Devin’s POV

As I lay in the warm water, I felt so many emotions all at once. Sliding down, I held my breath as I lay underneath the water’s surface. Letting out the scream I felt, I felt a bit better. Remaining underwater, I closed my eyes. Despite the burning in my lungs, I didn’t resurface for air. I wanted to see how long I could hold my breath underwater. Tears fell from my eyes. Coming up for air, I inhaled a massive breath.

Scrubbing at my skin, I washed away the blood that belonged to Liam. My skin was a cherry red, and stung a little bit. Crying, I scrubbed more and more. The knock at the door startled me from my frantic mind.

“Devin, you’ve been in there an awful long time, are you okay.”

“I’m fine.”

“Dev, I’m going to open the door, is that okay?” my mom’s voice called out.

“Ok.”

Within seconds, my mom was there beside me sitting on the toilet.

“I remember the last time I gave you a bath. You were 6 years old and quite the handful. But, you’ve always been a good boy.” She said smiling. “Did you wash your hair yet?” she continued on.

I shook my head no. She squeezed shampoo into her hands and washed my hair for me. I kept my self-covered as she washed my hair. Despite being fully aware that I am a capable, grown man and my mom is washing my hair, I felt kind of embarrassed.

When she finished, she handed me clean clothes, which I gratefully put on.

The clothes she gave me were Chris’s. At this point in time, not a fuck was given. He was a reminder that I was safe, that Liam was not able to hurt me. Because if Chris was here, than that meant that I would be safe. Crawling into my temporary bed, the clock read 3:57. Closing my eyes, I passed out from the exhaustion my body felt.


________

Several days had gone by. The nightmares I had were intense. Literally, I would have a panic attack in my sleep, which would wake me up, and I would have one that was even more intense while awake. I cried on a regular basis. I felt like I was too emotional. Chris had been nothing but supportive however. He got me the new phone within the end of the first day I stayed at my moms. It was a Black Iphone 5; the case had a spirit board on it. The media had a filed day with the case. Despite it being closed and processed, they were going crazy.

People tried to say that I shot him because I was in a satanic band and wanted to sacrifice him for my shrine. Others said I was playing victim while Liam was the real Victim. The longer I kept silent, the more and more stories came out that were not even true. Like I was a crazy drug addict and it was a drug deal gone wrong

Chris tried to hide it from me, but he didn’t do a good job. Then again, the media hounding you on social media email and outside you house is a little rough. The hounded anyone who walked in or out of our current residency. My mom ignored them as best as she could, but it was hard when she was dead tired after a shift at the hospital. Chris also looked like he was going to rip somebody’s head off. I did not want to cross him, that’s for sure.


With Chris around, I couldn’t just pop a tab if I wanted to and be gone all afternoon in my own world. He monitored me and from what I could tell, he was trying to lean me off of it. The first day, he let me have how many I usually took. The second day, it was a small fraction less. Each day, it was reducing a small amount.

We were on day 5, when I really hit withdrawals. The side effects hit me so hard, that when I tried to take less, it was awful. My stomach hurt, the shaking in my hands was intense. It was a mess.

Mom said it was because my addiction was really bad, and I had to slowly back off because if I backed off fast, it would hurt me worse and I could die. It was bad enough that the side effects of Xanax was suicidal tendencies and thoughts, I didn’t need it to kill me just when I wanted to get better.

And that’s another thing. I don’t know if getting better was for me, or if it was for Chris. Having him around, all to my self was something I missed. Wearing his hoodies and T-shirts relaxed me. When I was all worked up, he would hold me and sing to me. He supported me through the difficult times. Every morning, he would hand me my pills and something to eat with it. He had me eating regularly and healthy.

The time to return to tour slowly but surely came. It had only been two weeks since, what I call the ‘incident’ happened. I was definitely nervous about going back, but the guys reassured me that everything would be all right, and if it wasn’t they would make it all right. These guys are the best, I seriously could have never asked for greater friends.

For this tour, we had a bus, and everyone had their own bunk. My bunk had fairy lights, and a couple pillows with my spirit board blanket. Ricky’s bunk was above Chris’s and across from mine. Ryan was above me while Balz was bellow. Vinny had a bunk that was with the roadies, in the next section of bunks. As the tires pounded the road, we set off for what would be one hell of a tour, and I was looking forward to it.

Notes