the things left behind

andy
i was waken up late that night by a phone call from cc ''hello?'' i answered half asleep
''andy, major problem. Miranda triedd to kill herself tonight. a nurse found her, they just took her in to flush out her system of all the drugs she took'' he breathed out quickly
''what? i was with her today, she didnt lead on that she was going to do this at all!'' i was so scared, i couldve lost my love
'' nurse said that there will be a constant watch on her, she wont be left alone for the next little while''
''why would she do this?'' to say i was shock was an under statement
''nurse said she has been depressed for the last little while, said a guy came in to talk to dia about her not eating. guessing that was you?''
''yea, but i never thought she was going to kill herself. i wouldnt have left if i had any idea!'' i was yelling
''andy, calm down. i know you wouldnt, and so does she. she waited until the nurse at the station was on rotation, then downed a whole bunch of medication that they keep behind the counter. i cant believe she would do something like this...''
''nither do i... can cemo make people do crazy things?''
"it can cause mood swings. many patients have been known to become depressed, and distant. they will get angry if you do anything, they become light headed from all the chafes in her body. everyone deals with this differently''
''how do you know all this?''
''i wanna help her best i can, and i need to know what shes going through. shouldnt you know some stuff too?''
''im busy with her kid!'' i spat out, reggretting it instantly
''that 'kid' is yours too. if he is such a problem, i will come take him off your hands for you. fuck you andy biersack, i thougt you would at leaast be a good father to your own son.'' with that, ccs end of the line went dead. i didnt mean what i said about cory, not at all. he has become the most inportant thing in my life, and i wouldnt trade that for the world.
i was up for the rest of the night, thinking aboout miranda. wondering if she was okay yet, if she was curled up in her bed with a stuff animal, and the pictures of her family surrounding her. the one where she is on ccs back at warped tour, the one of us during a party on the first night of warped tour, the group one. the ones of cory, i loved how many of those she had, him smiling, with cake on his face, holding a bug, smiling at the park. i have copies of each one
i loved both miranda and cory so damn much, i started crying about the fact that i couldvve lost miranda. how would i ever explain that to cory. i needed a smoke.
i left the apartment, and went down stairs to smoke,-not wanting to smoke around cory, wehn i was hit with a flash back
i walked into the bus, a bit of sweat clinging onto me from the hot summer day. Miranda had fallen asleep while reading. i looked at her for a minute or two, noticing for maybe the first time, just how beautiful she was. she curled into a ball, cold probably, so i drapped a blanket over her. i brushed a strand of hair out of her face, and kissed her forhead. i wanted to curl up with her on the couch, take a nap. i wanted to hold her, charish her. wanted to make her feel loved
''andy..?'' i snapped my head towards the bus door, standing in the doorway, was ashley
''hey ash, whats up..?'' i was nervous, but i didnt know why
''why did you kiss her...''
''i kissed her forehead in a brotherly way. she fell asleep, and i nput a blanket over her. i was just remebering when she was little, and on our first tour. thats all''
''andy.. do you have feelings for her?''
''no ash, of course i dont. ive known her for forever!''
''okay...''
i wished i could go back to warp tour, i would change so much. i wouldve left juliet, wouldve gotten miranda to stop partying so damn much. i wouldnt have had sex with miranda because i was drunk, i would do it because we loved each other, and have been together for ages. i would change somuch, but i wouldnt change the fact that i have cory

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