-CC’s POV-

“Lauren…What, what are you doing here?” There was no emotion flowing through my body other than complete terror; terror standing for Annah and Eli, terror in seeing Lauren, and terror in myself.

“Oh, you know just here for a coffee break.” Her voice rang out like a newly made silver bell as she lightly punched my arm. The sarcasm in her voice used to take me in a security blanket, but now it just hurt.

“Uh…I, uh…” I trailed off, looking behind me to look at the doors both Annah and Eli were wheeled beyond.

“Oh…” She trailed off, watching my face before registering what had happened. “Oh, CC. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. Who was it? Were they important?” I bit my lip nervously.

“CC!” I heard Jake’s voice call for me. I turned around and faced him as he walked over towards me. “Hey dude, here’s your bag…” He handed me the duffle bag before meeting Lauren’s eyes. “Oh shit…” He muttered. “Hey, Lauren. Sorry to cut this short, but uh, we need to go.”

“Well, alright. I see you later then, CC?” She gave me one of those heavenly smiles before wrapping me in a warm embrace, then kissed my cheek and left us. Jake and I walked to the Emergency side of the waiting room and sat down.

“Thank you so much, man. I seriously owe you, anything you reasonable you want.” I directed toward Jake as we sat down. I slid the bag under my chair and started to tap my fingers on my leg.

“No problem, she’s a psycho anyways.” He gave a halfhearted laugh, hoping to lighten the situation. A few minutes passed by before he spoke up again. “Hey, it’ll be alright okay? She’s a strong one, and so is Eli, I guess it runs in the family.” He released a deep breath and picked up where he left off. “When have you ever known her not to overcome and obstacle in her way? She’s a fighter, she doesn’t lose anything and you know that. Stay faithful and hopeful for her. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t have self confidence right now, man the fuck up and fight alongside with her.” He reached underneath of my seat and unzipped the bag, pulling something out before setting it in my lap. It was Annah’s journal I had found tucked under the pillow in our bunk. “Read it, it’ll make you understand her more and might make you feel the slightest bit better.”

I took the brown leather book in my hands and nodded. “Thanks man,” I said quietly flipping open to the first page.

“I stand amid the roar
Of a surf-tormented shore,
And I hold within my hand
Grains of the golden sand-
How few! yet how they creep
Through my fingers to the deep,
While I weep- while I weep!
O God! can I not grasp
Them with a tighter clasp?
O God! can I not save
One from the pitiless wave?
Is all that we see or seem
But a dream within a dream?"
What else to start off with than one of my favorite extorts from an Edgar Allen Poe poem? Not really much to explain about what it means, because it means precisely what it says. If you don’t get it then you aren’t meant to understand it.
If you ask why I am writing into this or to you if this is found it’s because I’m either near death, or floating aimlessly through it. I might be standing over your shoulder reading this with you, I might be pouring down on random people in England, or I might be a fucking daisy. But for all I care, I’m not here anymore.
Paragraph to paragraph, don’t hate me. This may seem like a waste of time reading this now, but I promise you it won’t be. I have written this, and rewrote, and written it many many of times, but I know that I’ll never use the right words to sympathize to everybody, and for that I’m sorry. I’ve tried my best throughout my life to please everyone, but now that I can understand life I know that nobody in this entire world can please everyone in the universe. Don’t try to please everyone in your life will be a waste of your time.
Among the next few pages you will see notes written to a specific person. DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU ARE THAT PERSON. If you know me at all you know that I hate liars, don’t make me come back from the dead to kill you. Not even kidding.
I took her word for the past few sentences and flipped past the pages trying to find her next entry, but I came across the very last page of the letters. Across the top Christian Levi was written neatly across the top. I quickly looked up and checked my surroundings to make sure nobody was looking over my shoulder or at the journal before returning to the paper.

Christian Levi
I miss you so much. It literally hurts my entire soul to think about you. It’s been about three or four years since I’ve seen you. I don’t know where you are, I don’t know how you are, and I can’t comprehend how much you mean to me.
I’m not in the best mood in the entire world, but I guess I’m alright. I don’t think I can say I’ve been happy because I don’t know what it feels like to be happy anymore. My mood is either alright or very depressed or almost suicidal. I don’t know how much more I can write in this letter because tears are already staining the makeup onto my clothes. But one last thing:
I love you, and tell yourself everyday that I love you because it’s true. I always have and I always will. I love you.