Love Never Fades

Another two months passed, and before he knew it, Christmas was a mere week and a-half away. Ash would officially be twenty-two weeks pregnant the following day, but only he, his grandparents, and his doctor would know. To anyone else, he looked like he might be fifteen, if he were lucky, because he wasn’t showing much, despite carrying twins. His doctor had been a bit surprised at first, and even though she was from the area, she’d taken it in stride after reading through his files and assured him that everything was fine.

She’d told him that, because he was so fit and active before conceiving, his abdominal wall was very strong. The stronger a patient’s abdominal wall, the less they were likely to show, and the only reason he was showing as much as he was was simply because he was carrying multiples. If he’d been carrying a single baby, he would’ve hardly been showing.

Daniel and Leana were still living with him, trying to help him get as much rest as he could while preparing for the babies. They hadn’t really started working on a nursery just yet, as he’d decided he wanted to wait until he knew the genders. He didn’t want to set up a nursery entirely for a girl and have little boys on the way, or vice versa. Besides, it could be one of each, and he wanted to prepare accordingly. His grandparents could understand that mentality, as it would’ve helped back when they’d had his mother, but the times had changed and technology had gotten better than it was back then.

On the morning of the twentieth, Ash woke up early to feeling his babies squirming within him. It was something that’d surprised him the first time he’d felt it a couple weeks ago, but now he looked forward to feeling their fluttering little movements. He smiled and gently caressed his belly, quietly greeting them as he yawned, which made them squirm a bit more before settling down.

“You ready for your appointment, Ashley?” his grandmother called through his door.

“Crap, I knew I was forgetting something!” he answered, his eyes widening.

“You must’ve just woken up, then,” Leana chuckled, gently closing his door behind her. “Hey, don’t strain yourself trying to get up. You know you can’t move as fast as you used to.”

“I keep forgetting that,” he said, sounding sheepish. “Five months isn’t really enough time to counteract a lifetime of doing things at a much faster pace.”

“True enough, especially when you were never expecting to find yourself in this position,” she agreed, gently helping him sit up. “And I don’t care if you slept nude or not; that doesn’t matter to me as much as making sure you and these little ones are all right.” She gently rubbed his belly, and if he didn’t know any better, he’d have sworn they nuzzled her hand.

“If not for nudity being more comfortable right now and knowing that things change quite a bit during pregnancy, I’d be embarrassed as Hell,” Ash told her as she helped him stand up.

“Oh, believe me, I remember how it felt,” she chuckled. “So many times Grampa would find me in bed nude at the end of the day and think it was for something else when it was just because I was uncomfortable for one reason or another.”

“I did not need to know that, Grama,” he laughed, wincing as one of the babies kicked him in the bladder.

Still chuckling, Leana helped him to the bathroom, where he was forced to sit like a woman just to take a piss. Even though he wasn’t showing nearly as much as he’d thought he would, he’d grown just enough to make aiming impossible. He’d decided when he found out he was pregnant that, when the time came that he couldn’t see his toes or the tip of his cock without straining, it was time to do things a little differently.

Once he’d relieved himself, his grandmother came back into the room to help him up. Both knew that his center of balance was off and that he was still adjusting, so while he could do it on his own, she was merely acting as a spotter. If he started acting like he was losing his balance, she’d help him find it before he fell and got hurt, or hurt the twins.

Ash sighed softly as he sat on the stool his grandfather sometimes used in the shower when his hip was bothering him, warm water cascading over his body. He just hadn’t felt up to showering quite as much, and it’d been a couple days since he’d last showered. It wasn’t that he was trying to be a slob; he just hadn’t had as much energy ever since he got pregnant. The last thing any of them wanted was for him to pass out and get hurt or hurt his babies because he was exhausted. Besides, he usually didn’t do much around the house since he physically couldn’t right now, so he never really smelled bad.

