A Demon's Regret
Eighty-four days. It had been eighty-four days since I had seen (Y/N), since I had last felt her lips upon mine. I was getting closer to completion, almost there, but my celestial quest had exacted its heavy toll. I was withering, being away from my beloved and subjected to so much condemnation. One day after the next, I faced scads of scorn and vitriol, things to which I was far from accustomed.
Still, I would never relent, though my pace had admittedly slowed as exhaustion crept into my bones. I consoled myself with thoughts of (Y/N)’s sweet embrace, her musical laughter, as I curled in a self-pitying ball upon an armchair. It seemed I could not escape the fatigue. I had long past run out of (Y/N)’s delicious cookies, and now there seemed to be no source of comfort left to me.
I reflected for a moment. Eight women, only eight women left. When I had first started out, I could have finished them all off in a day’s time. Now it took me hours of recovery after a single encounter. How long would this torture go on?
In my heart I knew another, undeniable reason my energy and zeal had sapped away. My map had guided me first to the oldest, the most infirm, the most likely to slip away into the Underworld. That made it easily apparent which of my women would be the very last; there was only one immortal among them. I also happened to care a great deal for her, though I hadn’t loved her in the way she had deserved. My betrayal had been complete just the same.
Dread over that upcoming confrontation was rendering me so distraught, I found myself with headaches and bile threatening from my belly. I had never committed a greater transgression against all that was good than when I had engineered Lola’s fall from the grace of her Creator.
I scowled and, once again, told myself it was perfectly reasonable if I sat there, alone and miserable in my armchair, for just a few more minutes.
Ashley beamed at my raucous laughter, clearly pleased with himself. “That’s nothing! I’ve been looking them up on the computer, on the internet, just like you showed me. You wanna hear some more?”
My face was already sore from smiling so much, my stomach hurt from laughing, and it was getting late, but I couldn’t resist. “Sure!”
Ashley’s brown eyes twinkled. “What’s the difference between a g-spot and a golf ball?”
I snorted. “I dunno, tell me.”
Ashley smirked. “Human males will actually take time to search for a golf ball!” We both tittered wildly, Ashley slapping his hands on his newly pendulous belly. “Wait, wait, I’ve got so many more!”
I nodded him on. “What sign does a brothel put up after hours?” I shrugged. “Beat it; we’re closed!”
For the umpteenth time that evening, we both started cackling together, on my part so hard I almost cried. “Oh dude, dude!”
But Ashley was merciless and kept on with it. “What’s the difference between a tire and three hundred and sixty-five used condoms?” He paused. “One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year!”
We were both howling like maniacs when I heard a firm thumping on the wall. I cringed theatrically as Ashley rolled his eyes. “Sorry, Ash, but we’ve got to keep it down, it’s past ten.”
He shot me a conspiratorial glance. “One more for the road?” I nodded, eager. “Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack?” I raised my eyebrows, intrigued. “Because he only cums once a year!”
I broke into hysterical laughter yet again, plastering my hands over my mouth to try and keep it down. Ashley looked satisfied with his final stroke of comedic genius for the night.
After a moment, I finally settled down. As I got up to go to bed, I decided to check again, just to be polite. “You sure you don’t want any Tupperware, for energy?”
Ashley shook his head, looking totally unconcerned. “I’m on vacation, man. I can’t get any, so I might as well stuff myself silly.”
I nodded .“I hear you! I’ve been hitting the chocolate myself. Have a good night, then; I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Ashley waved at me before turning the television on as I walked out of the guest room. Once I was in my bedroom, and the door safely shut, my merriment died just a little bit. Frankly, with as much as Ashley had been making me laugh, he’d become, well… portly, to put it mildly.
I was worried that he might have a heart attack from getting so large in such a short span of time. Could demons even have heart attacks? Andy had always exhaled those big pleasure globs right after gaining weight, but Ashley hadn’t been bothering at all. Was it normal for demons to fluctuate so drastically?
I fretted mildly as I changed into my pajamas. Ultimately, as I did every night, I decided that Ashley was a grown up, uh, demon. He could make his own decisions. I supposed, if he wanted to let it all hang out for a while, that was his choice. Who was I to talk? I was hardly a skinny-minnie.
But once I was in bed, with my alarm set for work, my thoughts returned where they always did when I had a chance to reflect. Andy. I missed him so much. His strange mannerisms, his theatricality, his delicious kisses…
As much as Ashley was good company, in a way, I had never felt lonelier. Without the incredible connection I felt with Andy, my life seemed colorless and uninteresting in comparison. I had never experienced anything like it before, even the outlandish, demonic element aside. I hoped that he wasn’t as sad without me as I was without him.
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