Love-Hate

I sat there in utter silence realizing what I had done. I basically just told Andy that I remember, might as well just told him I did it to hurt him too.
I closed my eyes and screamed into my pillow. I'm so stupid. He just has his way to annoy me it's infuriating.
I hate him more now but then again I don't but shit I do but no I don't. It's confusing.
I should've just stayed away not just from him but from this city. What was I thinking coming back here to Los Angeles all happy but only to be shot in the heart. I already want to leave, it'll make things easier. Pete came into my room.
"Are you done talking?" He asked quietly.
"Mhmm. Here." I held out his phone to him wanting him to take it and leave.
"Why'd you do it Cat?" Pete asked me. I took a deep breath.
"To hurt him."
"You're only making the fire bigger Cat. You don't fight fire with fire."
"I know Pete, it's just I didn't plan to sleep with him when I came back. I didn't even expect him to be here but then I saw him at the concert and I don't know." I sighed even more frustrated then ever.
"I know you don't want to hear it but Cat you need to talk to him. Let him explain himself, let him apologize." He said sincerely.
"I can't now Pete. I can't face him now." I whispered covering my face with my hands only to visualize Andy's face over me. Even the darkness doesn't chase him away.
"You love him." Pete told me.
"And what would happen if I did?" I asked myself more than him.
What would happen if I still loved Andy? Would he even want me like that at all? He probably hates me too, I hate me. Why can I never do revenge without it biting me in the ass? I groaned loudly and turned away from Pete.
"Sleep on it Cat." He kissed my hair and left the room closing the door gently. I didn't sleep.
My mind was running a thousand miles an hour.
If Andy didn't live up to the dare would we still be together? Would we have half of our children by now? Married? Maybe but I can't be so sure.
If he didn't tell me it would've killed me more than it did back then. I hate Andy but I hate myself more for even thinking I could come out of this plan feeling, I don't know, refreshed?
Would he even talk to me now? Was it even worth a try? I felt myself soon fading away to sleep land but I was still aware of all the noises around me.
The last thing I remember was someone yelling from downstairs.
"Where is Catherine!?" Before I fell asleep.
"Wake up!" Someone shook my.
"What?" I asked annoyed I hated when everyone woke me up. I looked up to see Ashley standing over me with a not so pleased look. "Oh it's you." I grumbled. "What do you want."
"What did you do?" He asked harshly.
"What are you talking about Purdy?" I groaned laying on my back.
"What did you do to Andy! He was fine before you came along."
"And I was fine before he came into my life!" I snapped.
"That's the past Catherine! This is the present! Andy has been drinking heavily at his house." Ashley told me with hate seeping off of his tongue.
"Why would I care?"
"Because you did something! I went over because I wanted my shirt and he's just crying while holding onto a vodka."
"Why do you assume I did something?" I shouted.
"Because when I asked him about it he looked me right in the eye and said your name. Now tell me!" Ashley yelled in my face.
"Fuck you Ashley." I growled sitting up.
"Is this all you came here for to yell at me?" "I want to know what you did!"
"I didn't do shit! We were both drunk okay!? It was a mistake." Ashley's face softened.
"Fix it please. I don't want to see Andy like this."
"How am I suppose to fix it? Did you tell Andy the same thing about me when you dared him to date me!" I screamed. Ashley hesitated.
"I.." He trailed off.
"You know how much he hurt me!? Do you even have a fucking clue how broken I am because of that stupid dare. I loved Andy with everything I had in me!" I began crying towards the end of my rant.
"I didn't know it would end like that Catherine, I'm sorry."
"And you had the nerve to come over here in my house to yell at me." I said softer this time.
"I told him not to go through with it but by the time I told him it was done. I messed up Catherine. I wanted to make thing okay again. When we were all happy but whenever I would try to talk to you Andy would go in his state of depression." Ashley explained.
"Don't you see Catherine, when he broke up with you. A huge part of him went missing." I stayed quiet, trying to process this in my head.
All this time I called Andy heartless and cruel but in reality we both go hurt by the same stone.
Even now we both got hurt.
"So please tell me Catherine. Do you still love Andy?" Ashley asked me. I looked away from him, I couldn't do this not right now.
"I don't know, maybe, yes.. No." I stuttered out feeling my eyes welled up in tears.
"You should tell him." Ashley suggested.
"You know you're the third person who told me that today." I replied wanting to change the subject.
"Because it's true Catherine. Hate me all you want just don't take this out on Andy. He really has changed." Ashley begged.
"I don't hate you Ashley." I mumbled. "I don't hate anyone. I only tell myself that I hate Andy so I'll stay away. How am I sure that this isn't just another stupid dare?" I asked feeling dumb asking that question. Ashley chuckled lightly shaking his head.
"It really isn't Catherine. I'm pretty sure we all matured since you last saw us."
"I guess so." I thought about it hard. "I just don't know what to say to him."
"How about you tell him from the beginning, how you felt and how you feel." Ashley said making nod slowly at him.
"I don't even know where he lives." I gave in. I couldn't avoid him forever, we can become strangers after this again. Hopefully.
"Get ready. I'll take you." Ashley said before walking towards the door. He turned back to me. "Thanks again Catherine."
"Don't mention it. I'm doing this for Andy remember?" I told him half lying.
"I find that hard to believe." He snorted before closing my door.
After everything he told me today it shifted the way I thought about the situation. I didn't even consider Andy's feelings in this whole this. I was too busy being all dramatic to see how blind I've been.
I got ready as quick as I could feeling myself become impatient. I just wanted this to all be over so I could move on with my life and have no regrets.
I met Ashley downstairs before saying bye to everyone and following Ashley towards his car.
"Are you going to be there?" I asked Ashley who was currently buckling up his seatbelt.
"Mm I'll be there but not in the same room. I'll only interfere if there's too much tension or yelling okay?" He asked making me nervous.
I just wanted to go apologize not to start another new argument that we'll have to move past again.
The ride was silent, Ashley and I hadn't said a word since we left. We were probably too occupied to say a damn word. When we rolled up to the curb I seen the curtains closed like no one was home.
"Come on." Ashely said opening the door. It feels weird to be walking up to his house, my exes house.
Ashely didn't knock he just walked right in but the first thing I heard was glass breaking.
"Fuck." Ashley hissed under his breath. "Wait here." Then he took off into the directions of the sound.
I closed the door slowly and took off my shoes.
The house wasn't too fancy but too plain. It suited Andy's taste. I heard muffled talking but curiosity got the best of me so I just followed the sound until I was standing in the doorway of Andy's room.
"She's gone!" Andy yelled crying. I seen the bottle of Vodka in millions of pieces on the other side of the room.
"She's not gone Andy." Ashley reassured him.
"I did so much bad things to her Ashley, how could she ever forgive me?" Andy asked still crying.
I felt hurt to see Andy like this. On the outside he's always come off as strong and I thought he was just that heartless bastard who used me but that wasn't the case at all.
Andy was just as fucked as me. I couldn't stand it anymore. We need to fix this together.
I walked forward and stood in front of Andy. Ashley looked up at me and nodded before silently leaving.
I sighed and knelt in front of Andy who hasn't noticed me yet. I inhaled a big breath before exhaling.

"I'm not gone Andy, I'm right here."

Notes

I feel as if I owe you another chapter since I disappeared. How are you liking the story? I know this might seem like a short chapter but I had the idea and rushed to get it finished before I forgot it being the forgetful human being I am. So here ya go!