"These projects count towards 20% of your final exams," Sue was currently handing out our projects. "Your finals will take place in January and June. I want everyone to study hard."

I glanced at the sheet of paper she had given Bret and I. Antibiotic resistance and why some work and others don't. We were still doing lab work twice a week and I knew I'd rather be in a lab than standing in front of everyone doing a presentation.

"You nervous about this?" Bret asked. He never got nervous about the presentations. I always managed to work myself up.

"Yeah, a little. I hate standing in front of everyone." I murmured.

"Don't worry. I'll be up there with you." He smiled, reassuringly.

After answering some more questions, Sue dismissed us, "See you all Thursday."

A few people darted out the door whilst a group of girls stayed and started to talk about the project. It descended into them discussing bonfire night. Bret and I left and strolled down the halls towards the main entrance.

"We should meet up sometime to work on this," He said. "When's good for you?"

"How about next Monday. We get half a day." I still had to write another essay tomorrow. Friday we were in the lab all day and Saturday and Sunday were fully booked.

"Yeah, Monday's good for me. I'm going to see my parents over the weekend." He agreed. "And you're meeting your 'friend' on Saturday?"

I nodded and had to laugh when he rolled his eyes. We walked back to the dorm just in time to witness full scale drama as we entered the lounge.

"Don't fucking touch me," Shay was yelling. This couldn't be good.

We both rounded the corner and found her and Ashley in the lounge. This could only go one way.

"You are such a fucking twat." Shay was getting angrier.

"Yeah, yeah," Ashley snapped. "Why are you getting so worked up? We aren't even dating."

Shay's shoulders slumped and she lowered her head. This was going so wrong. I knew she was going to say how she felt.

"I like you and it sounds so pathetic and I hate you for making me like you," She seethed, hands balled at her sides.

Ashley seemed shocked by her confession and he glanced at Bret, who looked disappointed. Then his gaze locked on me. He didn't smirk or act like a jerk for once.

"I have to go." He rushed by Bret and I.

Shay was still standing in the centre of the lounge. Her head was down and I heard her sob. A few tears landed on the carpeted floor. I touched her shoulder and she glanced at me.

"Sorry about all that," She whispered. "I saw him and that, Ariana girl, making out when I went to his dorm earlier."

Ariana? The girl that shouted at Jake. I immediately disliked her. Bret helped Shay sit on the couch and hugged her.

"I'm so stupid." She sobbed.

"No, you're not," Bret smiled. "Plus, I think he likes you. He just doesn't know how to articulate his feelings."

"No, he doesn't. He just uses me and I put up with it because I'm desperate to be with him,"
Shay rested her forehead on her hands, sighing sadly. "No more. I'm so done with his shit."

When Shay was determined about something she usually stuck to her word. She was so stubborn and it was one of the only traits we shared.

"Is it safe to come out?" Alex was at the door. Tay was behind him, looking worried.

"Shay, don't worry. He's such a twat." She pushed past Alex.

Shay and I really were in the same boat on the same river, travelling towards the same steep waterfall. We both liked people that didn't feel the same way. Shay may well keep to her word about avoiding Ashley like the plague, but I really couldn't bring myself to stay away from Jake.

"I need a cocktail," Shay groaned.

"Sounds amazing." Tay grinned. She and Shay liked to go out for cocktails. It was something they did together.

They begged me to go, but my essay was due Friday and if I didn't get it done then I never would. I did walk with them to the front door and gave Shay a really big hug. She sighed into my shoulder and pulled back to look into my eyes.

"Please don't let Jake fuck you over." She smiled, gently, turning and following Tay.

I heaved a sigh and prepared to head back inside when someone tapped my shoulder. I whirled round, ready to confront my attacker, only to nearly knock Ashley over. I recovered quickly and glowered at him.

"What do you want?" I mumbled, trying to sound angry.

"Can we talk?" He asked, making me falter. "Like actually talk, not just glare at each other."

"I-i'm listening. Go ahead." I collected my emotions and managed a small smile.

He sighed and looked down the street where Shay had gone. Perhaps he wasn't a complete and total jerk afterall. He did seem genuinely upset at how things went in there.

"I'm sorry for what happened earlier." He murmured, flicking his fringe from his face.

"Apologise to Shay then." I replied, not missing a beat.

"I promise I will," He sounded very serious. "Despite what you might think, Kota. I do like Shay."

"You have a weird way of showing it." I glanced away from him.

"Yeah, I get that," He managed a smile and for a moment I could see what Shay liked about him. When he dropped his guard he was kind and his smile made his face light up. "So you and Jake?"

Where did that come from? I stared at him blankly for a moment. The memories of the other Saturday looping through my mind. The fact that Jake had kissed my cheek also flickered to the forefront.

