Savior will be there
When you are feeling alone, oh
A savior for all that you do
So you live freely without their harm

When I hear your cries
Praying for life
I will be there

When I hear your cries
Praying for life
I will be there


As she listened to him sing that song, Lily felt a sadness enter her heart that she had never experienced before. She cried, one of her hands covering her mouth as she slid down with her back against the wall beside the wooden door. She couldn’t do this-she couldn’t feel this way…she couldn’t love. As Andy got to the very end, Lily began to sob harder as she remembered all of her old pain that she’d had when she was just a human girl.

Feeling like nothing or no one would ever care about her-feeling like the ultimate failure every single day of her life. She’d had Brianne, but now her best friend was a Monster and Lily knew she would have to kill her at some point.

Her tears got harder and more intense and her sobs grew so loud that Lily didn’t even realize that the music had stopped. Her body was shaking, her hand sill covering her mouth as she squeezed her eyes shut to try and stop the tears from flowing down her cheeks. Suddenly someone was squatting in front of her, their arms reaching out towards her and Lily was too upset to even take notice as to who was holding her.

She felt herself being lifted up, wrapping her skinny arms around someone’s neck as she rested her head against a broad warm chest and she cried harder as the two of them sat down on the floor in the lounge. She was sitting on someone’s lap and as Lily looked up and connected with those brilliant blue eyes, her sobs softened slightly.

Andy.


“Lily? Lily what’s wrong?” Andy asked, his nose pressing against the top of her head as she shook beneath his touch. Andy had no idea what was happening. He had been sitting in the back, working on a song, when all of a sudden he heard this terrible crying.


He had walked out of the lounge and almost fell over the tiny body sitting right outside the door-Lily. She was curled into a ball, her hands to her face as she sobbed and shook so hard that her teeth were chattering. What had happened? Andy didn’t ask any questions and he didn’t even hesitate to pick her up, holding her in his arms as he walked back into the lounge, closing the door behind them. Now they were sitting on the floor, she was on his lap still with her head resting against his chest and her arms folded gently in her lap. What was going on with Lily?


“Lily, if you don’t tell me what’s wrong I can’t help you fix it…” Andy said softly. His voice was filled with so much love and adoration that it made Lily cry even harder. She couldn’t believe God had done this to her. Feeling again was dangerous and she had been numb to so many feelings that now she was being completely bogged down by them all at once.

“Come on Lily…you can tell me anything. I-I love you, remember?” Andy said as he kissed the side of her head. Lily said nothing as she finally looked back up at him, her lavender eyes red and scratchy, but she couldn’t keep her tears at bay.

“I-I know…that’s the problem.” She said, her voice so tiny and quiet that he had almost missed what she had said.

“Lily…you need to tell me what’s wrong. I-I haven’t seen you cry since…” He stopped as Lily’s eyes grew wide and a fresh bout of tears came spilling down her cheeks. Oh shit-was she…was she human again?

“Since I could feel…yeah-I know. I-um-fuck…” She pushed her head against his chest again and Andy said nothing at first. He just sat there with this tiny girl sitting in his lap, his long fingers weaving in and out of her soft blonde hair.

“L-Lily…are you…are you human again?” Andy asked softly and Lily couldn’t help but smirk. Of course he would think that and he probably would love it, if it were true.

“N-no Andy I’m not human. I’m still an Angel, but, um…well…”Lily was looking at him again, her tears having stopped and he couldn’t help but smile. She had this incredibly frustrated look on her face and it reminded him of when he would ask her dumb questions about being human.

“Well what?” He asked and Lily groaned as she ran a hand through her hair and looked up at the ceiling of the bus. She was still sitting in his lap, her legs draped over his and he couldn’t help but reach out and run a hand across her smooth skin. She shivered at his touch and Andy cocked an eyebrow-that was different.


Lily usually recoiled at his touch. She physically would move away from him if he even got the thought into his head that he was going to touch her. He had been zapped enough times to know that Lily did not appreciate his affection and so Andy had learned to just keep his hands to himself. She had let him pick her up, which he knew she was probably too upset to care at that point. But then she was still sitting in his lap-something that Lily had not done since she had been alive. Now he was flirting with her and she was reacting just as she would if she were still human. What-the-fuck-was-going-on?


“I was meditating, recharging after today and I found myself being brought back home to Heaven. Mets-Metatron- who is the voice of God and a close friend of mine, was there waiting for me. He-as God…um…he did something to me.” She was blushing now and Andy’s stomach clenched. What did that mean exactly? His head was not in a very good place right now and Andy could only flare his nostrils and clench his jaw.

“Oh! No! Nothing like that…he um, touched my arms and I felt this terrible pain go across my body. Then I woke up in my bunk and I could…um…well-I can feel again Andy…” She looked so sad in that moment that all Andy wanted to do was wrap his arms around her and hold her tightly to his chest.

