What It Is To Burn

The bus was coming up into the distance and Dess was full on running towards it at this point. Her heart was racing as she ran over scenarios in her mind and as she finally got close enough to the bus Odessa felt her heart come to a full on stop. Shouting and cursing could be heard from inside and she moved towards the door, reaching for the handle but her hands were so sweaty from fear that her fingers slipped and she almost fell flat on her face in the gravel. The door was locked-they always kept it locked when the guys were inside because fans were-uh-well some of them were pretty crazy.

Dess smiled as she knocked on the door and she suddenly remembered when they were touring the US last winter and one girl had snuck back to their bus and had tried to climb through a window. Dess jumped as she heard a loud bang and she knocked on the door even louder. Finally Jon came down the steps, a look of relief on his face as he took her in and suddenly the door popped open, almost hitting her in the face.


“Thank God. I’ve seen them fight Dess, but nothing like this. I can’t get either one of them to back down and you how Andy gets when he feels slighted.” Jon said as he walked up the steps and Dess followed. Oh she knew-she knew perfectly well that when Andy got upset he would get hard headed and mean. He would get petty and say things just because he knew that his words could wound and he didn’t give a fuck about the aftermath.

“What started all of this?” She asked as Dess followed Jon and soon they were on the bus. Everything exploded before her eyes and Dess could do nothing but take it all in.


Andy was standing with his back towards her, his hands held up in front of him defensively and Dess felt the need to go up to him and wrap her arms around his waist. She didn’t know what was going on, but she had never seen the guys act this way before and she had been with them almost constantly for a year and a half. Ashley was standing near the entrance to the back of the bus, his sunglasses up on his head and his face was red and his eyes angry as he shouted at Andy.

Jinxx and Jake were both standing in the middle, Jinxx facing Andy and Jake facing Ashley-their hands were held up towards the fighters and Dess looked around to see where CC had gotten to. He was there-sitting at the kitchen table with a Monster in his hand, looking concerned with his brown eyes as wide as they would possibly go. As she approached, Jon held out a hand to stop her and Dess tried to focus on what they were saying.


“Fuck you! Fuck you you egotistical mother fucker!” Ashley snarled and Dess felt her heart stop-she could tell he was still slightly drunk. Fuck-no wonder they were fighting so badly.

“Dude! I fucking told you I had nothing to do with it! Tilly’s schedules the signings and it was a fucking mistake on Felicia’s part anyways!” Andy yelled and Dess cocked her head to the side-she was confused. Andy had had a solo signing at the Tilly’s Tent today, which had seemed weird since usually it was all of the guys or at least three of them, but sometimes weird shit happened on tour.

“Oh fuck that! I saw the look in your fucking eyes when Jon told you that it was a solo signing. We all know you’re the favorite in this fucking band and we’re nothing more than you’re fucking back up dancers!” Dess winced as she saw Ash come towards Andy but thankfully Jake’s hand stopped him from getting any closer.

“I can’t help who the fans like Ash! I don’t think of you guys that way and I’m sorry if you feel that way! I love you guys…you’re my fucking brothers and without you I wouldn’t even have this.” Andy said, his voice quiet and Dess felt her heart stop. He sounded so sad and so tired and all she wanted to do was hug him but Jon was still holding her in place.

“Oh you knew what you were doing by sending out all those selfies on fucking Instagram! They love you-just fucking admit it!” Ashley screamed, his voice echoing off of the walls and Dess felt herself cringe. They both were so angry and she didn’t know if either one of them were going to make it out of this fight without hurt feelings or egos.

“Selfies?! Really Ashley?! That’s really where you’re drawing the line in the sand? Dude you’re just fucking jealous that I have someone in my life who loves and supports me no matter what and all you fucking have is a bunch of groupies who just want to say that they fucked you! Kit can’t fucking stand you man! You fucked that up and just because you have a little crush on Dess doesn’t mean you’re going to fuck up my life to get to her!” The bus got eerily silent as Dess looked on with wide eyes and then she screamed, her hands coming to her face.


