Lost It All

“So this is my hotel suite. You can have the bed and I’ll take the couch.” Andy opened the hotel room door and ushered Katerina inside. “I had the hotel store your things for me until tomorrow.” He carried one of her suitcases inside with them. “Right now you just need to relax and put today behind you.”

Katerina walked in after Andy and ran her fingers through her hair. Her mind and body were exhausted. If someone asked her if she’d end up in her long lost best friend’s hotel room at the end of the night, she would have told them they were crazy. But here she was, walking into Andy Biersack’s hotel room because she had nowhere else to go. “Andy, you need your rest for the show tomorrow. I’ll take the couch.”

“Kitty Kat, you’re taking the bed.” Andy put her suitcase down and then turned to close and lock the door. “You put on one hell of a performance tonight and you must be dead tired.” He pulled off his leather jacket and slung it over the hotel chair.

“Walking down the runway in skimpy lingerie is hardly putting in one hell of a performance.” Katerina had to laugh softly. She sat down on the couch and slipped off her high heels.

A lazy smirk appeared on Andy’s face as his eyes lit up. “Well I don’t know about you but I personally was enjoying it.” The confession slipped out before he could stop it.

Raising her eyebrows, Katerina let out a laugh. “Oh really? Did someone enjoy seeing me in lingerie?” She stood up and walked up to Andy. Without her heels Katerina only came up to his mid chest. No matter how much she grew up she would always be shorter than was.

Andy laughed and turned his head. A blush began to cover his cheeks and reached his ears. “You…um….looked good.” He ran his hand along the back of his neck. He knew he was stuttering to get the words out. Truth be told Katerina looked fucking hot on the runway. But that was a secret that he was going to keep to himself. “You grew up on me.”

A shy smile crossed Katerina’s face as she bit her lower lip. “Thank you Andy. That is very sweet of you.” She stood on her tip toes and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek. “You grew up too and you look amazing.” She smiled up at him.

Chuckling softly, Andy ran his fingers through his hair. “Well I grew taller but I’m not sure if I grew up yet.” He smirked. “I think I’m still the same smartass that you knew from before.”

“I’m glad some things haven’t changed.” Katerina teased as she reached up to ruffle his hair.

Andy didn’t stop her like he had with his bandmates. Instead he let her play with his hair as her fingers thread through his ebony hair. “Some things have, but I’m grateful.” He brushed a few strands of her blonde hair out of her baby blue eyes. He let out a deep breath. “Are we good now? No more anger between us?” He asked her.

Katerina’s shoulders sagged as she let her fingers trail down from his hair to brush down the side of his face to land on his shoulder. Her eyes closed as she took a deep breath. Slowly opening them she found Andy staring at her. “You hurt me Andy. Really hurt me.” Her voice waived. “You are my best friend and after my parents’ death, you became the one person I could really trust.”

Guilt flooded Andy’s gut and suddenly he felt like that kid who left home all over again. He never mean to make her feel so alone and vulnerable as she did after her parents died. “Kitty Kat, I’m so sorry. I never meant to just…dump you like that. But you had to realize why I left. I—I couldn’t go back to that town. Or have any contact with it. It brought up so many bad memories. The hell I went through in that town with the school and the bullying, it killed me inside.” Andy found himself swallowing hard. “I had to get away. I had my sight set on LA and that’s all I cared about. I was so fucking selfish.”

Tears filled her eyes as Katerina looked up at him. “I thought the worst thing that could happen was when you left the performing arts school. It was hard enough to go to a different school than you did. But after you left town, those months until graduation were worse. I waited by the phone every day.” She wiped her eyes. “Then—Grams died.” Her voice cracked. “Her kidneys just gave out and she was gone. After graduation I had to go live with Uncle Bert’s family in Kentucky.”

Andy’s arms went around her as he hugged her and crushed her against his chest. “Fuck I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.” His voice was hoarse with regret. “I should have been there for you and I wasn’t.” His eyes closed and regret washed over him. Never before had he regretted his choices in his life…until now. The one person who always stood by him besides his parents and he let her down.

