Dess peaked around the corner of CC’s drum kit and her eyes grew wide-for such a small show there seemed to be a lot of people in the audience tonight. The guys were gearing up to play their first show back in the states, a small one in LA to test out their new material to an American audience and Dess knew that they were all nervous.

Turning back to walk towards the dressing room, Dess smiled softly to herself as she thought about the previous week. Andy had been sick, mostly from exhaustion and taking care of him had been fun. He whined, a lot, but Dess felt like they had gotten back to the way things had been before the relationship-when they were just best friends.


“Pretty big crowd out there guys…” Dess said as she reached the dressing room and all of the guys, except Andy, turned to face her.

“How big?” Jake asked, putting down his guitar.

“Awesome man!” CC called from one of the couches, twirling drumsticks between his fingers as he downed a Monster.

“How many hot chicks did you see?” Ashley asked, capping his eyeliner as he turned to Dess and smirked.

“It’s a larger crowd than I would have expected for it not being a regular tour and I don’t know Ash…I wasn’t scoping out the chicks.” Dess just laughed as she entered the room and sidled up to where Andy was standing, finishing up his makeup as he turned to her, a nervous smile playing on his lips.

“…I’m really fucking nervous for this Dess…” Andy admitted softly and Dess just took him in. His eyes were shadowed heavily in black and he had painted a white stripe across the bridge of his nose-something he hadn’t done since Moira.

“Why? You guys are awesome and they love you.” She rubbed a gentle hand across his shoulders, looking at his eyes in the mirror and Dess tried to give him an encouraging smile.

“I know…it’s just the first time we’ll be playing new stuff from the album and what if they don’t like it?” Andy’s eyes were scared as he met her gaze in the mirror and Dess felt her heart go out to him. Softly she leaned in, kissing his cheek as he turned to her and smiled.

“I’ve only heard three songs off of this album-which I think I should hear all of it at this point-and I love it…I’m not even your biggest fan…” Towards the end Dess heard her voice get lower and she knew that they were both thinking of the same person: Moira.


Dess sucked in a breath, placing a fake smile on her lips as she looked up at Andy. His blue eyes, always so happy, seemed sad and scared and Dess knew it wasn’t just because of tonight. Moira had been so excited to know that the band was going to release a new album and Dess knew that Andy had wanted her to be the first person to get a copy. With that no longer being a possibility, both of them had to suck in their despair and trudge on because they knew that Moira was looking down on them and she wouldn’t approve of their wallowing. The guys quickly finished getting ready and as they gathered together to go over last minute things, Dess walked over to the stage and stood off to the side, looking out over the crowd once again.

The guys ran out on stage one by one, all of them clapping her on the back as they passed and Dess smiled as Andy passed her, leaning down to kiss her before running out to wild shouts. She watched as they started off with Fallen Angels, the crowd shouting and screaming along and Andy turned to her, the biggest smile on his face as he nodded his head softly. After they finished the first song, Andy held his hand in the air, requesting that the crowd quiet down so that he could be heard.


“What the fuck is going on tonight LA?!” He held the mic out towards the crowd and the floor shook at their loud response.

“We want to thank all of you for coming out tonight! Tonight is a special night for a few reasons-It is our first night back in the states!” More wild applause and shouts filled the air as Andy struggled to continue.

“We also are almost finished with our third album and wanted to play a few songs for you guys tonight!” Andy glanced over his shoulder at her and Dess just held up her thumbs as the crowd roared.

“Finally-this show is one that we would like to dedicate to one of our fallen members. You guys may know or you may not, but this past spring we lost a girl who was very close to this band's heart and a lot of our record reflects the things that we have gone through with her passing. Moira Elizabeth Montgomery-I hope you’re watching from wherever you are-this night is all for you!” With that Jinxx and Jake started to play the opening strains of In The End and the crowd listened in near silence.


Dess wiped at her cheeks, her tears hot and sticky as she watched the guys perform for her sister. She wished Moira had lived long enough to see this-to see her saviors mourn her in such a sweet and gentle way. Dess had talked to each of the guys about Moira’s passing and all of them seemed to miss her terribly, but none more than CC. She laughed as Dess thought back to how much CC and Moira used to make her giggle with their wild antics and jokes and she knew that she would miss her sister’s laughter more than anything.


“That was In The End, which is going to be the first single off of our new record Wretched and Divine and I hope you guys liked it!” Andy shouted into the mic before the band was off to another song. They played for close to an hour, which was long for a show that wasn’t part of a tour and finally Andy motioned for the audience to quiet down once again.

