I am a Good Girl

Hayden's POV

So. I'm untrustworthy. That's what's wrong with me.
It really shouldn't be surprising. I told CC from the start that I wasn't a relationship kind of girl; never been good at them.
But it hurt more that Ashley thought I was untrustworthy and a slut. I thought he was my best friend and he betrayed me
I would have told CC, I can't live with the guilt. Ashley ruined any chance of my relationship with CC surviving this. I fucking hate Ashley for this. I was happy!
So now, it has been two weeks since I have made contact with either of them. CC hasn't even messaged to see if I'm okay...
Ashley has texted and tried to call, but I'm too mad to speak to him. Some of the messages were apologises, but the things he said were true. I am a liar and a cheater. Although, something he doesn't understand is the fact that when we were sleeping together, I never saw anyone else. But, I never told him that...
I hated this. Being mad at everyone!
I never realised how empty my life was without Ashley as my friend. He understood me better. I tried to talk to Simone, but she would judge me too harshly.
In light of all this, I made a decision I knew I would regret. I went to San Diego.
Although my family would be the worst choice, I had to go back eventually.
I called ahead and I was in luck. Olivia was dress shopping and told me to meet her.
Oh, the joy.
I immediately spotted my older sister, eyeing the most elaborate, princess dress on the mannequin.
"Liv, hey!" I said, coming up behind her.
"Hayden! You made it! I'm so glad you're here!" She said excitedly.
"You are?" I eyed her suspiciously.
"Well, yeah, you are my sister. I wanna share this with you!" She smiled. I tried to smile back but it faltered. "Hey, what happened? Is everything okay?" She asked with actual concern.
"You don't wanna know" I shook my head. "Come on, let's look at dresses" I shrugged.
"No, Hayds. Talk to me. You look tired and pale and somehow you lost more weight" she blinked dramatically.
"Well the short version is me and CC broke up and I'm having a fight with Ashley" I shrugged again, not wanting to talk about it.
"What? You and CC broke up! Why? What happened?" She pushed.
"Come on Liv. You of all people know me and my track record. What do you think happened?" I said sarcastically. "I happened. I should have never dated him" I pouted.
Olivia was quiet. She knew she could only judge me in silence.
"And then I'm mad at Ashley for not giving me the chance to explain myself to CC. Instead he completely threw me under the bus. Exposing every lie about our relationship" I huffed.
"Hayden..." She gave me a look of sympathy, but she had nothing to say.
"It's fine. It's my fault. I'm aware of that. It just sucks" I shrugged. "Now, let's start the dress hunt" I said, trying to enthusiastic.

I didn't stay in San Diego. It would have been nice to see my parents, but I really didn't want to talk about the train wreck that is my life. Instead I wished Olivia well in the continued search of her wedding dress and made the drive home.
What I didn't anticipate was the unexpected visitor, waiting for me at my door.
"What are you doing here?" I said, frustrated as fiddled for my house key.
"You won't return my calls or texts" Ashley said, standing up to get out of my way.
"I don't want to talk to you" I said simply, pushing passed him and shoving the door open.
"Okay, well we need to talk" he said, following me in.
I immediately heard Duke start to growl as Ashley followed me.
"Ashley... I don't even know what to say. I have a conscious. I felt bad. I went to CC's later that day, but turns out you beat me to it. I can't believe you really went behind my back and ruined my relationship! It makes me wonder why you did this" I said, glaring at him the whole time.
"Hayds, please. He's my best friend. I would want to know if my girl was cheating on me." "Okay, but that wasn't your decision to make! You didn't even give me the chance! I love CC! And now I'll never know if we could've worked through it!" I yelled, tears threatening to spill. "The one thing in my life that made me feel lucky" I sobbed. I crumbled onto one of the couches, reaching out for Duke as he approached me. "You called me a cheater, a liar and a slut, but I was never any of those things to you. When we slept together, I never slept with anyone else. I told you all my secrets, not matter how ashamed I am of them. I love you and I accept you. There was never a ploy or an act" I paused to look up at his face. He seemed shocked by my words. "But, to get any of that in return was unspoken. I wished you would accept me" I cuddled Duke tighter, letting my tears fall into his fur. "I wished you would tell me how you really felt." I mumbled in a small voice.
Ashley sighed. He seemed unsure of what to say.
He slowly walked over to the couch and sat beside me. His hands covering his mouth as he stared intently at the floor.
"Hayden... I wish you told me these things. You know that it's you. It's always been you. I wake up and I miss you. I'm sorry if I'm the worst at saying what I mean, but I do love you. I think my brain has been trying to deny it because I've never felt like this about anyone. I want to be with you" he spoke with confidence and... joy...
I wasn't use to him being blunt about his feelings.
Ashley gazed at me. His eyes, wide and hopeful, but I was concerned.
"I have to think about this Ash..."
"What? I thought you'd want this!" His words sounding more angry than upset.
"I do, but... I just need some time. I just want to be alone."
Ashley was silent. We were still sitting side by side, tension hung thick.
Ashley sighed and his face softened. He then reach over and placed his hand on my neck, his thumb caressing my cheek.
I smiled at the soothing touch of his skin, missing the feel.
He leaned in closer, closing the gap between our faces until our lips met.
Fireworks and budding roses and passion filled fires seemed to ignite inside me, but it lasted till his lips were gone.

Notes

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