Not long afterward, he was scrubbed as clean as he could get in his current condition and getting Leana to help him dry off. He couldn’t bend down to dry his legs and feet, and while embarrassing to have her face so close to his crotch, he’d rather that than any of them get hurt. While he pulled his cami down over his belly the way he wanted it, she pulled a pair of maternity jeans she’d altered a bit up his legs and over his slightly curvier hips. It was then that he pulled on a top shirt before stepping into his shoes and brushed his hair.

“I take it you’re ready now?” she chuckled, smiling at his appearance.

“Yeah. Too lazy to bother with makeup today,” Ash chuckled.

“I don’t blame you. So tedious and time-consuming, especially if we’re not planning on being gone that long,” his grandmother agreed. “Besides, you’ve never needed makeup to look beautiful; you’ve always looked just fine without it.”

“Awww, Grama,” he said, blushing furiously. Not even a gun to his head could get him to admit that Andy was the only other one who’d ever said that about him.

“Let’s head out so that, hopefully, we’re not too late,” Leana said, grabbing her purse from hers and Daniel’s suite.

“You know Dr. Davis is pretty lenient since life moves at a slower pace around here,” he chuckled.

“Slower than even Aurora moves, but still. Best not to be too late, if we can help it,” she insisted.

After telling Daniel goodbye and grabbing a muffin to eat on the way there, the pair headed out to her truck. She made sure he didn’t lose his balance while climbing into the passenger’s seat, which made him grimace as he leaned it back comfortably. His belly was just big enough to rest his muffin on while strapping his seat belt, and it didn’t go flying since his babies were apparently asleep.

With her pregnant grandson settled as comfortably as he could be, Leana made her way around to the driver’s side and climbed in herself. She smiled as she cranked the beast up, smiling even wider when she looked over as she buckled her seat belt to see him happily scarfing down his muffin. This earned her a curious look from him, and she merely shook her head as she tamed her chuckles. She didn’t want him to be embarrassed at how cute he looked while scarfing down the double-chocolate chip muffin like he hadn’t eaten in months, nor with chocolate crumbs on his face.

Upon reaching the OB/GYN’s office, she chuckled as she reached over and brushed the few remaining crumbs from his face. Ash blushed slightly, as he’d never really been a messy eater except for the earliest days of his childhood. He supposed that he was just so hungry that being neat was the least of his concerns right now.

The pair quietly headed into the building they were parked in front of, using the facade that he was a woman where others could hear. Only a select few of the staff knew he was really a man, and they certainly didn’t want the other patients knowing such confidential information. Recognizing the name, the receptionist told them that Dr. Davis had actually just stepped out to find them and was in her office, giving them a few minutes to show up before she moved on to her next patient.

“We’re sorry about being a bit late,” Leana told her once they were in the exam room.

“No worries, Miss Leana,” she answered, smiling as she helped Ash onto the table. “I know that pregnant folk tend to move slower; that’s why I was giving y’all a few minutes.”

“I figured that’s why you did that,” she chuckled.

“So how’ve you been feeling, Ashley?” Dr. Davis asked, now sitting on a small rolling stool with a clipboard in hand.

“A bit bloated, but I suppose that’s normal, considering how far along I am,” he answered, gently rubbing his belly.

“It most certainly is. You’d likely feel a bit bloated with just one, but things are always doubled with twins,” she agreed, making a notation of it on his chart.

“Well, I don’t think that’s the only reason,” Ash admitted, blushing furiously.

“Lemme guess…you’ve been a bit constipated, haven’t you?” she asked, a knowing smile on her face. “Don’t worry; it happens during most pregnancies. A rare few are lucky enough to escape without running into that problem, and there’s things that can help.”

He cocked a brow at her curiously, considering that he’d been going through apple juice like it was going out of style lately.

“Aside from a few dietary changes, there are gentle laxatives out there that are safe for use during pregnancy,” the OB/GYN told him. “Nothing so strong or harsh that it’ll clean you out for a colonoscopy, but just give a little boost to your system.”

