Aftermath of the Last Kiss

Another two years passed, and before he knew it, Andy was fighting through the separation anxiety he was experiencing from his daughter’s first day of school. They hadn’t been separated for more than a few hours at a time, if that, since the night he lost his beloved husband, and even then, she’d always been babysat by one of the guys, Sammi, Ella, or his parents. He was dreading dropping her off at Topeka Drive Elementary School, the closest one to their house.

Legacy, on the other hand, was looking forward to her first day of school, although she was a bit nervous about being away from her daddy for an extended period of time. Thankfully, they’d already found out that she’d have Jake’s daughter, Katie, in her class, despite the girl being a year and a-half younger. That would give her one person that she already knew, and probably make her a bit more comfortable.

He dragged himself from bed that August morning when his alarm went off, wishing that things were different. He sighed sadly as he wished that his sweetheart were still alive, knowing that if he were, they’d probably spend the day in bed, whether they were cuddled up watching movies or making love the entire time. The tightening in his groin at the memories of how his warmth had felt wrapped around him made him groan. He’d missed sex in the last four years, technically longer than that, given that they were so tired for months after their daughter’s birth, but he hadn’t felt like he could do such a thing with anyone else. Sex just wouldn’t feel right without his beloved Ashes, so he’d grown used to abstaining.

Andy groaned as he got dressed and washed his face, trying to put the memories of their too-short years in the back of his mind. He didn’t want to forget his husband, his Outlaw and deviant, by any means, but he didn’t want to be tortured by those memories, either. They were too depressing for him to cope with most days, which meant he typically struggled to get through the day without breaking down. Legacy was too important and needed him too much to have an out-and-out breakdown, and that’d been the only thing to keep him sane now for years. If he hadn’t had her, he’d have already joined his love on the other side, without a doubt.

“Good morning, Legacy,” he said softly, gently rubbing her back as he woke her up.

“Mmm. Daddy?” the little girl asked sleepily, barely opening her eyes.

“Yeah, it’s me. It’s Daddy, Princess,” Andy answered, smiling at her.

“I had a dream about Mama last night,” she said, yawning as she stretched.

“Well, why don’t you tell me about it while we get you dressed?” he asked, struggling to hide his depression at the mention of his deceased husband.

“He was so pretty, Daddy. His hair was long and black, hanging past his shoulders, and he kept having to blow it out of his face so he could see me,” Legacy told him. “And his eyes…they sparkled so…m-mis—”

“Mischievously?” he supplied, shocked at how well she was describing some of Ash’s old mannerisms.

“Yeah, that. It looked like he’d thought of something funny, but was telling me, ‘I know something you don’t know, and I’m not gonna tell yoooou.” She sing-songed the last word.

The young ex-frontman kept his mouth shut, dressing her as she continued recounting her dream.

“Then the look in his eyes, which were as brown as a chocolate bar, turned sad. He looked at me and said while he was crying, ‘Tell your daddy that you love him every day, cuddle him as much as you can, and don’t ever make him sad, okay? Can you do that for Mama, sugar?’ It hurt seeing him cry.”

The thought of Ash visiting their daughter in her dreams and telling her that brought tears to his eyes, so he could imagine that his sweetheart had been crying while saying them. “When he was still around, it hurt me to see him cry, too.”

“Really, Daddy?” Legacy asked.

“Really really. I only had to see him cry once, aside from when he had you, and it hurt so bad it had me crying.” He sighed heavily. “I know you’ve heard me crying a lot, but back then, I rarely cried. It took a lot for me to start crying like I do now, so that meant it really hurt.”

“But why do you cry so much now?” she asked, reaching up and wiping away a tear he hadn’t even realized had fallen.

“Because I miss your mommy sooo much, Princess,” Andy answered, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “I’ll tell you more about him one day, but right now, we need to get breakfast, or you’ll be late for school.”

Nodding, his daughter darted out of her room and to the den, where she played quietly with her toys as he followed behind her to make breakfast. He’d admit to anyone who asked that he sometimes dreamt of his deceased husband, mainly recalling memories of when he was still alive in his dreams. Never once had Ash come to him crying, giving him a message like that or just telling him that he still loved him, even in Death, and if he had, then he certainly couldn’t recall it.

Shortly thereafter, he was on his knees on a tile, kindergarten classroom floor, hugging his daughter one last time before she ran over to little Katie to say good morning. Her teacher, Miss Cane, noticed how hard the separation seemed to be for him, and pulled him aside for a moment since school had yet to start. She asked if he was going to be okay, knowing that first-day separation anxiety could be tough for some parents and students.

