Dreaming Big
Goodbyes aren't forever
The morning after the date, we went back to the bus. Then, I received a call from the doctor in London. He wanted to see me as soon as possible, for a check up. Just to make sure my ribs were ok and I was ok. Then, we booked my flight for London. And from London to Toronto. And from Toronto to home.
I really didn't want to leave, but I had to. If i didn't listen to my parents, they would come and get me themselves. And I didn't want that.
The next few days were uneventful. We watched movies, the guys did shows, signings and interviews. I spent as much time as I could with Andy and the guys. But soon, it all had to come to and end.
Friday morning, I woke up, feeling nervous, depressed. I buried my head in my pillow and cried. Softly, trying not to wake anyone up. Didn't work.
I heard the curtain from my bunk open. Then, someone picked me up. Andy. He walked to the living area and sat down. He rocked me back and forth until I stopped crying.
- let's get your stuff packed so we can enjoy the rest of the day when the others wake up.
I made sure I had all my clothes I'm my suitcase. I found some bags from when I went shopping with Sammi, lying on the floor. I packed those up. Then, I grabbed all my makeup and bathroom stuff. Finally, I put my phone to charge, placing a book, my earbuds, and my wallet in my carry on bag. After that, I flopped down on the couch beside Andy.
When everybody got up, we went out for breakfast. It was still really early- well, early enough- so I had some time left with them. But not much.
After breakfast, we went back to the bus and jinxx took his guitar out. Soon, jake did the same, and CC had his drumsticks and we started jamming out. Andy and Ashley singing. The others playing. Going through every song we could think of. And I sang. I sang in front of my idol- no- in front of my friends, for the first time.
When we finished singing that song, I turned to Andy who was staring at me.
- problem? I asked
- yeah.
- what is it? I asked, honestly quite concerned.
- you sing and I never heard you!
- oh. It's just that!
- not JUST that! Oh and by the way, you are pretty damn good.
- I agree. Said Sammi who was sitting beside me.
We kept going for about an hour until Jake got hungry. So we ordered pizza. We ate our lunch while watching a movie. A little while after the movie was over, my phone started blasting highway to hell. I felt pain, discouragement, and every single fucking painful emotion I could think of as I remembered what highway to hell stood for. I had to go home. I had to leave the boys. And Sammi. And Ella. I had to face my new reality. My parents, my friends.
I don't want to.
I started crying. Andy held me tight, while Sammi was trying to reassure me and jinxx was kneeling by the couch, telling me it would be fine.
CC had grabbed my bag and jake had placed the rest of my stuff in my carry-on, and Ella instructed the driver to get to the airport.
The drive went by way too fast. The dreaded moments were close.
The guys followed me all the way to security. The guard let them by. I had to get to the terminal, so they helped me find it. I got there just on time. They let me in, and I said my goodbyes to everybody. First CC.
- when I see you again, ill come up with a brilliant idea and we'll have fun with that ok? He said.
- ok. Then, I hugged him.
Next, I hugged jake. I thanked him once again for saving my life. I apologized for the rough start. After that, I hugged Ashley, and thanked him for being there if I needed to talk. He gave me his number and told me to text him when I needed to.
After that, I hugged Ella and Sammi. I started to cry even more. Then I hugged jinxx. I thanked him for what he had done for me. The guys backed away as Andy came up to me. My heart shattered. I tried to stay strong, and to smile. He wiped away a tear that had been running down my cheek. He looked at me in the eyes. Then, he held my hand
- I love you. No matter what happens, I love you. If you need anything, or if you need to talk, text me or call me. Day and night. When I can, I'll try to come and visit you. When you can, I'll try to get you to come visit me. Think of this as me leaving for tour, and you're staying home. Look at me. I love you. Everything will be alright.
I'm the intercom, a lady announced that all passengers for the flight going to London must board the plane. Andy wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up. He hugged me tightly, and didn't let go when he kissed me. It was a kiss full of passion, and sadness. But it meant hope for me. He loves me. Ill see him again.
Unfortunately, I had to let go. Tears were running down my face. I tried to hide them from Andy. He kissed me again, and I left.
I was heartbroken. But I did as Andy said and imagined that he had to go on tour and is see him when he's come home. But he wasn't coming back. My parents would probably kill me.
I sat down and put my bag at my feet. I put my phone on airplane mode, and plugged my earbuds in.
I didn't want to listen to the flight attendant while she was explaining what she had to explain. Then, the plane took off. As we reached the clouds, I heard a baby crying behind me. I looked down at my growing bump, hoping to one day, be able to raise the little thing inside of me with the man I love.