“Andy don’t you feel bad, ok? Please don’t?” Katerina pleaded. “You were right. You needed to get out of Cincinnati. Besides if you hadn’t left, you’d never have your band and all of this.” She pointed out. “The past is the past. You got to live your dream, and that’s the best part about all of this.” She hugged him. “But the thing was my Aunt hated me. She was angry that Grams left everything to me and she made it so uncomfortable for me to live there. So two months after I got there, I left for New York.”

“Why didn’t you come to LA? I would have helped you out!” Andy asked her.

She pulled back and looked sheepishly up at Andy. “I was still angry with you for not calling or contacting me. I wanted to be on the other side of the country as you. Besides, you know my interest in school was musical theater. I figured that New York was a great place to go.” She shrugged. “I got a bunch of jobs. First at Starbucks, then a movie theater. That’s when I got discovered by a rep from IMG models. When I was first starting out there I even worked at a singing diner. I’d wait on tables and sing for the customers.” She groaned at the memory.

“Yeah Ashley seems to be a big fan of yours.” Andy frowned.

Katerina smirked. “I know. It’s adorable.” Then she saw the way Andy frowned even more and his eyes had the look of the devil in them. “Whoa calm down. Wait; are you angry that Ashley likes me?”

“Let’s just say I know Ash’s habits and I don’t want you to become a notch on his tour bunk, ok?” Andy snapped. “You deserve better.”

“Aw Andy I’m a big girl. I can handle myself.” Katerina giggled as she hugged him. “It’s sweet that you worry about me.” She snuggled up to him as she giggled again.

“Of course I’m going to worry about you!” Andy protested. “You’re my best friend. You’re family!” He kissed her temple. “No one fucks with you. If they do, they fuck with me.”

Laying her head upon his chest, Katerina closed her eyes and breathed deeply. Andy smelled so damn good. From the mix of his cologne and the cigarettes he smoked it was an intoxicating aroma. Despite it being a friendly hug, she bit her lower lip as she tried to reign in her thoughts. Damn it, she still cared about him far more than a friend would. But she knew he never saw her like that. “I’m lucky to have you as my best friend.” She managed to get out.

“I’m the lucky one Kitty Kat.” Andy kissed her temple once again. “Hey listen, why don’t you use my shower to clean up before bed? I’m sure you want to scrub all the runway makeup off you.”

Lifting her head, she looked at him. “Are you sure? You don’t want to use the shower first?”

He gave her one of his trademark smiles. “I’m sure. Ladies first.”

Pulling away from him, Katerina nodded. “A hot shower sounds great about now. Thanks Andy.” She headed towards the bathroom but the suddenly she jumped. Andy playfully slapped her on the ass. “What the hell was that for?” She squeaked.

“Just don’t use all the hot water!” He smirked. He laughed as she stuck her tongue out at him. He stuck his back out at her and then laughed harder as she disappeared into the bathroom. He ran his fingers through his black hair. Fuck, it had been a long day and would be even longer tomorrow. But, he had his best friend back. Who knew that would happen?

Falling back on the couch, he grabbed his phone to go through missed text messages and calls. Most were from his friends and a couple from his parents. Andy started to go through his Twitter feed and that’s when he heard it. It came from the bathroom and over the sound of the water. It was a beautiful sound and it caught his attention right away.

Don’t panic
No not yet
I know I’m the one you want to forget
Cue all the love to leave my heart
It’s time for me to fall apart

Now you’re gone
But I’ll be okay
Your hot whiskey eyes
Have fanned the flames
Maybe I’ll burn a little brighter tonight
Let the fire breathe me back to life

Baby, you were my picket fence
I miss missing you now and then
Chlorine kissed summer skin
I miss missing you now and then
Sometimes before it gets better
The darkness gets bigger
The person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger
Oh
We’re fading fast
I miss missing you now and then

Katerina was singing in the shower and her voice…it was so beautiful. Who knew that she could sing like that? The last time he heard her sing was back in high school. But now her voice was matured. It had a rich sound. Not only that, but it was lyrics of the song that caught Andy’s attention. He leaned back on the couch and sighed. Yeah, he got the message. He definitely fucked up but the past was the past and he’d make it up to her.