“So basically just jump-start what his body would normally do without causing him to basically have diarrhea?” Leana asked.

“Exactly. It’ll make his body realize, Hey, we’re getting a little too backed up here; time to flush some out before we add more,” she answered, nodding. “It’s almost like combining the stool softener Dulcolax with a very mild laxative.”

“As long as it won’t hurt my babies, I’m willing to do just about anything for relief,” Ash said, sounding miserable. “There are times that it hurts so bad I’ve almost thought I was going into preterm labor because I’m stuffed so full.”

“Yikes. Yeah, we definitely need to see about getting you on a mild laxative,” Dr. Davis agreed. “If that doesn’t work within a week, I want you to come back for another appointment. We may need something stronger or, God forbid, to give you an enema.”

He cringed at the thought of having an enema, but if it meant cleaning him out so that he and the babies were healthy, he’d suffer through just about any indignity he had to. His doctor had him lay back on the table, which was sat up just enough to keep him from struggling to breathe. She’d already taken a listen to his heart and lungs before she’d questioned him, and both had sounded perfectly fine.

Now she gently pressed on a point toward the bottom of his belly, just a hair above his pubic bone, before pulling a tape measure out. He watched as she held the one end down, then started pressing down higher up, closer to his rib cage, and dragging the tape measure up his belly.

Both were pleased to see that he was measuring in at twenty-five centimeters, despite being only twenty-two weeks pregnant. He’d known he was going to be slightly bigger with twins, and since he was right around where Dr. Davis considered healthy, he wasn’t too worried about it. Sure, he thought they could be a bit bigger, but as long as they weren’t too far away from where they should be, he wasn’t going to stress over it. Unnecessary stress could hurt all of them, but also keep them from growing like they should, and that was definitely something he didn’t want.

With their measurements checked, it was time for another ultrasound. He hadn’t had one since right before he moved down here, as she hadn’t seen it as necessary. Besides, she’d told him that most OB/GYNs gave their patients an ultrasound every three months or so, unless they were absolutely necessary with each visit. He understood that mentality, of not wanting to waste time or supplies when one didn’t have to. Besides, he wasn’t fond of the cold gel, nor of the pressure that had to be used for a good image.

“Mmmph,” he murmured as she pressed the probe into his belly once she’d smeared the gel around.

“I’m sorry, Ashley,” Dr. Davis apologized, not using quite as much pressure.

“It actually hurt that time because I’ve been constipated for the past few days,” he told her, wincing slightly.

Concerned, she removed the probe for a moment. “We’re definitely gonna have to put you on something to help with that,” she told him. “You shouldn’t be in any amount of pain during an ultrasound, much less enough to make you wince like that.”

Ash nodded his agreement as he waited for the pain to pass before attempting to speak. “I’ve had their kicking do that a few times the past few days. I dunno if Grama thought it was just a kick to the ribs or not.”

“With as many times as you’ve disappeared into a bathroom, and as much apple juice as you’ve been drinking, I suspected that might be why,” Leana said.

“We’re definitely getting you on a mild laxative, starting today,” the OB/GYN told him. “There’s no sense in waiting if you’re so backed up, it’s physically painful for you.”

The bassist nodded his agreement once again as she used even less pressure when pressing the probe to his belly again. It was still a bit uncomfortable, but not unbearable like it had been before. Dr. Davis did quick measurement checks on both the twins, saying that they were measuring in just fine for their gestation period. This brought a smile to his face, which was only made wider when she asked if he’d like to know the genders.

He nodded furiously, grinning excitedly, since he’d already planned on finding out so that he could design their nursery—or nurseries—accordingly. The OB/GYN chuckled as she moved the probe to get a better look at both their crotches, considering they were turned the same way. Ash wasn’t too sure what he was looking at, at first, and neither was his grandmother, but it all made sense as she began to explain it. Pointing out different little things, she taught them how to tell if it was a boy, or a girl.

