They Cant Tell Me What is Right
how do you make a dead person feel better?
"Andy, I'm sorry just please talk to us" Ashley begged for the spirit of our friend to come and prove his presence.
"Andy, please" i begged even more.
it was my fault if i hadnt of gotten so pissed off and listened to you i would be there right now.
he finally spoke.
"No, Andy it's okay the only person who could have prevented it is the guys who did it" i tried to calm him down i didnt want this to haunt him in his afterlife but how do you prevent that.
no if i didnt leave in the first place they wouldnt have done it
"Dont let this get to you Andy what happened...happened and we cant change it just move on" i said looking up at the air wandering where he was exactly.
I'm right here in front of you I'm not up in the sky like a god or something
i heard his voice with no humor at all, i looked ahead of me.
"Andy, please" i begged.
he stayed silent. i sighed.
i felt an empty void inside me and i knew that he was no longer with me in spirit, i have no idea how i knew but i did. i hid my face with my black hair again and began walking home which was my original plan before all the bullshit.
"where are you going?" Ashley asked as i reached the end of the alley.
"home" i whispered and began my slow walk home.
I heard yelling and debated with myself if i should enter the small house or not for a while. cant get worse than this i said to myself as i sighed before walking throught the door to be met with my mom pointing her finger at me and my brother holding her back but the arms, no matter how much pain he caused i knew he loved me but couldnt admit it and like my mom didnt want to put the blame on himself.
"YOU!!" she screamed at me as she tried but failed to struggle out of danny's grasp. "HE WAS THE ONLY HOPE I HAD LEFT BUT NO YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO FAIL AT LIFE!!! I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS!!!" she screamed and writhed around still trying to get away. I smelled alcohol and the slight smell i recognized as crack and weed making the house almost unbearable to breathe in.
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH!" Danny screamed in her ear to which she responded with a high pitched squeel and more screaming.
"Just go to your room" danny said to me in a calm almost tired voice.
i ran down the hall and slammed the door shut when i got there. i didnt give a shit what Andy 'would have wanted' anymore. i ran acrossed the room to the white dresser in the corner and dug through until i found the blade.
i held it up to my skin on my wrist where unlike there used to be were no cuts or scars which reminded me of Andy. i tear ran down my cheek as i lowered my hand and felt he cold metal rest on my skin before i put pressure to end the sad excuse for a human being i am,but i felt a wind on my neck.
DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT!! YOU DO IT, THEY WIN!!Grey i love you, dont do it.
more tears ran down my face as i dropped the blade in response to andy's voice. i broke into sobs and stared at the clean wrist i was about to destroy.
"i won't" i whispered.
"Andy, please" i begged even more.
it was my fault if i hadnt of gotten so pissed off and listened to you i would be there right now.
he finally spoke.
"No, Andy it's okay the only person who could have prevented it is the guys who did it" i tried to calm him down i didnt want this to haunt him in his afterlife but how do you prevent that.
no if i didnt leave in the first place they wouldnt have done it
"Dont let this get to you Andy what happened...happened and we cant change it just move on" i said looking up at the air wandering where he was exactly.
I'm right here in front of you I'm not up in the sky like a god or something
i heard his voice with no humor at all, i looked ahead of me.
"Andy, please" i begged.
he stayed silent. i sighed.
i felt an empty void inside me and i knew that he was no longer with me in spirit, i have no idea how i knew but i did. i hid my face with my black hair again and began walking home which was my original plan before all the bullshit.
"where are you going?" Ashley asked as i reached the end of the alley.
"home" i whispered and began my slow walk home.
I heard yelling and debated with myself if i should enter the small house or not for a while. cant get worse than this i said to myself as i sighed before walking throught the door to be met with my mom pointing her finger at me and my brother holding her back but the arms, no matter how much pain he caused i knew he loved me but couldnt admit it and like my mom didnt want to put the blame on himself.
"YOU!!" she screamed at me as she tried but failed to struggle out of danny's grasp. "HE WAS THE ONLY HOPE I HAD LEFT BUT NO YOU BOTH ARE GOING TO FAIL AT LIFE!!! I WISH I NEVER HAD KIDS!!!" she screamed and writhed around still trying to get away. I smelled alcohol and the slight smell i recognized as crack and weed making the house almost unbearable to breathe in.
"SHUT UP YOU BITCH!" Danny screamed in her ear to which she responded with a high pitched squeel and more screaming.
"Just go to your room" danny said to me in a calm almost tired voice.
i ran down the hall and slammed the door shut when i got there. i didnt give a shit what Andy 'would have wanted' anymore. i ran acrossed the room to the white dresser in the corner and dug through until i found the blade.
i held it up to my skin on my wrist where unlike there used to be were no cuts or scars which reminded me of Andy. i tear ran down my cheek as i lowered my hand and felt he cold metal rest on my skin before i put pressure to end the sad excuse for a human being i am,but i felt a wind on my neck.
DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT!! YOU DO IT, THEY WIN!!Grey i love you, dont do it.
more tears ran down my face as i dropped the blade in response to andy's voice. i broke into sobs and stared at the clean wrist i was about to destroy.
"i won't" i whispered.
Notes
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5/29/13