Now Remembered. But For How Long?
Start Over
*Jake's POV*
The bus started moving and I heard Jinxx and Juni talking. I opened one eye slightly and saw Juni get helped up by Jinxx. They started talking so I listened in.
"What do I tell Jake? He's going to be so mad with me." Juni sighed. What is she talking about? Why would I be mad with her? She didn't do anything wrong. And I could never be mad at her.
"He won't be mad. I've known Jake forever. He'll be upset but he won't be mad. He loves you too much to be mad at you. I already had to lie to Jake today about what happened in the back room. You need to tell him soon. And by soon I mean tomorrow." Jinxx lied to me?! okay what the fuck is going on? Jinxx does NOT lie. What the fuck happened to Juni? It's not her cutting because she didn't do it.
"When did he ask?"
"While you were drumming."
"Oh. What did he ask?"
"he said, 'why were you carrying Juni and why were her eyes puffed and red?'"
"What did you tell him?"
"You were tired and there was something in your eye so you rubbed it and it got puffed and red."
"Thank you so much Jinxx." Time to break this little conversation up. I started to move and
stretch. Juni looked over at me when I sat up.
"Good Morning sleepy head." Juni came over and ruffled my hair.
"Hey." I yawned. Now how do I get Juni to tell me what's wrong without her knowing I heard her conversation.
"I'm going to bed Juni. Night Jake." Jinxx waved and went to his bunk.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Fine. Remind me not to sleep on the couch though. My back kills."
"Alright. Don't sleep on the couch anymore."
"So what were you and Jinxx talking about?" Maybe I'll find out now.
"I couldn't sleep. When Jinxx came out we just talked about the show." Bullshit. I furrowed my eye brows. Juni knows that I'm not buying this bullshit.
"Are you sure? You do know that you can tell me if something's wrong." Juni sighed.
"I know." She hung her head low. Well I guess I should tell her I heard them talking.
"Juni. I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"I kind of overheard your conversation with Jinxx."
"Shit. I was afraid of that." She muttered.
"What the fuck happened in the backroom then? Because now I know something's up."
"Umm… Well when I woke up I just wasn't in the mood to do anything. I just couldn't pull myself to do anything. I was laying in Andy's bunk and all I could think about was the day I died. I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. Then I felt my depression kick in and I fell asleep and I dreamt about the first time Dad hit me. So I snuck into the bathroom and stared at my razor and finally decided to make a few small quick slits on my arms. I went to your bunk and remembered that this shirt was in there. It was raining so no one would really question me wearing a long sleeved shirt." She took off the sweater she was wearing and showed me her arms. I was afraid of that. I should have checked her arms. I'm so fucking stupid. I could have lost her for good this time if Jinxx didn't check. I just got up and sighed. Juni looked worried.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even make sure my own fucking sister is okay without fucking up." I rested my head on the wall and slid down. My head was in my hands. I'm so fucking stupid.
"Jake please calm down."
"If I only checked your arms. How the fuck am I a good brother if I didn't protect you. I lost you once and I didn't try hard enough and I fucked up again. I can't do anything right." I banged my fist onto the wall. Juni winced and muttered something.
"What?" I looked up.
"I said, I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim. Jake it doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s already happened. You can’t change it." A tear escaped her eye. I got up and hugged her.
“Junipie, I can’t risk losing you again. I promised you I wouldn’t lose you again. I fucked up. I can’t keep my priorities straight anymore. If this happened without me knowing then how am I suppose to make sure you’re okay. I can only push you so far without you screaming at me.”
"Jake don't blame yourself because I put this on myself. I didn't have to do this. I could have come to one of you and talked about it, but I didn't. I kept it to my fucking self like always. If anything I'm a bad sister for not telling you sooner. FOR FUCKS SAKE JAKE, I SHOULD BE DEAD. NOT ALIVE. DEAD. IF ASHLEY DIDN'T SAVE ME I'D BE DEAD. IF MOM DIDN'T FIND ME I'D BE DEAD. SOMEDAYS I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T BE HERE AT ALL AND I'M JUST A FUCKED UP BURDEN ON EVERYONE." She pushed away from me and sank to the floor crying.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled or punched the wall. It's just you were gone for eight years and I promised you I wouldn't lose you and then I didn't even check your arms. I could have lost you for good. Don't ever say that you’re a fucking burden because you're not. You're not a bad sister for not telling me. You got scared like anyone else. Juni remember I went through the same shit. I know what it's like."
