My Fallen Angel

I cried.
He'd actually scared me again.
I'd thought he was going to come after me.
I pressed my back against the shower wall, the hot water rushing down over my skin.
After he'd screamed at me I'd had nowhere else to go, so I'd hid out in here, ignoring all the alarmed looks of the guys when I'd come thundering down the steps so fast I'd nearly fallen.
They'd probably heard all the screaming, if not understood the words, and it was so humiliating.
I pressed my hands over my face.
Ashlandil was right, I had enjoyed it, I hadn't wanted him to stop. He'd abused my sin, used it against me until he made sure I had no will left of my own, and I felt mortified when I thought about it.
I'd told him to stop, that wasn't what I'd wanted!
I whimpered, pressing my face against my knees.
I hated him so much.
How could he have done that to me?
Made me into some kind of mindless whore?
"Kenna?" someone knocked on the door hesitantly.
"I'll be out in a minute!" I called with no intention of moving.
"Are you okay?" it was CCs voice; he was so nice, why couldn't Ashlandil be more like him?
"I'm fine!"
"Do you need anything?"
"No!"
I wished he'd leave me alone so I could be miserable.
I heard him sigh and walk away from the door, and I sniffled, moping my face and rising to my feet.
I probably shouldn't waste the hot water.
What if someone else needed it?
I turned it off, my hair plastered to my body as I pulled a towel from under the sink and dried off quickly, wrapping it around my body as I stepped from the shower.
There was another knock.
Who was it now? Why couldn't they leave me alone?
"What?"
"Kenna? I grabbed you some different clothes," Andys voice said hesitantly, and I paused.
Ashley had accused us of sleeping together.
We hadn't even had a chance yet.
And I hated to be accused of something I wasn't doing.
That would hurt him so badly.
Bitterness and anger swelled in my chest.
It was nothing more then he deserved! After what he'd done to me, he deserved to be hurt, in any way possible!
I huffed, then cracked open the door to look at Andy, steam rushing out and hitting him in the face..
"Thanks."
Andy nodded as he handed me new clothes, his face concerned. "Are you okay? Did he hurt you?"
"No, he didn't." Not physically.
He looked relieved.
"Look, everyone has stopped to go eat, Ash left too. You wanna get dressed and find a restaurant?"
No.
I didn't want human food.
"They're all gone?"
"Yeah."
I hesitated, but my mind was already made up.
I tossed my clothes on the counter and pulled the door wider, locking my fingers in the front of Andys shirt as I pulled him into the bathroom.
I slammed the door shut and turned to face him, seeing his uncomfortable expression.
"Kenna," he started with a sigh, but he choked as I let the towel drop to my feet, eyes widening as he looked my pale flesh over.
I reached for him, pressing my damp naked body against his as I kissed him hungrily, forcing him back against the door harshly.
His hands landed on my hips lightly, as if he wasn't sure, and I could practically taste his indecision.
He didn't want to sleep with me if I was just doing this to hurt Ashlandil, which was exactly what I was doing.
I pulled away guiltily after a moment, confused.
"Why don't you want to sleep with me?" I asked, a little hurt.
"I do," he gasped, the steam making the small room hot and stuffy. "God do I want too, but --- Ashleys my best friend."
"You didn't seem to care last time."
I was literally naked and throwing myself at him.
Why was he telling me no?
No one had ever told me no before.
He winced. "We were drunk, things went too far. It shouldn't be that way again."
He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. "I remember how awful you felt afterwards. I don't want that again."
"But it's different this time ---."
"Is it?" he interrupted me. "You two just broke up, Kenna, I'm not a rebound you can throw in his face!"
He was hurt.
I felt my eyes well with tears.
"It's not like that," I croaked, my lips trembling. "You don't understand."
Andy sighed, stroking my face as he pressed his forehead against mine; he hadn't meant to make me cry, it had come out before he could help it. "When we sleep together, I want it to be because we care about each other, not because we're in pain. I want it to mean something, Kenna."
I gazed into his eyes, feeling lost.
He was right.
I felt ashamed of myself.
"Get dressed and we'll get something to eat," he sighed, stepping away from me. He glanced me over, his face flushing and then hurried from the room, having to shuffle his jeans.
I grimaced.
I needed a new tactic it seemed.
I'd never had to work so hard before to sleep with anyone.

Notes