“You know-we as a band pride ourselves on the fact that a lot of you find comfort in our music…” A smattering of applause came towards him and Andy waited until all was quiet before he continued.

“I love that I can be there for each and every one of you when you’re in need, but it breaks my heart to admit that there was one person in this world that I couldn’t save. Moirabear, I’m sorry I couldn’t be your hero when you needed me-this one is for you.” Andy inhaled deeply and Dess felt her mouth drop open at his confession. She knew that Andy held some blame to himself for what had happened, but she didn’t know that he wrote a song about it.


I'm a loaded gun
An only son
But I'm nobody's hero
I've come undone
I'm on the run
Yeah, I'm nobody's hero
Nobody's hero


Dess felt like her heart was going to beat out of her chest as she listened. Andy looked over towards her, his eyes sad as he turned back towards the audience. They seemed to be loving it and by the second chorus a lot of them were singing along. Dess looked out, catching Jinxx’s eye as he continued to play and she felt her face grow hot as Andy continued to sing.


“…I can’t lead you to salvation. Yet I am just a man…” With that Dess had to walk away, not even waiting to hear the rest of the song. She ran through the halls of the small club, her hands swiping at her cheeks as the tears poured down her face.


Dess made it to the door of the dressing room, but quickly decided that she needed to be somewhere that no one could see her. Her emotions flooded her mind as Dess sought out another room, finally finding a small broom closet at the end of the hall. She entered, flicking on the light and shutting the door behind her as she flipped the lock before collapsing onto the floor in a heap. Her sobs racked her body, shaking her until her teeth chattered in her head but Dess couldn’t stop. Andy felt like he couldn’t save Moira-Dess had put that thought in to his head and now he felt useless to his fans because of her. Her loud sobs grew quiet as Dess laid there and she sat up, her hands balling into fists as she looked towards the ceiling.


“Look you son of a bitch. I let you take my father and that not being enough you took Moira from me too. Well I have news for you-You can’t have him!” Her tears were angry as they fell down her cheeks and Dess reached out, her fist punching the nearest thing.

“Why?! Why her? There are plenty of horrible people in this world that you could have taken and yet you take a child…” She was angry and her hand hurt more than she would have thought possible but Dess couldn’t stop.

“I want to make a deal with you. You can keep Moira, but please…please leave me Andy…he’s the only good thing in my world anymore and if you take him from me-be prepared to have me come with him and when I do so help me-I will come to you with my guns blazing…” Dess hissed this out and as she moved her eyes down from the ceiling she noticed that she had blood running down her knuckles.


When she had taken out her aggression on something, Dess didn’t think about the fact that brick walls were a lot stronger than her knuckles. She hissed in pain, bringing her hand up against her chest as she leaned back against the wall of her tiny broom closet sanctuary. She could hear silence and then soft voices as fans gathered backstage to meet the band and Dess held her breath. She didn’t want to be found, especially not now-not like this. Her tears kept falling as Dess silently kept bargaining with God and she held her breath as she heard Andy’s voice in the distance.

Dess prayed silently that Andy wouldn’t come looking for her, at least not yet. She just wanted to have one thing in her life-just one-that wasn’t going to be ripped away from her and Dess wanted that one thing to be Andy. He made her so happy, every day was a new adventure with him and while they fought, Dess couldn’t imagine fighting like that with anyone else. Sighing she turned her face up towards the ceiling once again and spoke softly.


“God…I’m begging you-please don’t take Andy from me too. He means everything to me and I don’t think I could live without him in my life. I swear…if you do this for me I will forgive you for taking Moira from me…please…” She cried softly, her ears perking up as she heard someone shuffling their feet outside the door.

“Dess? Babe are you in there?” It was Andy, his voice muffled by the wood but Dess knew it was him. Quickly she stood, placing her bloodied hand behind her back as Dess moved to unlock the door.

“Dess…why are you in a broom closet?” She was face to face with Andy now and as he came to her, his strong arms wrapping around her, Dess felt herself let all of the anger that she had been feeling since Moira’s death go and she gripped onto Andy with all of her strength.

“Where did you go babe? You were there one minute and then the next thing I know you disappeared. Why are you crying?” He finally noticed her wet cheeks and as Dess moved her hands to wipe away her tears Andy noticed her bloody knuckles and his stomach turned.

“What happened?! Who did this to you?!” He was angry and Dess shrank away from him as Andy reached out and put an arm around her shoulders as he quickly ushered her into the dressing room.

