I've Given You My Heart To Break..

I look at the closed door. Dumbfounded.

Andy’s gone.

I don’t love you.

I knew it would hurt, but not that much. I feel empty. ‘If he rejects you he isn’t worth it and he’s not a loss’.. Yeah sure. I’m not a loss for him. Not the smallest. He didn’t care. He didn’t even look back.

No emotions. No feelings.

I feel cold tear running down my cheek. I shall not cry, but I can’t help it. I want to die. I know I shouldn’t have fell for him. I know it all along. Why? Oh why do my heart always want the impossible? I lay on the bed, still crying.
What will I tell Alex? What can I say? He refused me?
Why did I get into this hell?

I finally decide to get out of our.. Of this room. There’s no ‘us’ or ‘our’. There’s Andy. Then there’s me. I’m not part of his life. So I quickly take my stuff and get dressed. I make the bed and clean up. I don’t want to let anything from me here. I know he’s already moving on, and I don’t think he’ll want to have stuff to bring to me.
When I’m done I look one last time at ‘the red room’ and close the door behind me.

It’s over.

I walk in the dark to my car and get in. I still want to cry, he left. He really left.
I drive to my apartment, it’s empty. Where’s Alex? At least I will avoid questions.. For now. I decide to take a shower, a freezing cold shower. Then head to bed. But I know I won’t sleep. I can’t. Looking at my phone I realize it’s already 4AM. Wow.

-

I wake up late -good, at least I slept- and instantly take my phone. Of course, no text. Nothing. Of course what did you think?
I get out of bed and go to the kitchen. I’m not hungry, but oh well..
“Angie? Are you okay?” I jump. Alex is back. Cool.
“Yes.” I breath out, looking down. She walks to me.
“Angie.. Did you?” I nod, feeling tears coming back. Yes, I did tell him about my feelings.

“I told him and he left. I don’t think we’ll see each other again.” I sigh.
“Oh Angie! I’m sorry!” she says, hugging me.
“I shouldn’t have forced you to tell him..” But you did. I shrug. It doesn't matter anymore.
“It’s okay.. Don’t worry.. I kind of.. You know, I knew he didn’t-..” I can’t finish my sentence as I feel tears coming back. His words have been spinning in my head over and over. I can’t get rid of it.
I don’t love you.

He said it. Even if he tried to add the ‘not the way you want’, he said it. I don’t even know -and I can’t understand- why I still wanted to stay. Why I wanted to pick the pieces of my shattered heart and give it back to this cold guy.

But oh well.. Now it’s over right? And I should move on!

Notes

*Filler alert*

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