Pleasantly surprised, he grinned even wider when he found out that both twins were girls, although they still didn’t know if they were identical or not. It’d be easier to tell if they were once they were born, but he didn’t care either way. Identical or fraternal meant nothing to him since they were still his babies, and he’d always love them, regardless.

“You okay, Ashley?” his grandmother asked once they were back in her truck a short time later.

“Just a bit sad,” the bassist answered, nodding. “I mean, I know it was my choice not to tell him, but I kinda wish Andy’d been here today…”

“Oh, honey,” Leana said, scooting to the middle seat so she could hug him. “I don’t blame you for wanting their father with you; it’s just a natural feeling. But you’re right; it was your choice not to tell him you were pregnant, and unless you tell him now, you really have no one to blame but yourself.”

“I know, Grama,” Ash sighed. “I’m just terrified that, even though he claimed to be my best friend, he’ll think I’m a freak. Or worse yet, he’ll deny that the babies are his, especially if he doesn’t remember that night.”

The elderly woman didn’t even have to ask what he meant; she already knew he was referring to the night they’d drunkenly fooled around.

“Besides, that band means everything to him; it’s his dream and brain child,” he continued. “I don’t wanna be the reason he never achieves his dreams because I thrust fatherhood and two babies on him before he was ready.”

“I can understand that, Ashley,” Leana said, sighing as she brushed his hair back. “As young as he is, he’s probably far from ready for a child, much less twins.”

“I don’t really consider myself ready, but I’m not giving my babies up,” he swore. “What kinda mother would that make me if I stole their lives by aborting, or refusing to raise them because I considered them a mistake?”

“Well, I should hope you don’t consider them a mistake, at all,” she told him.

“I don’t consider the babies themselves a mistake; more so the timing and reason they’re growing inside me right now the mistake than them,” Ash clarified. “Yeah, I’d have rathered wait till I was a bit older, but then again, they might not have the father that they do. Or they could turn out to be completely different people than what they’re already destined to be. So no, it’s not them that I consider a mistake, but the timing of it all.”

“Again, that’s understandable,” his grandmother said, nodding as she scooted back over to the driver’s seat. “But let’s go get you that laxative and get back home; you need your rest, after all.”

Nodding his agreement, he wrapped his seat belt loosely around his belly and buckled it securely. He didn’t want to hurt his girls if it tightened for whatever reason, and besides, he wasn’t kidding about his constipation being painful, at times. In fact, that was the very reason he grimaced as he rubbed his belly while waiting for his grandmother to run into the pharmacy she’d stopped at on their way home.

Sighing softly, he pulled out his wallet and stared at a picture taken just a few months ago, before that night. He and Andy stood side-by-side next to their tiny bus, their arms wrapped around one another in a friendly hug before they went out to party. He was just short enough, in comparison to his friend, that his head rested on his shoulder and made him look even more effeminate. He honestly didn’t care how feminine he looked when compared to Andy, though; it was their differences that made them, and now their girls, unique.

Ash sighed again as he put the picture away, fighting back tears as he wondered how the younger man was doing. He knew he was devastated that he’d left and hadn’t kept in touch with them like he’d thought he would, and with his birthday being the following Sunday, that couldn’t be very pleasant for him. Since he followed his ex-bandmates on Twitter, although he used an alias, and they’d followed him in return, he thought about sending him a direct message and wishing him a happy birthday. Then again, considering that he hadn’t announced it to the world, that he knew of, that could freak him out…and give him away.

By the time his grandmother’d come back with his prescription, he’d dozed off in the passenger’s seat with his hand resting on his belly. He hadn’t even realized he was so tired, but that was okay; his body needed the rest, and his dreams were filled with two rambunctious little girls who had their daddy’s cerulean-blue eyes.

Notes