My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Andy's Pov (time lapse, a few hours later):

I was walking back and forth like a lion in its cage. Kaylie was crying as Ryan was desperately trying to comfort her. I couldn't believe what happened. I sat next to Kaylie as events from a few hours ago started playing in my head.

We didn't know where Nikki was. We found her on the stage with a thoughtful expression on her face. Se and Ryan started to fight playfully with each other as Ashley, Kaylie and I joined them while CC was laughing hard.

At some point, Nikki looked up and I called her name when I saw her stare. Her face filled with horror as she screamed at Ashley to get out of there. I looked up and I almost saw the gun shot that hit her.

She moved so fast, pushing Ashley out of Kina's trajectory as the bullet hit her belly. Ashley screamed, followed by Kaylie, when he saw her falling. He tried to catch her as another bullet was shot and this time hit his left shoulder. Nikki's head hit the edge of the stage and the sound of it sent shivers down my spine. Ashley fell, holding his shoulder, trying to crawl to Nikki's limp body. We all lunged towards them as the security caught Kina. Another bullet hit the ceiling as they finally tackled her down.

"If I can't have him, no one can!" She screamed before she was taken out.

Kaylie and Ryan were on both sides of Nikki's body and they were trying desperately to stop her bleeding. I was pressing my shirt against Ashley's wound as he screamed at me to go to Nikki.

"I swear to God, Biersack, if you let her die, I'll kill you myself!" He yelled in agony.

CC was calling the ambulance and his usually happy expression was now, terrified. When they finally arrived, they intubated Nikki and sedated Ashley, who was in shock. We weren't allowed in the ambulance, so we took a cab. At the hospital, we were told that only three persons were allowed in the hallway because the hospital was full.

We dismissed CC who announced everybody else about what happened. And here we were, for almost four hours. Ryan was pale like a ghost. Kaylie stopped crying and she was praying. I was a mess.

I feared the worst. I knew that Ashley will be okay. He was shot in his shoulder. A few broken bones was the worse in his case. But with Nikki was a different story. I was afraid because the doctors took her straight to surgery. She had a massive hemorrhage and she hit her head really bad. It wasn't a simple concussion, that I knew for sure.What if she will have amnesia?! What if she won't make it?! What if... She dies?!...

I couldn't think straight. My head was spinning as I was overwhelmed by a terrible frustration. Why was she so dumb?! Why the fuck did she took the bullet willingly?! Why would she risk her life like that?!

'Because she is in love with him.' A little voice said from the back of my head.

Tears formed in my eyes as I realized the truth. Nikki was still in love with Ashley. That's why she didn't even hesitate. That's why she risked her life. To protect him, because she still loves him!! She never loved me. Not the way that she loves him anyway. What was I supposed to do now? I love her. I didn't even had the chance to tell her that. And now, it could be too late. It was all my fault. I pushed her and she suppressed her feelings for Ashley. That's why she was so off sometimes. She was hurt and she was trying her best to hide it from me. And I was too ignorant to notice her pain.

Tears fell uncontrollably from my eyes, thinking about how stupid I was. She felt obligated towards me. That's who she is! I knew that she was grateful because I didn't leave her and she tried to thank me for that, not caring that she would be miserable doing it. I cursed myself for not being able to notice it sooner. I've never been the right choice for her. It hurt me to finally admit it. I never stood a chance at her heart. It belonged to Ashley since the first time they met. I should've known better. But what was I supposed to do now? The thought of loosing her killed me. I wanted her in my life. I just needed her presence. To know that she was alive. Even... Even if she was going to be with Ashley again.

In that moment, I realized what love truly was. Thinking about someone before thinking about yourself. Ignoring all your selfish desires for the sake of the one you love. I wanted her to be happy. To be completely happy. I didn't care if she was with Ashley as long as she was happy. That's what I wished the most. Her happiness. God, just don't take her away from me, I thought to myself as I heard a door opening.

Our eyes snapped to Ashley in a wheelchair, who had now, his shoulder wrapped in bandages. His eyes were kinda cloudy and I figured out that he was still a little sedated.

"Where is she?" He said in a hoarse whisper.

"She's still in surgery." Ryan answered.

Ashley held his forehead with his right palm, sighing deeply. He was crazy worried and it was obvious.

"I'm gonna kill her after she wakes up." He mumbled.

"That's only if she-"

"Don't you fucking dare to say those words, Kaylie!" He snapped and his eyes were watery.

Kaylie looked down and started praying again as Ryan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, doing the same. I stood up and placed a hand on Ashley's right shoulder and he looked at me. Pain, regret, sorrow and guilt filled those once, arrogant and mischievous eyes.

