Aftermath of the Last Kiss
Two
Ash watched with a heavy heart as his beloved husband crawled into bed after tucking their young daughter into her own. It’d been two years since his physical death, the night that he was stabbed in the heart and bled out so quickly that he hadn’t survived long enough for EMS to show up. He’d known when he used that old Lita Ford lyric that he was going to die, that Andy was going to be torn apart by his death, but he hadn’t realized that it would be so bad the only thing keeping him together was their beloved daughter.
He’d been visiting those he’d left behind that night ever since it happened, although he was now a literal fallen angel. He’d seen that his beloved husband, his Batman and prophet, had been fighting through the depression and doing the best he could, not only musically and with himself, but with little Legacy. He was proud of him for managing that much, but depressed as well.
The tribute album the guys had managed to put together after his death, which they’d named after him to an extent, had made him really proud of them all, but especially his lover. He’d managed to pull himself together to get back in the studio, but the band’s subsequent breakup after they cut the supporting tour short broke his heart. He’d known from the time they met six years before his passing that Andy’s biggest dream was to make it big as a rock star; his pain at being unable to continue the band because it held too many memories of him and made his depression worse made him cry every time he thought about it.
He watched as his husband grabbed his pillow, hugging it to his chest as if it were the only thing to keep him alive, even two years after his death. Ash’s heart broke even more as he watched him cry himself to sleep, just as he’d done every night since that unfortunate event, one hand wrapped around the necklace he wore every day. That necklace had his old wedding set, which he’d taken off his finger before they laid him in the ground, hanging from it. He hoped he’d give it to their daughter when she was old enough and allow her to wear it when she got married, even if she had to get it resized so that it was smaller. Even in his spiritual, angelic form, the bassist felt a tear roll down his cheek.
“I love you so much, my prophet,” he whispered in his ear, gently kissing his temple as he brushed his hair out of his face. “You’re the only Batman for me. Keep going strong, and you’ll see me again someday. Never give in, never back down. I love you more than I can ever scream.”
Andy didn’t so much as stir, which he considered a good thing, but he wondered if the younger man even felt his presence, knew he was there. He doubted he did, otherwise he wouldn’t cry out how much he wished he was still there, how much he loved him, while their daughter was asleep. Since he apparently didn’t, he refused to make his presence known until she was old enough to understand what’d happened, and his lover told her on his own without his influence.
With their daughter in mind, he closed his eyes and pictured the nursery he’d so painstakingly designed while he was pregnant with her. When he opened his eyes again, memories of him caressing his big belly before her birth still on his retinas, Ash found himself in her room. He stood a safe distance from her toddler bed to avoid waking her from the sound sleep she was currently in, taking comfort in her peaceful breathing.
It wasn’t long until her breathing began to quicken, and she woke with a soft little moan as she had as an infant. Legacy sat up and looked around, her eyes finally lighting on the spot where he stood as if she could see him. Wondering if that were true or not, he kept his mouth shut and stood there waiting, not wanting to attract her attention and scare her, or waste his energy if she couldn’t actually see him. After a couple minutes, recognition lit up her eyes, a smile curving her mouth as it turned into a grin, and she finally reached out to him as if she wanted him to pick her up, exactly like he’d done years ago.
“Mama!” she cried softly, making grabby hands at him.
“You can see me, sugar?” Ash asked, somewhat surprised.
“Mmm hmm. You’re really pretty,” his daughter answered, still smiling at him. “And your wings…they’re even prettier.”
“Well, I am a Purdy,” he chuckled jokingly. “Well, I was till I married your daddy.”
“Daddy’s so sad,” she whimpered when he sat down on the bed beside her. It’d taken him a while to get used to his new weightlessness, but he’d done it eventually. “He misses you so much. He won’t even keep pictures of you around.”
“Because he remembers me, and all the good times so well, that he wants to stay strong, sugar.” He gently kissed her temple as he hugged her tight. “He’s sad because he loved me very much—actually, he still loves me very much. Just as much as he loves you. If he sees pictures of me, they’ll make him even sadder than he is now, and you don’t want that, do you?”
“No, Mama. Daddy’s too sad as it is,” Legacy told him, frowning. “I wish I could make him better.”
“He’ll get better eventually, sugar.” He hugged her tightly again, reveling in the sensation of her little arms wrapped around his waist. “Just make sure he knows you love him, give him lots of cuddles when he lets you, and don’t ever make him feel bad, okay? Think you can do that for Mama?”
