The Cost Of Winning

A / N : Sorry this is late , but my boss threw Saturday overtime at us at the last minute , so I'm behind on EVERYTHING ! So to make up for my tardiness , I'll be treating you to a longer chapter than usual . ( Or torturing you , depending on how you look at it .)

FIANNA'S POV :

"Well , I guess it looks as good as we're gonna get it ." , Miki says , as she stands back to survey the work we've spent most of the day doing .

"Mik , it looks fine , stop worrying so much !" , I tell her . "Everybody's coming to enjoy themselves , not to critique the decorations . And if that's what they feel like doing , screw 'em !"

Today is the day before Christmas Eve , and Miki and Ryan are throwing a holiday party for the people who work for Ryan , most of the people who work with Miki , and a few others . I almost fell over a few days ago when Ryan told me that not only did she agree to him inviting Ash , but she okayed him asking him to be one of his groomsmen in the wedding . I asked her about it earlier today , and she said that she was trying to look past the crap that happened back in LA , and give him a chance to show that he wasn't as much of an ass as she'd thought he was . I think what happened the other day with Jeff may have had something to do with that .

"Hey , I've got something else for Ryan for Christmas , can you keep it secret if I show you ?" , she asks .

"Hon , I have a two - year - old , I have to be able to keep that stuff secret !" , I laugh .

She motions for me to follow her , and we walk back to their bedroom . She goes into the back of the closet and brings out a box , about the size you'd use to hold a tie . She lifts the lid , and holds it out toward me . I look inside , and can't stop myself from squealing .

"Ohmigod ! He's gonna flip !" , I say , as we hug each other and bounce around the room like we're Bren's age . "When did you find out ?"

"Day before yesterday , I've been just about ready to explode every since ." , she replies . "I just hope he's okay with it right now ."

"Are you kidding me ?! He'll probably be doing backflips through the living room when he opens that !" , I say . "He's so good with Smidge , I can already tell you he's gonna be a great dad ."

"Hey , girls , where are you ?" , Ryan's voice calls from the living room , and she scrambles to put the box back where she'd hidden it .

"Where you is , Mommy ? We's back !" , Bren chimes in .

"We're in the bedroom , we'll be right there !" , Miki shouts , as we head back to the living room . As we walk into the room , Brenna attaches herself to my leg , and I reach down to pick her up .

"Hello , sweetie ! Were you a good girl for Uncle Ryan at the store ?" , I ask her , as I place several kisses on her cheeks .

"Me was good girl , Mommy ! Me helps Unca Wy gets yours droceries for the party , he say me is good helper !" , she announces proudly .

"Yeah , she was able to grab a couple of things I couldn't even see in the back of the shelves ." he chuckles .

"That's 'cause you's too big , Unca Wy , me fit in self better to gets stuff !"

After unloading the grocery bags and finishing up the last of the party prep , we go to change clothes before people start showing up . Miki gave me a really pretty sweater as an early Christmas gift , so I'm wearing it tonight , along with a pair of black leggings . It's a sparkly cowlneck sweater , which is a sapphire blue color at the top , shading to black at the hem , which comes down over my hips , and I'm wearing a pair of earrings that I made for myself with it . After I get dressed , I corral Bren , and get her changed into a cute little blue and green plaid dress , with a poufy skirt , with some white tights and little sparkly silver shoes .

You wooks pwetty , Mommy !" , she tells me as I brush my hair .

"Thank you , Smidge , so do you ." , I reply .

As I give her hair a once - over with the brush , we hear the doorbell ring , and I say , "Well , I guess the party is about to start ."

Ryan yells from the living room , "Hey , Bren - Muffin , somebody's here to see you !"

"Daddy !" , she shrieks , jumping out of the chair and charging down the hallway as fast as her legs will carry her . I double - check to make sure everything is in place , then follow her , to find her in Ashley's arms , with both of hers locked around his neck .

"Hello , Fi ." , he says . "You look really nice tonight ."

"Thanks , so do you ." , I reply , and he definitely does . He's wearing a pair of charcoal - gray slacks , with a black shirt and a leather vest , with his cowboy boots , of course . Damn , sometimes I wish he wouldn't always make such an effort to look good . It can be incredibly distracting at times .

"Daddy say me is booful , Mommy !" , Bren informs me .

"That's because you are , sweetie ." , I say .

We head into the living room to wait for everybody else to start arriving , and Bren goes to her little table to color as we all sit down to talk a little bit . After checking to make sure that she's occupied , Ryan turns to Ash and says , "I saw you coming out of that new Japanese restaurant yesterday when I was heading back from work . Who was the good - looking blonde you were with ?"

He hesitates for a second , then says , "Her name is Megan , I met her a couple of weeks ago , and we've been out a couple of times , so far ."

Okay , why the hell is my stomach doing cartwheels now ? We haven't been a thing for a long time now , so there's no reason why that should bother me .

"So , should I start prepping Bren to meet this girl ?" , I ask him .

"No , not just yet ." , he says . "I'm not bringing anybody around her unless I know it's gonna go somewhere . It's too soon for that , but if it gets there , I'll let you know , and we can talk to her together ."

"Sounds like a plan ." , I respond .

The bell rings again , and the other guests start coming in , so the conversation sort of gets tabled for now . Before too long , the place is full of people , and the party is in full swing .

About an hour in , I disengage myself from a conversation with a couple of girls from Miki's work , who were admiring my earrings , to go get a soda . As I walk over to the coolers , I hear a phone ring , and as I grab a Pepsi , I see Ash pull out his phone and take a call . I'm just about ready to head back into the crowd when I see him turn absolutely white , then put away his phone and walk outside .

I move as fast as I can over to Ryan , and ask him , "Hey , could you do me a huge favor and watch out for Smidge for a few ?"