Why is this happening to me?
I listened to Andy's voice over and over again. I played In the end over and over again to calm me down at first. Then, I played New Year's Day, wretched and divine, resurrect the sun, rebel love song, fallen angels and lost it all. When the last song began to play, I started crying again.
An old lady beside me handed me a tissue. I removed my earbuds from my ears and thanked her. She asked me what was wrong.
- my boyfriend is travelling across Europe right now. I went to visit him but I was abducted and the guy made me pregnant and when I told my parents they made me go home. They want me to abort it, and they might never let me see my boyfriend again.
It wasn't completely the truth, but that's all she needed to know: I was losing my baby and my love because of a trip and a stupid rapist.
- I'm so sorry for you! But don't worry! Everything happens for a reason. You'll be alright.
That comment made me smile. The plane landed in London and I called a cab to bring me to the hospital for my last appointment.
When the doctor came in, he made me take my shirt off to check my ribs. He told me that they were healed, and the bruises would disappear soon. I thanked him, and I was on my way.
At the airport the dreaded boarding call sounded the same to me as someone being told that they were about to be killed. It was sorta true. My mom could have these huge anger outbursts. And my dad, well he doesn't quite know his own strengths. He doesn't want to hurt us but sometimes, well, he isn't conscious of what he's doing. Let me guess: that's what's waiting for me
Flashback when I was thirteen
Parents talking about my cousin, 17 and pregnant:
- I can't believe it! She's such a nice girl! What happened to her!!! My mom was outraged. My dad turned to me:
- young lady, if you ever become pregnant before you have a house and a job, you'll never set foot in my house again? Understood?
- what if someone attacks me and makes me pregnant?
- defend yourself and it won't happen.
End of flashback
Yeah. My parents won't understand.
I boarded the plane to go back to Canada. I say down and put my earbuds in. I blocked out every sound, and tried to ignore every thought. I cried silently, waiting to fall asleep. Wanting to be in Andy's arms. Wanting to hear the commotion of the bus and living the tour life.
But that's not gonna happen.
Because I trusted someone.
A little too much.
And my parents, well they don't like my saviours.
The ones I should've trusted since the beginning.
I really didn't want to leave, but I had to. If i didn't listen to my parents, they would come and get me themselves. And I didn't want that.
The next few days were uneventful. We watched movies, the guys did shows, signings and interviews. I spent as much time as I could with Andy and the guys. But soon, it all had to come to and end.
Friday morning, I woke up, feeling nervous, depressed. I buried my head in my pillow and cried. Softly, trying not to wake anyone up. Didn't work.
I heard the curtain from my bunk open. Then, someone picked me up. Andy. He walked to the living area and sat down. He rocked me back and forth until I stopped crying.
- let's get your stuff packed so we can enjoy the rest of the day when the others wake up.
I made sure I had all my clothes I'm my suitcase. I found some bags from when I went shopping with Sammi, lying on the floor. I packed those up. Then, I grabbed all my makeup and bathroom stuff. Finally, I put my phone to charge, placing a book, my earbuds, and my wallet in my carry on bag. After that, I flopped down on the couch beside Andy.
When everybody got up, we went out for breakfast. It was still really early- well, early enough- so I had some time left with them. But not much.
After breakfast, we went back to the bus and jinxx took his guitar out. Soon, jake did the same, and CC had his drumsticks and we started jamming out. Andy and Ashley singing. The others playing. Going through every song we could think of. And I sang. I sang in front of my idol- no- in front of my friends, for the first time.
When we finished singing that song, I turned to Andy who was staring at me.
- problem? I asked
- yeah.
- what is it? I asked, honestly quite concerned.
- you sing and I never heard you!
- oh. It's just that!
- not JUST that! Oh and by the way, you are pretty damn good.
- I agree. Said Sammi who was sitting beside me.
We kept going for about an hour until Jake got hungry. So we ordered pizza. We ate our lunch while watching a movie. A little while after the movie was over, my phone started blasting highway to hell. I felt pain, discouragement, and every single fucking painful emotion I could think of as I remembered what highway to hell stood for. I had to go home. I had to leave the boys. And Sammi. And Ella. I had to face my new reality. My parents, my friends.
I don't want to.
I started crying. Andy held me tight, while Sammi was trying to reassure me and jinxx was kneeling by the couch, telling me it would be fine.
