Welcome To Hell, I Meant School

Devin’s Pov

The morning after Halloween and the days afterwards were very awkward and tense. I basically have been ignoring him for the last two weeks. He made me think he liked me then, when I wasn’t looking got some. I understand that he was playing a “game” at a party, but making out with a chick in a closet for 7 minutes while you want to date one of your friends, is not acceptable. The way I see it, he didn’t have to put himself in that situation, even if he was drunk. I spent all night looking for him and I never found him until that point. He didn’t look for me. So how does that make me feel? Really shitty.


The last two weeks have been me going to and from school, alone. My mom has had to work a lot more than normal in order to cover some more bills so; I’ve been home alone. No one has forced me to eat or do anything I don’t want to do. But hey, my grades are really good. I’ve also distanced myself from everyone around me. There’s no point in getting close to anyone if all they are going to do is hurt me and leave me to pick the pieces they broke up. I’ve also been skipping out on my pills for the last two weeks. If no one is there to force me to take the pills, why take them? I’m fine with the way I am.


When the bell finally rang, I grabbed my stuff and began to make the walk home. Chris tried to talk to me again but I gave him the silent treatment. The walk home was longer today, due to the cold conditions and my ankle locking up and being completely unmovable. It was also made longer because the asses who think its funny to beat up people, locked me in a bathroom until almost 4 o’clock and the janitor had to led me out. It was well past 6 when I finally got home. I didn’t even bother doing my homework. Going straight to bed, I crawled under the covers and slept.


The next time I woke up, it was midday almost time to go home. Fuck. I missed all my classes. Getting last nights homework done, I texted Ashley (both), Brett, and Nikki asking what today’s homework was. Luckily, it was all bookwork. Getting that done, I was then left to my own devices once again. It looked nice enough out for a walk, so I put on several layers and then went on a walk.

The air was crisp and cool, something I enjoyed. Walking around, I listened to the sounds of nature and took in my environment. My walk lasted about an hour before it began to get cooler and my joints began to protest. Deciding to head back, I followed the same way I came. As I neared my house, I saw someone sitting on my porch. Unfortunately, it was too late for me to turn around and avoid going home for several more hours because the person saw me. Of ALL the possible people it had to be, it had to be Chris. Fuck my luck.

“What do you want?” I asked.

“ I want to apologize. I shouldn’t have gotten that wasted, I should have looked for you and I shouldn’t have kissed that girl. If I could go back in time and redo everything I would, But I cant. I want to so badly. It sucks not having you around. I constantly find myself thinking about what you could possibly be doing. I miss you. If I can’t have you as mine, Can we at least be friends again? I need you in my life some way or another.”

“Let’s go in and talk.” I said as I walked passed him to the door. Following me in, I made some fresh coffee just they way he likes it. Sitting down across from him, I motioned for him to talk. He went on and on about how sorry he was, and he’d do anything to make it up to me.The more and more he went on, the more tempted I was to forgive him so he would shut up. But hey, Let’s see how long he will go.

It took maybe an hour of him apologizing, before he finally stopped.

“I forgive you.”

Ohhh was he pissed. “I sat here apologizing for an hour and all you say is that you forgive me? Nothing else? You don’t want me to buy you anything, take you anywhere? Nothing?”

“Well, maybe going to the beach once and the music store in the next town over would be pretty nice.”

He smiled at my sarcasm; I smiled back, Thankful that he caught it.


He stood up and walked to me. Hugging me, He held me tight and picked me up off the floor and spun me around. “I hated not having you in my arms, or by my side. It drove me insane.” He said as he put me down.

I stood on my toes and kissed him softly. “ I defiantly missed those lips of yours.” He said smiling.

We went up to my room and crawled into my bed. He told me what’s happened for the band for the last two weeks while I avoided the topic of me. Apparently the band has scored a chance to record in a recording studio for real.Chris went on and on about how he wants the album name to be, “when love met destruction.” It was cute to see him talk about something he was so passionate about, His eyes lit up and it was just awesome to see him talk about it.


“How have you been.” He asked.

“Good. And you?”

“Dev.”

“I’ve had better days but hey, I’m still alive.”

“Have you been taking your pills”?

“Not really.” I said really softly.

“Have you been eating”?

“No.” I said very softly.

He got up and left. Fuck.When he came back like ten minutes later, he was holding a plate.

It took some convincing, but I ate what was on the plate.

“I know I should have confronted you sooner, but I know what was in the drawer beside your pills. I’ve been trying to find the words to say.”

“I know I shouldn’t do it. Its bad. Same thing they’ve told me in therapy for years.”

“Look. I don’t want to start a fight over it, but you cant keep doing it. Here me out on this, okay?”

“Okay.” I replied.

“How do you think it makes me feel that the person I care a lot for, hurts themselves because they don’t love themselves? That I show him how much I care about him, but he doesn’t believe me. He thinks I’m going to leave him. I’ve been left before, been cheated on. I would never do that to you. I care a lot about you.It pains me to know you hurt yourself. I know it’s hard to describe and it’s hard to stop, but please try for me. That’s all I ask. Try for me.”


I tried to be upset, but I couldn’t be. He wanted what was best for me, and I knew that. I tried to see the situation from his point of view, and when I did, it all made sense.Getting up, I went to the bathroom and threw all the blades in the garbage can and got back in bed.

“Seeing you do that, makes me so hopeful. I know things aren’t easy, but I promise I will do my damn best to be here for you.”

“Thank you.” I said softly.

Kissing the top of my head, he pulled me close. We spent the rest of the afternoon cuddling.I knew what he had said was true, if he was hurting himself, I’d be upset and I’d be frustrated that he didn’t believe I loved him.Being away from him was hard, but having him here was good, it was simple. It made life easier.

Notes