My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Ashley's Pov (three weeks later):

I checked my clock and I groaned. It was 8:13. I rolled on the other side of the bed and I wanted to fall back asleep when I heard my phone ringing. I reached for it and answered with a growl.

"What?!"

"I thought you would be happy to hear me." I heard Nikki laughing.

"N-Nikki? I'm sorry, I was sleeping and I didn't check the caller ID." I said as I stood up quickly.

"It's okay. I know you're not a morning person. How you've been?" She asked and her voice sounded like heaven.

"I'm good, I guess. How you've been? I heard that Andy moved in with you." I said and my voice sounded hoarse.

"Yeah, he wanted to come with me, so I agreed. I'm okay. Although, I'm a little nervous about the album." She answered and I remembered that she and the guys just finished recording their first album.

It was called "Freak like me"(Halestorm) and John couldn't stop talking about it. I've never seen him so excited over anything. He kept saying that this album would be a massive success.

"Stop worrying. John said that it would be a huge success." I said reassuringly.

"I hope so. Hey, I'm going to the airport in a few minutes. Wanna have lunch with me when I get there?"

"Sure. Will Andy be there?" I asked and she chuckled.

"If you want to, if not, it will be just the two of us."

"Ok, Tiger. I'll come and pick you up. What time does the plane lands?"

"14:15 but don't pick me up if you don't wanna see Andy, although I think you should. He misses his best friend." She said sadly.

"Yeah, I kinda miss him too." I admitted.

"I feel like shit, Ashley. I feel like I destroyed your relationship."

"It's not your fault, Nikki. It was our fault for falling in love with the same woman."

"I'm still the one to blame, Ashley." She said sighing.

"No, you're not. Did you take your time? Do you know what you wanna do?" I asked scared.

"I miss you, Ashley. I really miss you but I'm okay now. I really don't want to start another drama."

"I understand, we'll talk when you get here." I said sighing.

"You come to pick us up?" She asked hopefully.

"Yeah, I will."

"Okay!! See you there!" She said happily and hung up.

I threw my phone away and sighed deeply. She was coming back. The first show was starting tomorrow in Ohio. I could tell by her voice that she was excited as fuck to go back on stage. She sounded... Happy.. I guess that Andy did a good job.

My phone started ringing again and I picked it up. It was Kina again. Three days after Nikki left, I kicked Kina out. I just couldn't have her around. She wasn't Nikki. She was just a painful reminder of my stupidity. Ever since, she kept calling me and telling me that she loves me and she wants me back. Other times, she would threaten me, saying that I will regret this and stuff. Man, I really needed to change my number...

I ignored her call as I stood up and headed for the shower. I couldn't wait to see Nikki again. I knew that Andy was with her but I'm going to play cool about it if Nikki's happy. I honestly missed Andy. It wasn't the same without him. I was trying hard not to think about the fact that the woman I love is dating my best friend. If they are happy I am happy right?

Bullshit!! I wanted Nikki! I needed her! My heart and my body ached for her. I didn't even get laid since Kina left. Almost three weeks!!! Three motherfucking weeks without sex!! Not that I didn't have the opportunity, but every time I closed my eyes all I could see were those beautiful bright, green eyes. She haunted my mind and I couldn't push her out. I was so in love with this woman that it scared me. I didn't know what to do. All I knew was that I needed her back...

I knew that when I will see her, my heart will flip. I missed her so much. We didn't talk much since she left and I didn't wanna push her. I kept my distance, hoping that she will come around. But it was painful. It was painful not to talk to her. Not seeing her. Not touching her. I felt like shit every night I went to sleep in an empty bed, wishing desperately that she would be there.

But she wasn't. She was in a different city with a different man who happened to be my best friend. I kept blaming myself for what happened and truth be told, I was the one to blame. I acted like an immature idiot and I hurt her feelings. We were the same in many ways. I didn't like to be told what to do either. When someone tells me that I can't do something, it makes me want to do it even more. When I forbid her doing the pictures, I realized that I gave her another reason to do them.

Another mistake was allowing Kina back in my life and worse, in my bed. I was mad and hurt but that didn't give me the reason to cheat the woman I love. I couldn't blame her for being with Andy. I knew that she had an attraction towards him but I feared that he felt something more for Nikki. I was sure that in that moment, Andy was the only person who was able to comfort her. I was scared shitless that maybe she forgot me. Maybe she fell for him. What if she doesn't love me anymore?...

I shrugged and I pushed the thought in the back of my head as I exited the shower. I looked at myself in the mirror and I prayed that Nikki still had feelings for me. I couldn't lose her...

Andy's Pov:

"C'mon, Andy!" Nikki yelled excited.

"Jesus, woman. I'm coming." I yelled back smiling as I fixed my hair.

