They Can't Stop Us From Our Freedom

"Hey Ellie, did your foster mom say it was okay that you stay with us?" Andy asked.

"Sadly, I have to go back to school. I mean, I completely forgot when I met you. I'm still in shock, but maybe another time?"

"Yeah how about we guest list you on warped so that you can hang with us then," Andy got her info and then we left.

"Andy?" I asked when we got in the car.

"That's my name."

"I don't have to go back right?"

"Oh come on it wasn't as bad as it could've been."

"She just wants me to stop, but what if I feel the temptation again."

"Then you call me."

"But what if you guys are gone?"

"Man, you ask a lot of questions don't you?"

"Well, I'm just kinda lost, ya know?"

"Yeah I do."

"Well I don't know, I guess she left me to figure it out on my own so I guess that's what I'll have to do."

"One more thing, about what the doctor said when we were walking out, do you think it's true? I mean, I don't know. You know what never mind, forget I asked."

"Tbh, I don't know either I want it to be true but I don't think I'm ready."

"Did you just abbreviate "to be honest" while talking?"

"Yeah, haha, out of habit I guess."

"Oh yeah, btw," he said mocking me, "Lindley and Sammi talked to the principal of the school for you, he said that you don't have to come to school for the last couple days, he also said that you don't even have to go to the ceremony if you don't want, he'll just mail you your diploma."

"OH THANK GOD!" I loved my principal, he always gives me and Lindley stuff and he's just really nice. I don't know if I want to leave. We finally got home and I went straight to the couch.

"Do you wanna eat something?" Andy asked me.

"Nah, I'm okay right now."

"You know you have to eat eventually, right?"

"Yeah, just not in the mood for it right now." Lies. Lies. Lies.

"Okay whatever you say," he grabbed himself a cold piece of pizza and came and sat next to me. "So ya know how you said 'Sydnee told us that if we wanted boyfriends, we needed to be skinnier.'?" he asked as he sat down.

"Yeah." I said while I was still kind of daydreaming.

"So do you have one or did that not work like she said it would?"

Fuck…I forgot about Sean. We were never really close though. It was all so that we could be nominated for Prom King and Queen.

"Uhh yeah, I haven't heard from him though…" I said trailing off kind of questioning what happened to him. Wait, when Sydnee told me about Braydon, I remember now, he was standing in the corner of the lockers just kind of watching me and then walked into his next classroom. Why hasn't he talked to me?

"That's strange you think he would have said something to you or at least said something."

"Yeah I know, well whatever, I'm living with my idols, it's all good."

I plugged my iPod into the stereo to fill the silence. The first song that came on was Thnks Fr Th Mmrs by Fall Out Boy. We had the house to ourselves since the guys were all out doing random things. I went to my bedroom to get changed out of these uncomfortable shorts.

"Where are you going you just sat down?!" Andy yelled.

"To change! Why are we yelling we're like 6 feet away!"

"I don't know!"

I took off my shorts so I was in just my lace thong and then bracelets revealing the scars underneath and walked into the bathroom. I stared down at them wondering if I'd ever think about doing it again. It felt so nice. No, Windy you can't. You would let down Andy and Lindley and everyone else that's counting on you being there, being alive. I stood there and thought about it. No one thought about taking my razors away, I guess they don't want me having hairy legs. I took a new one out of the package and shut the door to make sure Andy didn't hear me. As quietly as i could, I broke the plastic and three brand new blades fell out. I put two away in the back of the last drawer and put one in my hand. I pulled out my phone and then heard someone walk up behind me. I turned around and put the blade and my phone behind my back.

"WOAH ANDY I'M CHANGING WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" I yelled, pushing him out of the bathroom.

"RELAX I WAS JUST CHECKING ON YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE BEEN IN HERE FOR LIKE 5 MINUTES. WHAT WAS THAT YOU PUT BEHIND YOUR BACK?"

Wow, had it really been that long? "IT'S JUST MY BRA CHILL OUT!" I lied.

"WHY'D YOU HIDE IT?"

"YOU DON'T NEED TO SEE THAT!"

"WHATEVER!"

I finished putting the blade in the back of my phone and walked into the bedroom to put on some shorts.

When I came out, Andy was sitting on the couch eating another slice of cold pizza.

"Oh look who's finally back," he said as I sat down. "What took so long?"

"I couldn't find the shorts I wanted," I lied.

"Hand me your phone." he demanded. I started to freak out a little.

"Why?"

"I just wanna see something."

"Fine," I hesitantly handed him my phone.

He started to open the back. Oh God. How did he know?

"Andy what are you doing?"

"When I found you on the floor the back of your phone was opened and there were scratches on your battery so I assume that's where you keep your blades."