"I'm sorry for not telling you Jake. I was just scared you'd be mad and hate me forever. I didn't even hear Jinxx come into the backroom. I was talking to myself when he came in. Jake, he's been like a dad that I never had growing up. He took the razor from me, so I don't think I'll be cutting anytime soon." now, Juni was crying a lot.
"Why did you keep the razor though? I thought you said you got rid of all of them."
"I kept one hidden in my phone behind the battery. I just thought I should keep one in case. I don't know it was a stupid idea to even keep it."
"Juniper, look at me. It's okay. I'm upset you didn't tell me but the streak starts up again. just because you broke it doesn't mean you can't try again." All she could do was nod.
"Let's get to bed. It's been a long day." I picked Juni up bridal style and put her in my bunk first. I slid in after. Juni curled up on my chest and fell asleep. I checked my phone and noticed Ella texted me.
Hey babe. How's tour going? Tell Juni I say Happy Birthday and I have her gift when I get home. ~ Ella <3
Hey. It's going great. Juni played with us on her birthday and we met a little girl who played with us on the violin for The Mortician's Daughter. ~Jake Pitts
That's awesome. I miss you but I come home next week! The shoot ended early since we got a lot done. ~ Ella <3
That's amazing! I miss you so much and so doesn't Trixy. ~ Jake Pitts
Trixy I miss her so much. How's Juni doing? I haven't talked to her in awhile ~ Ella <3
She's good. We're starting the streak over again. ~ Jake Pitts
What happened? :( ~ Ella<3
I'll explain when you get back. I promise. I've got to go babe. Have practice in the morning. I'll call you after sound check. I love you Ella Cole. <3 ;* ~ Jake Pitts
Love You Too Jacob Pitts ;* <3 times one million. ~ Ella <3
I put my phone on its charger and did the same for Juni's. I fell asleep moments after. I guess we just needed to start over with Juni. Maybe this cut was a wakeup call for me to be more careful with Juni and look out for her more.
The bus started moving and I heard Jinxx and Juni talking. I opened one eye slightly and saw Juni get helped up by Jinxx. They started talking so I listened in.
"What do I tell Jake? He's going to be so mad with me." Juni sighed. What is she talking about? Why would I be mad with her? She didn't do anything wrong. And I could never be mad at her.
"He won't be mad. I've known Jake forever. He'll be upset but he won't be mad. He loves you too much to be mad at you. I already had to lie to Jake today about what happened in the back room. You need to tell him soon. And by soon I mean tomorrow." Jinxx lied to me?! okay what the fuck is going on? Jinxx does NOT lie. What the fuck happened to Juni? It's not her cutting because she didn't do it.
"When did he ask?"
"While you were drumming."
"Oh. What did he ask?"
"he said, 'why were you carrying Juni and why were her eyes puffed and red?'"
"What did you tell him?"
"You were tired and there was something in your eye so you rubbed it and it got puffed and red."
"Thank you so much Jinxx." Time to break this little conversation up. I started to move and
stretch. Juni looked over at me when I sat up.
"Good Morning sleepy head." Juni came over and ruffled my hair.
"Hey." I yawned. Now how do I get Juni to tell me what's wrong without her knowing I heard her conversation.
"I'm going to bed Juni. Night Jake." Jinxx waved and went to his bunk.
"How'd you sleep?"
"Fine. Remind me not to sleep on the couch though. My back kills."
"Alright. Don't sleep on the couch anymore."
"So what were you and Jinxx talking about?" Maybe I'll find out now.
"I couldn't sleep. When Jinxx came out we just talked about the show." Bullshit. I furrowed my eye brows. Juni knows that I'm not buying this bullshit.
"Are you sure? You do know that you can tell me if something's wrong." Juni sighed.
"I know." She hung her head low. Well I guess I should tell her I heard them talking.
"Juni. I need to tell you something."
"What?"
"I kind of overheard your conversation with Jinxx."
"Shit. I was afraid of that." She muttered.
"What the fuck happened in the backroom then? Because now I know something's up."
"Umm… Well when I woke up I just wasn't in the mood to do anything. I just couldn't pull myself to do anything. I was laying in Andy's bunk and all I could think about was the day I died. I shouldn't be here. I should be dead. Then I felt my depression kick in and I fell asleep and I dreamt about the first time Dad hit me. So I snuck into the bathroom and stared at my razor and finally decided to make a few small quick slits on my arms. I went to your bunk and remembered that this shirt was in there. It was raining so no one would really question me wearing a long sleeved shirt." She took off the sweater she was wearing and showed me her arms. I was afraid of that. I should have checked her arms. I'm so fucking stupid. I could have lost her for good this time if Jinxx didn't check. I just got up and sighed. Juni looked worried.
