Chris’s POV

When the van crashed, it spooked all of us. Once we knew everyone was all right, we called for a tow truck, insurance company and our tour manager. Within four hours we were back on the road to the next venue for the next show. Unfortunately, we all got split up into different vans with different bands. Vinny, Balz and Ghost went with NYD while the rest of us went with the other band ice nine kills.

We had been on the road for maybe two hours when Vinny texted me saying, “what do you do if someone is having a really, really bad nightmare?”

I knew whom he was talking about. I sent back: “ um, when they wake up, tell them what’s happening, or why you are next to them so they aren’t too afraid. If he’s having a panic attack, hold him, run your hand through his hair and tell him to match your breathing. Hum a song, and rock him softly. If he doesn’t calm down, let me know.”

Vinny sent back “thanks”. Slamming my phone down on my leg, Ricky looked over at me and gave me a questioning look. I texted him saying, “Vinny texted me asking what to do if someone had a severe nightmare. I know it was ghost, he wouldn’t have asked if it wasn’t.”

He answered back, “ I know it kills you to not be able to comfort him when he’s hurting. I see it in you. You hide it well, but I’ve known you so long that you cant hide it from me. I know you love Sabrina, but I know you love Dev too. I know he misses you. He too hides his pain. He’s probably hurting far more than he’s led on. Anyways, I’ll find out what’s going on, and I’ll tell you.”

I thanked him before running a hand through my hair. Today was just a mash up of far to many emotions. Closing my eyes, I fell asleep for a little bit.

Sometime later, Ricky woke me up saying that we were at a rest stop. Getting out, I went in and bought some water before heading back to the van. Ricky grabbed me and pulled me aside to talk. He looked around before saying, “Dev’s nightmare was bad. Balz said he was crying in his sleep and sounded like he was in pain, severe pain. They got worried when he got quiet for a few minutes; he woke up a bit after that. He was shaking so bad he couldn’t even open the pill bag he has. Balz said he took several pills, he didn’t know what it was however. But it calmed him down and he soon fell asleep. He’s out cold right now, been that way for maybe an hour, hour and a half.”

“Can you get me the pill bag and I’ll tell you what he took.” I told him

Ricky nodded and then ran to the van to get it from Vinny. He brought the bag back to me and we opened it up. Inside were several bottles that were labeled and then a pillbox that had the days of the week on it. Opening it up, I poured the pills into my hand. The bottles gave away what the signature look was, so we were able to identify them, all but one. The last one though, I knew what it was, because I had seen it far too many times.


Xanax. I was worried instantly. Last time Devin was on Xanax, he had a bad addiction and was basically slowly Oding. “Keep an eye on him, I say we wait awhile longer and see where this goes. If it seems to be headed down a bad road, we intervene before it gets to far. I don’t want to jump to conclusions just yet and have him push us away further.” I told Ricky.

He nodded and took the bag back with him to Vinny. Getting back in the van, we tried to not worry about the situation at hand too much and not over think it. Devin could be OK for all we know and here we are assuming that he’s back on it and is abusing it again. I know that deep down; he wouldn’t use it unless he absolutely needed it. After going through therapy and all of that, he released how bad it was on his body. No more text messages came from the van Dev was in that night. I eventually fell asleep.

The next morning we were in the town for our show. We were a bit behind schedule, but we made do. When we got to the venue, we all unloaded quickly and helped set up. Lunch was put off for a while because of the amount of work we had to get back in order. However, once everything was back in normality, we had food brought to us. It was really good. The guys and I knew that if we all watched Dev, he would then freak out and react to us, however, if one of us watched him at different times, he wouldn’t suspect us as fast. Especially if the watcher, didn’t make himself noticeable. We even involved Ash and Nikki. They knew all about Dev’s past and would want the best for him as well.

When we ate, I had noted that Dev didn’t eat as much as he was eating before. Like if he used to eat 8 Buffalo wings, he now ate like 5 at most. He also ate a lot slower. I didn’t want to jump to conclusions right away, but Dev looked off. He looked like he was just a hair away from a breakdown, and none of us knew why.

The one thing we all noticed was that he put as much distance between me and him as he could. Almost like he feared me. It took a few days, but Ricky found out what his nightmare was about. So it started off with me outing him on stage, and then Liam coming and saying things to him, and then torturing him. The detail in the description was horrifying. It was understandable that he was as upset as he was when he first woke up. For the first few days after that, he was quieter than normal.

When we got back into our own van, he was still quiet. For the next week, we would all hear him have nightmares while he slept, if he even slept. He eventually looked like he stopped sleeping at all. At some point he also went from his character that had bloody noses to one that wore a mask. It reminded me of slipknot and a mask from a horror movie. No matter how well he hid it, we could see how tired he really was. I wanted nothing more to hold him in my arms and tell him everything was going to be all right, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t comfort him like I wanted to, and like he needed. Instead, Balz and Ricky did what I couldn’t.

Notes