Ashley was flying through the air-Jake being unable to contain the bassist-and he hit Andy’s chest and they both fell to the ground. Dess felt the tears come to her eyes as she looked down at her feet and watched as Andy tussled with Ashley and soon fists were flying. Ashley got in a cheap shot, hitting Andy on the shoulder as he rolled out of the way and finally CC and Jake were able to pull the two apart. Ashley’s sunglasses had fallen off of his head and were now laying, broken, on the floor of the bus and Andy was pulling his shirt down, his face beet red but he looked okay.

Jake tugged Ashley off towards the back lounge, a string of profanities following behind them and suddenly Jon had let go of her and Dess moved towards where Andy was now sitting on the couch. His chest was going a mile a minute as he looked out in front of him and Dess said nothing as she wrapped an arm around his shoulders and leaned her head against his bare arm.

They all sat there, the silence was almost deafening but it seemed like everyone was too afraid to speak. Andy was still breathing really heavy, his mouth hanging open slightly and he finally seemed to notice her sitting there as Dess pressed her lips against his bare skin. He looked down at her, his eyes wide and scared looking. Something like this had never happened before and none of them knew what to do. Or what to say. Dess looked around the room and took everything in as she scanned her eyes over the two remaining band members that were both avoiding her gaze like the plague.

CC was back at the kitchen table, his Monster up to his lips but he wasn’t drinking-instead he was just staring off into space. Jinxx was sitting in one of the recliners, his hands clasped together and he leaned down with his elbows resting on his knees. What did the other three members of Black Veil Brides think of all this? Was it over? Was the band done as of today?


“Can someone please tell me what happened? I am so beyond confused right now it’s not even funny.” Dess said, unmoving as her head remained against Andy’s arm and finally she felt him relax beneath her comforting touch.

“There was a mix up and some of it was on my part. Felicia, the band coordinator, sends me a text every morning to tell me where the guys will be signing. Tilly’s, AP or at our own. This morning she sent me a text saying that Andy would be at Tilly’s but alone. He’s only signed alone twice and both times were at the AP Tent for the opening show and then once more. I didn’t even think to double check with Tilly’s and when Ashley found out-“ Jon stopped as Andy huffed under his breath and Dess turned to him. He still looked pissed, but she could see that his features were beginning to soften.

“-he flipped his shit is what he did! Dude I have never seen him so fucking heated!”CC shouted from his spot at the table and Dess shot him a ‘must you with this right now?’ look and then she turned back towards Jon.

“Ashley’s been drinking for most of the day and in his drunken stupor he got really upset and started picking at Andy-it escalated and that’s when I sent Trish to get you and then you thankfully walked on in time…” Jon stopped talking as there was a loud crash from the back and suddenly Ashley was standing in front of them.

“Go on…finish.” Ashley said as he stared Jon down and then the bassist turned to Dess and Andy and she seriously thought if looks could kill she would be dead right at that very moment.

“Ash…” Jake said, a warning in his voice but the bassist said nothing as he walked over to Dess and bent down to that his face was mere inches from hers.

“Of fucking course it’s Odessa to the rescue. You are the fucking reason his fucking ego has gotten so fucking huge…all you do is indulge him. You take care of him so much that you can’t even fucking take care of yourself…” His voice was low and Dess said nothing as her eyes became slits and she felt Andy tense up beneath her.

“Leave her alone man…” Andy warned, his hands clenching in to fists as he looked up at the person who he had thought was his best friend. Ashley only smirked as he reached out and clamped two fingers on her chin and held her head in place. Dess had no idea what to do, so she just sat there and let him take his anger out on her. Better her than Andy and then the band would be over with.

“Oh come on Dess-give us a kiss…” Ashley cackled as Dess shook her head and he let her face go. Ashley stood up straight and looked down at Andy, a wicked smirk on his face.

“One of these days Biersack she will see you for the pathetic attention whore that you are and she’ll leave. I’ll be there…waiting to catch her in the wings.” Ashley said and within seconds Andy was on his feet and the two bandmates were chest to chest-Andy had to look down at Ashley slightly but they both still looked menacing.

