My Darkest Desire (Ashley Purdy/OC/Andy Biersack)

Nikki's Pov:

Ahh, my head!!! I lifted myself and I took a few strands of hair out of my face. I looked at Ashley and I remembered everything that happened on the roof. I looked closer and I saw his busted lip and his swollen cheek. What the fuck?! I stood up and then my gaze landed on Andy who looked just as worse and he was holding his ribs.

"What the fuck happened with you two?" I asked as I crossed my arms.

"Mosh pit." Cc answered and Jake nodded.

"Really, Mora? Mosh pit?! They would be naked not beaten up!! Stop lying to me!" I snapped as Ryan wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

Cc and Jake looked away and I turned my attention back to Andy and Ashley.

"We had an argument." Andy said shrugging and Ashley nodded.

"An... Like... What?!" I yelled even more confused. "You beat each other up because of an argument??!!"

"Kinda..." Ashley mumbled.

I looked at him. What happened on the roof was playing on my mind over and over again. He said that he loves me. He told me not to leave him. He said that he can't live without me. He asked me to forgive him. And he was crying. He was crying so hard and his body trembled. I remembered the look in his eyes. He was desperate. I wanted to walk to him and just burry my head in the crook of his neck and breath in his scent. I wanted to wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But I couldn't. He hurt me too much. Even though, I knew I already forgave him, I couldn't trust him anymore. I needed time. I had to get away from him because I was sure that if he will be around me, I will loose my control and take him back in an instant.

Then I looked at Andy. He was watching me with a soft gaze. His blue eyes were filled with concern and... Sorrow? I didn't know... Why couldn't I just be with him? Why I felt like a slut every time he kissed me? Why my heart ached for Ashley when obviously, Andy was the better choice? I wanted to try. I wanted to give Andy a chance. I wanted to believe that he was able to make me forget about Ashley. I wanted to be with Andy because I knew that he would never hurt me.He just wasn't that type of person. On the other side, I was afraid that I might hurt him. I had feelings for him. What if I get his hopes up and then I decide that I want Ashley? I would break his already broken heart and that was the last thing I wanted. What the hell am I gonna do? I had to be away from Ashley. I knew that for sure. But was I able to be around Andy? Well, I think there is only one way to find out...

"Whatever... Andy, can you please take me to your place?" I asked as I took Ashley's jacket and slid it over my shoulders.

"Sure." He said smiling and went to get changed.

I couldn't smile back so I just looked at Kaylie who threw me a glare. I suddenly become pissed.

"What?!!" I snapped.

"Nothing. Nothing new, anyway." She said as she grabbed CC's arm and stormed off.

My gaze threw daggers in her back as she disappeared from my view. Ryan and Troy excused themselves and they went to the hotel. I kissed their cheeks and I noticed how tired they looked. Jake walked to me and kissed my forehead as he sighed deeply. I have him a questioning look and he mouthed 'text me' as he left as well, leaving me with Ashley.

"Uhm, where's Jinxx?" I asked him awkwardly.

"I don't know.." He whispered and he looked at me.

"Can I stop by to pack my things? Or I can come tomorrow." I asked avoiding his gaze.

"You're moving with Andy?" He said hurt.

"No, I'll stay just tonight. I'm going home tomorrow." I answered and I met his gaze.

He was a mess. His eyes were still red and his swollen cheek looked awful. I wanted so badly to hug him and it took me every ounce of strength I had not to. He looked hurt and wrecked. In that moment I knew that he was sorry. I knew that he loves me back. I knew that right now, I was hurting him just as bad as he hurt me, if not even worse.

"You can come whenever you want." He whispered as Andy came back.

"Ready?" He asked and I nodded and gave him my car keys.

We exited the theater and I saw the smashed bottle of Jack on the sidewalk. I stared at it, remembering my failed attempt at suicide. I couldn't do it. I was to weak to end it. And I couldn't leave without seeing Ashley one last time.

"You ok?" Andy asked as he opened the passenger door for me.

I looked at Ashley who tore his gaze away from the bottle and met my eyes halfway. His eyes became watery again and I remembered the despair in his eyes when he pulled me off of the edge.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said as I quickly got in the passenger seat.

Ashley got in the back and I told Andy to stop by his house first because I needed to pack my things. He nodded, and for some reason, he started to smile like an idiot. He parked in front of his house and he went to open my door but I stopped him. I said that I'll be quick and I told him to wait in the car. He nodded sadly and I got out of the car.

Ashley and I walked inside his house and I was greeted by Tokyo and Killer. I smiled and I knelt down. I patted their little heads as they happily jumped around me.

"I'm gonna miss you, guys." I whispered but Ashley heard me.

"You don't have to leave, Nikki." He said as the dogs started to bark at the kitchen door, which was closed.

I thought that it was weird but then I remembered that their food was in the kitchen and I assumed that they were hungry.

"I have too. I need my time." I said and I walked upstairs to our bedroom.

I grabbed my suitcases and shoved everything that was mine inside them. I also took a small bag and stuffed some pjs and some underwear for tonight. I got changed in a AA t-shirt and I grabbed Ashley's jacket. By the time I was ready, he was in the living room, sipping from a glass of whiskey.

I placed my suitcases near the door and I walked towards him and handed him the jacket. He put his glass on the table and took the jacket from my hands. He walked behind me and placed it back on my shoulders.