“Yeah, I can. I’ll make sure I tell him I love him every day, and cuddle with him as much as I can,” his daughter answered, nodding. “I love you so much, Mama. I can’t wait to be an angel like you so we can be together again.”
“Just don’t become an angel any sooner than you have to, sugar.” Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of his daughter dying young. “I love you more than I can ever scream, Legacy Aurora.”
“I love you just as much.”
“Good night, sugar. Sweet dreams.”
“Good night, Mama. You have sweet dreams, too.”
Smiling down at his daughter, he rose from where he’d sat on the edge of her bed, gently tucking her back in. He smoothed her hair down and kissed her cheek, singing to her softly as he lulled her back to sleep the only way he knew how: with his voice. His song of choice was off Black Veil Brides’ second album, Set the World on Fire, as he wanted her to remember that he’d forever be her saviour.
Once she was sleeping peacefully once again, Ash rose to his full height of five-eleven and imagined the master bedroom again. When he opened his eyes, he saw his husband still curled up around his old pillow on their bed, the covers pulled up to a waist that was skinnier than he remember. Sighing sadly at the thought of him being so depressed he couldn’t eat, the bassist went to the edge of the bed and knelt down. He gently took his hand in his, the younger man appearing not to even feel it, and squeezed it tightly. He had to blink away tears to keep his face in focus, then finally began to speak to him.
“Legacy needs you so much, Batman. Almost as bad as I need you, but I can wait. I’ve been waiting for the last two years, and I can wait forever, if I have to. It’s not your time yet.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, then continued. “Do the best you can with her, raise her into a beautiful young woman that’ll do us both proud. I love you more than I can ever scream, my Batman, my prophet.”
Andy stirred slightly, as if hearing his softly spoken words, but settled down again within seconds and never woke. He swallowed the lump still clogging his throat, rising to his full height once again as he went back to his resting place, the corner of their old studio down the hall, to restock his energy reserves. It broke his heart to see his love so sad, but he knew there was nothing he could’ve done to remain alive. It was his time to go, and he’d done so in the most noble of ways, by protecting his pride and joy, so he didn’t regret it. Ash just hoped that his lover would grow to be happy again, whether he loved another or not.
He’d been visiting those he’d left behind that night ever since it happened, although he was now a literal fallen angel. He’d seen that his beloved husband, his Batman and prophet, had been fighting through the depression and doing the best he could, not only musically and with himself, but with little Legacy. He was proud of him for managing that much, but depressed as well.
The tribute album the guys had managed to put together after his death, which they’d named after him to an extent, had made him really proud of them all, but especially his lover. He’d managed to pull himself together to get back in the studio, but the band’s subsequent breakup after they cut the supporting tour short broke his heart. He’d known from the time they met six years before his passing that Andy’s biggest dream was to make it big as a rock star; his pain at being unable to continue the band because it held too many memories of him and made his depression worse made him cry every time he thought about it.
He watched as his husband grabbed his pillow, hugging it to his chest as if it were the only thing to keep him alive, even two years after his death. Ash’s heart broke even more as he watched him cry himself to sleep, just as he’d done every night since that unfortunate event, one hand wrapped around the necklace he wore every day. That necklace had his old wedding set, which he’d taken off his finger before they laid him in the ground, hanging from it. He hoped he’d give it to their daughter when she was old enough and allow her to wear it when she got married, even if she had to get it resized so that it was smaller. Even in his spiritual, angelic form, the bassist felt a tear roll down his cheek.
“I love you so much, my prophet,” he whispered in his ear, gently kissing his temple as he brushed his hair out of his face. “You’re the only Batman for me. Keep going strong, and you’ll see me again someday. Never give in, never back down. I love you more than I can ever scream.”
Andy didn’t so much as stir, which he considered a good thing, but he wondered if the younger man even felt his presence, knew he was there. He doubted he did, otherwise he wouldn’t cry out how much he wished he was still there, how much he loved him, while their daughter was asleep. Since he apparently didn’t, he refused to make his presence known until she was old enough to understand what’d happened, and his lover told her on his own without his influence.
With their daughter in mind, he closed his eyes and pictured the nursery he’d so painstakingly designed while he was pregnant with her. When he opened his eyes again, memories of him caressing his big belly before her birth still on his retinas, Ash found himself in her room. He stood a safe distance from her toddler bed to avoid waking her from the sound sleep she was currently in, taking comfort in her peaceful breathing.
