I am a Good Girl

Hayden's POV

"I need to talk to you" I said when CC opened the door.
It was the following day after Ashley visited me.
If I were to start going out with Ashley, I had to know if me and CC still had a chance. I couldn't give up just yet.
He rolled his eyes and let go of the door, turning away from me. "What could we possibly need to talk about?" He said, walking in and I followed, closing the door behind me.
"Us" I said simply.
I wondered further in the house and found him behind the kitchen counter, sipping a beer. I stood on the other side.
"There is no 'us' Hayden. I thought I made that pretty clear" he said, irritated.
"Fine, but I need to know... If I had told you what happened when you got back from Warped, would we still be together? Would we have worked it out?" I said nervously.
"Hayden... do you really think that that's the part that bothers me?!" He shouted. "You have slept with my best friend! You fucking hooked up and meant it when we were together. You sent Snapchats to him when I was literally in the bunk next to his! I don't think you grasp the concept of a relationship!" He continued to yell at me. "Did you love me, at all?" He shrugged.
"Yes! Of course I do. You are worth fighting for!"
"Then why did you lie? You didn't have to lie. And all the shit Ashley said, why didn't you just tell me? Hmm?" He pushed. "You obviously never fought for me when Ashley was giving you what you really wanted. It's so clear that you've wanted a commitment from Ashley that he wouldn't give you and when you thought you had the slightest chance, you jumped" he shook his head.
"That is not true! I'm here! Right now, fighting for you! I want to be with you!"
"But you don't! Stop pretending to care Hayden! Just fucking go be with Ashley! You can be whores together! I don't give a fuck what you do! Just fucking leave me alone!" His voice an intimidating rage. In all the frustration he threw his beer bottle behind me, hearing it clatter and smash on the hardwood.
I stood in silence, my head down, slightly scared.
I heard CC huff a couple of deep breaths then sigh.
"I'm sorry. For everything. And I'm sorry you think I'm pretending. I do love you, whether you believe me or not. But you are right. I was waiting for Ashley. And I'm sorry it took going out with you for him to see it. If I could change it, I would. I rather be unhappy and know that I haven't hurt you. I always knew you deserved better than me" I said quietly and left.

Later that same day I sat in class, trying to concentrate. The new semester had now started and I couldn't really coast by anymore.
But I could not focus...
"Hey whore" Simone said as she nudged me after class.
"Oh hey... I didn't know you were here..." I said, trying to phase out of my daydream.
"Yeah, I was literally waving at you when you walked in, but you didn't see me" she shrugged.
"Oh, sorry, I've got a lot going on..." I spoke slowly as I packed my things.
"Really? So what's the latest in the CC, Ashley love triangle" she mocked.
"There is no love love triangle. CC doesn't love me. He doesn't want anything to do with me."
"Isn't that the idea. He broke up with you. That's generally what people do when they don't want someone around anymore" Simone explained sarcastically.
"I just want him to forgive me..." I said sadly.
"Look babe. You may never be forgiven. You know what you did wrong, so the best thing you can do is prove you have learned. Prove to him that you can be the ideal girlfriend for Ashley. You can't let him get to you" she urged.
"How? It's all around me! Fucking CC called me a whore and it hurts. I don't know why I'm like this..."
"Why are you throwing yourself a pity party? This is who you are! I thought you lived in it's glory?" Simone asked, confused by my frustration.
"Maybe it's not who I am anymore. Maybe I don't want to be a whore or a slut or a cheater. I just want to be normal" I said, finally getting up from my seat and walking out of class.
I didn't know if Simone followed me.
"Hayden..." Simone started. "I know how you feel..." she said from behind me. "After what happened I wondered why it happened and I blamed you. But then I thought about it some more and I am at fault. I was way too drunk" she paused to catch up with me.
I looked over at her and I could tell she was sorry.
"I think we need to take responsibility for our actions. Otherwise we're gonna be sad and alone..." Simone huffed.
"But at least we'll be together" I said, trying to lighten the mood. I nudged her, giving her a cheesy smile. "Anyways, I'm gonna hit the gym. I'll see you later?"
"Yeah sure. I'll text you. Bye beyotch" she called as she strode out of the lecture hall.
I smiled and shook my head as I watched her duck through the crowd.
I think we really did need to change.
If Ashley was really willing to commit to me, it may actually be possible.
My mood seemed to lift as I drove myself to the gym.
I was eyed by Reece when I entered, but I didn't say anything. We were on 'only talk if needed' terms. He couldn't look at me the same since what happened.
I got ready to workout and decided on something different. I pulled out a pair of our boxing gloves and took to the punching bag. It had been years since I had trained, but I waned to see if I was up to scratch.
Little did I know, Reece had been watching me for the past half hour when I finally noticed him.
I had sweat dripping off my forehead and I could feel it running down my chest, between my breasts.
"What's up Reece?" I huffed when I took a drink break.
"Nothing, just I remember you putting pro-boxer on your resume, but I've never seen it in action" he shrugged. "Were you even a pro?" His eyes narrowed.
"Junior league in San Diego. But I stopped when I moved out here. I was pretty good, just wasn't overly interested in becoming so ripped that guys would be scared of me" I chuckled.
"I think guys are already scared of you" he commented.
"Hmm, sounds about right" I chuckled again.
"But seriously, why did you stop? Could have easily carried over to here..."
I sighed "My Dad didn't think I could do it. He trained me and my brother since we were young. Guess he saw more potential in him."
Reece's face dropped "Oh, that sucks Hayden. I mean, you're obviously really good."
I chuckled for a third time "You're cracking me up today Reece. It was just another thing I couldn't commit to" I shrugged and went back to training. Letting my own words sink it.
I couldn't commit.

Notes

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