Welcome To Hell, I Meant School

Devin’s POV

Thanks giving came and that was stressful food wise. It had only been a week since me and Chris had started talking again. Mom ended up having to work, so Chris took me to Ashley’s house where her mom had let her invite all her friends over for dinner. The food was really good, but I didn’t eat a lot. Thankfully, no one questioned me on it. Ashley and I watched as the guys played football in her yard. We laughed when someone would slip in the mud and fall on their ass. “So when are you and Nikki getting together?” I asked as I poked her in the side teasingly. She smiled softly and said, “The same time you and Chris finally get together.” “Touché.” The football game they were having ended when it began to storm.

On black Friday, We all drove to a Wal-Mart to get stuff. Ricky wanted a TV, Balz wanted an Xbox 360, Chris wanted a new coffee pot and I wanted some left over Halloween stuff. Ashley (the guy) wanted some stuff for his apartment with Brett (they moved in together to be able to afford stuff). Brett’s dad was totally fine with it as long as he kept up his grades and didn’t get into trouble. I got some cool skeleton stuff for my room, which was worth the line we had to wait in. Everyone got what they were looking for, which was pretty cool.

December then came and rolled away into Christmas break. Finals were very stressful, but I passed all my classes with solid A’s. I talked with my counselor, but because I had not passed my first two years, I needed to go to night school to make up some classes in order to graduate on time next year. I also found out that Anthony, Tony, Brett, and Ashley (the guy) all had to take the same classes, so we would be together. Chris ended up passing all of his classes, which I was really proud of.

There was a massive Christmas party at Ashley and Brett’s. The music was good, and the vibes were great. Christmas eve and day, my mom worked; so Chris and I took her some food and presents and spent the day with her. It was a nice day over all. Over the rest of break, Chris and I got even closer.

By the last day of break, he had taken me on three dates (one to the beach, one to the music store, and one to the movie). When he finally asked me out, and I said yes, I was so happy. Things were finally looking up, and I was more then grateful for that.


It was now February, and things were going extremely good. I had gotten up to 123lbs, from the 118 I was several months ago. Chris had been supporting me and that definitely helped. My mom also suggested I see someone, and I took her suggestion and tried. The night classes were easy, which meant easy credits. Chris and I’s relationship was also going really great. I have been about three months clean from self-harm and I’m proud of myself. Its one of the longest times I’ve been clean in quite a while. Chris was also very proud of me. I also have been taking my pills regularly, and it’s been helping with everything.


It was March when things began to slowly fall apart once again. Chris had been busy with his band recording and I was busy with all the classes I was taking. We barely had time for each other, but we found the time for each other. In between classes and him recording, we texted. He would come over each night, whether I was asleep already or not and fall asleep with me. I’d wake up in his arms, and we’d go to school together. It was chaotic, but it was still great.

As the great Caesar was warned in Julius Caesar by Shakespeare, Beware the ides of March. I had no clue how this would eventually apply to my life but it would. Everything I had been running from caught up to me. Life tends to do that, when everything is perfect, something comes along and ruins it.

Except, Life’s real name was Liam and was my crazy who made my life hell. The same Liam that I had moved away from several times. The one, who led me on, left me and loved to watch me suffer.

It all started with a commotion in the hallway. “OMG HE IS SO CUTE!” a bunch of girls squealed. I thought nothing of it as I continued to walk through the hallway. It wasn’t until there was pushing and shoving, and me falling did I care. I closed my eyes as I expected to fall, but instead of the floor, I fell on a person. Opening my eyes, I saw the eyes of the one person I never wanted to see again. “Hello Darling.” He said with a chill that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

I got off of him and grabbed my bag and tried to get away. “Oh Dev, did you miss me? I missed you baby.” “Let go of me.” I said through gritted teeth. I ripped my arm out of his grip and ran to the bathroom, where I am now currently sitting with my head between my legs trying not to pass out.

Pulling out my phone, I texted whoever’s contact came up first, “SOS boy’s bathroom Junior Hall.”

Apparently it had sent to Chris, both Ashley’s and Nikki. Nikki locked the door and we all sat as I explained what was going on. Chris then sent for the rest of the group, which then had almost 14 people in the small room. Once everyone knew what was happening, we all made a plan. Chris would be with me as much as he could. When he wasn’t with me, Nikki and Ashley were. If they weren’t, Ashley and Brett were. The list went on and on until we ran out of friends.

Everyone but Chris went back to class. He stayed with me as I let the tears I had been holding in out. Hugging me, I cried into his shoulder. “ Ever time I find somewhere I want to stay, where I am happy, he shows up and ruins it. He never stops. It’s the 3rd time he’s done this. I wish he would leave me alone but he never will. I was his first, his favorite.”

Chris did his best to comfort me, but I was too far along into having a breakdown. Signing out, we went home and to my room. In my room, we found a note saying, “They can’t keep you away forever.” I fell to the floor shaking and sobbing. Chris closed the blinds, checked everywhere, and ripped everything apart to see if there was anything left behind. When he couldn’t find anything, that made me more nervous. Liam loved to watch me cry and shake in terror if he was watching this, he would probably be touching himself. He literally got off on my fear.

Chris texted Ricky and they had went to Wal-Mart and bought security cameras for my house and set them up for us. Chris also had an alarm put in. It made me feel a bit safer, but I was still scared Liam would get me. Chris had also bought several swords discretely and some knives. They were hidden in the house, so that if someone came in, I would be able to defend myself. I also had pepper spray hidden in my room and one in the kitchen.