"What the fuck is wrong with me? I can't even make sure my own fucking sister is okay without fucking up." I rested my head on the wall and slid down. My head was in my hands. I'm so fucking stupid.
"Jake please calm down."
"If I only checked your arms. How the fuck am I a good brother if I didn't protect you. I lost you once and I didn't try hard enough and I fucked up again. I can't do anything right." I banged my fist onto the wall. Juni winced and muttered something.
"What?" I looked up.
"I said, I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim. Jake it doesn’t even matter anymore. It’s already happened. You can’t change it." A tear escaped her eye. I got up and hugged her.
“Junipie, I can’t risk losing you again. I promised you I wouldn’t lose you again. I fucked up. I can’t keep my priorities straight anymore. If this happened without me knowing then how am I suppose to make sure you’re okay. I can only push you so far without you screaming at me.”
"Jake don't blame yourself because I put this on myself. I didn't have to do this. I could have come to one of you and talked about it, but I didn't. I kept it to my fucking self like always. If anything I'm a bad sister for not telling you sooner. FOR FUCKS SAKE JAKE, I SHOULD BE DEAD. NOT ALIVE. DEAD. IF ASHLEY DIDN'T SAVE ME I'D BE DEAD. IF MOM DIDN'T FIND ME I'D BE DEAD. SOMEDAYS I WANT TO DIE BECAUSE I SHOULDN'T BE HERE AT ALL AND I'M JUST A FUCKED UP BURDEN ON EVERYONE." She pushed away from me and sank to the floor crying.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled or punched the wall. It's just you were gone for eight years and I promised you I wouldn't lose you and then I didn't even check your arms. I could have lost you for good. Don't ever say that you’re a fucking burden because you're not. You're not a bad sister for not telling me. You got scared like anyone else. Juni remember I went through the same shit. I know what it's like."
"I'm sorry for not telling you Jake. I was just scared you'd be mad and hate me forever. I didn't even hear Jinxx come into the backroom. I was talking to myself when he came in. Jake, he's been like a dad that I never had growing up. He took the razor from me, so I don't think I'll be cutting anytime soon." now, Juni was crying a lot.
"Why did you keep the razor though? I thought you said you got rid of all of them."
"I kept one hidden in my phone behind the battery. I just thought I should keep one in case. I don't know it was a stupid idea to even keep it."
"Juniper, look at me. It's okay. I'm upset you didn't tell me but the streak starts up again. just because you broke it doesn't mean you can't try again." All she could do was nod.
"Let's get to bed. It's been a long day." I picked Juni up bridal style and put her in my bunk first. I slid in after. Juni curled up on my chest and fell asleep. I checked my phone and noticed Ella texted me.
Hey babe. How's tour going? Tell Juni I say Happy Birthday and I have her gift when I get home. ~ Ella <3
Hey. It's going great. Juni played with us on her birthday and we met a little girl who played with us on the violin for The Mortician's Daughter. ~Jake Pitts
That's awesome. I miss you but I come home next week! The shoot ended early since we got a lot done. ~ Ella <3
That's amazing! I miss you so much and so doesn't Trixy. ~ Jake Pitts
Trixy I miss her so much. How's Juni doing? I haven't talked to her in awhile ~ Ella <3
She's good. We're starting the streak over again. ~ Jake Pitts
What happened? :( ~ Ella<3
I'll explain when you get back. I promise. I've got to go babe. Have practice in the morning. I'll call you after sound check. I love you Ella Cole. <3 ;* ~ Jake Pitts
Love You Too Jacob Pitts ;* <3 times one million. ~ Ella <3
I put my phone on its charger and did the same for Juni's. I fell asleep moments after. I guess we just needed to start over with Juni. Maybe this cut was a wakeup call for me to be more careful with Juni and look out for her more.
Notes
SHOUT OUTS TO:xXxBVBarmyEmilyxXx and emily_BVB !! :)
So how did my wonderful subscribers like the new chapter??
Comments are much appreciated guys. <3
i've got a family reunion tomorrow so i'm trying to get my mom to let me bring my laptop with me or let me stay home. And i don't know anyone at the reunion so there's another reason why i want to bring it/ stay home.
Stay BVB classy. :)
~Wolf Tiger <3
:)
9/7/13