Say Something

After a day of walking around and being idiots, we all crashed on my couch.
“Can we order Chinese?” Ashley whined.
“That sounds good.” Jinxx answered. I got the mom vibe from him.
“Yeah…please order.” I chimed in.
“Hey, it’s your apartment, and Jake ordered pizza last.” CC whined.
“I’ll order online.” I sighed. I hated ordering over the phone.
“Guys, why don’t I just go and pick it up?” Andy suggested, knowing about my hatred of this.
“Okay, we’ll come with!” Ashley smiled.
“I’ll stay here.” CC stated.
“Andy you know what I want.” I said, throwing him my keys. He nodded, knowing I was already anxious and that being in a car with four idiots wouldn’t help. They exited my apartment, leaving me and CC alone.
“So, why don’t you like ordering over the phone?” CC asked, situating himself on the couch.
“Because, I don’t like people in general and it’s one of the reasons for my anxiety attacks.” I sighed. It was so stupid.
“I’m sorry Tara.” He looked at me. God he was adorable. I held out my arms, asking for a hug. He laughed and got up to hug me. God he smells good. And he gives amazing hugs!
“You give good hugs.” I smiled when he sat down next to me.
“I’ve been told that!” CC smiled cockily. I punched his arm lightly. We sat there for a moment, but it wasn’t an awkward silence, it was a comfortable silence. Until CC broke it…
“May I ask what happened to your arm?” To say he caught me off guard was an understatement. I looked at him a mix of shock and fear taking over my facial features. “It’s up to you though, just know I won’t judge.” He added, noticing the change in my composure.
“I-I cut…I haven’t on my arms in a while…but then the voices started again…he being my ex…he beat me…he called me fat and worthless…” I couldn’t will myself to go on. I was already crying. CC pulled me into a bone crushing hug, rocking me back and forth gently.
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.” He whispered. He was tense but being in his arms gave me a sense of security…something I lacked.
“I don’t want to talk about it anymore…” I breathed out shakily. He nodded understanding and kept his arm protectively around my waist.
“Want to watch TV?” He asked, trying to lighten the mood.
“Sure.” I nodded somberly. He smiled softly and turned on the television. His lips looked so kissable.
He doesn’t care. He just pities you like everyone else. You’re better off dead!
No…not now. I tried to hold it together. But it was getting louder.
“Um…I’ll be right back.” I smiled at CC and practically ran to my room. I closed and locked the door before rustling around in my drawer for my own personal savior. The cold metal against my fingers gave me a sense of relief. I pulled down my pants and pressed the blade firmly into my scarred thigh. Once I had thirty or so crimson lines, I put the blade away and sat there. The voices settled but I still felt like shit. I cleaned and dressed my wounds. Then changed into some sweats and a muscle t-shirt before going back into the lounge. Once I emerged the smell of Chinese filled my nostrils, making my stomach growl.
“Foods here!” Jake yelled. I made my way to the kitchen. CC glanced at me worriedly. I smiled reassuringly at him.
“Are you okay?” Andy asked me.
“Perfectly fine!” I smiled and nodded.
“O-okay…” He nodded warily at me. He must be catching on.
Idiot.I mentally kicked myself for that. Ashley handed me my food and I walked into the living room. I sat down and stared at the cal-food that was in front of me. I ate it slowly, making sure to not over indulge. I had learnt that in one of my many therapy sessions. Pace yourself.
“So, what school did you go too?” Jinxx’s question interrupted my thoughts.
“MICA.” I nodded, smiling. It was my dream school and I got in.
“Really?! That’s awesome!” Jake smiled.
“Wait…what was your major?” Ashley asked.
“Drawing and graphic design.” I beamed. They nodded.
“So…if we asked you to be our designer…what would you say?” Andy asked. My eyes lit up.
“Oh my god…you’re being serious?” I started jumping up and down in my seat and smiling from ear to ear.
“Only if you’d want too.” Jake nodded.
“YES A MILLION TIMES YES!” I yelled excitedly.
“Awesome! That means you’ll have to move to LA with us.” CC added. I nodded.
“The only people I care about here are the members of All Time Low, who spend most of there time in LA anyway…so that’s fine.” I beamed.
CC’s P.O.V
She has these eyes…she isn’t anything like Lauren. Don’t get me wrong, Lauren was amazing, but we just weren’t meant to be together. Tara was so…perfect. Scars and all.
“CC?” Ashley snapped his fingers in front of my face.
“Huh? Oh sorry, was spacing.” I shrugged.
“What were you thinking about?” He smirked, probably knowing.
“None of your business.” I state.
“Tara?” He asked. My cheeks must have turned pink. “Awww!” He chuckled. I shook my head and went back to eating. Tara was pushing her food around, not really eating much. I shrugged it off.
“Tara, aren’t you going to eat?” Jinxx asked her.
“Huh? Oh yeah.” She said hesitantly, taking a bite of her rice. We ate in silence, Andy kept glancing at Tara every now and then. Did she have an eating disorder…why were her sweats wet by her thighs?
“Tara, can you show me where the glasses are?” I asked her. She snapped her head up and nodded. We walked into the kitchen.
“Right here CC.” She pointed to the cabinet and went to go back. I grabbed her wrist gently.
“What happened to your thighs?” I asked, referring to the growing spots. She looked down and all the colour drained from her face. That answered one question. “I won’t tell them, let’s go get them cleaned up though, yeah?” I added. She looked at me teary eyed and nodded. We snuck to the bathroom and she pulled down her sweats. Her thighs were littered with old and, obviously new cuts. I took a shaky breath and grabbed the peroxide.
“I already cleaned them.” She murmured, sitting on the counter.
“Okay, I still want to make sure okay?” I said softly, she nodded. I poured it on her right thigh first, she hissed and I instinctively grabbed her hand to comfort her.
“Sorry, I know it hurts, it’s okay though.” I smiled softly at her, squeezing her hand reassuringly. I continued to clean her cuts. Then I bandaged them up.
“I’m going to bed CC.” She said softly.
“Okay, please don’t cut anymore?” I asked with pleading eyes.

Notes

=D