"Keep it." He whispered and faced me again.

His eyes were full of tears and I felt my own threatening to fall. I turned away and I heard him collapsing on the floor on his knees. My tears spilled as I still had my back to him.

"Please, don't leave me." He said between sobs.

I turned around and what I saw destroyed my heart forever. There, was Ashley Purdy, the manwhore, the player, on his knees, with his head in his hands, crying and begging me not to leave. I fell in love with this man. He was everything to me. So why was it so hard to trust him again?...

I ran to him and knelt in front of him. I cupped his cheeks in my hands and I looked in his chocolate brown eyes. Tears were falling from them and I felt my own streaming my face.

"I'm sorry, Nikki. Please forgive me, I swear I'll never do it again. Just don't leave me." He said as he grabbed my hands.

"I already forgave you, Ashley. But I can't trust you anymore." I whispered as he squeezed my hands.

"I'll make it up to you. I'll do whatever it takes. Do whatever you want! Slap me, hit me, I don't care. Just don't leave me." He said as more sobs erupted from his chest.

"You think I like it when I slapped you? You think I enjoyed hurting you? Cause if you do then you are really dumb, Ashley."

"I know but I don't know what else to do. I can't lose you. I'm nothing without you,Nikki." He declared and pulled me in his chest. "I love you so much. I meant it when I said that I can't live without you. I'm sorry for everything. I'll do anything for you ." He continued as I clung to his shirt.

I wanted to scream yes to him and kiss him and just hug him and I didn't even fucking know what I wanted to do, but I just didn't want to see him cry ever again. Especially, because of me. But I couldn't. I had to think. I needed time.... I pulled away and I looked at him. I wiped away all of his tears and I took a deep breath.

"I love you too. Always have, always will. I just need time. I can't be around you right now. You hurt me too much, Ashley." I whispered and he let more tears escape his eyes.

"What about Andy?" He asked.

"I'm with him now." I said and I looked away.

"You love him?"

"No. I love you. But he was there when you weren't."

"What if you fall for him?" He asked desperate.

" I don't know, Ashley. I don't if I will fall for him or I will trust you again. I just want to get away from both of you for a while." I said and I stood up, walking towards the door.

He followed me and grabbed my arm just before I touched the doorknob. I turned away and he looked at me hopefully.

"I love you, Nikki. Don't forget that."

"I love you too." I said and he leaned in.

My breath hitched as his lips softly touched mine. He pulled back quickly and I appreciated that he didn't take advantage of me. He helped me set my suitcases in the trunk and he smiled one last time at me before I got in my car.

"Are you okay?" Andy asked as we left to his house.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Can you drive me to the airport tomorrow?"

"Wait what? You're not moving with me?"

"No, I wanna go home." I said and I realized that that's why he smiled when I mentioned packing my things. He thought I was moving with him.

"Then I'll come with you."

"What?"

"You heard me. If you wanna go home, I'm coming with you." He said and smiled at me.

I was taken aback. I didn't expected that. He really wanted to come with me. Ashley didn't say anything about that. Was this a sign?

"Are you sure you wanna come?" I asked him.

"Yeah. I really want to be with you, Nikki. And I promised that I will be here every step of the way. And I plan to keep that promise." He said as we pulled in front of his house.

I grabbed my small bag as we entered in his house. I was thinking about what he said and I couldn't believe it. I was surprised and it was a pleasant surprise. I decide to take him with me. Three weeks. I'll live with him three weeks and then I will figure out everything right? Three weeks is enough time.

I got changed and I found Andy in the kitchen. He was mixing something in a bowl and I gotta say that it smelled nice.

"Whatcha doing?" I asked as I sat on one off the chairs.

He poured everything in a pan and he placed it in the oven. He poured me a glass of whiskey and handed me his cigarettes and an ashtray, ignoring me.

"Andy!" I said pissed as I lit a cigarette.

"What?"

"Whatcha doing?"

"It's a surprise." He said and kissed my forehead.

"I didn't know you cook." I asked sipping my whiskey.

"You don't know many things about me, Nikki." He said smiling.

"Well, maybe I will if you will let me." I answered.

He nodded and I smiled. Maybe, just maybe I will be better off with Andy. He started singing Last Rites and I could already picture him home with me. But this time it was different. I wasn't with Ashley, I was with him. Was I ready? Did I really wanted this?

I pushed the thought in the back of my head and I continue to watch Andy singing.

Ashley's Pov :

I got back inside with my heart broken. She was gone. She left me. I grabbed my whiskey glass and downed all the content as I heard a movement from the kitchen. I turned around and I saw Kina looking at me sad.

"You're still here?!" I asked a little pissed.

"I was about to leave when I saw her car parking in front of the house. I hid in the kitchen so she won't see me." She said shrugging.

"Thanks about that." I said and I gave her a small smile.

"I'll go now. I'm sorry, Ash!"

She walked to me and kissed my cheek. I grabbed her hand and she gave me a questioning look. Nikki has her backup. She still has Andy if she decides that she can't trust me again. She felt something for him anyway. Why can't I have my backup too? Even though, I felt nothing for Kina she was the only girl that I cared about except Nikki. I might as well keep her around... I hoped that it wasn't necessary. I hoped that Nikki would forgive me.

"Can you stay?" I asked her.

"Sure." She answered smiling.

Notes

Another one! Damn, I'm good *giggles*

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