"We're just friends." I hadn't meant to sound annoyed then, but my tone was so defensive.
Ashley smirked and bit his lip like he wanted to reveal something very secret, but had decided not to. Instead, he shook his head.

"Whatever you say, Kota." He chuckled. "I ship it."

I couldn't help but laugh at that, "You total dork."

He smiled again and laughed too, "I'll see you round, maybe. Let's not be enemies, or whatever."

He stepped back and saluted, making me laugh again. If only he let his guard down around Shay. He started to walk away.

"Ash!" I called, and he glanced round. "Drop your guard around Shay. You know, once you've apologised."

He grinned and carried on walking. Had Jake been talking about me to Ashley? What had he been saying? I ceased daydreaming and opened the door, slipping back inside.

*****************

7th November

"Are you sure you don't want to stay here?" Shay was lying across my bed, still wearing her onsie at six in the evening. She had been wearing it all day.

The dorm was holding a firework display too, albeit a very haphazard one. Ben and Danny definitely could not be trusted with sparklers, nevermind fireworks. Alex usually stayed sober and was the one to set them off.

"Nah, I'm good." I gulped down my drink. I was already in my dress. Shay had come round to choose one. She had done my make-up for me too. She was convinced this was another date.

"So, just you and Jake, watching the fireworks." She smirked, and made kissing noises then laughed.

"There will be no kissing, thank you very much." I put my glass on the sideboard.

She sighed and crawled off my bed. We left my room and I thought she might give me a hug and let me go, but she followed me to the door.

She even came outside and waved at Jake when she saw him walking towards us. Before I could walk over she grabbed me, pulling me into a hug.

"Watch out for him," She whispered. "He IS just as bad as Ashley."

She let go and shot Jake a shrewd look before walking back inside. I rolled my eyes and strolled over. He opened his arms and I hugged him. It felt so amazing to just hug someone. We pulled apart and started walking.

"She doesn't like me." Jake chuckled.

"Shay's just protective." I defended.

We chatted as we walked to the underground station. It would take about half an hour to get to Muswell Hill. We boarded the train and found seats and I thought the train journey would be dull, but it was actually pretty fun.

The display was a short walk from the station and I could smell the doughnuts and hot-dogs as we got closer. There were a lot of people around and I nearly went flying when some guys crossed the street.

A warm hand enveloped mine and pulled me out the way. I smiled at Jake and we continued walking. He didn't let go of my hand, intertwining our fingers. My heart was beating so much I could hear it in my ears.

I wanted the moment to last forever, but we got to the entrance and Jake let go of my hand to get the tickets. I stood behind him, staring at my palm, enjoying the warmth that had once been there.

Tickets paid for, we walked in. A fairground had been erected across the way with a huge ferris wheel and dodgums. Further down the hill I could see them setting up to light the bonfire. Diagonally across were a plethora of food stands.

"I want to go ice skating." I demanded.

"And do I have a choice?" Jake laughed, dodging when I went to elbow him.

"Fine." He sighed, amusement in his voice.

He took my hand again and my cheeks heated up. We made our way to the main building where the ice rink was. After the commotion of handing our shoes in and getting our skates I wanted to get onto the ice.

I stood on the edge of the barrier and stepped onto the ice. I gripped the wall and giggled as my feet nearly gave way. I peeked back at Jake and he seemed a little nervous, but he hid it well.

"Not scared are you?" I taunted.

"No, are you?" He grinned, stepping onto the ice and surprisingly he stayed balanced.

"As if, I'm not afraid of anything. I laugh in the face of danger." I skated back a bit.

"Better hope I don't catch you then." He inched closer.

I giggled and turned, skating ahead, moving between people. I stayed fairly close to the wall as I was still a little nervous. I knew I was going quite fast and part of me felt bad for abandoning Jake, but I knew he'd be all right.

I broke free of the crowds of people, skating a little quicker. My hand was grabbed and I whirled round just in time to see Jake grab me.

"Gotcha." He had actually caught me.

"Let go, we'll fall." I laughed, and the next thing I knew we had.

I landed against the wall and Jake landed next to me. We were still laughing then. It didn't hurt, just felt very cold. Jake managed to get to his feet and he spun round, holding out his hand to me.

I reached up and grabbed his hand. He helped me up and for a moment neither of us moved. He chuckled and started to skate, pulling me to move. I was quite dazed though. He had been so close just moments ago.

We skated round a few more times until we both decided to get hot chocolate and watch the bonfire being lit. We got our shoes and went to one of the many stalls.

There were a lot of people gathered to watch. With unexpected flourish, the fire was lit and the flames lit up the night sky. My mouth parted in awe. I loved how the jagged edges of the fire pierced the navy of the sky. It made warmth well up in my chest. I was actually really happy.