My heart broke seeing him like this. I knew that we fought over thousands of silly things but what I regretted the most was fighting over Nikki. We destroyed our friendship and somehow, I felt that we destroyed Nikki's heart too. Maybe she wouldn't be on a table, fighting for her life if we didn't interfere. Maybe she wouldn't be here if she didn't break up with Ashley. Maybe...

My thoughts were interrupted as a doctor came out with an unreadable expression on his face. We stood up quickly and held our breaths.

"Friends of Nicole Katherine Morgan?" He asked and we all nodded. "You can visit her but only one person at the time. She's still not conscious." He said and Ashely asked for directions towards the room Nikki was.

He led us to her room and we remained outside as Ashley entered, stumbling because of the sedative.

"How is she?" Ryan asked as he looked on the window of Nikki's room.

She looked so... Dead. Her face was so white that it almost scared me. Even her lips were white. I had to look at her heart monitor to make sure that she was alive. Ashley held her hand and I saw the tears spilling from his eyes.

"Good news and bad news." The doctor answered.

"Tell us the good news." Kaylie whispered.

"She is pretty lucky. She suffered a severe concussion. Anyway, I don't think that she will have amnesia and she should wake up soon from her induced coma. The bullet didn't affect at all any of her organs. She lost a lot of blood and that's why she is so pale. However, the bullet did cause some damage." He sighed.

"What damage?" I asked.

"I'm afraid that miss Morgan suffered a miscarriage."

Everyone 's jaws dropped. I stared at the doctor in shock as I was trying to understand what he just said.

"She was pregnant?" I choked.

"Yes, she was."

"How far?"

"She conceived three weeks ago. Two days, more or less."

Three weeks ago.... It hit me like a tsunami! She was carrying my child. She must've got pregnant the first time when we had sex! We didn't use protection! My head was spinning violently and I couldn't breathe. Was she aware of that? That's why she was throwing up, that's why she had weird cravings and mood changes. Because she was pregnant! With me!

A police officer came to ask us questions about what happened and I answered them in a blur. When Ashley came out from Nikki's room, Kaylie looked at me with pleading eyes. I nodded as Ryan supported her weight inside the room. I collapsed in the chair with my head in my hands.

"You okay?" Ashley asked.

"She... She was pregnant... With me..." I breathed as tears spilled from my eyes.

"What?!"

"The doc said that she was in three weeks." I whispered harshly.

I heard Ashley gulping hard as I kept crying. I was torn. All the pain I was feeling right now suffocated me. I was relieved that she would survive but the thought about the baby killed me. I didn't want a kid but still, the fact that she was pregnant made me wonder. What if she kept it? I didn't know how I would handle a kid but just the thought of having it with Nikki made me want it.

"I have to break up with her." I mumbled.

"Why?!"

"I don't have any chance with her. She still loves you! She always did!" I spat hurt.

Ashley sat next to me, sighing deeply.

"I'm confused." He whispered.

"Why?"

"She was pregnant... With you..."

"So?! I don't think she even knew about it. And even if she did, you really think that would've stopped her from saving you?!" I asked pissed.

He didn't answer and I was surprised by the pain his eyes held. It was a different pain from earlier. He felt betrayed. He looked just like he did when he found out about Kina cheating on him.

"Don't do this, Ash! She needs you." I said looking him in the eyes.

"She wasn't pregnant with me! I'm not the one she needs..." He whispered and walked away from me.

"Ashley!" I yelled after him but he didn't answer.

I watched him as he disappeared from my view. He was hurt but I didn't exactly understand why. Kaylie and Ryan exited Nikki's room as I sighed deeply. She gave me a small smile as I entered inside. She looked so fragile. So lifeless. I grabbed her right hand and flinched at how cold it was. I sat on one of the chairs and I rested my hand on her hip, still holding her hand.

"Wake up, Nikki. Please, wake up. I don't wanna loose you." I whispered as more tears left my eyes.

Her fingers gripped my own and she let out a soft moan. My head snapped to her as she frowned. Her left hand grabbed her forehead as she growled.

"Fuck! How much did I drink last night?!" She mumbled pissed.

I almost laughed at her before I screamed to Kaylie to get Ashley here and to Ryan to get the doctor.

"Stop yelling or I'll kill you." She said in hoarse voice." Where am I?"

"You're at the hospital. How are you feeling?" I asked squeezing her hand and wiping away my tears.

"Like shit! Why am I in the hospital?"

"You don't remember?" I asked worried.

"Not really..."

"You were shot. Kina wanted to shoot Ashley but she shot you when you jumped in front of him." I whispered looking down.

She tightened her grip on my fingers as the Kaylie and Ryan entered the room, followed by the doctor.

Notes

So I wanna say a huge thank you to you, all my teddy bears!! You blew up my notifications! Not that I complain xD

I'm sorry for how sad this story is at the moment, and I gotta say that these sad chapters aren't over yet...

Anyway, keep comment and blow up my notifications!!

I love every single one of you! Xxxx