“Hey Jon can you go get some bandages please?!” Andy called out to their manager as he picked Dess up and placed her up on one of the counters. His eyes didn’t leave her hands as Andy inspected the damage and Dess looked around the room.


Ashley and CC had stopped their drinking and were looking over at her, their faces laced with concern. Jake too had his eyes on her and Dess felt her stomach sink as she noticed that Jinxx had hung up his phone and was walking towards her, his eyes worried as he approached. Andy didn’t look up at her as he grabbed a bottle of water and took the cap off with his teeth as his fingers held onto her hand. She hissed in pain as the water spilled over her wound and Dess sucked in a breath as she looked down. The skin across her knuckles had been split and more blood was coming to the surface as they all looked down and watched.


“What happened…”Jinxx asked as Dess looked up at him, her eyes pleading with him silently as Andy stayed quiet and began to wrap her knuckles in the bandage that Jon had tracked down.

“Guys…can you leave Dess and I for a minute…please?” Andy asked, looking over his shoulder as all of his bandmates nodded in agreement and soon Andy and Dess were alone. Dess couldn’t meet his gaze, but she could feel Andy staring her down and so hesitantly she locked eyes with him.

“Odessa…what happened. From start to finish…” He pleaded with her and Andy leaned down, kissing her uninjured hand as he heard her suck in a breath and begin to speak.

“Nothing happened. No one attacked me babe…I got angry, punched a wall and that’s it.” It wasn’t untrue, it was just the cliff notes version of what Odessa was really feeling right now.

“Why did you leave though? I really wanted you to hear that song Dess…” His eyes were sad and Odessa knew she couldn’t keep this from him, not now, not after everything they’d been through.

“I heard you start that song and I felt my heart break. I nev-I didn’t ever want you to feel like you couldn’t save Moira…I’m sorry I ever put that thought into your head.” Her tears were softly running down her cheeks and Dess sighed as she felt his fingers touch her skin, wiping them away.

“That’s why you did this?” He held her injured hand in his own, gently rubbing the pads of his fingers across the top of her hand.

“I did this because I’m angry-was angry with God…”She blurted it out, afraid to elaborate because she knew she sounded crazy at this point.

“…I’m angry with him too Dess, but I would never hurt myself…” He placed a finger under her chin as he rose to stand in front of her and soon Dess’ eyes were locked with Andy’s.

“I heard you talking while I was standing outside the door. Are you scared you’re going to lose me too Dess?” His voice was low, careful, as Andy searched her eyes and soon fresh tears were gracing her delicate cheeks.

“I-I-Yes! I’m so-so sca-scared that one day you’re just going to leave…” She was sobbing now, her head coming to rest against her chest, her injured hand laying against her knees as Andy reached down and grabbed for her other hand.

“I would never let that happen babe. Never. Do you hear me…” He kissed her knuckles, moving away from her as Andy reached down, grabbing the hem of his shirt he pulled it up so that she was looking at part of his side and most of his back.

“Do you see that? That flower is there for you-you are my destiny Odessa Annemarie and don’t you ever think that I would just leave you. I will fight until the last breath leaves my body before I would ever-ever-leave you alone in this world.” She stared at his side, the Camellia flower glowing back up at her and Odessa could only look up and lock eyes with Andy.

“You have done nothing wrong in mourning Moira, Dess.” Andy leaned down, pressing his lips against hers softly and Dess felt herself press up against him.


Her heart felt lighter as he kissed her and once he pulled away Dess didn’t feel hallow, like she had been feeling lately whenever they embraced. Kissing him over the past few weeks felt like it would be their last and every time Dess had to hold back tears. With this kiss-she felt free, like she did the first time they kissed over a year ago, leaning up against his bus as the summer air swirled around them.


“No more punching walls Dess…” Andy laughed against her lips and Dess smiled.

“No-no I don’t think I’ll need to do that anymore…” She smirked up at him, their hands together as the rest of the band filled the room once again but all the two of them could do was look at one another and feel as if maybe they had finally come to the end of the storm that they had been weathering together.

Notes

UPDATE! Yay! Thanks for hanging in there guys-I had a really fun and relaxing weekend and as I drove everyone around I was bouncing ideas in and out of my head for the third installment of this What It Is To Burn. If everything goes according to plan-I should have this story done by tuesday and then either wednesday or thursday I will be posting the third part! So keep your eyes peeled for that.

Please, pretty pretty please review-I love hearing from you guys because it makes me smile and helps keep me going when I'm typing my fingers to the bone ; )

We Caught Fire Tumblr