Novocaine Hearts

Lexa's POV

I wanted out.
I wanted to be off the tour. I wanted to go home and be alone.
This was the most humiliating thing that had ever happened to me and that was saying a lot.
Parker knew me inside out and I gave him everything. I thought he loved me.
We weren't some stupid fling or fuck buddies. I thought we had something real.
At times like these I would normally go on some sort of bender. Drinking, drugs and whatever else, but I wasn't that person anymore.
We still had 3 days left of the tour and it could not be going slower.
After our set, I headed out of the grounds to grab more cigarettes, since it was the only thing keeping me sane.
I came back, nursing a carton that I'd already opened.
I re-entered the grounds and I saw Parker waiting for me near the bus.
"What do you want?" I asked when I got closer, blowing smoke in his face.
"Why are you making this hard? We've been acting like friends all tour! It was normal. The way it should be" he tried to explain.
"OH, so, being in a relationship for 2 years was a mistake? That we should have never gotten together?!" I shot.
"No, I'm no saying that, I-"
"Yes you are!" I said tears threatening to fall.
Parker sighed. "I don't know what to say Lex. Obviously nothing I say is gonna make this better. I'm just sorry. I just lost our connection and it just felt normal again, like nothing had happened."
"I can't believe you can say nothing has happened. We had a relationship that meant nothing to you! I love you! So fucking much that you don't even understand! It just hurts so much to hear you say that you don't feel anything for me" I sobbed, tears flooding my cheeks.
Parker tried to hug me, but I pushed him away. "Just leave me alone!" I yelled leaving Parker standing alone by the bus.
I had no idea where I was going, but I didn't care.
Just somewhere where non one would bother me.
For some reason I thought of Black Veil Brides and Riley. God, I wished she was here right now. She would know what to do, but I would settle for one of the members.
I made my way over to their stage, continuously smoking cigarettes, not sure how many I'd had.
I could still hear them playing, so I waited by their trailer for them to pack up.
I wondered what I was going to do when I got home. What would I do? The apartment would just remind me of Parker. I've lived with him since moved out of my parents place. I wonder if Nate will take me... I can't live on my own... I don't trust myself.
"Lexa?"
I shook myself out of my thoughts when I heard that voice.
"Jake... Hi..." was all I could manage.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, looking genuinely interested.
"Umm, I'm really not sure. I feel like I need to talk to someone. I understand if you don't want anything to do with me, I'm sure I can talk to some else" I said, getting up from the ground to leave.
"No! Uhh, I'm free to talk. Just let me pack and have a shower" he smiled.
"Sure."
Jake nodded and left to help his band.
I watched them load the trailer and I noticed both Jake and Ashley giving me glances.
Ashley quickly came over to me before Jake could finish.
"Hey Lexa" he waved.
"Hey. How have you been Ash?" I asked.
"Been alright. Itching to go home" he commented.
"Oh... really?" Disappointment in my voice.
"Why? I thought you would be wanting to go home. With Parker and all, get out of all this attention."
"Yeah... me and Parker broke up... I was kinda hoping you guys were going away again like last time..." I explained, looking down at my hands the whole time.
"Oh man... that sucks Lex... do you need a hug or something?"
As he asked, I felt a tear come to my eye and I nodded.
Ashley wrapped his arms around me and I tried to not let my tears fall on his shirt.
"I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a mess. I just feel so... stuck..." I sobbed.
"It's fine. I felt the same when I thought Riley was going to leave me. I know it's not the same..." I felt him shrug and he trailed off.
I pulled away, wiping away any tears; curious by what Ashley had just said.
"Riley was going to leave you?" I questioned.
"I really thought she would. It's what betrayal does to a couple. I guess I'm lucky to have someone like her" he smiled.
"See! I thought I had that..." fresh tears forming.
"You're gonna be okay Lex. You will find it" he smiled warmly.
"Everything okay here?" I heard Jake ask.
I quickly wiped away my tears again and smiled.
"Fine" I tried to say clearly.
Ashley patted my shoulder again and started to walk in the direction of the buses.
"Seriously, is everything okay?" Jake asked with concern.
"Parker broke up with me... he lost his love for me..." I explained without sobbing.
"Ohh, I'm so sorry Lex. Are you okay?"
I noticed his hand twitch. He wanted to comfort me, but didn't know how.
"Not really... I'm not sure how to handle this... me and Parker have spent all of our adult lives together, now I have no idea how I'm gonna live. I don't know what to do..."
"You can always stay with me in LA until you sort out what you're gonna do."
"Really? You don't have to do that, but you would really do that for me?"
"Sure."

Notes

Hmmmm, this is getting hard....
Thoughts? Comments?
-Tina xx