Love And Other Drugs

The pale walls of the room she was sitting in were giving her a migraine and that was saying a lot for someone who had been in a mild coma for a week. Luxe had woken up in a hospital bed, surrounded by her bandmates and manager, with no clue as to how she had gotten there. It had taken some time for the other girls to calm down enough to tell her what had happened, but finally Char had sat down on the edge of her bed and explained everything.

Listening to her best friend made Luxe sick and she knew then and there that she had almost completely ruined everything.

Char and the girls had entered the dressing room on that last night of their US Tour to find Luxe half sitting up and half falling off of the couch. The table before her was spread with white powder, a spoon, an empty baggy, a lighter, two pill bottles that were empty and of course the bottle of Jack that had been drained.

Luxe had barely been able to hold her head up and when Pixie had tried to talk to her, the singer began to speak, but instead foam came out of her mouth. The girls all watched in horror as their singer and friend fell face forward, smacking her nose and breaking it, towards the table.

EMT's had come, pumping her stomach the best that they could, but Luxe had been unresponsive. She had been airlifted to a nearby hospital, but when the girls got there they had received some scary news. Luxe was in a coma, mostly from the Valium that she had taken, and it wasn't a sure thing that she would ever wake up.

A vigil had been set up, people had been called and the girls just waited. MIW had stopped by, staying for two days before leaving to start the UK Tour. Luxe felt like crying when Char had told her that they had been taken off of the bill.

It all seemed so surreal-Luxe had never imagined that she would overdose, but that's usually how drug addicts think. It won't happen to me...it'll never happen to me.

The one thing Luxe wanted to know but was afraid to ask was if Andy knew what had happened.

Finally she got the balls to voice her question and the look on Char's face said everything-Andy knew, but he probably didn't care. The answer was close-Andy had been called by a sobbing Pixie, but the guys in BVB were over in Europe and he didn't know if he could fly out. He had asked Pixie what happened and when she told him, Andy Biersack broke down in to sobs so bad that Pixie couldn't understand him. He then asked if the girls were finally ready to get their shit straight.

Which is why they were all sitting in a circle, the hard backed chairs making them sit up straight and no one was talking. Alex and Jay-who had actually flown in and seen Luxe in her hospital bed-had gotten all of the girls together and given them the ultimatum that they needed. Enough was enough-two albums down and the girls had cost the label more money than it was willing to spend.

The partying, destroying hotel and dressing rooms and of course all of the drug use-it had completely destroyed the band. The girls were all tired, over worked and could barely remember what song they were playing when they were on stage. So it was either they get sober, spend some time off and get better or they could pack their bags with their ripped up contracts in their hands.

They were all getting sober and none of them looked very happy about it.


"So who would like to go first?" A leggy man sitting across from Luxe asked and she could only look at him with bleary eyes.


The label had gotten famed addiction specialist Bob Timmins to fly out to LA to help deal with the process of getting the girls sober. Bob had helped one of the biggest rockbands, Motley Crue, get sober in the 90's and it had been a success in many ways. Alex had told Luxe that he was hoping for the same in regards to the Dolls-sobriety and possibly a good record after this process.

Now they were all seated in a room, a table filled with food in one corner and the girls all sitting in a circle like second graders. Bob was nice, but he had told them this morning that their meetings would cause two things-self realization and a massive amount of tears.

This was why no one wanted to go first.


"Come on ladies...someone's gotta start this off. Luxe?" Bob asked, looking across the circle at her and Luxe bit down on her lip. She could feel her pulse in her throat-she was so completely terrified of doing this right now and she was also coming down from the biggest high she'd ever had and the high that had landed her tiny ass in the hospital.

"I guess I want to apologize to the girls for getting us here in the first place." Luxe said, her arms still crossed over her chest. Bob only smiled as he looked around the circle at them all. The girls were all dressed comfortably, the facade of the Dolls dropped momentarily.

"And why do you feel like you need to apologize?" Bob asked and Luxe licked her lips. She didn't want to admit that she was the one who had fucked up-she had been the stupid one to take it too fucking far.

"Because I OD'd. It's my fault that we're here...that we had to cancel the rest of our tour." Luxe said and then nearly jumped when she felt a hand land on her shoulder. It was Mads and Luxe had never seen the drummer look so sad.

"Luxe-it is not your fault. We are all at fault in this situation. If anything it's my fault for egging you on in the beginning. I-I let my own demons effect my role in the band and I feel like shit every time I think about it." Mads admitted and Luxe just looked at her. Mads never apologized-ever-and here she was taking partial blame for everything. It was true-Mads had been the one to get Luxe to try Heroine for the first time and she had also been the one to poke fun at Luxe when she had tried to stay sober last year.