He finished prying the back off of my phone.

"Windy. What is this? Is this what you were doing in the bathroom?"

"Andy, I'm sorry I had to, just in case, I promise I haven't used it," I started crying.

"Windy, it's alright but I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore I…I…I care about you too much, I can't lose you."

He put my phone down on the table in front of us and pulled me into a hug. I buried my face in his shirt and cried into his chest. He rubbed my back and tried to get me to calm down, but it wasn't working. He picked me up and carried me to my bedroom. He put me on the bed and laid down next to me.

"Windy, it's okay, I'm not mad I just don't want you to hurt yourself, you're gorgeous and I don't want you think otherwise.

"It's-it's not that-i think you're-you're mad at me, it's-it's just-that everything seems to be-happening-at-at one time."

"Well at least you're here with us, nothing can hurt you now."

I cried myself to sleep with my head on top of Andy's chest. I was exhausted.

When I woke up I was in the same spot as I was when I fell asleep. I looked up at Andy's face, his eyes were closed and his chest was slowly rising and falling. I reached into my pocket to get my phone only to realize that Andy had left it on the coffee table after he found the blade. I wanted to know how long I'd been sleeping. I lifted my head a little so I could see the clock on the other side of Andy. It read 3:45. Damn, I had slept a long time. My stomach growled so loud that it woke Andy.

"Oh look who's awake?" he said while yawning. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah a little, I guess I was probably just really, really tired. I'm kinda hungry…"

"We still have cold pizza if you want it."

"Do you have anything else, I hate cold food."

"We can order more pizza? Or we have a microwave."

"Oh geez okay."

We got out of bed and I went to get my phone from off the table. I grabbed it along with the blade and tried to go into the kitchen but Andy had beaten me there.

"Nope hand it over, sneaky." he said with a smirk.

"UGH FINE."

We ordered the pizza and I went and sat back down on the couch.

"God it's been a long day," Andy said as he sat on the couch, "but, guess what starts soon?"

"I don't know umm my period?"

"Uhh not exactly the answer i was looking for…WARPED TOUR, remember?"

"OH YEAH HUH WE GET TO GO TO THAT!"

"So you wanna go right?"

"WHO WOULDNT?"

"Lindley…"

"Wait what?"

"Yeah CC brought it up today and she said she'd rather stay home something about not liking travel very much?"

I forgot that Lindley's scared of being away from home for so long…

"Oh yeah…"

"Well Sammi's not coming with us so she said that she will stay with her and come out and visit when we have off days."

"I feel bad if I'm going to leave her though…"

"She said it's completely fine and I really really want you to come."

"Okay, I really really wanna meet other bands and stuff so I really really wanna go."

"Only problem is we don't have extra bunks so we'll be squished every night…"

"I'm cool with that...I think"

"Look, I know you're scared to let me in and I know this is a lot going on right now, but I love you Windy..."

"Woah wait wh-what. No Andy I'm sorry I-I have to uh...go pick up Lindley from um band practice I completely forgot!" I grabbed my keys and ran out the door. This was not happening I only knew him for close to four days, how could he tell me he loved me? Liked me? Yeah maybe. Loved me? Hell no. I don't even think anyone has ever said that to me, well, besides Lindley. I've only ever had one boyfriend and that's Sean, we never really talked so it's not like I've ever been in a real relationship. Everything's happening so fucking fast I'm just so lost and I can't let Andy or Lindley down. But I definitely do not love Andy, or I don't know maybe I do. I haven't known him long and I don't think you can love someone that fast. But what about love at first sight? No, not possible. I need to call Lindley.

"Hey Lindley I need some help."

"Yeah what's up?"

"Andy just told me he loved me...."

"NO WAY WHAT'D YOU SAY BACK?!?"

"I told him I had to go pick you up from band practice and ran out of the house..."

"Oh...that's not good"

"I know, I know no need to make me feel worse"

"Okay well just go back and tell him that CC is going to pick me up and we're gonna go out"

"Yeah but what do I say about you know what"

"Well how do you feel about him?"

"I'm 99% sure I like him but i'm also 99% sure I'm not ready for a relationship"

"Tell him that and then maybe ask him to move into your room? Tell him that you want to take it slow and you're ready to take this next step before going on tour with them"

"Good plan, I knew you'd know what to do"

"Alright see ya!"

I drove back to the house and did exactly what Lindley told me I should do. He understood and was very happy to move into the bedroom with me. Not gonna lie, I was pretty excited myself. Maybe this will be something real.

Notes

so sorry its been so long ahh school starts tomorrow shittt well okay ill try to update more but im gonna be so busy love you guys
<3

Never Give In, Never Back Down,
~Hailie