Say Something

I tossed and turned most of the night. I finally gave up around three AM. I sat up, sighing and grabbed my laptop. In the span of the past two days I had gotten all of the guys numbers and skype names. I turned on my computer and instantly went onto tumblr. I had a multitude of messages spanning from hate to support to love. I ignored them all and proceeded to facebook. There I constantly got hate. All because I’m Andy Biersack’s sister. Everyone says I’m lucky, but luck tells me I’m fat and a piece of shit. A ding from my laptop brought me out of my depressive thoughts. CC had messaged me on skype.

CC: What are you doing up?
Me: Couldn’t sleep…you?
CC: I don’t generally fall asleep that easily.

I laughed, Andy told me he was a party animal. I shook my head went to reply:

Me: Andy told me about that, haha party animal ey? Come keep me company! I’m lonely!

What the hell? Where did that come from? Where did that burst of confidence come from?!

CC: Okay!

Oh shit. I stared at my screen in shock until a soft knock took me out of my trance.
“It’s open.” I stated softly. The door opened and CC popped in. I closed my laptop and turned on my light on the nightstand.
“Why can’t you sleep?” CC asked, sitting across from me on my bed, crossing his lanky legs. I mimicked his position and leaned against the head board.
“Mind likes to keep me up, especially after the night I had.” I said the last part quieter. He nodded understandingly.
“So you play the guitar?” He asked, knowing I’d want to change the subject.
“Yes, playing guitar is my escape.” I shrugged. He looked like he wanted to ask me something. “Just ask CC, you look like you really want to know something.” I shrugged. He could get any answer her wants out of me. It was three in the morning and I wasn’t strong enough to be defensive.
“What did your ex do to you?” He looked at me. I took a shaky breath.
“He was the popular kid in school. I was the emo freak. After Andy left, things got bad. He was my…savior almost. My ex’s name was…Luke…” I squeezed my eyes shut to stop from crying. “He told me he’d make everyone stop…he told me he cared…he took the one thing from me that I vowed I’d never let the wrong person take. I regret giving it to him…I did it willingly. After that…after he got what he wanted…he started telling me just how worthless I truly was. I was just a burden…stupid…dumb…a whore. Then he started hitting me…where people wouldn’t see. He raped me after everything…” I was crying now. I hadn’t noticed CC was next to me and holding me.
“Tara…I’m so fucking sorry.” He whispered holding me close. I clung to his shirt and let out a muffled sob. He rubbed small circles on my back, succeeding in calming me down. I calmed down slightly and nuzzled my head into his chest. Exhaustion soon took over and I fell asleep to the calming sound of CC’s beating heart.

CC’s P.O.V

Jesus Christ, Tara’s been through so much shit. Andy had no fucking clue half of this. I looked down at her and noticed that she was asleep. I chuckled softly and decided to just go to sleep as well. Holding her like that was comforting. Way more comforting than holding Lauren. I drifted off into a peaceful sleep only to be awoken by yelling.
“WHAT THE FUCK?!” Andy yelled. Tara shot up.
“Sorry, we were up talking and I guess we just fell asleep.” She stated. Andy was seething. He gave us a forewarning before we met Tara; she’s off limits. I was starting to doubt that I could live with that.
“Sorry man.” I yawned and got up. Andy shot me a death glare as I proceeded to leave the room. Andy was hot on my tail.
“What the fuck?!” He hissed.
“Dude, she needed someone to talk too. I was there for her.” I said calmly.
“She’s off limits!” He glared.
“Since when the fuck do you determine who I’m off limits too?” Tara had appeared behind Andy.
“Tara…I just don’t want you getting hurt.” He turned to face her.
“Who says I’d hurt your sister?” I asked him.
“I’m not saying that.” He tried to reason.
“So you’re saying that I can’t date anyone in your band because they’ll hurt me? But then they won’t. What’s the real reason?” She glared. He looked flustered at this point.
“You’ve been through so much shit Tara…” He sighed. He sounded like his only reasoning would be the protective brother role.
“Oh fuck off Andy, you weren’t even there through most of it. How the hell would you know how much shit I’ve been through? You know what, fuck this! I’m going out. Don’t burn the apartment down.” She yelled and then stormed out. I debated on following her.

Tara’s P.O.V

How the hell does Andy understand what I’ve been through? He wasn’t raped. He wasn’t used. He wasn’t any of that shit. CC was so comforting. I needed him last night and he was there for me. My phone continuously went off in my pocket as I continued to walk through the wooded area behind the complex. I always came out here when I needed to think or inspiration. Finally settling on the tree I was to claim as mine for the next hour, I sat below it and began playing music. Bones Exposed by Of Mice and Men began playing first. I sighed contently and let the music flood my thoughts. I looked down at my phone to see a text message from CC.

CC: Hey, where are you? It’s just me, no one else.
Me: Woods. Listen for the music and you’ll find me.

With that I went back to letting the music take over. Why does he care so much? I don’t deserve that type of care. I don’t deserve to be loved. I’m a filthy whore who can’t seem to do anything right. I’m needy and constantly pestering everyone else.
“Tara?” A familiar voice filled my ears, drowning out the music. I turned it down and saw CC walking towards me.
“Hey, why are you crying?” He asked, sitting next to me. I didn’t even realize I was crying. I shook my head; he isn’t going to know my thoughts.

Notes

Sorry for the wait!