"Sure thing , Fi . What's up ?" , he replies .

"I'm not sure yet . I just saw Ash take a call , and he went pale and walked out , so I'm gonna go see what's wrong ."

He motions for me to go , so I go grab my coat and his , and head out to the back deck , to find him standing with both hands braced on the rail , and his head down .

I drape his coat over his shoulders , and he looks up at me , with tears trickling down his face .

"What's wrong ?" , I ask . "Who was that on the phone ?"

"That was Uncle Bill . Pop , he's ... gone ." , he chokes out .

"Oh , no ! Ash , I'm so sorry !" , I say , and I wrap my arms around him without even thinking about it . As I do , he does the same , and drops his head onto my shoulder , sobbing .

He pulls himself together after a few minutes , and says , "We've sort of been expecting it , but I hoped it wouldn't be so soon ."

"So , you'll be going home then , right ?"

"Not for a couple of days . They're giving the rest of the family time to get back , and they insisted that I not miss my first Christmas with Brenna ."

"Oh , crap , we're going to have to explain that to her !" , I exclaim . "She was crazy about him , and I don't know how she'll handle it , especially after what happened with Ivy's mom ."

"Let's hold off until after she opens her presents ." , he says . "There's no reason to spoil things for her . This is the first Christmas she'll be old enough to remember , so she may as well enjoy as much of it as possible ."

"Do you still want me to bring her to your place tomorrow night ?" I inquire .

"Absolutely ! That's probably the only thing I'll actually have to look forward to for awhile ." , he answers . "Actually , If you wouldn't mind terribly , maybe you could both bring a change of clothes , and actually stay over for Christmas morning . She has her own room at my house , and I can make sure the guest room is presentable for you ."

I only have to think about it for a few seconds , and I tell him that will be fine . It might be a bit weird for awhile , but I can't say no , under the circumstances .

We finally go back inside , because we're both shivering . Miki sees us come in , and walks over . "Is everything all right ?" , she asks , and I shake my head , and mouth "Later " , because Ryan is walking over with Bren .

As they reach us , Ash tells Ryan , "I'm sorry , guys but I need to go . Thanks for inviting me , I really appreciate it ."

"Why you go , Daddy ?" , Bren asks . "Me don't sees you almost none !"

"Smidge , Daddy doesn't feel good , so he's going to go home to bed , so he can try to feel better for us to visit him for Christmas Eve tomorrow ." , I explain . "And we're going to sleep over at Daddy's house tomorrow , so you can spend Christmas morning together ."

"But then Sampy Plause won'ts finded me , Mommy !" , she says .

"Yes he will , sweetie , I'll leave him a note , so he can bring your presents to Daddy's house ."

"Otay , Mommy !" , she says , then puts both hands on Ashley's face and kisses him on the forehead . "Night night , Daddy ! Yous goes home and feels better , otay ? Me comes to sees you tomowwow ."

"I'll try , Bren . Goodnight , sweet girl , Daddy loves you ." , he says , giving her a squeeze and a kiss on the cheek .

"Me wuvs you , Daddy !"

He turns , kisses my forehead , and says , "Thanks , Fi . I'll see you tomorrow ." Then he says goodbye to Ryan and Miki , and leaves .

As soon as she closes the door , Miki turns to me and says , "Okay , what the heck was that about ?" , as Ryan gives me a questioning look .

I motion for them to follow me to the kitchen , and set Bren at the table with some juice and a cookie , then lead them to the far end of the room , by the pantry . I explain the situation to them , and they're both totally sympathetic . I also tell them that he wants to wait until we do Christmas to tell Bren , and Miki says . "Well , if there was ever any question about whether or not he cares about that little girl , that answers it ! I may not like the way he treated you before , but he obviously adores her if he's willing to pretend that everything is alright just to make sure she's happy . I was wondering for a minute , but now I understand why you're spending the night at his place . It would be pretty heartless to say no in this situation ."

"Yeah , that's what I thought , too ." , I say . "It kind of surprised me when he said that , but I couldn't bring myself to say no , when he was so miserable ."

I finally tell them to go back to their guests , and after a few minutes , Smidge and I go back out , until she tells me that she's sleepy . We say goodbye to Miki and Ryan , and head home . As I'm getting her into her pajamas , she says , "Mommy , Daddy is be otay ? Me don'ts want Daddy be sick ."

"Daddy will be fine in awhile , Smidge . Sometimes grown - ups feel bad for other reasons , like if they're worried about something , or if they work too much . Daddy isn't throwing - up sick , he just has lots of things to think about right now ."

"So hims head hurt , 'cause him think too muches ?"

"Something like that , sweetie . But right now , you need to go to sleep , so you'll be rested up to spend time with Daddy tomorrow , and try to make him feel better ."

"And me can gives him my pesent that me makes him at school ! And yous can has yours pesent , too ! Miss Kim helpded me puts the pwetty wapping ons them ."

"Yes ,we can do that . Goodnight , Smidge , Mommy loves you . Sweet dreams ."

"Night night , Mommy , me wuvs you wots of bunches . You is my goodest fwend ." , she says , then yawns .

I kiss her goodnight , then go to the living room , and try to watch some TV , but I can't concentrate for crap . And as I sit here , I realize that the news about Ashley's grandad isn't the only thing that's bothering me , and the more I think about it , the more annoyed I become with myself .

I shouldn't be worrying about anything right now but how we're going to explain to Bren what's happened , and helping Ash get through the day , so why do I keep thinking about his and Ryan's conversation about his new "friend" , Megan ?

He's already promised that he won't bring random women around Brenna , so I don't have anything to actually be concerned about , right ?

We haven't been together for almost three years , and our relationship was pretty much over even before I left , so there's no way I could still have feelings for him .

Is there ? Damn !

Notes