The next few days, I didn’t get any sleep. Chris tried to stay up with me, but it was harder for him since he was working so hard. I got all my work done for all my classes, and I still had good grades. My mom was concerned when she noticed all the improvements to the house that were made but I didn’t tell her why just yet. This weekend, Chris was having his uncle who had extra brand new housing stuff from his contracting job, put in new windows, a new back door and a new front door, which were all reinforced. With all the things we had done, I felt safer but still not safe because Liam knew where I was.

At school, someone was always with me, and that was really helpful. The amount of breakdowns I had gone increased. I went from a few every so often to multiple in one day. Living in fear, was not living at all. Paranoia tickled my senses constantly. I felt bad; I was slowly pushing Chris away. My biggest fear was that Liam would hurt Chris.

It was the day before the windows went in that they were all smashed. Somone had thrown a brick through each window and had a note tapped to each brick. The message it made spelt out, “you will be mine forever Devin Sola, forever.” Chris had taken me to Ashley’s house and had several of the guys stay with us. They made it try to be like a sleep over rather than a babysitting. There were several times where I wanted nothing more than to go and cry myself to sleep but everyone tried to be comforting and understanding as well as positive. Ash kept us distracted with video games and movies.

I stayed with Ash for the weekend. I helped her with her homework and she helped keep me distracted. But when School came around, I was too terrified to go. Chris had to literally pick me up and put me in the car. “Dev, you can’t let him know you’re afraid. But hiding in fear, you are giving him the upper hand.” I hide my fear and walked into school trying not to be afraid. The school day was uneventful, which I was thankful for. When I got the chance to crawl into my bed and nap, I was more than thankful. Sleep was my best friend at the moment, unless I got nightmares, which was becoming a more often thing.

Chris made sure I was up for my night class before leaving me with Brett, while he went to do band stuff. Tony picked us up, which was nice. I have yet to get my diver’s license, and it’s probably something I should do sometime soon. By the time we got to class, I wanted to go home and go back to sleep. When it was twenty minutes into class and someone walked in, I paid no attention. When the person talked, I froze where I sat. Liam was here. A panic attack set in real quick. Tony, who sat next to me, tried to discreetly comfort me. Writing in my notebook, I slipped him a note that read, “I can’t do this. I have to go. I’ll drop this class; hopefully I don’t need the credits that bad. There is no way in hell that I am staying with him here.”

I waited until it was an okay time for me to leave. The only thing I told my teacher was that I was feeling ill, and was going to go and do the homework at home. Luckily, they only told me to feel better soon and gave me the list of assignments due the next time I came in. Anthony had already texted Ash and had her ready to pick me up. She took my back to her house where we watched movies and Disney until Chris was able to pick me up.


The more Liam indirectly affected me, the more strain it put on my friendships. I felt like I was wearing Chris down, that he would get sick of me being an emotional wreck and he would get sick of all the drama that surrounded me. My other biggest fear (other than Liam hurting Chris) was Chris leaving me because of Liam. I also felt like everyone felt sorry for me. That I was some sort of mess that couldn’t deal with his ex coming back into his life.

I could handle an ex coming back into my life if that ex had been normal. Liam was not normal he was a psychopath. He did not care about anyone’s emotions. Seeing other people in pain made him happy. So when he beat me and I cried, He smiled. When he forced me to sleep with him multiple times, he laughed. When he called me a bunch of harsh things that led me to where I am today, he was happy. He tortured me. I was a doll that he manipulated and destroyed because he could, I was an easy victim. Poor little Devin, His daddy is in jail, Mommy works constantly to support them, and He has barely any friends and gets bullied.

I have moved to escape him, to be free of him. But no matter how many times I have moved, he has found me each and every time. Each time, the amount of emotional is worse than before, and so are the scars. The first time he found me, he had taken a knife and carved the word, “Bitch” into my side, (which I have kept hidden from Chris using makeup). The second time he found me, he carved, “Slut” into my stomach, again which I have kept hidden. I also have faded burn marks which came from a hot straighter that he had pressed into my skin. He made me hate my own reflection. I could never look in the mirror at myself again after he had taken my virginity. Every time I looked, I felt disgusting, and gross. It took a lot of therapy to get over that.

To me, I had perfect reason to be scared. He enjoyed the “cat and mouse games” that we “played.” I however did not. They left me paralyzed in fear, and scared. I knew I should tell Chris about the scars that Liam left on me, but I couldn’t. Just thinking about any one particular scar made me sick.

Going to the bathroom, one of the scars was visible. The flashback of that night came. Liam had gone from sweet and caring to evil and sadistic. He had beaten me, and called me names the entire time. When he had finished, he left me bleeding on the floor. The first cuts I had were from him. They were the darkest and the ugliest by far. Emotions from that night, that I had suppressed rose to the surface. Shaking, I could not catch my breath. My stomach began to do flips and soon I was being sick. Once I was done, I washed my mouth out and collapsed into my bed.

As tired emotionally and physically as I was, sleep did not come to me. Even being in Chris’s arms did not help me. My thoughts were a hurricane that seemed to swallow me whole and devour me. I watched as the sun rose from east and the moon transitioned to the sun. When the alarm clock went off, I silenced it and woke Chris up. Going to the bathroom, I hid the dark circles under my eyes before making a really strong cup of coffee to keep me awake.

I hoped that today, no one would bother me.

Notes