“I swear to God Ash if you ever touch her I will rip you a part…” Andy said through gritted teeth and Dess had had enough. They were both acting like babies and one of them needed to back down before they ended up rolling around on the floor again.

“Stop it! Both of you just stop!” She cried out as Dess moved to her feet and she was able to squeeze in between the two and push them a part. She faced Andy and Dess brought her hands up to his face, bringing his gaze down to meet hers and he suddenly felt lost in her moss green eyes.

“Babe-Andy-stop. It’s okay. Lets just head out and go for a walk…” She suggested and Dess let his face go as Andy only nodded and reached down for her hand. Ashley just looked on as the couple moved away from him and then headed off towards the front of the bus and soon they disappeared down the stairs and out in to the summer heat.


Dess had to blink a few times as her eyes took in the bright light that was shining off of the side of the bus. She felt Andy’s hand in her own and she smiled as she looked out around them and tried to decide which way to head. Off to the left were more buses and then the highway, but to the right was a small picnic area with some trees and very few people. That’s what Andy needed in that moment-silence and some time to be alone so that he could calm down. She pulled him off to the right and Andy allowed himself to be led around like a puppy-he was too angry and upset to think about much else.

What Ash had said had really gotten to him and silently Andy wondered if the bassist was secretly right. Andy loved the fans and he loved how dedicated they were to him and the band. He was the frontman and so naturally he would be seen in the forefront of the band. The guys were all important and Andy never wanted any of them to feel otherwise.

Andy looked around and noticed that Dess was leading him towards a small shaded area and he was grateful to be alone with her. If there was anyone who could help him make sense of all of this it would be Odessa. She always told him the truth, even if it meant that his feelings got hurt and while she was always on his side, Andy knew that she wouldn’t allow him to buy into his own ego. Dess moved to sit down on top of the nearest picnic table and Andy followed, pulling his cigarettes out of a pocket before he took a seat next to her.

He placed the stick between his lips and flicked the lighter in his fingers until a small flame appeared. He lit the end and inhaled deeply, throwing his head back slightly as his eyes closed and he felt the warm sun on his face. She was next to him, but she felt miles away at that point. Andy played over the fight in his mind and he cringed as he opened his eyes and looked to the girl that was sitting next to him.

Dess had her bare legs up against her chest, her cheek resting on top of her knees as she looked at him. Her blonde and pink hair was flowing down over her shoulder, tickling her skin as she looked at him and smiled softly. Her lip ring and dimple piercing flashed in the sunlight and her light green eyes were looking at him with so much love that Andy was sure he would catch on fire from her stare. She was wearing short cut off jean shorts, a pale teal and white crop top and her worn flip flops.

Her tattoos were bright in the sun and her lips held a bemused smirk on them. Andy leaned over and rested his forehead against hers and he felt himself sigh heavily. This moment of peace with Odessa felt like something that Andy never wanted to let go of-he wanted to stay in this moment with her forever. He wanted to go home-he didn’t want to be a rockstar anymore.


“Penny for your thoughts?” She asked and Andy smirked as he pulled away from her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“It’ll take a lot more than just a penny…” He laughed as Dess smirked up at him, her eyes squinting in the bright sunlight as she looked up at him.

“Well how about you just tell me what’s going on in that newly blonde head of yours?” Dess suggested and Andy only smirked as he looked away from her and trained his eyes out over the busses.

“I never meant for him to feel that way babe…I never meant for any of this to happen.” Andy said sadly and he turned so that his chin was resting on her shoulder and Dess sighed loudly.

“Whoa…the guys know that you never wanted to be the object of thousands of girl’s obsessions, but it happened and there isn’t much you can do to stop it.” She said and Andy remained silent as he looked up at her through the bangs that had fallen in to his face.

“Isn’t there? I mean Ash is kind of right-I could stop posting so many selfies and maybe if I don’t interact with people as much-“ Dess cut him off with a finger to his lips and Andy just looked at her wide eyed.