Andy quietly explained that he’d lost his spouse, that they’d been murdered, when his daughter was only a year and a-half old. He said nothing about Ash being male and the two of them being queer as three-dollar bills, unsure of how she’d take the news. Miss Cane’s eyes widened in shock and she covered her mouth to stifle her gasp, immediately enveloping him in a comforting hug. When he pulled away, he finished his tale by telling her that it’d been just him and Legacy since then, and although having her friend Katie in class would help her, he was taking it a bit harder since they’d hardly been separated.

“I worry about her constantly,” he admitted to the teacher. “The night my Ashley was killed…the intruder tried to suffocate Legacy before her mother got her away from them.”

“Oh, my gracious,” the teacher gasped, clearly watching her language for the sake of the children. “I can understand why you worry about her so, and why the separation anxiety is so bad.”

“Yeah, exactly. Legacy barely remembers my Ashes; only knows about her mother because of stories my friends have told and pictures they’ve shown her. Me, on the other hand…I remember our too-short years together all too well, and they hurt. It hurts to be away from my daughter for too long, especially considering that it could’ve been her that died that night.”

“How long were you and Ashley together, if you don’t mind my asking?” Miss Cane asked curiously.

“We met in June, 2009, and started dating that October. On our two-year anniversary, I proposed, and we got married on Valentine’s Day, 2013,” he answered. “Legacy was born that December, and we…lost Ashley in June, 2015.”

“Oh, you poor things.” It was obvious that the teacher was having trouble reining in her emotions. “Those years really were too short for you. At least you have fond, love-filled memories, though.”

“That’s definitely a plus, if there is one in a situation like this,” Andy agreed. “If it weren’t for my daughter…well, I’d have either lost my mind and been locked away from society, or I’d have joined Ash on the other side, if you catch my drift.”

“I have to applaud you for being able to push on after such a tragedy, if only for your daughter, Mr. Biersack,” she told him, giving him a gentle, reassuring smile.

“Andy, please,” he said. “Mr. Biersack was my father and makes me sound older than I really am, to boot.”

“Well, you take care today. I’ll give you a call if Legacy needs you to come get her before school lets out for the day, okay?” Miss Cane told him.

“Sounds like a plan, Miss Cane,” he answered respectfully.

“Randi,” she answered. “Miranda Cane, but I prefer my nickname.”

“I’m the same way, Randi,” he chuckled. “I can’t stand being called Andrew, unless it’s one of my parents calling me that. And even then, they only do that when I’m in trouble.”

“I’ll see you at the end of the day, unless Legacy needs you sooner.”

Nodding his agreement, he gave the teacher a smile as he looked at his daughter over her shoulder before walking away. The little girl was engrossed in playing with some dolls the classroom provided with Katie, keeping herself entertained until it was time for class to start. She appeared to be doing just fine at the moment, but maybe that was because she knew, if only in the back of her mind, that he was nearby.

Andy sighed softly as he climbed back into his car, wishing that his sweetheart were climbing into the passenger’s seat beside him as he used to do. If he weren’t queer as a three-dollar bill, he could see himself asking Randi out on a date, if only to have some company to fill the void left by his husband’s passing. And even if Ash had been okay with him dating again after his death, he doubted he could bring himself to do such a thing. He’d loved his beloved Outlaw far too much to dishonor his memory in such a way without knowing if he’d be okay with him being intimate with someone else, male or female either one.

Upon arriving back at their home a short distance away, he made his way into the old studio they’d recorded as much as they could in before his death. He’d taken every guitar and bass that his sweetheart had ever owned and either put them in display cases, or hung them on the wall as décor after that night. He rarely came in this room anymore because the memories hurt too much, but he found himself wanting to play the bass riff to Saviour, for some reason.

Sighing heavily, he took his Outlaw’s favorite bass, his custom-designed Dean Outlaw, down off the hook it’d been hanging on for years. Ash’d played the Hell out of this bass guitar in the two or three years before his death after designing it, and it was the original. Out of every one ever made and sold, even to this day, it was the very first one, and he’d loved it as much as he’d loved his husband and daughter. Andy’d made sure to take it down and clean and polish it to perfection with a loving hand over the last four years, but he’d never once played it after his loss. He couldn’t help but want to now, and made sure it was perfectly in tune again after years of disuse, before sitting down and resting it on his leg.

“I love you so much, Ashes. More than I can ever scream,” he whispered, tears falling on the instrument’s body as he held it.

I love you, too, Batman. More than I can ever scream.

