They Can't Stop Us From Our Freedom

“Hey! How was it!? Are you the new it couple yet?!” CC asked as we walked in the door.

“CC just stop, please?” Andy said walking back to his bunk.

“Woah, what happened?” CC asked me when Andy was out of earshot.

“I told him I needed a break from everything, life’s just been so crazy lately I just need to spend some time alone.” I replied. “Between my brother, Matty, that other girl Andy fucked, Ellie, it’s just all been so much and I’m not in a good place right now. I don’t want to be a burden to him.”

“Oh, I see. Well, I’m here to talk whenever you want.”

“Thanks, but I think I’m just going to spend sometime in my bunk for the next few days. But I’m in the mood to play some videogames, you and Lindley up for teaching me?”

“OF COURSE!!!!”

We played until like 3 AM and it really got my mind off things. I think just being with people as carefree as CC and Lindley really helped me. Neither of them asked me what was going on or anything they just treated me as if I had a normal life and I was okay.

I went to bed absolutely drained. I just needed a break from life.

The next few days were spent at the merch table and in my bunk with tumblr and books upon books upon books. Occasionally I would sit down with the guys and play video games I was getting better; however, whenever I came in, Andy just went back to his bunk. I felt, alone, almost abandoned even though I was the one who told him I wanted to be alone. Sometimes, I swear, I make the stupidest decisions. Should I talk to him and see if he still wants me, but I never doubt my instincts. There was a reason that I told him I needed to be alone, but there is also a reason why I want him back. Maybe I don’t even want him as a boyfriend, maybe I just miss him as a friend.

I decided to talk to him. I needed him back. I actually missed him.

“Andy?” I knocked on the wall next to his bunk.

“What do you want?” He replied bitterly.

“I wanna talk to you,” I said as I sat up on his bed.

“Why?”

“I miss you, I know I told you I didn’t want a relationship right now but that didn’t mean I didn’t want a friendship.”

“Windy you don’t get it. When you have feelings this strong for someone you don’t want a friendship, you want more, it hurts just being friends with you.”

“Andy you don’t get it either. I gave up everything for you and you know that, I can still care about you as much as a girlfriend can without actually being your girlfriend.”

“If you cared about me enough you would just be my girlfriend.”

“Andy, I’m going to be straight up, I like you, a lot, but for the sake of my mental state and not being a complete burden to you I need to stay alone for awhile and fix myself. It’s nothing against you, you just met me at a bad time in my life.”

“Well then when you’re done figuring everything out we can talk about it, but I need my distance just like you.”

“Fine.” Well that was shitty.

It’s just not fair, I can’t control the fact that I need to be alone. I just want to be friends with him. Is that so much to ask? It’s all or nothing with him and it sucks. Yeah, I have the other band members but it’s not the same. Andy was who supported me through everything. I just can’t take the relationship right now.

I went to bed that night feeling horribly alone.

Around 4 AM I woke up sweaty and crying. Nightmares, of course, they always come back when I’m in my weakest state. Normally, I would crawl into bed with my parents and feel so safe, but they’re not here and I’m not there. Not like they would care about me anyways. I decided to do the only thing I could think of at that moment. I went to Andy.

“Andy?” I whispered in a shaky voice.

“Windy?! What’s wrong?! What time is it?!”

“I had a nightmare.”

“Oh, are you alright?”

“No, why do you think I’m standing next to your bunk right now?” I said with tears slowly rolling down my face.

“What happened?”

“I can’t remember. I know I had a nightmare, it always happens when I’m more depressed than usual. I think, I think I was starting to remember that night with Matty...” I started crying harder.

“Windy, no please stop crying it’s going to be okay.”

“I’ve just been trying to hold a front for so long and act tough but I can’t do it Andy, I can’t do it.”

“I know, I know come here,” he hugged me and all of a sudden everything was okay again, “do you want to sleep with me for the remainder of the night?”

“Yes, please.” I crawled up into his bunk and closed my eyes. His strong arm wrapped around my waist and my hips placed perfectly in his.

“Andy?”

“Yes?”

“I’m sorry about the other day, I don’t know what I was thinking. I’ve been such a bitch lately—“

“Sh, it’s late, we can talk tomorrow.”

“Okay…” and we both drifted off.

Notes

so yeah i finally got out of writer's block and now im writing like a fucking maniac its summer so i have so much time on my hands and literally nothing to do so ill write more often hopefully

Ch. Title Creds: Jesus Christ by Brand New

and im gonna try to keep you updated on what im reading and watching if yall are interested