“-and if you do that, especially that last part, you will lose the fans that you have now. They love you guys-all of you-because they feel like they can get close to you. Stop thinking about this so much-it’s going to drive you crazy.” She said, her voice calm and yet there was a stern tone to her voice. Dess couldn’t believe what she was hearing coming from Andy’s mouth at this point but he was hurt and prone to say stupid things.

“But-“ He tried to say and Dess only shot him down with a single look. Jesus he loved this girl-she never let him get away with anything.

“But nothing Andy. We all fall down sometimes…I remember someone telling me that once and then writing a song about it. Ash is just drunk and upset at the world-he’ll be fine once he sobers up a bit.” Dess reasoned and even though she was very angry with Ashley Purdy in that moment she knew that he was just dealing with some pretty hefty demons.

“He just seemed so mad and the shit he said to you-babe I legitimately want to kill him at this point.” Andy grumbled as he looked at her before turning his gaze out towards the busses. There were a lot of people out today and Andy knew that soon the two of them would have to leave their little haven of silence and get ready to get on stage.

“Am I crying right now?” Dess asked, one of her eyebrows raised and Andy only looked at her. Her face was devoid of tears, her moss green eyes sparkling in the sun light and she held small smirk on her lips.

“No.” He said simply and Dess’ smile only grew wider.

“Exactly. Ashley didn’t hurt my feelings. Trust me-I want to kill him as much as you do at this point but I also know that he didn’t mean half the things he said and he’ll probably feel crappy about it tomorrow.” She said simply and Andy only looked at her once more before taking another long drag off of his cigarette. Dess wished he would quit smoking-it was horrible for him and he smoked almost two packs a day, but she couldn’t make him do something he had no interest in doing.

“When did you become the wise one in this relationship?” Andy asked as he leaned in and placed a soft kiss against her cheek.

“When you began to get so consumed with what people thought of you. The Andy I remember is the same one who flicked off an entire room of people and told them to fuck themselves because they didn’t care enough to vote for who they wanted to win and so you guys stole the award…” Dess said, her tone pointed and Andy blushed at the memory. That had been a night of too many drinks and a lot of aggression.

“I apologized for that you know…” He said, his voice quiet as Andy rubbed the back of his neck, his fingers touching the shaved skin and he shivered.

“That’s my point-why are you apologizing? You used to not care what people thought or said about you. All you cared about was if your fans were happy and healthy. Here lately you’ve been taking things more to heart and it has to stop. Fuck those who can’t accept us for who we are.” Dess said, her eyes serious as she looked at him and Andy smirked that lopsided grin at her as he leaned in and pressed his lips against hers.

“You-you’re right.” Andy said softly as he reached out and ran a thumb over her cheekbone and Dess tilted her head in to his touch. It felt really good being like this and even though she was feeling worse than ever-Dess knew she couldn’t show it.


That very morning she had woken up with a terrible migraine and stomach pains so bad she almost asked Andy to take her to the hospital. Dess was scared-shit she was terrified, but she knew that she had to remain strong for Andy and the rest of the guys. She was also becoming more and more scatter brained-giving people the wrong change, forgetting to put on shorts or shoes before trying to go outside and there was the moment that she refused to think about involving her walking in the bathroom while CC was in there and she proceeded to brush her teeth while he was in the shower.

She felt confused and unsure of things, which made her more uncomfortable and as she sat there Dess realized something-she was incredibly sick and probably needed to go home. She wouldn’t though. No Dess was going to make it through the rest of this tour even if it killed her. By how she was feeling at that moment-that could very well be a possibility.


“Well we should head back to the bus since you guys are going on in a little bit.” Dess said as she stretched out her legs in front of her and noticed that Andy couldn’t take his eyes off of her.

“You are so beautiful and precious to me, you know that?” He asked, his smile wide and his teeth were glinting in the sunlight and Dess only smiled at him softly and shook her head.

“Don’t change the subject Biersack.” She said as she moved to get up, her back to him and suddenly Dess felt his tattooed arms snake around her waist and she looked down. Andy had recently gotten another tattoo-The Joker and he was going to begin slow work on his other sleeve, which would match hers in a way since it would be Batman themed. His chin came to rest on her shoulder and she shivered as he whispered in her ear.

