Buzzkill(er)

-1987-



His backpack was heavy from the huge textbooks from school. The wind was blowing in his face, pushing his hair in his face. He pushed it back. The way home from school was now an hour longer than he thought it would be, he wasn't afraid of any of the people outside though, they didn't scare him. What he dreaded the most were at home, laying drunk on the couch; his father.

It had now been two days since he last gave mother a blue eye. It was surprising to him that his father would wait this long to give her another. His father would usually throw a punch whenever someone in the house didn't obey him. It was truly weird, just a couple of months ago, before his mother had had the brutal miscarriage, his father would love them both. He would often come into his sons bedroom and sit on his bed, sometimes he would even take his hand up his leg to tell him he appreciated his son- but it was not like that anymore. Now all that happened around their precious home were beatings and shattered glass.

He walked down the street towards his house, he really could not postpone his trip home anymore. His own house seemed like a house of terror, a hell house.
He felt the black hole in his stomach grow bigger, it had been growing on his way home. He would usually first feel it when his teacher, lovely Mrs Jenssen, would tell all the kids in class including himself to have a good day and a safe trip home. However he had been dreading it longer than usual today.
He had been woken up before his alarm clock would ring by a loud crashing sound coming from the yard. He had of course gotten up to investigate this loud sound, that had also woken his mother and his baby sister. It had ended up being his father coming home from his "business trip" too drunk to keep his eyes open. The car was a total wreck but his father didn't even get a little scratch on his nose.
This incident made it all clear that the rest of the day would be like hell. At least he could go to school and pretend he was okay. His mother could not do that. She had to stay home with his sister. The same sister his father had been so happy to have, yet he tried to choke her with a pillow when she was only 3 months old.

He opened the door. It was awfully quiet. Not even the radio were playing. He walked inside. Quiet. Okay.
He flip his boots off by the door, his mother did not enjoy mud on the carpets. He hurried to his room without looking around him. His room. His safe place. nothing bad had ever happened in this room. The only think he would maybe perhaps consider bad was when father had woken him in the middle of the night caressing his inner thigh. That had been a bit uncomfortable but he had gotten over it. It was just fatherly love after all. Every kid got that from their father... right?
He put his backpack down by his desk. The house was still so quiet. Was there even someone home? The black hole in his stomach feel a bit better, maybe he will get away with not doing homework today. He really did not enjoy homework as much as the other kids in his class, they all seemed so smart and great! They would hand in perfect assignments after the other, they would get help from their parents on difficult subjects. He really did wish he could get that same help from his parents but he understands that that can be too hard sometimes.

He grabbed his sketch-book and sat down at his bed with it and his trusty black pen. He loved to draw, it took him to a different place, he also did enjoy to write but he wasn't good enough, not yet at least. But drawing, he could do that, and he could do it all day if he had the chance. He would even admit that he maybe, just maybe, were a bit skilled at it as well. But then again you don't have to be skilled to draw, you can just do it. Create art as you please!
The time flew by, drawings after drawings got finished. He was so engulfed in his drawings that he didn't hear the heavy footsteps coming towards his room. The heavy footsteps of a drunken man.

............................................................................


"Safe room". October 8th 1987, the last night his room felt safe. The last night he felt home in his own skin. The last night he would get a good night of sleep.
The first night the nightmares started. The first night he had ever thought about such dark things. The first night he got molested by his own father.

October 8th 1987; the night his world turned upside down. A house hold where beating was common practice. A house hold he dreaded coming home to, now only seems more dangerous than before.

October 13th 1987, a tuesday. The fist time he would harm himself with a cigarette. The first time he would start hanging out with the punks in the park.

October 24th 1987, a saturday. The first time he would poke his skin with a needle and feel the sensation of hard drugs.

The 13 year old boy was too tired of life, too tired to be home, too tired of having to grow up before he turned 10. He had been influenced by the punks in the park. It had only been two weeks but he had found himself a new safe place.

The boy would get his own leather jacket, he would get help to stud it and paint it. He would get new influences and new music in his life. New sounds, new smells and new feelings. He would later on get out of his growing addiction to heroin, as it would try to claim his life several times. His leather jacket would get known in town, known as the trouble maker, the angry one.
The boy would have been thrown out at the age of 15 when he was caught in his room at home with a girl.
He had gotten an hour to pack his clothes and get out. He would not return back to the house for two years when he heard his father had tried to do the same to his sister as he had done to him.
He would sleep on couches, but mostly under the old bridge. He would have several girlfriends through the years, but not one second of love.

The boy who got tired, the boy who fought for his life too many times before he turned 16. That boy is Andy Biersack. That boy is me.

Notes

heeeyy! hope this first chapter isnt too dark and depressing! This is of course just the prologue to get a glimpse of andys childhood. important information i tell you!

I really hope you'll enjoy the story ^_^

-Harlequinnie