The story of a lonesome ol'Jerome

*Andy’s POV*

Gwyn looked kind of nervous and twitchy. She even had one of those motor tics, which I hadn’t seen her do all day. I guessed that she was starting to get anxious about coming with me. I’d have to do my best to try and make her feel welcome. It was definitely a different kind of world, but not a bad one.

I followed Gwyn through the main room after we had washed our hands. “I keep the door shut so that it can be temperature regulated in there for my little ones.” She glanced at me. “Stay here for just a second.” She went in and shut the door behind her. Uh, ok?

I overheard her mumbling expletives to herself. “Gwyn, it doesn’t have to look immaculate, ok? I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’m used to traveling with a bunch of guys, right?” I had figured that would surely calm her down, girls tend to love it when you joke about men being foul, but all I got was a rather weak laugh in response. Frustrated, I fussed with my hair. I didn’t know why I found it comforting, messing with ‘the hair,’ but I had for years. Some awe-inspiring rockstar I was, I couldn’t even get the woman with the most squeezable ass I’d ever felt to relax and be comfortable around me, couldn’t get her to stop cleaning her gecko room… Ugh.

I took a second to remind myself that she was probably just concerned, worried that I was going to judge her or something. “Hey, Gwyn? I don’t have to see them if-“ and then she popped back out the door, leaving it open.

“No, no, come on in! Just had to straighten up a bit first.” She took me by the hand and led me in front of tables covered with large tanks with screen tops. “The UV lighting is off for the day already so we just have the room light on right now, they’re probably wondering what the fuck is going on.” She chuckled, then started explaining things about how they like certain humidities, and certain temperatures, and how she regulated it. I tried to follow her.

“That sounds complicated.” And then I spotted the first gecko, it was off-white, with big black spots- it was cute! “Gwyn, is it friendly? Can I hold it?”

She looked at me dubiously. “Andy, that’s Rasputin. Most cresties have excellent temperaments, but he doesn’t. Could you pick a different one?” I laughed at his name and eyed Rasputin, curious, who seemed to be wordlessly giving me the finger. Fine, you win, you little fucker. I moved to another cage.

After a while, I found a plainer, chubby, brown gecko, that moved towards me and the front of the tank. It licked its eyeballs as it contemplated me- neat! It looked friendly, to me anyways. “How about this one?”

“Sure! That’s Jeeves, she’s the first crestie I ever got. She’s my matriarch. Just make sure you don’t grab her by the tail, or it could fall off.” She? Fall off?!? Gwyn started taking stuff off the screen top.

“Jeeves is a girl?” I held out my hands, nervous. I hope I didn’t hurt… her. Gwyn set the little lizard in my hands, her body was probably about 4 inches long, and she used her tail to slightly curl a bit around the edge of my palm. I felt her little paws? claws? pads? gripping or suctioning my hands. I was trying to concentrate on holding still, but Jeeves was slowly roaming along my left hand.

“Until she settles a bit, just put one hand in front of the other. Some people call it ‘hand-walking.’ You can even give her a little space to make a jump.” A jump?!? That seemed insane, what if this tiny thing falls to her doom? But I watched Gwyn’s hand motions, and mimicked them, though with a smaller ‘jump.’

Jeeves waddled calmly up my hand and then I felt her tense and spring onto my next hand. “Oh fuck!” I quickly moved my now empty hand up next, though this time with no jump. I needed a break from that shit. I did that a few more times, and noticed Jeeves was waddling slower. She was really cute, a pudgy little thing. I wondered where the fuck she thought she was going, exactly? I looked over at Gwyn, and she was beaming at me.

“Jeeves looks like she’s settling, and she’s really mellow. See how she does if you just hold her.” Gwyn gave me a reassuring look, so I stopped with the weird hand-ladder or whatever the fuck it was, and just gently held Jeeves, watching her. Her little throat bobbed, I think that was from breathing, and she licked her eyeballs again.

“How old is Jeeves?” Gwyn appeared to be silently counting.

“She’s 13 years old.” Jeeves looked up at me and adjusted herself, as if to say, ‘Damn straight,’ before licking just one eyeball.