It wasn’t long until her breathing began to quicken, and she woke with a soft little moan as she had as an infant. Legacy sat up and looked around, her eyes finally lighting on the spot where he stood as if she could see him. Wondering if that were true or not, he kept his mouth shut and stood there waiting, not wanting to attract her attention and scare her, or waste his energy if she couldn’t actually see him. After a couple minutes, recognition lit up her eyes, a smile curving her mouth as it turned into a grin, and she finally reached out to him as if she wanted him to pick her up, exactly like he’d done years ago.
“Mama!” she cried softly, making grabby hands at him.
“You can see me, sugar?” Ash asked, somewhat surprised.
“Mmm hmm. You’re really pretty,” his daughter answered, still smiling at him. “And your wings…they’re even prettier.”
“Well, I am a Purdy,” he chuckled jokingly. “Well, I was till I married your daddy.”
“Daddy’s so sad,” she whimpered when he sat down on the bed beside her. It’d taken him a while to get used to his new weightlessness, but he’d done it eventually. “He misses you so much. He won’t even keep pictures of you around.”
“Because he remembers me, and all the good times so well, that he wants to stay strong, sugar.” He gently kissed her temple as he hugged her tight. “He’s sad because he loved me very much—actually, he still loves me very much. Just as much as he loves you. If he sees pictures of me, they’ll make him even sadder than he is now, and you don’t want that, do you?”
“No, Mama. Daddy’s too sad as it is,” Legacy told him, frowning. “I wish I could make him better.”
“He’ll get better eventually, sugar.” He hugged her tightly again, reveling in the sensation of her little arms wrapped around his waist. “Just make sure he knows you love him, give him lots of cuddles when he lets you, and don’t ever make him feel bad, okay? Think you can do that for Mama?”
“Yeah, I can. I’ll make sure I tell him I love him every day, and cuddle with him as much as I can,” his daughter answered, nodding. “I love you so much, Mama. I can’t wait to be an angel like you so we can be together again.”
“Just don’t become an angel any sooner than you have to, sugar.” Tears welled up in his eyes at the thought of his daughter dying young. “I love you more than I can ever scream, Legacy Aurora.”
“I love you just as much.”
“Good night, sugar. Sweet dreams.”
“Good night, Mama. You have sweet dreams, too.”
Smiling down at his daughter, he rose from where he’d sat on the edge of her bed, gently tucking her back in. He smoothed her hair down and kissed her cheek, singing to her softly as he lulled her back to sleep the only way he knew how: with his voice. His song of choice was off Black Veil Brides’ second album, Set the World on Fire, as he wanted her to remember that he’d forever be her saviour.
Once she was sleeping peacefully once again, Ash rose to his full height of five-eleven and imagined the master bedroom again. When he opened his eyes, he saw his husband still curled up around his old pillow on their bed, the covers pulled up to a waist that was skinnier than he remember. Sighing sadly at the thought of him being so depressed he couldn’t eat, the bassist went to the edge of the bed and knelt down. He gently took his hand in his, the younger man appearing not to even feel it, and squeezed it tightly. He had to blink away tears to keep his face in focus, then finally began to speak to him.
“Legacy needs you so much, Batman. Almost as bad as I need you, but I can wait. I’ve been waiting for the last two years, and I can wait forever, if I have to. It’s not your time yet.” He swallowed the lump in his throat, then continued. “Do the best you can with her, raise her into a beautiful young woman that’ll do us both proud. I love you more than I can ever scream, my Batman, my prophet.”
Andy stirred slightly, as if hearing his softly spoken words, but settled down again within seconds and never woke. He swallowed the lump still clogging his throat, rising to his full height once again as he went back to his resting place, the corner of their old studio down the hall, to restock his energy reserves. It broke his heart to see his love so sad, but he knew there was nothing he could’ve done to remain alive. It was his time to go, and he’d done so in the most noble of ways, by protecting his pride and joy, so he didn’t regret it. Ash just hoped that his lover would grow to be happy again, whether he loved another or not.
@AmbrosiaBelle
I guess that's a way of looking at it.. one of my new stories 'save me from the darkest places' is gonna have its dark spots here and there with a pinch of sweetness
9/27/14