"What demons are those Mads?" Bob asked and the drummer's face became completely devoid of color. The red haired girl looked around at all of her bandmates, their smiling faces giving her courage to say what needed to be said.

"I-I was raped when I was fourteen. I-I think that's when I developed this hard shell around myself, I think that's when I became such a bitch. I didn't want to let anyone else in, thinking that it would disappear and not haunt me for the rest of my life..." Luxe felt like someone had just punched her in the gut. She had never known this about Mads and now she was wondering why she hadn't ever known this...how had she become such a terrible friend?

"And you've been self medicating this entire time to try and keep those thoughts out of your head..." Bob finished for her and Mads, now in tears, could only nod and wipe at her eyes.

"We are here for you Mads...we've always been here." Char said from her seat beside the drummer and Luxe watched as the two embraced.

"Luxe-what about you?" Bob asked and the singer immediately began to jiggle her legs up and down. No-not her. She did not want to talk about her demons or her reasons for why she had resorted to drugs.


Luxe only shook her head and Bob nodded, understanding her need to be skipped. Char went next, talking about her parent's divorce and how it had caused her to think she was worthless and that having true love for someone was pointless. This had caused the guitarist to jump from guy to guy, a sex addict who filled the emptiness inside with booze and meaningless sex.

Pixie divulged that she'd had a pretty good life growing up-good family, nice house, but she had been raised by nannies and had been given anything and everything in life. She craved attention from her parents-who were both doctors and never around-and had resorted to misbehavior to get it.

Lulu told them of her mother's death when she was fifteen and then of her father's unwanted attention towards her. She had become overly sexualized at a young age and felt like stripping and drinking were what was expected of her.

Now it was Luxe's turn.


"I suppose it's in my genes. My mother was and still is a Heroin addict. My father has been a drunk my entire life. When I was younger, I vowed I would never be like them-I never experimented with drugs until I came out to LA, but I also never realized that I had a hole in my life that those drugs filled." She admitted, but Luxe kept her eyes to the floor. She didn't want the girls to see her-she didn't want them to know that she partially blamed them for her addictions.

"What hole is that Luxe?" Bob asked and finally the singer looked up. Her grey eyes scanned the group and she knew that she would have to confront them.

"I never had friends growing up. So when I was thrust in to this group of girls I-I wanted to fit in." There was a low gasp from across the circle and Luxe knew that some of the girls realized what she was saying. She had started partying to fit in with them...they had been the ones to introduce her to drugs.

"So to fit in you joined in on their partying?" Bob asked and Luxe nodded and she fiddled with her hands in her lap. She felt ashamed and was now scared to look any of the girls in the eye.

"Yes. I saw how much fun they were having and I wanted, desperately, to be a part of it...I wanted them to like me...I wanted them to be the friends I never had growing up..." She was crying now and suddenly Luxe felt herself being embraced by four girls. They hugged her, kissed her cheeks and whispered in her ear.

"I love you Luxe and I'm sorry..."

"Please don't feel like we wouldn't of liked you..."

"We'll get through this babe..."

"I would of liked you no matter what..."


With that the girls all lapsed in to a four hour long session where they tried to work through their individual demons and the ones that affected them as a band. The girls confronted Luxe about her fame hogging, telling her that she never had to be the center of attention, but they felt like she craved the fame.

Luxe admitted that recently she had felt like she'd been addicted to the attention and knew that it was causing friction. It was a long process and was far from over-the girls had individual sessions and then more group counseling, which would take a month and a half.

But they would get through it and as the group parted ways out in the parking lot, Luxe hugged Char and told her she loved her. But as Luxe walked towards her shining red Mustang, she pulled her phone out and knew that there was one person who she really loved and needed to hear from.

Andy.

The phone rang and rang-Luxe was terrified that he wouldn't answer her-but finally someone picked up and her heart leapt to her throat.


"Hello?" His voice was deep, cracking over the phone line and Luxe could feel herself begin to melt. She missed Andy so much and only wished that he had been here with her today.

"H-Hey babe..." Luxe said quietly, closing her eyes as she leaned up against her car.

"Oh, hey Luxe. How're you feeling?" His voice was stiff, guarded and Luxe felt her body begin to go numb. He hated her...she had ruined everything.

"Much better, we just got out of a session. Things are really going to change Andy..." Luxe said, hopeful that he would be proud of her.

"That's great Luxe. Listen, I don't really have time right now-we're about to get on stage. I'll talk to you some other time."


Click.

It was over. Just like that and Luxe felt a new batch of tears run down her cheeks, but there was nothing she could do. It was done...she and Andy were over and she cried out at the loss of the one person in the entire world who had loved her.

Unconditionally for as long as he could.

Notes

The girls seemed to be getting used to the idea of being sober, but I wonder how long that's really going to last.

Review to find out if Andy ever calls Luxe back<3