A New Kind Of Hell

Devin’s POV

The first half of tour was going great. Every night, Ash came on stage and sang with Chris during a particular song. The crowd would go absolutely crazy. When he sang Angel Eyes, they went bezerk too. Being around friends and having fun with them was pretty great.

So far, no one has caught on to my Xanax and me. I don’t use it often, just on occasion. Well, it depends on your definition of often. If every four nights is often then yeah, I guess it’s often. But I take my other pills regularly so they don’t suspect it. I have a little pill container and I have the Xanax in there with it, so they don’t suspect a thing.

Chris and I have been really distant, well as distant as you can get when living in a van. The guys don’t want to make things more awkward so they don’t say anything about it. He sleeps in the front area, and I sleep in the back area. If it gets to awkward, I tend to go to go hang out with Ash and her band or he goes to hang out with her. We have like an unsaid thing where if it’s too weird, one of us leaves. The guys don’t question it, at least not when Chris goes and I stay.

I’m also thankful that they haven’t noticed my eating habits and me. Or the lack of eating. I have no motivation to eat. Like I would, but my stomach just refuses food. I get nauseas and want to be sick when I eat more than a small amount of food. With us staying in the van, there’s not much privacy but because we try to keep it neater since we don’t want bugs and stuff, we don’t keep food loose and we make sure everything is sealed.

Yawning, I asked where we were. It’s hard to remember where you are when you are not in one place for very long. We were currently driving through the snowy mountains of Colorado on some free way. “ ‘M going back to sleep then.” I said with another yawn before closing my eyes.

I woke up when I fell off the seat where I was laying, and onto the van floor where I then hit my head on something. My vision blurred for a little while before clearing. Slowly getting up, I asked, “What happened?” “What’s his name lost control of the van when we hit a patch of ice, we then hit the free way barrier.” Someone answered.

“Is anyone hurt?” I asked.

“No, but we’re all a little freaked out. How about you?”

“I fell off the seat but, I think I’m ok.”

“alright, anyways, Chris is calling a tow truck, Ryan is calling the insurance company, Ricky is contacting our tour manager while Vinny is calling Ash to see where they are. If anything, we’re gonna load our stuff up with there’s and then bunk it with them until we can get a hold of a van.”

“Alright.”

“Anyways, we need to get out of the van so that the tow truck driver can hook it up once he gets here.”

“Alright. Have you seen my coat?”

I was then met by my jacket being tossed on my face. Flipping him off, I then put my coat on before grabbing my phone and getting out. I texted my mom because I knew that this would be on the media soon and she would freak if I didn’t text her.

So I sent her, “ we got in an accident. No injuries. I’m fine. Every one is fine. We hit ice and lost control of the van, hit a freeway divide. The van got the most damage, its totaled.”

She sent back, “OMG. Hope you guys are okay, just because you think you’re fine, doesn’t mean you are. You guys should get checked out just in case. Love you. Thanks for letting me know. Be safe. Let me know what happens.”

I didn’t think was hurt, but my head did hurt quite a bit. Once Ash and her band found us, we had to split up since not everyone would fit with her. I went with her, as did Balz and Vinny. Chris, Ricky, and Ryan went with the other band.

We went to the tow truck place once it got towed and unloaded it. Thankfully, Ash had enough room in there van for our stuff. The record company and the insurance said we would be able to get another van in a few days, two weeks at most.

They had the bench seats rolled down in the back of their van. Nikki was driving, Ash was up there next to him, Anthony, and Tyler sat in the row behind them, Nick, Vinny, and Balz sat in the row behind Anthony, while I was in the very back. They had a pretty large van this time around. Usually the have two rows, but this van, like ours has three rows of seats and then the front two, which was nice.

Lying down, I fell asleep once again. Sleep was not pleasant this time around however. I had a nightmare, and it was bad. The beginning started of normal. We were all on stage playing, when after the song ended, Chris said, “I have an announcement. Devin here is extremely gay. Like gayer then gay.” The crowd then booed at me, and threw things at me. I ran of stage and the laughing and booing continued. I hid away in the van, when a figure walked up. Liam.

“ Your boyfriend, oh wait, EX boyfriend just outted you in front of that crowd back there. You ran off, they continued to play they don’t care about you. No one cares about you. They want you dead. They know they are better off without you. They don’t need you; they could find a two year old who could play the bass better than you. But that’s why I’m here. I’m going to finally end your stupid, miserable life.

You thought you prison would keep me away, you were wrong. Nothing can keep me from you. You will never be safe. But I guess that does not matter now, since I will be ender of you.

No one will even miss you. No one will even notice you gone. I’m really doing you a favor, Y’know that?”

Liam then smiled wickedly before pulling out a knife and stabbing me with it. He stabbed me repeatedly, but not enough to kill me just yet. He then pulled my pants down and assaulted me. I screamed but no one heard. No one cared. Liam began to laugh manically. He brought the knife down more. He reached his hand into a wound and pulled out my organs. The pain was so intense, I cried as he tortured me more. Just when I thought I couldn’t feel more pain, he made it worse. He poured salt and lemon juice all over me, and then he poured rubbing alcohol. I was in so much paint that I got sick. My vision finally went dark, and I began to feel lighter and lighter as the pain started to fade.


Opening my eyes, I jumped up. Balz was next to me. Tears were falling out of my eyes and I started crying. “You were whimpering and then you started crying in your sleep. You then began to cry out in what sounded like pain. You got really quite for a few minutes, which worried us and then you just woke up.”

I nodded as he pulled me into a hug and tried to calm me down. Nothing seemed to help. I pointed to my pill bag, which was under the seat and he handed it to me. With very shaky hands, I fought to get the bag open. Balz took the bag from me when I couldn’t get it open. I pulled out like two Xanax and took them right there. I honestly didn’t give a fuck about him seeing me with it at the moment.

It took probably 20-30 minutes for it to work, which meant those minutes were terrible, but Balz tried to help me as much as he could. He held me and told me to try and match his breathing and played with my hair. When the medicine finally kicked in, I finally was out of it, and out for the count I was.

Notes