“What does that mean exactly Lily?” Andy asked, his voice low and laced with confusion. She could feel again? Did that mean…

“I-I walked back to the lounge because I heard music and I wanted to see who was up and then I heard you singing that song…it reminded me of how I felt when I was a human. It made me feel sad…devastated.” She explained and Andy couldn’t help but smile. Savior-the song he had been finishing up, was his pride and joy and a song that he had written with the memory of Lily in mind.

“There’s something else…I can see it in your eyes Lily. Something else has happened…” Andy said and what he was saying wasn’t untrue. Lily was looking at him and her usually hard lavender eyes had grown soft and they got a doe eyed look in them whenever she made eye contact with him. Then a blush would creep across her nose and he could swear she looked at him like she…like she loved him.

“This is really hard and please understand that I don’t know what this means…I love you Andy…I still love you just as much as I did when I was a human and I know now that I never stopped loving you. I just…I just couldn’t for the longest time.” She was staring down at her hands now, too scared to make eye contact with the love of her life.


Andy was beyond confused. How had she loved him all along, but couldn’t actually love him? What had happened to her to make her forget how to love-how to feel? Andy sat there, Lily was still staring down at her hands and he suddenly placed two fingers underneath her chin and lifted her face up so that he could look in to her eyes. She was being serious and he could see the love shining through her pale orbs, but Andy still didn’t understand.

Slowly, he let his face drift down towards hers and as his lips captured her own, Lily felt warm all over. So this is what it felt like to love someone-to kiss someone and feel their passion for you. They broke apart slowly, Lily’s eyes opening and Andy only smiled as he bent down to kiss her nose before speaking.


“Tell me everything that happened Lily, from start to finish. I-I need to know why you stopped being able to love me…” He sounded so sad and Lily knew that her tale was only going to break his heart further. She sighed, turning away from him slightly as she faced one of the blank walls and held up her hand.

“I’ll tell you, but I also kind of need to show you.” She said softly and Andy’s eyes grew wide as the blank wall before them was filled with a scene that he had hoped he would never have to see again. Lily was laying in his arms, her blood spilling out of her chest and on to the floor and on to him. Andy felt his heart stop as the scene changed.

“I died, in your arms and I never got to thank you for being there for me when that happened. But after I died, I floated up for what turned out to be a week in human years. As soon as I reached the top, I was led in to a room by a faceless being. There I was left by myself for over ten Heavenly years.” Lily explained and Andy watched as the Lily on the wall paced, cried, collapsed in to a heap and screamed out for someone to please help her. It broke his heart, but at the same time he couldn’t help but feel slightly angry.

“After that finally someone came to get me and that someone turned out to be Michael-who is known as the Kindness of God. He held me as I cried and told me what had happened-that I had died and was now in Heaven. He also told me of God’s plan, not only for myself, but for you and the others aswell.” Andy looked at the screen and tears came to his eyes as another Angel, one with brown hair and kind eyes, bent down and helped Lily to her feet. He told her about her destiny and he hugged her as she cried before leading the small girl from the all white room.

“He knew I needed to see you-that I would find comfort in seeing you live your life. So he helped me to the Viewing Chamber and explained to me that as Angels, we were allowed to watch over the ones we loved. As soon as I looked over that balcony and watched you mourning me-I crumbled all over again. I watched you and Uriel at the cemetery, I watched you enter the recording studio and I watched as you cried out for me in your sleep at night.” Andy blushed-he never knew that Lily had been watching him for so long, but that thought gave him some comfort.

“A hundred years passed by and I never left that chamber. I-I couldn’t bear to not see you every day. Finally another Angel-Gabriel-came to me and told me that there was more in store for me than just being a Guardian. That’s when the training started…” Lily sounded angry now and Andy could see why. A very large Angel with a stern look on his beautiful face, had approached Lily and led her away from the chamber. Then quick bits of training flew on to the screen and Andy watched in awe.


Lily seemed to struggle at first-her spirit had been crushed with her death and it was obvious that she wanted to give in, but Gabriel wouldn’t let her. Andy found himself growing angry as he watched the taller Angel fight with Lily, pushing her down, dragging her back up, only to push her down once again. She would cry, begging to be taken back to the Viewing Chamber, but he would only laugh and tell her to get back to work. Andy looked to Lily then and he noticed that she had her hands clenched tightly in her lap.

“I trained with Gabriel for over two hundred years and after every session I would sneak off to watch you. I watched you sleep, eat, live your life. I watched you guys tour and I watched as you suddenly changed. Drinking more and more-Ashley handing girls over to you like they were door prizes. I became obsessed with getting you on the right path. Gabriel could see my obsession and he knew it was distracting me…I had a purpose and I wasn’t fulfilling it.” Lily explained and Andy said nothing as he looked towards the screen once again.


