His Secret

The first bell rang, signaling that lunch was half way over. This entire day I have been on autopilot, but when that bell rang, it helped me realize what was going on. Today was Friday. Today was the day that I could lose everything at any second. I kept going over everything that could possibly go wrong in my mind. I kept torturing myself as I sat quietly, bouncing my leg up and down as the guys talked about what movie to watch. My mind wasn’t focused on the movie the boys wanted to watch. My mind was focused on the horror picture playing in my mind.

The screaming. The tears. The confused and horrified faces. The blood…

all the blood...

I knew this story all too well, and I wasn’t sure I could make it to the credits.

My nerves were worse than my first day here. On the first day, I had the lowest chances of people finding out. To most, I looked like your average student with a bit of worry on his first day. But today was different. Today was Friday. I was going to be at someone else's house. I was going to be in a room filled with staring eyes that could find out everything at any second. The way my back slumped, the way my hands twitched, even my eyes could give it all away. I had to pretend like what I was hiding was something else. Anything other than what it really was.

Then tonight….

Tonight I would have to stay awake. I couldn't let my guard down. Even if it was safe to rest my eyes, I couldn’t. I couldn’t do a lot of things at this point. I couldn’t make up more excuses to not go, I couldn’t back out, I couldn’t pretend like nothing was wrong, and I couldn’t keep this up.

Every Time something made me nervous around the guys, I told myself the same thing.

Every time I looked at myself, every time I even spoke…

I came to the same conclusion.

You aren't normal. You can't have normal friends. You can’t have a normal life anymore. You can only fake for so long. Your only option is to stay away from them. You don't want the blood to come back… you don't want the tears, or the bruises, or the yelling to come back.

You don’t want her to come back….

“James? James you okay?” Ashley said, snapping his fingers in front of me.

“Y-Yea… I was just thinking.”

“Well, now that we have you back,” he chuckled, “What movie do you think? Beatle Juice, or Moulin Rouge?”

“Witchever… I don't mind.” I replied, stabbing at the pizza square in front of me. I finally got something other than salad...

I hated it.

The pizza was warm. Not hot, warm. It was a square piece of warm, flimsy, cheese coverd cardboard. I didn't even want to look at it, let alone eat the thing.

We all sat at our normal table by the window with the cracked pane, ready to break at any moment. The posters on the wall of old celebrities reminding us to drink our milk looked down at us while we ate in a sad glare. The entire room seemed to have a hollowness to it. As though it had a spirit at one point that was now dying.

If you were expecting some description of a lavished all boys private school with gold trimming and shiny new laptops for each student, you might want to look somewhere else. Just because Griffington was a private school, doesn't mean it was extremely expensive or reclusive. With all the awful things happening back home, it made it hard for my mom and I to get jobs, so we didn’t have much money. We couldn’t afford a nice private school for me, and I don’t think I could survive regular school with my… situation.

We found Griffington, an old run down boys school that once was a glowing image of education and happiness. It was a good school, but they were very stuck in their ways. It lacked diversity in education, causing less students and less money. It was still an amazing opportunity for me….

Even if I was about to lose it all.

“Okay, we can all meet up after our last class and go on the bus back to my place. Sound good?” Andy said, looking around at the guys as we threw away our trays. They boys all shouted and smiled in agreement while I silently nodded, taking everything in.

I knew this would be the last time I see them happy like this… This would be the last time I roam these halls and the last chance at a normal life. So, I took it all in. The dimple in CC’s wide grin, Andy’s bright blue eyes, the smells and sounds of the cafeteria, and the best friendship I could ever ask for… gone.

*Andy's POV*


James had a worried look on his face all lunch. I watched as he looked around the room, replying softly to any questions we had. He didn’t seem real. He seemed like a ghost, a figment of imagination, a myth. He wasn’t acting like his normal self. He was always such a joy to have around. He was always smiling and telling jokes… but now… Now he was acting like he did on the first day. He had a mysterious edge to his actions. It was as if he was waiting for something… something bad. It was like he was a psychic, and he knew that a terrible tragedy was going to happen today.

We all piled into the buss in a flamboyant fashion. Jake and Jinxx sat in the first row, James and I sat next to each other behind them, and CC and Ashley sat behind us. Jinxx was examining Jake as he looked around the buss. He was still in a bit of a bad mood, but he was slowly getting better. It was obvious he didn’t really like James. I hope he doesn't give him a hard time today.

“So James,” Ashley started, his voice just behind my right ear, “ Any girls you like? I know some of the Northway High girls have been checking you out.” Ashley winked, leaning over at an awkward angle to ruffle James blonde hair. Ashley was always a ladies man. I guess this was his way of starting up conversation. James's face soon turned a bright red, almost like he was about to gush about a girl.

Then it turned into a face of fear...

“I um.. I don’t like…” James blush faded and he became a pale white.

Was he…

“James…” Jinxx interrupted my thoughts “Are you… gay?” James's eyes soon light up and his mouth dropped.

“I-I-I-I” He didn’t know what to say, his mouth was open but he couldn't get the words to fall.

If he was gay, I hope he knew we had no problem with it. He seemed so scared, is this why he was worried about spending the night?

“James,” I touched his leg lightly, speaking softly as his eyes met mine. “If you are, it’s okay. We accept you no matter what.” He took a deep breath, then nodded. I quickly took him in my arms and hugged him…

then I felt it.

Notes