CC had grabbed my bag and jake had placed the rest of my stuff in my carry-on, and Ella instructed the driver to get to the airport.
The drive went by way too fast. The dreaded moments were close.
The guys followed me all the way to security. The guard let them by. I had to get to the terminal, so they helped me find it. I got there just on time. They let me in, and I said my goodbyes to everybody. First CC.
- when I see you again, ill come up with a brilliant idea and we'll have fun with that ok? He said.
- ok. Then, I hugged him.
Next, I hugged jake. I thanked him once again for saving my life. I apologized for the rough start. After that, I hugged Ashley, and thanked him for being there if I needed to talk. He gave me his number and told me to text him when I needed to.
After that, I hugged Ella and Sammi. I started to cry even more. Then I hugged jinxx. I thanked him for what he had done for me. The guys backed away as Andy came up to me. My heart shattered. I tried to stay strong, and to smile. He wiped away a tear that had been running down my cheek. He looked at me in the eyes. Then, he held my hand
- I love you. No matter what happens, I love you. If you need anything, or if you need to talk, text me or call me. Day and night. When I can, I'll try to come and visit you. When you can, I'll try to get you to come visit me. Think of this as me leaving for tour, and you're staying home. Look at me. I love you. Everything will be alright.
I'm the intercom, a lady announced that all passengers for the flight going to London must board the plane. Andy wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me up. He hugged me tightly, and didn't let go when he kissed me. It was a kiss full of passion, and sadness. But it meant hope for me. He loves me. Ill see him again.
Unfortunately, I had to let go. Tears were running down my face. I tried to hide them from Andy. He kissed me again, and I left.
I was heartbroken. But I did as Andy said and imagined that he had to go on tour and is see him when he's come home. But he wasn't coming back. My parents would probably kill me.
I sat down and put my bag at my feet. I put my phone on airplane mode, and plugged my earbuds in.
I didn't want to listen to the flight attendant while she was explaining what she had to explain. Then, the plane took off. As we reached the clouds, I heard a baby crying behind me. I looked down at my growing bump, hoping to one day, be able to raise the little thing inside of me with the man I love.
Why is this happening to me?
I listened to Andy's voice over and over again. I played In the end over and over again to calm me down at first. Then, I played New Year's Day, wretched and divine, resurrect the sun, rebel love song, fallen angels and lost it all. When the last song began to play, I started crying again.
An old lady beside me handed me a tissue. I removed my earbuds from my ears and thanked her. She asked me what was wrong.
- my boyfriend is travelling across Europe right now. I went to visit him but I was abducted and the guy made me pregnant and when I told my parents they made me go home. They want me to abort it, and they might never let me see my boyfriend again.
It wasn't completely the truth, but that's all she needed to know: I was losing my baby and my love because of a trip and a stupid rapist.
- I'm so sorry for you! But don't worry! Everything happens for a reason. You'll be alright.
That comment made me smile. The plane landed in London and I called a cab to bring me to the hospital for my last appointment.
When the doctor came in, he made me take my shirt off to check my ribs. He told me that they were healed, and the bruises would disappear soon. I thanked him, and I was on my way.
At the airport the dreaded boarding call sounded the same to me as someone being told that they were about to be killed. It was sorta true. My mom could have these huge anger outbursts. And my dad, well he doesn't quite know his own strengths. He doesn't want to hurt us but sometimes, well, he isn't conscious of what he's doing. Let me guess: that's what's waiting for me
Flashback when I was thirteen
Parents talking about my cousin, 17 and pregnant:
- I can't believe it! She's such a nice girl! What happened to her!!! My mom was outraged. My dad turned to me:
- young lady, if you ever become pregnant before you have a house and a job, you'll never set foot in my house again? Understood?
- what if someone attacks me and makes me pregnant?
- defend yourself and it won't happen.
End of flashback
Yeah. My parents won't understand.
I boarded the plane to go back to Canada. I say down and put my earbuds in. I blocked out every sound, and tried to ignore every thought. I cried silently, waiting to fall asleep. Wanting to be in Andy's arms. Wanting to hear the commotion of the bus and living the tour life.
But that's not gonna happen.
Because I trusted someone.
A little too much.
And my parents, well they don't like my saviours.
The ones I should've trusted since the beginning.
Notes
next chapter lovelies. Let me know what you think. Stop here and a sequel or should i continue. i need your feedback :)I dont have anything else written yet so it might take a couple of days before the new stuff comes out but i wont make you wait as long as lats time i promise.
This is rly good I love it update
9/23/14