedule an appointment with her OB/GYN quicker than a negative one would. Besides, she didn’t know Ash’s feelings about having more children, especially now, and didn’t want to say anything without proof.

“I’m back!” Bandita called softly as she closed and locked the front door behind herself. She’d taken her adopted sister’s key, which was why she wasn’t worried about her damn near silent entry.

“Upstairs!” she answered as softly as she could. She’d given the older woman the grand tour already and knew she’d be able to tell she was in the master suite.

“Go ahead and take it, then we’ll decide what to do from there,” the older woman said after finding her in the master bathroom.

“That’s what I was thinking, sissy,” Rebel agreed shakily. “I know false positives and false negatives are just as rare as one another, but I don’t wanna say anything to Ash without proof from my doctor if I do get a positive result.”

“I think you should still go, just to be sure, but we’ll decide on that after you take it,” she agreed. “I think I hear the girls, so I’m gonna go tend to them so you can have you privacy.”

“Thanks, sissy.” The younger woman quickly threw her arms around her neck in a tight hug. “I love you as much as I love Ash.”

“I love you, too, sissy,” Bandita answered as she wrapped her arms around her waist in return. “You know I’ll always be there for you when you need me.”

She gave her a bright grin, the first she’d worn in several days, as she left the master suite to head to the girls’ shared nursery. Only after she’d exited the bedroom did Rebel close the bathroom door and get down to business, something she’d only had to do once before in her life.

The five-minute wait after doing her business was some of the longest five minutes of her life, just like after she’d taken the pregnancy test that led her to finding out about Logan. She had to use every last ounce of willpower in her being to fight the urge to at least text her outlaw and tell him there was something she needed to talk to him about. There was no way she was breaking the news of a pregnancy—possible or confirmed—to him in a text. Hell would not only freeze, but freeze solid, before she did something that crass.

When the timer she’d set on her phone went off, Rebel took and held a deep breath as she approached the bathroom counter. Wondering what she’d see when she looked down, she continued holding said breath as she glanced at the little capped stick laying on her counter. It took a moment for the negative result to register in her muddled brain, but when it finally did, she released the breath she was holding.

“Well, what’s the verdict?” Bandita asked when she walked into the nursery after throwing the used test in the trash.

“It’s negative,” she answered, grinning once again. “I’m still thinking about going to my doctor, just to be sure, though.”

“I think that’s the best idea,” the older woman agreed, nodding as she held Logan. “It might’ve been negative, but who’s to say it’s not one of those rare false negatives?”

“My sentiments exactly, sissy. I don’t wanna scare the crap outta Ash if he’s not ready for another baby, which is doubtful since Legacy’s not even a year old,” she said. “Then again, I don’t wanna neglect any baby I’m carrying, either, just because I didn’t go to my doctor when I should’ve.”

“I don’t blame ya there,” she agreed. “I know you might not’ve wanted Logan, especially considering who her father is, but I also know you’d never intentionally neglect her.”

“No, I wouldn’t, regardless of who her father is,” the younger woman said, her vehemence making her eyes darken. “She’s not at fault for what he did to me, only a lovable result, and I’ll be damned if I intentionally hurt or neglect her for his actions.”

With a grin, Bandita settled said little girl on her hip so she could give her a one-armed side-hug, something she knew she needed. Her adopted sister more than gladly wrapped both arms around her, chuckling as Logan and Legacy both managed to get in on their hug, as well. It was sweet to see how much the girls, especially the one who didn’t even belong to her, cared about her.

For the rest of the afternoon, the pair played with said little girls before feeding them their dinner, bathing them, and putting them to bed. Granted, that was after Rebel called her OB/GYN to schedule an appointment for as soon as she could, grateful the woman had a cancellation the next day that allowed her to be seen then.

Once the girls were in their cribs, which were positioned so they could reach through the bars and hold each other’s hands, if they wanted, the two women headed to the master suite. It was a common occurrence for Rebel and Bandita to share a bed, mainly because they were extremely close and it brought both women comfort. There was nothing even remotely sexual going on between them, and even if there had been in the past, the younger of the pair would never be able to find it in her to cheat on her man. She felt too strongly about him to want to cheat with either gender.

Despite her exhaustion, it was quite a while after the older woman passed out that the younger found herself dozing off. Since she’d gotten used to being spooned by Ash when she wasn’t using his chest as a pillow, that was the position she ended up finding herself in. It felt a bit odd to feel a firm softness pressed against her back rather than a masculine hardness pressing against her rear, but she didn’t care. She needed the comfort of another human being cuddling her right now more than she cared about said human’s gender.

* * *

Only after her appointment with her OB/GYN the next morning did Rebel breathe a sigh of relief. As it turned out, the pregnancy test had been right, after all; despite their lack of protection the night of Thanksgiving, she wasn’t carrying Ash’s child. She’d just been hormonal as all Hell from nursing, PMS’ing, and missing her other half, which was what made it seem like she might’ve been pregnant.

Bandita was both happy and sad to hear the news once she got back home and told her. She knew how much the younger woman loved children, and she wasn’t stupid; she believed her when she told her how much she loved the bassist. Those two things put together would’ve made her happier than a pig in shit to find out she was pregnant with Ash’s child, but they also saddened her to find out she wasn’t. She normally wouldn’t say that she believed a child could make the bond between a couple stronger than it already was, but in this case, she most certainly did.

Still, if such an occurrence did arise, be it in the near or distant future, she hoped Rebel was happy with it. She doubted she’d be anything but happy, though, that it would be the bassist who’s feelings on the matter would be most important. There was no doubt in her mind that, after one highly unexpected child, he definitely wasn’t ready for another.

Regardless of the results, she still stood by the woman she’d claimed as her sister years ago. Whether she all but lived with her and the girls or not, she remained as steadfast and loyal as she had long before Ashley Purdy became a part of her life. If that meant offering her comfort, a shoulder to cry on, and someone to cuddle with at night, that was fine by her. She just hoped that, should he ever find out, said man wouldn’t assume the worst without hearing them out, thus potentially breaking her sissy’s heart.

And that was only because, so help her every deity in existence that dared listen to her, she’d make his life a living Hell if he did.

Notes