“Holy shit! How long do they live?” Gwyn laughed.

“That depends on how you take care of them. Most don’t live very long at all. But it’s possible to have them live well into their teens, even later. It’s a relatively newer species to the pet trade, so it’s not well-established, really. Let’s just say that I hope my babies all live a zillion years.” I looked down at Jeeves, who looked perfectly satisfied with that answer. I couldn’t help but smile, this little thing was gentle and calm.

“Can you take a picture of me and Jeeves with my phone?” It was a little embarrassing asking, but of all the people I could’ve had to ask, I thought Gwyn would understand the urge to have an animal photo the best.

She looked pleasantly surprised. “What pocket is your phone in?” I motioned with my head, keeping an eye on Jeeves. I felt Gwyn kiss me on the cheek, making me grin like an idiot, as she extracted my phone.

“Back up a little bit, Andy, just a tiny bit.” The room was a little narrow with all the tanks in it, and I was up against some crap with a cover on it. I was worried about Jeeves, so I kept my eyes on her. I bumped the pile of stuff pretty hard with my back and butt, and heard a wooden clacking noise. Did I know that from somewhere? I looked away from Jeeves for just a minute to see if Gwyn was mad I had touched her stuff, and she looked a fuck of a lot more upset than I thought she would, she was white as a sheet. Oh fuck.

“Shit, Gwyn, I’m so sorry! Is that stuff valuable? Here, let’s put Jeeves away, and you can see if I damaged it, ok?” That suggestion clearly upset her even more, shit!

“No-no! I’m sure it’s fine, it’s all junk! And don’t you want a picture with Jeeves still?” Um, ok. This was weird. Something was… up. I looked at Jeeves, but the little gecko had no answers for me, she just licked her eyeballs and adjusted her footing a little. Women, man. Completely incomprehensible. I held back a sigh.

“Um, yeah, totally.” I held Jeeves a little bit higher up, and Gwyn took a few pictures, before gently taking her from me. As she was putting Jeeves back in her tank, I glanced around at the mysterious bulk behind me. The only things I could see underneath the big sheet were bits of dark metal, one of them said “ALESIS.” It almost rang a bell, but I couldn’t place it.
Gwyn turned around, smiling. “Well, we need to wash our hands, but then we need to get you to the hospital. This is going to be so much fun.” Her voice wasn’t so much dripping in sarcasm as spraying it everywhere like a pissing goat. “Luckily, you’re pretty good company.” She nudged me with an elbow.

I grinned. “Ooh, see! Any second now, you’ll have mastered this compliment thing. Let me demonstrate: ‘Gwyn, you have cute dimples when you smile,’ or, ‘Gwyn, you have a great sense of humor,’” then I brought her to me and squeezed her hips, “or, ‘Gwyn, you are an incredibly passionate kisser,’” and I kissed her, briefly, “ ‘Gwyn, I love the way your fucking tits feel in my hands-‘”

“Andy!” She was blushing. She also looked terribly pleased, and whatever was distressing her before seemed almost forgotten. Score one for Biersack! “C’mon, we need to get going if we want to get any sleep at all.” She led me out of her gecko room, holding my hand.

“Who said I was planning on letting you sleep?” I gave her a lecherous look and we both laughed.

Notes

so, apologies- i'm rusty on my crestie husbandry, so i had to edit their care. they are indeed generally kept in tanks, unless you are in an area with very high humidity, which Washington is not. so Gwyn has tanks (whoops!) so i had to go back and fix that. sorry dudes.

and for those who don't know who Rasputin was, the short answer is that he was a total anus, and a Russian historical figure. here's a more thorough answer.

i did indeed cave and post, but only because i've been told that a certain someone will write again one day! :p

QOTD: do you have a "favorite" BVB album?

no, they're just different. i know wretched & divine the best because i have the normal version and the ultimate edition that i got so i would have legion of the black, so it plays twice as often on my assorted music players.

edit: apologies for lack of update. i'm starting a new job, so i'm short on time. i've been doing some edits on the copy i have of this on word to fix inconsistencies and grammar problems that i hope to upload soon. i hope to get an actual chapter written soon too. :) would you believe it's 114 pages?