“Not changing the subject-it’s true. I don’t know what I would do without you Odessa…I don’t know where I would be in life.” She felt him smile against her skin and Dess allowed herself to lean back into his arms, her back resting against his chest and she felt him breathing.

“You would be here-with some other girl…some other summer love that you developed and you would love her as much as you love me right now.” She said and soon his lips were resting against her temple and as he kissed her skin softly, Dess felt her eyes close and she got lost in the moment.

“No-I can’t even imagine loving someone as much as I love you. I’ve loved before Dess but never to this intensity…” He said and she smiled as Dess moved away from him and turned so that they were facing.

“I don’t know about that, but we probably should head back. Are you feeling calmer now?” She asked as she reached for his hand and Andy smiled down at her, his blonde head shining in the sun as he allowed himself to be pulled along as they made their way back to the bus.

“You always make me feel calmer…” His voice was low as they started off towards the busses, hand in hand as they walked through the summer sun.


Walking like that, hand in hand, reminded Dess of the first time Andy had grabbed for her hand-it had been in a situation just like this where they were behind the buses-that comfortable silence over taking them as they walked. That had been two years ago and things had been so different then…they had been different. Andy had been cocky and full of himself-sure in everything about his life and what he wanted for it. Dess had been hiding behind her job and her costumed appearance-too worried about how she came off to people that she had completely lost herself.

Andy had humbled-Moira’s death had taught him that things in life couldn’t always be predicted and sometimes you had to be the one to apologize. Dess had grown in to herself and even though lately she had been feeling lost-being the girlfriend of Andy Biersack and all-but she was who she had been when she was seventeen and she was happier for it. They loved one another and even though the past two years had been filled with bumpy roads-deaths, fighting, near break-ups and now a wedding and sickness-they had made it and they both knew they were stronger because of it. They were stronger because of one another.


“You ready to get back in there?” Dess asked as she dropped his hand and turned so that she was facing Andy. His blue eyes were bright in the light of the day but there was an unsure look on his face as they stood outside of their bus and he looked up in to the windows.

“Not really…” He said, his voice low and his eyes moved from the bus until they were trained on her face. Dess was smiling up at him gently, her eyes bright and Andy could see that her nose was getting sunburned-she had gained a small spattering of freckles across her skin and it was adorable.

“Baaabe…” Dess said, her voice playful as she grabbed for his hand and tried to pull him along towards the door of the bus. It was almost time for him to get ready to head over to the stage with the guys and Dess wasn’t about to let him be late because he was afraid of what was going to happen. Or what would be said once he stepped on that bus.

“Can’t we just stay out here and wait until it’s time-I’m pretty much ready for the stage anyways.” Andy pouted down at her and she only smiled as Dess looked at him and took in what he was wearing. One of her t-shirts, the arms and most of the sides cut out, his black skinny jeans with the knees ripped out and his black Toms. He was pretty stage ready, but that wasn’t the point.

“Never give in, never back down babe…” Dess smirked up at him as she tugged on his hand once more and Andy just followed behind her, his mouth hanging open slightly.

“Did you just quote my own lyrics back at me?” He asked as they reached the door and Dess paused with her hand on the handle as she turned and looked up at him. His cheeks were bright red and he was obviously getting sun burnt, but God she loved this man before.

“Fuck yes I did Biersack. Now get your ass on the bus and lets get ready to do the damn thing.” Dess laughed at him as she pulled open the door and began to walk up the small flight of steps.


Andy only followed behind her, shaking his head silently as he watched her go and as he entered the bus and saw his bandmates, Andy prayed silently. He prayed that they could all work through this and that it would be okay. Mostly he prayed for Dess that she would get better and he thanked God for bringing her to him at such a rough time in his life.

Notes

O.O That was intense. Sad thing is something like this really happened this past summer and lets all hope it never happens again.

Reviews? I'll love you all forever and ever. <3

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