One Of The Guys

After a few final gruelling shows in the UK we finally returned home. We only had 2 weeks break before Warped Tour started. In which I would have to perform in a different city each day for three months of Summer. Pregnant.
Relations in the band have gotten slightly better. We were finally all talking to each other again. Apparently the idea of a screaming, shit machine running through the tour bus was enough to bring us all together again. A baby fallen angel with dysfunctional, rockstar parents and uncles.
The guys were trying to support me and be there for me, which meant there was little or no talk about who was the father. They were all walking on eggshells around me, afraid I would lash out again about the situation. I guess they were right. I was already emotionally unstable enough, now my hormones were all fucked up and interfering even more. Each of them had different opinions on the situation, which only confused me more about what I was going to do. And I didn't have much time to make my decision. I had to choose what I was going to do before Warped Tour started in two weeks.

Jake was excited at the idea of having a little niece or nephew.
"Don't you think a baby would pull the band together and fix everything?" he said. "We would be one big, happy family!"
I smiled weakly at him.
"Jake, you can't raise a child on a tour bus" I responded.
"Sure you can! It's gonna be the coolest kid ever!" he smiled widely at me. I had to admire him for his enthusiasm.
"I don't know, Jake" I sighed.
"Look at it this way; regardless of the circumstances, you have been given a gift. It would be foolish to throw it away"
I understood where he was coming from and it made me think more about keeping the baby.

Ashley had a completely different outlook.
"Honey, your career is just about to take off. A baby would ruin any chance of being a star. What are you going to do when you have to play a show but your kid is sitting at home sick?"
"Yeah... I suppose.." I pondered.
"If you keep that baby, your life is destroyed. Don't throw away all your talent and potential on a silly mistake" Ashley said.
"Hmmmm.." I hummed in semi-agreement, but I couldn't help run my hand over my stomach.

I wanted CC to be supportive of me and help me through my decision making process, but I didn't get that from him. He was still holding a grudge over me cheating on him, which made him indifferent about the pregnancy. Whenever I tried to speak to him about it he would get irritated and bring Andy and the past into the conversation.
"Why do you keep insisting on my opinion about this? It's not like the baby is mine anyways!" he'd shout at me.
"CC, we don't know that yet.."
"Well, I'm not getting my hopes up with you. You've let me down too many times before"
"What am I supposed to do CC?" I said as I raised my voice. "I can't magically make it your baby! What's done is done and depending on what I choose we may never know who's baby it was!"
"[name] do whatever you want, just keep me out of it"
I cried myself to sleep that night.

Andy was taking things in a way I least expected him to. Unlike Jake and Ashley who were concerned about the baby, or CC who was concerned about himself, Andy was concerned about me.
"It's your body. And you should have control of that. If you want to have the baby then great! I know me and the guys will help you through thick and thin. But if you feel like you don't want to rent your body out for nine months and your life for 18 years, then that's fine. Your body, your choice" he smiled at me cutely.
I sighed. Although he was supportive of my right to choose, I wished I had someone to choose for me. Everything was all too confusing.

Finally, about a week before Warped Tour, I made my decision.

Notes