~ ~ ~


It was later and they had both showered and were in bed. Andy lay on the couch in the darkness as he tried to sleep. It was quiet and he tossed and turned, trying to get comfortable. With his height, the couch wasn’t the most comfortable because he had to pull his legs up. Yet if Katerina was comfortable in the bed, it was worth it. He rolled back over onto his back and let out a sigh.

“Andy are you asleep?” Came the voice out of the dark.

Smirking in the dark, Andy licked his lips. “I could be.”

“So then you’re sleep talking to me?” Katerina asked him with amusement in her voice.

“Stranger things have happened.” He chuckled.

She sat up in the bed and ran her fingers through her hair. “I can hear you tossing and turning. I know you’re not comfortable. Why don’t you let me take the couch?”

“Hell no!” Andy shook his head. “I told you, I’m taking the couch.” He protested.

“Andy for the last hour all I’ve heard is you tossing and turning. There is no fucking way you’re comfortable. That couch is too small for you.” Katerina growled. When she didn’t hear anything, she crossed her arms over her chest. “Andy!”

“What?” He asked.

“Let me take the couch!” She told him.

“No!” He whispered in the darkness.

“UGH!” She threw up her hands. “You are still stubborn! That will never change.” She flopped back on the bed. Katerina felt guilty for lying in the big king sized comfortable bed while Andy was cramped on the couch. He was going to be miserable for his show tomorrow. Then she sat up. “How about you come to lay in the bed with me then?” She offered. “There is plenty of room. I mean unless you still hog the covers?” Katerina teased.

Andy scoffed. “As if! If I remember correctly, you used to be the cover hog!” He sat up and then looked towards the bed in the darkness. “Are you sure though?” The last thing he wanted was to make things awkward.

“Get your ass over here Biersack!” Katerina ordered him. “We always used to sleep in the same bed when you’d stay at Gram’s house. Unless you have cooties, I don’t see a problem now.”

Andy smirked as he got up and walked over to the bed. He slipped between the covers and laid down next to Katerina. “I don’t have cooties. Girls have cooties, remember?” He teased. Instantly he stretched out his tired body and moaned with relief.

Katerina froze. “Um, just what are you doing over there?” She teased.

“Shut up!” Andy laughed. “I was stretching.”

“Uh uh!” She giggled. “Is that what guys call it now?”

Growling, Andy grabbed her and began to tickle her. Her laughter filled the room as his hands moved over her ribcage. “You think that’s funny?” He teased her as he continued to tickle her. He knew all her ticklish spots and all bets were off.

“ANDY!” Katerina gasped. She put her hands on his chest, which was bare since the man decided to only wear pajama pants to bed. “Stop! You---ticklish!” She gasped out as she laughed.

“I know Kitty Kat!” He laughed.

“I mean it!” She was laughing so hard she had tears coming out of her eyes.

Finally Andy took pity on her and stopped tickling her. Instead he pulled her close and pulled her against his chest. He smirked as he pushed her messed up hair out of her face. “I still know all your ticklish spots.” He laughed.

“You are evil!” Katerina growled. She wrapped her arm around his waist and cuddled up to him as if it were perfectly natural. It was as if no time had passed for them. Being near Andy was right for her. Her heart was beating wildly in her chest being this close to him. She chalked it up to being tickled. However she had a feeling it was because how she really felt for him.

“I am not!” Andy protested. “I’m an angel!” He laid on his back and pulled her close so she laid her head on his chest. His fingers moved along her back soothingly. He had to admit, having her in his arms felt nice. It was comforting, relaxing.

Katerina snorted. “Yeah right! Fallen maybe, I can see your tarnished halo.” She snuggled against his chest as she fought a yawn. She found herself tracing his tattoos with her fingertip. She loved his ink and remembered when she went with him to get his first one.