“Ashes?” He looked up and around the studio, swearing he’d heard his lost love’s voice as he’d sworn he had several times over the years since his demise.

Keep Legacy safe, and do your best with her. Raise her into a beautiful young woman that’ll do us proud. Never give in, never back down, and remember that I’ve always loved you, and I still love you. We’ll be together again someday; till then, I’ll be waiting.

Andy shook his head to clear it, knowing he had to be hallucinating if he’d heard his sweetheart’s beautiful, melodic voice. Maybe he’d been trying to talk to him from beyond his grave, but since he didn’t believe in such a thing, he doubted that was true. Shaking the unsettling event off, he started picking out the chords to his song of choice, tears streaming down his face as he did so, paying tribute to the man he’d sworn to love until the end of time.



Ash stood in his chosen corner of their little studio, a frown on his face as he watched his husband playing his favorite old Dean Outlaw bass. He’d told him that he loved him, to keep their daughter safe, and do the best he could with her, and was hurt that he thought he’d been hallucinating. He’d known for years, especially after his grampa’s passing in 2011, that he didn’t believe in an afterlife, that people could really communicate with their loved ones from beyond their graves.

He was startled and gasped as his grampa, Jack Biersack, appeared beside him, something he’d rarely done since his passing in 2015. He’d met up with the elderly angel, who’d helped him adjust to being an angel after his death, and helped him watch over Andy and Legacy ever since that night. He’d taken him under his wing, literally, and shown him how to communicate with those still in the Land of the Living.

“Don’t worry, Ashley,” he said, gently wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “Andy’s never been a very spiritual person. He may not believe that we’re in a better place, or even able to communicate with him, but that’s okay. He’ll find out one day when he’s reunited with us.”

“I suppose so, Grampa Jack,” the bassist sighed, still watching his love. “It hurts that he doesn’t believe that I was actually talking to him, though.”

“At least you’re able to get through to Legacy, though,” Jack told him. “By the way, she’s absolutely beautiful. Whether you’re both male or not, you make some really beautiful babies.”

“Thanks,” he answered, blushing as he grinned. “I just wish I’d survived so we could’ve given her a little brother or sister.”

“Well, you died in the most noble way there is: protecting the child you did have.” The elderly man, who appeared as he assumed he looked in his twenties or thirties, looked him dead in the eye. “I can’t applaud or respect you enough for that, Ashley. Not everybody that dies before their time and comes here dies in such a noble way, but you certainly did.”

“That’s the only reason I don’t regret my death,” Ash admitted. “If I had to go back and choose whether it was me or my daughter that died that night, I’d have purposely picked myself. Sure, it wasn’t my time, to be honest, but it certainly wasn’t hers.”

“Just remember, I’ll always be here to guide you through being an angel. Maybe one day we’ll find a way to get through to Andy,” Jack said, patting his back. “For now, I need to go restock my energy reserves. You should probably do the same, if you want to attempt communicating with him again, or see Legacy later tonight after he thinks she’s asleep.”

The bassist smiled at the elderly man as he disappeared, knowing he was right. He didn’t realize that he drew his energy from the corner of this room, that it was the place aside from his husband’s arms that made him his strongest. Since he couldn’t be in the younger man’s arms, at least without scaring him to Death, he picked this corner and spent most of his time in it. If he wasn’t in this corner, hiding from the world and just keeping a watchful eye on his loved ones, he was by their side, gently playing with their hair and kissing their cheeks, as well as telling them how much he loved them.

He listened to his lover’s playing quietly, proud of him for being able to touch a bass again after his passing. Granted, he’d influenced it a bit by giving him a strong desire to play, their old song Saviour, at that, as a way of telling him that he’d always be there for him. Andy may not see him or know that he was there, but he was, and he wasn’t going anywhere.

Ash kept himself scarce as he continued restocking his energy reserves, using small amounts of that energy to influence his husband’s playing, smiling as he played some of their favorite songs, if he knew them. His smile broadened further when he grabbed the necklace he wore his old wedding set on, looking over to the corner where he stood as if he could see him, and smiled tenderly. It was obvious that, although losing him had hurt, he was finally beginning to heal, if only a little bit at a time.

“I love you more than I can ever scream, Ashes,” Andy said softly, still looking at his corner. “You’re my deviant, the only Outlaw for me and the only one I could ever love.”

“I love you more than I can ever scream, too, Ands,” he answered, unsure if he’d hear and believe him. “You’re my prophet, the only Batman for me and the only one I can ever love.”

He smiled as his beloved husband started to grin, apparently hearing and believing him that time, before leaving to go back to his home in the afterlife to rest for a bit.

Notes