"The fireworks will be starting in fifteen minutes," A voice rang out over the speakers.

I followed Jake and we sat on the hill across the way. Other people were soon joining and sitting down around us. I sipped the hot chocolate and glanced at Jake. I admired the way the bonfire flames illuminated his features. A strange feeling welled in my chest and I was fairly certain it wasn't from the hot chocolate.

"Hey, Jake?" I whispered. He tilted his head to look at me. "What were your final years in school like?"

"Awful. I missed Mom so much and yet I didn't want anyone near me." He shifted, staring into his drink.

We had never discussed Carolyn and the events preceeding her death or the events after. Jake had always been so closed off about that, but at this moment he was talking to me and I felt so priviledged.

I smiled softly, "Your mum was awesome. Remember when she made your birthday cake one year and the middle caved in."

"Yeah, and she made those cookies. Those things were like stones. You could chip your tooth on them." He laughed.

"Kota?" He said, and our eyes met in the dim light. "You're the only person I've ever really talked to about mom."

"I'll always be here to listen." I sighed.

The sound of screeching pierced the night as a firwork took off and drew our attention for a minute. The night was becoming cold and I could see my breath ghosting out before my face.

"Cold?" Jake had noticed.

I nodded and the next thing I knew he had looped his arm round my shoulder, pressing me to his side. My cheek rested against his chest, right above his heart. I smiled as more fireworks lit up the night sky. And I knew I wanted to stay like this forever.

I peeked up at Jake. His attention was on the fireworks, lips slightly parted in silent amazement. His brown eyes seemed to glow in the light from the bonfire and that strange feeling lit up my chest again, like a beacon.

There were many books describing what my symptoms were. All of them stupid and unable to articulate how I felt. There were no words that properly described this feeling. The only word that seemed to partially explain was the word love.

It left me feeling breathless. How long had I been in love with the man next to me? Probably for the past few months, maybe since I first saw him. I pressed myself closer and was surprised when he responded by hugging my small frame.

The fireworks lasted for a while and eventually the night sky was clear again with only the dusty entrails across the sky. It was over and this moment would be over too.

"This is really great, but my butts going numb." I sighed.

Jake laughed and we pulled apart as though it never happened. People were still walking around and a lot of them headed back to the fair. We followed too and went round the fair.

I had a go at the hook a duck stall, managing to grab one. My prize was a stuffed Hello Kitty. I knew what I wanted to do next though.

"Ferris wheel." I said, as we were strolling through the crowd.

"Why the ferris wheel? I'd rather go on the roller coaster." Jake chuckled.

I pulled a face and he grinned, "You scared?"

"S-shut up." I pouted.

He laughed, but agreed to go on the ferris wheel with me. I hadn't realised how small the seats were and we were pressed close together. The wheel stopped near the top and the view was amazing.

"Wow, that's so cool." I breathed.

I turned to ask Jake and nearly head-butted him. Our faces were inches apart and my breathing hitched. The ferris wheel began to move and he leaned in. The moment was so perfect until he smirked and licked my cheek.

I shrieked and when we got out the seat I chased him, rubbing my cheek, but still laughing. Of course he laughed about it. My face fell when I realised he didn't want to kiss me.

"What's wrong? You look upset." He asked, and I faltered, plastering a fake smile on my face.

"Are you sad because I didn't kiss you?" He had stepped closer, staring straight into my eyes.

I blanched and shook my head. He didn't look like he believed me. Why should he kiss me, anyways? We're not a couple and that was the end of it. I went to step back and his hand grabbed my wrist, holding me there.

I was about to ask him to let go when he dipped down, closing the distance and pressing his lips to mine. My eyes shot open and I panicked for a moment. I settled for closing them, but I could feel myself shaking. Why was I so nervous? Oh yeah, first kiss syndrome.

Luckily, Jake seemed to know what to do and his lips moved gently against my own, deepening the kiss. That feeling in my chest warmed my entire body and ricocheted through me. I whimpered, pulling back when his tongue ghosted across my lower lip.

"Happy now?" He smirked.

My mouth felt dry. He had actually kissed me. What did this mean? Were we dating? It really didn't feel like it.

"Why did you just kiss me?" I asked, finally getting my voice back.

"Just a bit of fun." He replied, and that feeling inside me was replaced by sadness again.

"Yeah, well I'm not the sort of girl that does that." I snapped, my tone becoming clipped.

"Relax, I won't do it again if it bothers you." He laughed, taking my hand.

It did bother me for all the wrong reasons. A bit of fun. He had kissed me because it was fun. My first kiss was taken because it was a bit of fun. I sighed and decided to let it go, making a note to never let it happen again.

Notes