Ashley knocked on the doors strongly and then opened them, since he was in mine and Andy's shared house too many times to even feel like anyone else apart from family. I told him numerous times that he doesn't have to knock, that he can just come in.

In this case only, I regretted that.

I was standing on the end of the stairs when I heard him come in. As he greeted me loudly and in a rather cheerful tone, my head turned left and right hurriedly, unsure of how to escape this situation.

He's in the hall now, since he just closed the front doors, which means I don't have time to go in the bedroom because he'll catch me going back up on the stairs and then I'll have to face him immediately. My brain was working at the speed of light, contemplating all potential escape routes and calculating all probable end results. In a second, the decision was made. I frantically started to run towards the kitchen to discard the pregnancy test I was currently holding, as soon as possible.

Throwing it in the trash can like I was disgusted by it, I then went to wash my hands in the sink, remembering I just held a stick I peed on in my hand. I wiped away the tears on my cheeks with a cloth which was always on the counter in the kitchen, used for cleaning up. I knew my face was puffy and swollen, while my eyes were probably red, but I tried and wished with every fiber of my body that he wouldn't notice.

My body was shaking slightly when Ashley came into the kitchen, but I hoped he wouldn't
notice such a small thing. I kept moving around so the shaking and my distress would be less apparent.

This was the worst possible time for him to come. I was glad that he was here, no doubt about it, because I haven't seen him for a very long time. But, I was also aware of the fact that Andy will be coming home too very soon and that made my knees weak and my heart ache. I didn't have any time to think this through, to recover from the shock or the agonizing pain in my chest caused by crying.

This was absolutely horrible. And so terrifying.

„Hi!“ he greeted happily as I turned around to face him. I had an ear-to-ear smile plastered on my face, while I was holding back the tears.

I truly hoped that a huge smile will be able to mask it all.

„I haven't seen you in awhile! How are you?“ he opened his arms wide to embrace me and I gladly accepted.

„I'm good.“, I nodded while he held me for a few brief seconds. „How have you been?“

After we pulled away from each other, he still held my arms above my elbows, looking at me, looking pleased to be here. Then, his smile faded a bit as he studied my face.

„Wait...“, his eyebrows furrowed as he kept looking at me, his mouth dropping a bit. „What happend? Were you crying?“

„No.“, I whispered as my body shook.

I felt a sting of pain in my head and my chest in the same time. It was from the crying, obviously, as well as the distress and all emotions that overwhelmed me at that point. Before I could say anything, I sensed my legs going weak and I almost collapsed on the floor. Ashley called my name loudly and in a rather worried tone as he caught me in his arms, saving me from falling down. He quickly helped me get to the couch in the living room, which was only a few steps away.

„Are you okay?“ he asked as I sat down, his arms still holding me slightly, altough I couldn't fall anywhere now. „I'm calling the ambulance.“

Before he managed to straighten up, I gripped one of his hands and shook my head. „No! Please… I'm good.“

„You almost fainted!“ he looked at me like I was mad for not wanting to call help.

But, in all honesty, I immediately felt better when I sat down.

The pain was still there and my body shook vigorously now, but I was able to breathe.

„Ash…“, I pulled him down on the couch so he could sit next to me. „Please, don't.“

„Wh-“, he started, but then just looked at me, worried and confused. „What's wrong?“

A tear slipped down my cheek and I turned my head away.

I couldn't look at him. No, I couldn't look at anyone right now.

Because, everywhere I looked, everything that I laid my eyes on, reminded me that this was real. That this was actually happening. And that I wasn't in a bad dream, waiting to wake up and breathe out a sigh of relief. This was very much real and that scared me to death.

„You're scaring me…“, he said softly, moving forward on the couch so he could face me.

„You have to promise me that you won't tell a soul.“, I told him sternly, wiping a tear away and looking at his concerned eyes again.

„At least not yet…“, I added in a whisper.

„Alright…“, he accepted, but a bit unsure.

„Especially not Andy.“, I felt the need to emphasize, because usually Andy and I didn't have any secrets and Ash knew that.

He blinked a few times. „Did you cheat on him?“

„No…“, I shook my head and turned away, sighing. „It's not anything like that.“

As I prepared myself to blurt it out and finally say it at loud, a lump formed in my throat and prevented me from saying a word. Tears welled up in my eyes and I felt so anxious and startled that I didn't know how to help myself. My body was aching and my chest started to burn as I tried to hold it in, but it was all in vain. I closed my eyes and tears rolled down my burning cheeks. Ashley hugged me in an instant and rubbed my back in a comforting manner.

„Hey… Listen…“, he spoke with a mellow voice. „Whatever it is, we're gonna work it out. We can solve any problem, you hear me?“

I nodded weakly, not trusting myself to say anything because my voice would probably break. He held me for awhile, but then I pulled away, trying to force myself to tell him. He has to know anyway, since he saw me in this state. I couldn't lie to him, he would see through that, because he knows me so well. But, I also wasn't brave enough to admit what I found out just an hour ago.

„You don't have to tell me if you're not ready.“, he said softly, almost as a whisper, altough I knew he wanted to know.

Ashley was truly a great friend, one of the rare ones who looked after me like I was his little sister. We have fun whenever we hang out and I'd do anything to help him with his problems, the same way he's doing that with me now. He didn't deserve me getting so emotional on him and the least I could do was explain to him what was going on.

„I…“, I gulped and looked down.

He held my hand, squeezing it a bit, encouraging me to speak.

„I'm pregnant.“, I murmured.

I didn't look at his face, I simply couldn't bring myself to do that. So, he had to lift up my chin with his thumb. And when I finally gazed into his eyes, I noticed he was smiling.

He seemed baffled, but also delighted with the news.

„Really?“ he asked and I only nodded weakily.

„Jesus, you scared the crap out of me! I thought something bad had happened.“ he hugged me again and this time I completely relaxed into his embrace.

We stayed like that for a couple of seconds, my body relaxing a bit because I finally told someone, altough the anguish inside was still more than apparent. After we both parted from the hug, I took a deep breath. I still haven't said a word after I confessed to him and he got saddened by my dismal and upset face expression.

„Sweetie, that's supposed to be wonderful.“, he was holding my hands in his. „Why were you crying?“

„I'm not ready to have a baby.“, I said, defeated. „How will Andy react? We're not married. I'm not going to be a good mother…“

I was basically thinking at loud. These thoughts bothered me from the moment I realized the test was positive. Andy and I hadn't been careless, we used protection every time, but there's always a small chance that even that doesn't work. It can happen, and it somehow managed to happen to me.

„What are you talking about?“ Ashley shook his head and squeezed my hand in a comforting way again. „Listen, if you're worried about Andy, you don't have a reason to. He loves you and I never saw him care about someone so much his entire life.“

The corners of his mouthed tilted higher. „You two are going to be parents together and you're going to learn together. And I'm sure you'll both have an incredible little baby you will take care of amazingly.“

Notes