Saviour

We arrive in LA at around 2 in the morning.

“You can stay at my place if you want.” Jinxx says.

“Sure”

We take a taxi to his house. We sit in a comfortable silence until we reach his house. Jinxx pays the driver and we get out. His house is very small; or at least it looks like it from the outside.

“There are only two bedrooms in this house and one is filled with music equipment, so you can sleep in my bed and I’ll take the couch, if you want?” He asks me.

“Uh, yea, thanks” I say, kinda hoping he would ask if he could stay with me tonight.

He shows me to hi room and I out my stuff down. I sit on the bed and he follows. I sit there quietly, looking at the floor and biting my lip.

“Jinxx?”

“Yea?”

“Will you stay with me tonight?” I ask him, afraid of what he’ll answer.

“Why?” He asks.

“Because… I’m afraid of being alone. All I ever do is hurt myself.” I say, ashamed.

“I hate that you hurt yourself”

“It’s all I’ve ever been able to do to just, I don’t know, let everything go…”

“There are plenty of other things you could do. You could write or draw or play music or even just listen to music.”

“I’ll listen to Saviour on repeat, but that only helps so much. I don’t know, my thoughts just consume me when I’m alone and I just can’t handle.” I tell him, still looking at the floor.

“Promise me you’ll stop, though, please?”

“I can’t. I’m sorry” I say and he hugs me.

“At least promise that you won’t leave.”

“What do you mean by leave?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

“You know what I mean, Valerey, just please don’t”

I hate seeing him upset like this. I know he hates that I hurt myself, but why does he even care? I’m just a stupid person. I’m worthless and yet he’s chosen me? I just don’t understand why.

We lay down in bed together and I snuggle into his chest.

“I love you, Valerey” He whispers.

“Why?”
Shit! I didn’t mean to say that. Please tell me he didn’t hear it.

“Because you’re a kind, beautiful and all around amazing girl.”

“Oh” is all I had to say. Why the fuck did I say that out loud?

I wake up around 2 in the afternoon.

“It’s about time” I hear Jinxx say.

So it wasn’t a dream.

“Hurry and get ready. We’re gonna meet the guys at Starbucks.”

“Alright” I say, still tired.

I go into the bathroom and put on a pair of dark red skinny jeans and an A Day to Remember shirt. I put my makeup on and walk out of the bathroom. As soon as I’m out Jinxx hugs me.

“You’re absolutely gorgeous” He says and I kiss him. He’s the sweetest person ever.

“We have to go now, the guys are waiting” he says.

Oh god, I can feel my anxiety rise. I know I’ve met them before, but that was once and I barely talked, it was Belle who was talking. We get in the car and drive to Starbucks. I don’t say a thing the entire car ride and when we reach the coffee shop, I take a deep breath.

“What’s wrong, Val? You’ve talk to them before” He asks.

“Uh, nothing” I reply quickly and get out of the car.

We walk into Starbucks and sit down with the rest of the guys. I just sit there quietly for a good 10 minutes looking at the ground.

“What’s up?” Andy asks me and I don’t reply. I was half expecting Annabelle to answer for me when I remembered she was gone. It really should’ve been me. She deserves life more than I do… way more than I do.

“She’s been having a really hard time.” Jinxx answers.

“Why?” Andy asks him. “And where’s Annabelle”

“Uh...” He looks at me and I get up and run to the bathroom.

“She got shot by Valerey’s grandfather.” I hear Jinxx say before I close the bathroom door.

Luckily it’s a single bathroom so I don’t have to worry about anyone hearing me cry. I lock the door and open the back of my cell phone. I take the battery out and reveal the razor blade hidden underneath it. Since I never promised Jinxx I would stop hurting myself, I dug the razor into my skin. It felt so good. I made a few marks, then got up and fixed my makeup from my crying and walk back to the table.

I sit back down with my hands in my lap, looking at the ground. We sit there for a minute or two in silence.

“We can go back to my place so we’re not in public” Andy says.

“Sure” everyone but me reply in unison.

I get in the car with Jinxx and as soon as I shut my door he asks what I knew he was going to.

“What were you doing in there?”

I don’t say anything. He turns me around to face him.

“Please stop” he says. I can hear the worry in his voice.

I start crying all over again and he hugs me.

“I know it’s hard losing someone you love, but you have to be strong. Please stop hurting yourself” He says practically begging and I nod.

I know of a way to quit hurting myself…

Notes

Sorry it took so long to update. I love you guys so much and thank you for reading. Stay strong guys.