Andy shivered as her fingertip brushed over the lines of his ink. It shouldn’t feel good but the way her finger ghosted over his skin had him sucking in his breath. Then he frowned as he stared down at her. Then his brows furrowed. He wanted to ask her about something that had bothered him all night. “Kitty Kat?” When she hummed, he sighed. “If you’re signed with IMG and you’re doing well as a model, why were you three months behind on your rent and why did you get kicked out?”

In his arms Katerina froze. She swallowed hard. She wasn’t proud of her situation and feared that if she told Andy about it he would look down on her for it. It was true; she was getting to be known as a top model in the industry. However the fact was she was broke. She was living job to job and it was all because of gullibility. She wanted to bury her head in his chest and forget he asked the question.

“Kitty Kat?” Andy asked again.

“When I first began to work for IMG I met this male model named Tristan.” Katerina began. “He was sweet to me. Not to mention very good looking.” She smiled at the memory. “He was popular with the agency and started to do as well as I was. He asked me out and I said yes. One date turned out to be two and then three. Then, we became a couple. We even did quite a few photo shoots together.” She bit her lower lip knowing this is when the bad part was coming in. “He suggested we move in together. I agreed. I got the apartment in my name. Tristan agreed to pay half the rent. Well he’d pay every other month. It was going so well. I was saving up my money and I was doing well. Then Tristan got a job in Europe. It would be a series of photo shoots in Italy, England and then Paris. I was happy for him. I told him I’d go with him. He was rushed to say no. That he’d be back for me when they were done. I was shocked. I mean I didn’t have anything going. I begged to go with him. Finally he agreed. He told me to take my money out of my savings and we’d go to the travel agent together to book our flights.” She laughed bitterly. “I was such a stupid idiot. I did it.”

Andy closed his eyes as he could see where this was going. He wanted to get his hands on this guy and pound his face in. “What happened?” He whispered.

“I took the money out of the bank that night. We had a candlelight dinner to celebrate our trip to Europe.” Katerina whispered with tears in her voice. “That next morning we were going to the travel agency. Only when I woke up, he was gone. Along with all of my money. The apartment was cleared out.” By now the tears were falling down her cheeks and fell on Andy’s chest. “I—I never saw him again. The apartment we got together was expensive so I tried to keep it with the money I made. I didn’t do a great job. I got some pretty decent paying jobs, but they went to bills. Then…I ran into you.” Her voice waivered. “I’m—I’m broke and I’m alone.”

Wrapping his arms around her, Andy rocked her against his chest. “You’re not alone, Kitty Kat. You have me. It’s us against the world again. Just like old times.” He promised as he kissed her forehead. He rocked her slowly back and forth in his arms as she cried against his chest. He wanted to take away all her pain. But mostly he just wanted to kill this Tristan guy for hurting her. Yeah ok so he hurt her first, but he never stole from her like this douchebag did.

“He stole everything, Andy!” She cried against his chest. “I have nothing but what’s in those bags. Maybe I should give up and just go home?”

“Fuck that!” Andy spat. “You’re not defeated Katerina. You’re just hitting a bump. I’ll help you, ok?” He rubbed her back softly. “We’re a team, just like we always used to be.”

Hearing that made her feel a bit better. Being with Andy made her feel safe and knowing that she began to relax. Looking up she could see him looking back at her thanks to the moonlight shining through the window. “Thank you. For everything.”

“Hey, it’s what best friends do for each other.” Any gave her a smile. “Now, get some sleep. Tomorrow it will be better. You’re gonna see me kick ass on stage and I’ll make sure you have a good time.” He brushed his lips against her forehead.

Katerina yawned as she cuddled up against Andy. “Thank you Andy. I’m lucky to have you as my friend. I missed you so much.” Her eyelids grew heavier until they closed as her arms tightened around his body.

Caressing her cheek, Andy nuzzled against her. “I’m the lucky one Kitty Kat. Sweet dreams.” He kissed her forehead again before he too closed his eyes and fell asleep next to her.

Notes