My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

Inhale! Exhale! I just had to remember how to breathe in that moment as my head was spinning badly. I was staring at my phone screen and I felt dumfounded.

I couldn't believe this! Ashley left a girl pregnant! What does this mean?! He's gonna be a father! He's gonna have a child with someone else! Where does this leave us?! Are we gonna break up? Is he going to be with that girl?...

"Maybe she's lying." Jake said and I snapped out of my thoughts.

"Why would someone lie about something like that?" I asked walking straight to the bar.

I took a bottle of Jack and drank hungrily from it while my mind was racing. Ashley looked like he was in his own world. He was confused as fuck and he was biting his lip.

"For fame." Andy answered simply.

"But what if... She's not lying?" Ella asked scared.

"I'm not gonna be a father! This is just some sick bullshit to get attention!" Ashley snapped startling me.

"Look at the picture. Maybe you remember her." Jinxx said and handed him my phone.

I clutched the bottle hard and I lit a cigarette. Ashley took the phone and looked at the girl's picture. I walked to him and looked at it myself and I almost dropped the bottle. It was that girl! That girl he walked out in the day he saw my cuts!

"She's... That Caitlin-"

"Colleen!" I snapped and I felt the tears burning my eyes.

He was always drunk that week. He must've forgot to use protection. And maybe the girl wasn't on birth control. Maybe she wasn't lying. Maybe she really was pregnant with him!

"She can't be pregnant with me!" Ashley spat.

"Do you remember if you used protection?" I screamed, angrily dropping my cigarette in the ashtray.

"No! But that doesn't mean I'm the father!"

"What if you are?!" I spat and tears started to roll on my cheeks.

He said nothing as he stood up and started walking back and forth through the living room. He took the bottle from my hands and drank from it, slamming it on the table after that. Kaylie took me in her arms, followed by Ella. They both hugged me as I felt an overtaking despair. Troy and CC left the room after they gave me sympathetic looks. Jinxx sighed deeply and took the bottle of Jack and poured himself a glass. Andy had his arms crossed and was watching Ashley angrily. Jake just looked at us from the doorway with a frown on his face.

"You gotta take a DNA test." Ryan said getting in front of Ashley.

"Why the fuck would I do that?!"

"To see if is your child or not!" Jinxx said pissed.

"I don't have to! That's not my fucking child!" He screamed.

"What if it is!!? What if this bitch is not lying?" Jake said.

"She is lying! This... This just can't be possible!" He answered desperately running a hand through his hair.

"Cut the crap, Purdy! You forgot how you procreate? Of course it's possible!" Ella yelled as she let go of me.

"I don't know how many guys she screwed! She could be pregnant with someone else!"

"But what if it's yours?" Kaylie said holding me while I was listening to this whole conversation still crying.

"You have to take that DNA test, man!" Andy spat angry.

"Maybe you're right! Maybe she's lying! Maybe she's pregnant with someone else or maybe she's not even pregnant! But you have to make sure of that!" Ryan said.

Ashley looked at me but I avoided his gaze. I couldn't look at him. Now, I understood what he felt when he found out that I lost Andy's child. You feel betrayed. You feel like the person you love the most doesn't belong to you anymore. You feel that the love you have is... Dirty. Stained. Damaged. You feel like you're drowning.

"Nikki... This.. I... I don't even know..." Ashley said and I saw his eyes watering while the despair on his face scared me.

He didn't want this either. We were finally happy but apparently, something always has to ruin our happiness. Whether is the mistakes we're making or the past who comes back to haunt us. I didn't know what to do. I loved him. I wanted to be with him. I knew that for sure. But the fact that he was going to have a child... With another woman... It's just heartbreaking.

Maybe he was right and she was lying. But if she wasn't, what we were going to do? If it was true, I knew one thing: I won't let him walk away from it. It was his child. It deserves a father. I'm not going to let Ashley refuse to take care of it. He wasn't ready for fatherhood, probably he will never be but the least he could do was try. He has to take responsibility for his actions. It was painful but I was willing to try. I wanted Ashley to take the DNA test.

If he was the father, I wanted to know this girl. I will give her whatever she needs. Her child was a part of the man I love. I... I could handle it... I couldn't handle raising a kid but at least I could support her. I could give her money and help her with everything. I didn't know if me and Ashley could get through this but I wanted to try... If it won't work out... Then it really means that we just can't be together...

I got out of Kaylie's arms and I walked towards him. I held his face in my hands and I took a deep breath before I spoke.

"Ash, you're gonna take that DNA test. If she's lying, I will beat the living shit out of her. But if she's not... I want you to recognize your baby." I said as calm as I could.

"No Nikki! This is not possible!" He said holding my hands.

"It is and you know it! Calm yourself and let's find this girl! You need to talk to her! She might be the mother of your child, Ashley. Let's... Let's just take things slowly... But first, I want you to take the DNA test.." I said and my voice cracked.

I noticed that everyone left the room when Ashley pulled me in his arms. I felt him sob as I wrapped my arms around him. He was scared. The fact that Ashley was scared of something, scared me too but I tried to be calm. I wouldn't help him at all if I would show how hysterical I was inside.

"I don't want it! I don't want a kid with someone else!" He whispered.

"I know."

That's all I could say. I was destroyed in that moment. I wasn't able to comfort him. I couldn't tell him that everything will be okay. I didn't know that. I didn't know what was going to happen. I didn't know if we could get through this. I was here for him and I wasn't going to leave, that's what I knew for sure...

But what if I couldn't take it? What if I couldn't stand to see him raising a baby with someone else? What if he will leave me? Maybe he will fall for that girl... Maybe they will all be a happy family and I... I would be nothing...

"I wanna be with you! If I will ever want kids, I want them with you!" He said and looked at me.

"Put yourself together, Ashley! You will get through this!" I whispered and I wiped away his tears.

"Not without you. Just tell me that you won't leave me... If... If this is... True... I.. I need to know that you won't leave me alone." He begged and pulled me closer.

"I won't. I will be there. I'm not leaving you." I said and I kissed him.

I wasn't going to. I will stay with him no matter what. This could be our end or it could be another though time in our relationship. Only time will tell....

Notes

Okay I really am fucked up!! I really enjoy writing sad chapters!

let me know what you think

love yaaaa