Lily was in the Viewing Chamber and he noticed that she looked so sad and disappointed as she looked over a marble balcony. He felt ashamed-he had never imagined that she was seeing what he was doing and Andy had never once thought about how it would have made her feel. The image changed-Lily and Gabriel were back in one of the Training Rooms-the walls covered in white padding and there were giant swords gleaming underneath the bright white light coming from above. Gabriel approached Lily and Andy watched as the Angel began to cry, both on screen and off. Gabriel had his left hand over Lily’s heart and he was speaking to her softly.


“He took something from me-my emotions-took them from me like they were a cancer and from that day forward I felt nothing but determination and passion. I watched over you, but it was as someone who had an investment in your actions. Not as a friend, a girlfriend or as a lover…you were nothing to me.” Lily explained and Andy’s heart began to hurt as he watched the scene unfold before his eyes.


Gabriel was talking to Lily, her hands were covering her eyes and she was shaking in pain. His large hand was still against her chest and Andy held his breath as he watched a red mist beginning to form between the space of the large hand and Lily’s shaking chest. The mist swirled and formed shapes-hearts mostly-until finally it dissipated and Lily dropped her hands. The look on her face was completely familiar to Andy at this point-determination and anger. She looked up at Gabriel-who was still speaking to her-and nodded her head before walking off. She was so robotic in her movements and Andy knew then that Lily had never chosen to stop loving him…the option to love and to feel had been taken away from her…


“I snuck down to Earth-coming to you in the form of a ghostly vision, thinking it would scare you straight, but it never seemed to work. Then you got piss drunk in that alleyway and God realized then that you needed me-all of you needed me. Angels falling to Earth was a rare thing, but I didn’t fall…I was pushed and I was sent here against my will.” Andy felt sad as he looked down at Lily and noticed she was watching the screen. Her small body, her large wings being useless as she plummeted towards Earth and then landed roughly-it made him angry to see that.

“I was so angry…with you…with Ash…with everyone. I wanted to get you guys back into shape quickly, with the hopes that I would then be sent home. Then God decided that my job was not being accomplished because you five could not find it in yourselves to listen to me and respect me…because I couldn’t love and respect you back. So…he gave me my ability to feel back…” Lily was looking up at him again, the screen having faded to black and Andy didn’t know what to say.


What did this mean? Was Lily now able to love him again? She said she did-that she could, but would she? She was looking up at him, her lavender eyes confused and there was a look of hurt in her stare. This girl-this Angel-had been through so much…going to Hell and back…all for him. She had been made to be with him-Uriel had told him that in the cemetery almost a year ago and Andy knew now that it was incredibly true. Lily had been made for him, but she had also been created to die-several times-to serve a higher purpose. That was fucked up in more ways than one.

“S-so what happens now?” Andy said softly as he smiled and reached down to take one of her hands in his own. Lily looked at their clasped hands, her eyes confused as she took everything in and Andy was afraid of what was going to happen.

“I-I don’t know. I love you, but I can’t love you…I-I shouldn’t. You are still a Demon Andy and I’m still an Angel…nothing good can come from this.” She explained, her voice sad and Andy felt like crying in that moment. They had broken the rules before-why was now so different?

“We’ve been together before Lil’-we can…we can be together now…like we’re supposed to be.” His smile was soft, sincere and Lily couldn’t help but return it.

“I-I know, but we were unknowingly breaking the rules. Now we both know that we shouldn’t be together…I-I don’t know what the aftermath of us being together would be…” She said and Andy watched as a single tear ran down her cheeks. He moved in, placing his lips against her skin and he quickly kissed the tear away.

“But I love you…you-you’re my everything.” He said and Lily only smiled at him, placing a hand against his cheek before standing up. They needed to get some sleep-the next few days were going to be hectic as the US leg of the tour was ending and soon enough they would be flying to go on their very first overseas tour in the UK.

“I love you too Andy…so much that it hurts me to see you like this. We can still be friends, but I just don’t know what’s going to happen…” She said as the two of them left the lounge, Andy turning off the light and then they were stopped in front of his bunk.

“Sleep with me tonight…” He said, his hands grabbing for hers and Lily looked up at him, her bangs falling into her face and she held her breath. Could she sleep again? She was feeling more and more human…would she finally be able to dream once again?

“Not tonight Andy…not tonight…” She said as she moved to get on her tip toes. She placed a kiss against the skin of his throat and Andy then pulled her to his chest tightly. He kissed the top of her blonde head, the smell of citrus making his head spin.

“Okay…but you owe me…” He laughed as he let her go and Lily only nodded her head before disappearing behind the curtain of her own bunk.

So much had changed in a day, but was change always a good thing?

Notes

Does it all make sense? If not please feel free to ask questions : )

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