She was so happy that we will go on tour again. During these three weeks, she started to trust me. She told me about Damon and her parents. She even allowed me to go with her at Damon's grave. I was surprised and happy at the same time. Slowly, I was falling for her. I was like a teenager every time she was near me. I felt butterflies every time she kissed me. I shivered every time she touched me. She was smiling more and more with every day that passed.

Her band just finished recording their first album and she was happy and scared at the same time. She wrote almost half of the album and I realized that her emotions weren't bad. She was happy but I couldn't help but feel that it wasn't completely. She still changed the TV channel every time Ashley was mentioned. She still had some moments when she would cry for no reason. Or that's what she claims. I knew the reason. She still loved him.

The thought haunted my mind every night I fell asleep next to her. Wondering if when she hugged me she wished I was him. Wondering if she made up her mind. She wouldn't talk about it and it drove me insane. I wanted to know. I wanted to know if I should let myself fall for her or if I should let her go back to Ashley.

The tour will start in Cincinnati, Ohio. I already talked to mom and dad and I told them about Nikki. They were excited and they wanted to meet her but I was afraid that it was too soon for her. I didn't want her to feel like I was pushing her. But the thought of her meeting my parents was appealing. I knew that they would love Nikki and that they will get along.

I sighed, pushing the thought in the back of my head and I went downstairs as she gave me her huge grin. Who the fuck am I trying to lie here?! I was already in love with her....

Nikki's Pov:

A wave of nausea hit me and I ran past Andy straight to the bathroom. I knelt on the tiles and threw up everything. I sighed and I got pissed. This was the third morning I threw up. Everything I ate messed my stomach.

I was thinking that I had some stupid virus when Andy opened the door just as I flushed.

"Again?" He asked worried.

"Yeah, this stupid virus is killing me."

"Maybe you should see a doctor." He suggested as I brushed my teeth.

"Nah, I'll be fine. Have you ever seen a devil dead?" I said smirking and he shook his head.

I pecked his lips after I finished and I dragged him after me. I was so happy that tomorrow we will be back on stage!!! It was nice having some days off but I missed being on stage. The guys and I just finished the recordings for our album and I couldn't be more excited. John kept saying that this album will be a success and I wanted desperately to believe him, but I couldn't help but feel a little nervous.

Kaylie and I haven't spoken to each other too much since Andy moved with me. She was distant and it kinda hurt me. I realized that she might still have a crush on Andy. Which was pretty weird because she and CC were together for almost three months.

Today we are going back to LA. I couldn't be more happier, truth be told. I missed Ashley like crazy. Andy and I were good but I still had something for Ashley. Speaking of Andy, he was more than perfect. I told him everything about me and he didn't walk away like I expected him to. He even took me to Damon's grave, which was a first for me because I've never brought anyone there.

He was more than I could ask for. My feelings for him grew with every day that passed. Even though, my heart still ached for Ashley, Andy was slowly, taking my mind off of him. I was happy because Ashley agreed to meet us at the airport. Andy hasn't been himself since that day when we left. He missed his best friend and I felt horrible because I knew I was to blame for this. Even though, both, Ashley and Andy, told me that I should stop blaming myself, I just couldn't help it. I was that idiot bitch that destroyed their friendship.

"Whatcha thinking?" Andy asked me as we exited the cab.

"Nothing. I'm just excited." I said as I took his hand in mine.

"You really missed being on stage don't you?" He asked knowingly.

"Yeah, it's not the same when I sing with you in the shower." I laughed and he faked a pout.

"I'm very hurt by your words, miss Morgan. " he said in a horrible British accent.

"Don't! It sounds awful." I said and I placed a hand over his mouth.

He sighed and gave me a sweet kiss as we entered the airport. I panicked at the thought of seeing Ashley. What the hell am I gonna do? I wanted to be with him so badly that it hurt me. I was denying the fact, though. I didn't want to hurt Andy. But I couldn't lie to him either. Apparently, those three weeks didn't help at all. I was more comfortable with Andy but what was the worse was that I felt ready.

Ready to take Ashley back.... Ready to trust him again. A part of me hoped that he was still with Kina so I wouldn't break up with Andy, while the other part of me wanted to take him back right now. I was seriously thinking about cutting all the connections I had with them. So they will be like they used to before I fucked up their lives. That meant that I will loose both, the man who made me fall in love again and the one who stood by me no matter what. But I was happy to do it if it was necessary...

The guilt haunted my mind everyday and I didn't know what to do. My feelings were still fucked up. I sighed and squeezed Andy's hand. He gave me a big smile which I returned. I desperately wished that everything will be okay...

Notes

Merry Christmas people!!!

i'll post the next chapter tonight!

love you!!!