Buzzkill(er)

- 1994 -


"Fuck…" I mumble as I look at the naked female in the magazine. Whatever happened to dignity. But hey, I'm 20 years old and live on couches to the people willing to let me in. This is my life now, pathetic.
Stealing porn Magazines and jerk off. What else was there to do? There was no scene to hang out with anymore. The so-called punk scene was long gone, it had been dragged out by the toes and sliced into pieces. It was «grunge» that was the thing now. Total and utter bullshit. Just a bunch of artsy junkies looking for a artsy meaningful fuck before they shoot up on heroin and smoke their weed. All this and they still had the time and fucking energy to whine about how crap their upperclass lives are. Angsty bullshitters the whole bunch.
Then again, who am I to talk? I too look for a easy fuck. I too walk around whining about my pathetic life. One thing I'm keeping off is the drugs tho, I don't have the time or money to end up in hospital cause of it again.
But at least i got a real fucking reason. I'm not a upper-class suburban brat who decided to rebel against my parents cos I discovered that Kurt Cobain got nice fucking hair. I got a reason, a proper one. But I wont go into detail with that reason.

Im walking around the park, as usual on my daily round. Some people would say I’m looking for fresh meat, well, a lot of people say that. Looking for fresh meat, a friend to be with, a girl to fuck? well, something along those lines. Im tired of having to though. I'm so damn tired of having to sleep outside when no one will give me a place to stay, I'm tired of parents pulling their kids away when I walk down the street, like I'm some kind of child molester. Then again, I guess its in my blood.
What might Andy Biersack do with his life? How does he cope? Or does he cope? You might ask. Well, I do cope, however the fuck that is possible I don't know, but I do. I usually stand outside stores or at some buss station, waiting for whoever that wanna pay me to buy them cigarettes, or alcohol for that matter. It's usually just a bunch of 16 year olds but It's easy money.
Sometimes I go to parties, in a matter of fact I'm going to one later today. The "opening" party at the fancy art school. I know, I know, I'm being the biggest hypocrite saying "fuck those artsy kids" then seeking them out. I know. I am Aware.

I'm heading towards the dorms, I know someone there that can help me get into this party. I would stay at her room sometimes, but she told me I couldn't anymore after she got her new room mate. Which I take as bullshit, its all a bunch of bullshit. Thats truly one thing I despise about this place, the bullshit. Every damn person is full of it, and I guess i wasn't any better but who cares.
Again with the hypocrisy.

"Oh my god, Andy! Do you fucking mind!?" Emma yells down from her dorm window, her dorm is at the second floor and I've spent the last ten minutes throwing small rocks at her window.

"I wouldn't if you would just let me in!" I smile at her.

"Asshole, what do you want?" she rolled her eyes at me. Rude.

"Party information. Also I wanna come inside?"

"First of all, no. Second of all, I know you know all the information you need. You always know!" she shakes her head at me. Again, rude.

"What have I ever done you to deserve such rudeness?" I look at her, she just gave me the worst glare. Okay. "I wanna meet your room mate!"

"Oh really? What for? Are you planning on fucking her as well or? I swear to god Andy you've already slept with all the girls here, leave this one alone maybe?" She looks back inside her room, probably at her new room mate.

"Jeez, are you on your period or something?" I snap back at her. She shot me a glare again, then grabbed the small plant she got next to her window and threw it at me. She missed then shut her window close. I could hear her going "Oh my goood" behind her window. Jeez. Seriously what did I ever do her? I mean, her girlfriend could not have loved her that much if she chose to sleep with me.

Yeah, Emma is gay, very gay, but you're not supposed to know. It's a secret only me and her -now - ex girlfriend is supposed to know.
Telling me stuff like that is not a good idea I suppose. I get angry easily, I snap. The story behind me ruining their relationship is basically Emma pissing me off then me taking revenge. I know it an asshole move, I am very aware of that, but I can't help it. Sometimes the anger just boils inside me, It fills my veins, it fills my head and I can't seem to control my actions. I end up wanting to hurt whoever made me angry, if it's physically hitting them or just plotting a cruel revenge plan. So yeah, I slept with her girlfriend.

I retreat from the dorms after throwing a bigger rock at her window. But of course it wasn't big enough to actually break the window. What a shame. I still got a couple of hours to waste before the party. I return to my trust worthy bride and pick up the lovely magazine I stole earlier.

Notes

wooooo, ok, andy is a slut k.

I swear to god this story will get more interesting soon, or at least i hope so :P
i suck at writing im sorry

-Harlequinnie